All Blog Posts (2,549)

ptsd

pstd actin up coz of stuff goin on yes had muhso mush loss in 8 yrs 

losn  nbor ovr yr go new her sinse i wz 8 

a

frind 2 mnth monfth a go

cov 19 givun me bad dreams carzin my ptsd 2 go up

cnt

sea a dr coz thy not sean no 1 coz of cov 19

sorry if im rantin to mush or fealin sorry fr  my slf coz im not 

Added by dream moon JO B on April 10, 2020 at 4:07pm — No Comments

more than 3 years...still lost

I lost my best friend 3.5 years ago. we met in high school and were together for 18 years. We could never be open about our love. She was married for 10 years and has a son. In spite of this our love was strong and genuine. This selfless pure love comes once in a lifetime. Now that i have lost her my world has changed...i dont know who i am and what i want from life.

So many regrets...

The worst part is that i cannot talk to anyone about this here. no one will be able to understand…

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Added by Pavika on March 12, 2020 at 5:17am — 1 Comment

The food of love

Think I’ve mentioned someplace on this site that sharing meals and cooking was always very important to my husband...it was also a big part of my mother’s life and one of the ways she showed affection and concern for those in her life, they were similar in many ways, including that one.  My husband used to tell people that he’d always “had trouble distinguishing food, love, and sex” — he’d say it in a joking way, but he really believed that in some way, at the deepest level, they were all…

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Added by M Adams on February 25, 2020 at 2:20pm — No Comments

Dark Night and Day of the Soul

Hello Morgan, Bluebird, Linda at al. I'm sorry it has been so awfully long since my last contact.  A Year? I have always read the posts, though and have felt the same horrible burning pain I have the last, nearly 5 years since Nancy left me. I have had a couple of tia's including a lengthy bout of "aphasia". It was almost comedic as I couldn't talk but kept trying to tell the emt's which hospital to drop me at. This year, I have…

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Added by Mel Royer on February 22, 2020 at 9:49am — 2 Comments

A Stoic Response to Grief (from The Daily Stoic)

A Stoic Response to Grief

“It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it. For if it has withdrawn, being merely beguiled by pleasures and preoccupations, it starts up again and from its very respite gains force to savage us. But the grief that has been conquered by reason is calmed for ever. I am not therefore going to prescribe for you those remedies which I know many people have used, that you divert or cheer yourself by a long or pleasant journey…

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Added by M Adams on February 14, 2020 at 5:11pm — 1 Comment

A Poem for Us

I wrote this poem many years ago when my mother and my second mother, my mother-in-law, were both dying of cancer.  They died a week apart.  It was helpful to me then and is helpful to me now.  I hope it can be helpful for some of you.

Children of the Light

We are children of the light,

Burning crystals,

Each fracturing the light

Into his own incandescent dance of joy.

Blinded by our senses

We do not see the light that binds us.

Flames…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on February 8, 2020 at 5:28pm — No Comments

Memorial Services

The widespread practice of a viewing of the body and wake at a funeral home is not helpful to me as it seems to be for so many people.  But I do need to say goodbye formally, in a memorial service.  As a person of faith, I prefer religious services; but some formal rite of farewell, some ritual recognition that a life has ended is still important, if the family is not religious.  It has always been important to mankind, and it is important to me.  My uncle wanted nothing, no service, no…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on February 4, 2020 at 9:12pm — No Comments

Moriturus

Moriturus

Edna St. Vincent Millay



If I could have

Two things in one:

The peace of the grave,

And the light of the sun;



My hands across

My thin breast-bone,

But aware of the moss

Invading the stone,



Aware of the flight

Of the golden flicker

With his wing to the light;

To hear him nicker



And drum with his bill

On the rotted…

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Added by M Adams on February 4, 2020 at 11:06am — 1 Comment

Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. 

It took a long time to develop my…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on January 24, 2020 at 4:25pm — 1 Comment

The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on January 22, 2020 at 7:14pm — No Comments

Grief

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."

— C. S. LEWIS

Added by M Adams on October 20, 2019 at 12:04am — 1 Comment

so lost andf confused

hello i am 30 years old and just have resentley lost my spouse/love of life/king two mounths agoo all of a sudden he was only 23 years old about a mounth before he passed we took a break for a reason i not wont to say but he did something now 12 hours before he dise he is on his hands and nees begging me back i say no and walk away for him to die i ooved him with everything i have and miss him so much and just dont now what to do i have peopletelling me they understand but i dont think they…

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Added by heathert on July 3, 2019 at 11:34pm — No Comments

I'm trying to not blame my dad for my mom's death

My mother passed away last Thursday and my and I just had a newborn baby 2 months ago. My mother and my father are both alcoholics and addicts. They were both doing very badly physically and mentally and my mom was so sick that she wasn't able to drive anywhere in order to get alcohol and so my father would go and get stuff alcohol so that he could drink and she would feed her alcohol knowing that it was killing her. She would continuously fall down the stairs and hit her head and have to go to… Continue

Added by Lauren A Fernandez on July 2, 2019 at 1:42am — 2 Comments

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mom's birthday. I wish I could spend it with her like I always do but I can't.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this day or this life without her kindness and love.

Happy birthday my mama. I love you so much.

Added by Chris on June 12, 2019 at 1:00pm — 2 Comments

The Numbness Continues.

Most days I feel not much of anything anymore. Numbness, sadness, loneliness but mostly numbness.

Added by Chris on June 11, 2019 at 11:21pm — 2 Comments

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.

I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.

Best, Kelli

Added by Kelli Auerbach on May 17, 2019 at 1:54pm — 1 Comment

Three Months

I guess there isn't much to say anymore. I miss him so much. He was like my brother and it feels weird and wrong and different. It's weird to think a year ago we were laughing and were so close. Its weird to think that someone who was once so beautiful and full of life is now rotting six feet underground in a wooden box. I'm not sure of my religious beliefs but I think I hope he's either moved onto the next life or has his own personal heaven with everyone he loved. I hope he has his…

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Added by Zeena on May 13, 2019 at 8:30pm — 1 Comment

An Empty Canvas

 Today is different for me and yet it isn’t. During the night when I woke, I could feel sadness though it didn’t seem to be a focused sadness. It was just there. And then I ended up having what I think was something like a panic attack. We were prescribed a very weak dose of an antianxiety med by our doctor so I took one of those and was able to sleep at last!

But in a way, I just put off what I was feeling and so today is again a sad day. My…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 13, 2019 at 11:47am — No Comments

A birthday without our son

 This is the second thing I wrote in my journal a few days ago.

On this day that would have been our sons birthday, I find that I cannot celebrate his life quite yet because I’m still grieving him. It’s only been twelve days since he left us and at times it still feels like he’s here.

A brief flash in the corner of the eye that looks like him. The simple glance to his bedroom door…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 12, 2019 at 10:29pm — No Comments

Those first days

This is an entry that I wrote in my personal journal. I'm adding them to begin my blog.

Our son chose suicide in the early morning hours on Friday, April fifth of this year (2019). As is always the case in these situations, my wife and I have many questions. Many of those questions will never be answered, simply because Phil isn’t here to answer them. Of the others, I’m sure we’ll eventually figure out the answers.…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 11, 2019 at 7:17pm — 1 Comment

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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
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My Story

When I was twelve my mother was murdered then my beloved sweet grandmother died when I was 18. My maternal grandfather died when I was 22. My maternal grandmother died when I was 33 and my final living parent/grandparent died when I was 35.  I lived with a lot of loss most of it came at a sudden clip.  I'm left with incredible feeling of loneliness even though I've been married for 20+ years and have two wonderful children.  It's tough to share my true feelings with my wife because it's so hard…See More
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My Story

When I was twelve years old, my mother was brutally murdered during a robbery of our home.  I came within minutes of finding her body but by sheer chance I didn't.  It has been over 35 years since that day but it still effects my life today.  As a child, I went through the trial of the man convicted of killing my beautiful mother then as a man I went through his parole process finally his death from illness in prison. See More
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