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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 365
Latest Activity: Oct 10

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 22, 2018 at 3:55pm

Marjorie I  understand what you mean that you are living for your children.  I have 4 daughters and 4 grandchildren but I also feel as if I can not live the rest of my life without Peter.  We were together for 51 years and I feel as if we were cheated because he battled cancer, kidney and lung, for 10 years.  He came out of everyone clean from cancer and died because he was too weak to fight the pneumonia.  

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 22, 2018 at 7:38am

Rose I'm retired and face the rest of my life alone without my husband and have 3 grown up boys I have to live for but I just feel I can't do it.

Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 22, 2018 at 6:48am

Thank you Linda.   I am so lost without him.  I still work full time but it is taking every bone in my body to get out of bed and get going.  At home I am paralyzed.  It takes me days to do the simple things like changing my bed linens or emptying the dishwasher.  I do have a strong support system at home and knew I needed something more. That is why I searched out this group.  Thank you for welcoming me. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 22, 2018 at 6:40am

Welcome Rose,

I am very sorry for your loss, it has been 5 years for me and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. He was my whole life, all I do now is try to carry on the best way I know how, but my heart will never heal.

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on January 20, 2018 at 8:58pm

Rose-Lost my wife after 54 years one day at a time and it's ok to cry try to talk to friends tell the same story to them how you feel they do not know learn to say no to things -small things will overwhelm you and you will forget things after 7 months-I count my better time in hours not in days yet it is a long road so lonely take care of yourself and your not alone with this hurt

Comment by Nancy on January 20, 2018 at 8:20pm

Rose. 8 months for me.  We would have been married 44 years last month.   Weekends are the worst for me as I'm still working and keep busy during the week.   I'm very hollow.

Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 20, 2018 at 7:49pm

Good evening,  This is my first time in the group.  I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  Each and every Saturday brings me back to the greatest pain I have ever felt.  It has not gotten any better.  

We were married for 50 years and Peter died 21 days after our 50th Anniversary Celebration.  I am lost without him and I am reaching out.  

Comment by Elynn m on January 12, 2018 at 6:13pm

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry.  Your husband was so young.  It is very hard to imagine life without our precious husbands.  We can help each other here. I am very grateful for this site.  I am free to express my feelings, because I know that the friends here understand what I'm going through, unlike others are able to do.   Jennifer, please continue to join us, because I'm sure we can glean from your wisdom and experience.

Comment by Jennifer Vecchio on January 12, 2018 at 5:08pm

Hi. I am new to this group. I recently lost my husband who was just 37 years old this December. It was shocking and very traumatic for me. We were together for 15 years. I am completely devasted and can't even imagine a life without him in it! I don't know what to do. Everyday it gets harder and harder. I feel so alone. 

Comment by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 7:03pm

morgan,

I know what you mean. Before I met my husband I had published poems, completed college and grad school, backpacked around Europe, worked at a law firm, lived in my own apartment, etc.  Then once I met him my life expanded even more, he was and is the love of my life, my only love, and we enriched each other. Our life wasn't perfect, but I had things I enjoyed, and I was able to DO things (alone and with my husband).

Not anymore, not since my husband died. Like you, I can't watch anything with loving couples, and I don't want to see them in real life either (nor couples/families with young kids, which now I will never have). I can't buy or eat the foods he and/or we loved. I can't watch the tv shows we enjoyed together. I can't do this either.

It's as you said, "....the remembering of how content I was rears its head and I come crashing down."  I would say that I don't even give the impression of having things together or making progress, I doubt anyone would say that of me  now (especially my family, who know better), but even so, if I am having an ok moment/day it all crashes back into me, knowing how much I love him, and how we will never have our life together as we should have, and that he is dead, and that I will never be happy again in this life.  Never. So what is the point?

At the very least, allow yourself to "....crawl in bed, pull up the covers and stop" on some days/nights, the worst ones.  It sucks that it's necessary, but you are entitled to do it if you want/need to.

I initially came to websites like this one looking not for ways to stop my grief, but for some proof of an afterlife. I have not found that, in part I think because I've realized that nothing anyone else experiences or says could possibly be proof enough for me. I can only accept such proof from my husband, from him coming to me somehow.

As you said, it's that I cannot live without him. Any time I have lived and will live since he died is wasted.  

I know you feel much as I do; I truly do hope you are able to find some peace, however that may come.

 

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Melissa replied to Charles Alexander's discussion New here after sons choice of suicide
"I am so sorry for your loss!! I do know and understand what you are going through!! My son Matthew took his own life in June 13th 10 day before his 26 birthday! He checked into a super 8 on a Monday and the staff found him dead on a Thursday!! When…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, I understand what you mean.  There will never be anymore of what we did together, IT IS FINISHED."
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Mandy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Oct 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Strike those vacations below, they'll never be another one.  Went on a memorial cruise with my daughter and family four months after she passed because she was so looking forward to it.  It hurt enough to know they'll be no more."
Oct 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes Elynn, the loneliness.  That's painful.  They're not here and always was.  Our best friend, lover, and most precious thing we had.  We were lucky enough to spend the last 8 1/2 years together, joined at the…"
Oct 9
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've had a rough few weeks.   August 31st would have been our 45th wedding anniversary.   September 27 was year 4 of my husband's passing.   It's pretty lonely around here.  Its difficult to talk…"
Oct 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Every day for me is the same day she passed.  Not a joyful or even an ok moment.  I spend a little time with the children and grands and do my best to hide my emotions, but they all know how I am inside, even the youngest grand at age 4…"
Oct 8
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Oct 8
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, I feel the same as you. My sweet dog Babie J is nearing the Rainbow Bridge. I wanted stay on this earth for her. Once she passes I will do nothing to save my own soul.  "
Oct 8
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I don't know if we can rethink our emotions that way. Our emotions are what they are, although reason can help us form our emotions and hopefully change them for the better. I don't know if my mom can hear me or not. I certainly…"
Oct 8
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"How are you all doing?  I had bad last 2 days. Felt lot of guilt and cried. There were some moments which made me remember my mother.  Also I hear comforting words by a lady that people who have gone from this world can still feel your…"
Oct 8
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I wonder how i am managing.  Not well and to be onest today I wanted to just set a date with death. I am approaching seven years of being without him and though I function towards the outside world better and my crying has lessened but at the…"
Oct 7

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