All Blog Posts (2,630)


An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...

Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident,…


Added by Speed Weasel on March 13, 2024 at 4:29pm — No Comments

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.

That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential…


Added by Speed Weasel on February 15, 2024 at 3:30pm — No Comments


   This is my first post....i just was accepted here...and there are tears in my eyes as i write this.  Im struggling and just gonna ramble writing is cathartic to me.  March is NOT a good month, March n September.  Lost mother, father n only sibling in March.....and they were all born within of each other  in September....all  Virgos.  I often wonder why i am still here...

Then i think about it.....i have one daughter and we lost her dad, my hubs of 42 yrs in 2017...she was…


Added by Ess on March 19, 2023 at 11:57am — No Comments

Down the Rabbit Hole…

Several years ago therapists #1 and #3 each suggested a writing assignment.  Journal what life would look and feel like had Jen’s accident not happened.  At first the suggestion sounded intriguing, I love writing and find it therapeutic.  After some reflection though, I declined.  There were too many iterations (especially considering the infinite universe theory) and what makes me think that the rosy-colored, cherry-picked version that I focus on would have ever happened?  So many ways…


Added by Speed Weasel on February 7, 2023 at 6:00pm — No Comments

Looking for virtual grieving meeting?

Having a rough time.  Lost my Mom late June.  Looking for a virtual grieving group meeting?

Any suggestions?



Added by Paula Romano on January 5, 2023 at 4:44pm — 1 Comment

New Year Yet Old Memories and Dreams Continue

I (intellectually) know that grief cycles, ups and downs, yet I still let myself fall into the thinking that I was somehow getting 'better'.  Memories and thoughts were decreasing in their intensity and frequency.  Even had a couple days in December without thoughts of Jen popping into my mind.  The emotions that followed were not so gut wrenching.  Dreams were absent of her (sometimes even despite requesting she appear).

Then the turn of the year and a completely new dream…


Added by Speed Weasel on January 4, 2023 at 11:12am — 1 Comment

What’s next

I’m living alone now. It’s been 4 years since I lost my husband. I feel like I have moved on, and yet not. I’m still married, at least I feel like I am. How does one truly let go and move on? Is it possible? Is it necessary? Can I live in the shadow of a great love?

Added by Deborah on October 17, 2022 at 8:02pm — 1 Comment

Then I Remember...

I keep thinking I need to call and check on my mom. I called her every day for so many years, at least once a day. Visited with her, did her shopping, or took her shopping or to a doctor's appointment almost every week and I just keep thinking I need to check on her. Then I remember....

Added by Ellen on October 13, 2022 at 4:28pm — No Comments

A Gr-r-r-eat Post ;)

In 2018, (one week before Easter), Jeremy took me to a small town outside of Austin called, Brady, Texas. The reason for this trip? Seeing Mamma Beth (daddy's sister; my aunt) for the first time in 34 years. She'd asked me to help her heal a weird infection below her belt, and under her belly where she couldn't reach to take care of it herself.

The moment we saw each other, I went into her arms, and she held me for 5 minutes before Jeremy and I even walked through the apartment door.…


Added by Penny Caywood on August 27, 2022 at 12:30am — No Comments

There's an Explanation for That

I know that when you look at the things I’ve posted here that, there are not many posts about Jeremy or any of the other five loved ones I lost in that 2 year period of time. There’s an explanation for that, and I’m going to let y’all know what’s going on with that.

Growing up, my parents did not tell me certain things about life, for example, Jeremy had to explain to me how to know when my bowels were finished moving, but that should’ve come from my…


Added by Penny Caywood on August 26, 2022 at 8:11pm — No Comments

Heard It Said

In my lifetime, I've heard it said that, "A person doesn't love you if they only say, 'I love you' when you're having sex.

Now, my question is:

Why is that?

Added by Penny Caywood on August 26, 2022 at 5:02pm — No Comments

Two Years Later

Technically speaking, there are less than 3 months left until we've been together for 2 years, and it's sad to see the changes that have been made. The one that upsets me the most? The situation with your dog. When I first got to your apartment, you could not stand that Chihuahua, Gigi. Now, she gets an 'Good morning' from you, she gets a kiss on her head from you, and you tell her, 'I love you, my pupper-dog'. You treat the dog better than your own girlfriend.

Added by Penny Caywood on August 25, 2022 at 2:13am — No Comments

I'd Like to Know

Jeremy and I are soulmates, no matter if he's living or waiting for me in the afterlife, I have no doubts about that, but I'd like to know is: Will our souls know each other once mine has moved onto the afterlife? I know that everyone has different beliefs on many different aspects of life, but for the most part, when it comes to the subject of 'soulmates' I've found that most everyone I've met, feels the same way about the topic. What do you believe? How do you think soulmates who have…


Added by Penny Caywood on August 18, 2022 at 4:17pm — No Comments

Starting Groups Here

If someone could tell me about starting groups here, I'd greatly appreciate it because I want to create one, myself.

Added by Penny Caywood on August 16, 2022 at 11:53am — 1 Comment

Link to My Stories on Wikacy


I was told to copy the address from the browser while on my profile page on Wikacy, and you'd be able to find tabs that will lead you to my stories. I hope this works, please, check out the link below, and let me know if you were able to use it. Thanks in advance.

Added by Penny Caywood on August 13, 2022 at 3:53am — No Comments

As Time Goes By...

This coming Friday, August 5, 2022, I'll be turning yet another year older (44), and you would think that, as time goes by living without you by my side, would get easier; however, it hasn't gotten any easier for me, at all. I miss you, Jeremy James, with every single day that goes by.

The entire first year after you passed, all I wanted to do was die, but I'm still here without…


Added by Penny Caywood on August 2, 2022 at 12:43pm — 17 Comments


Hello, my name is Penny Caywood, but call me Pennywyze, please. The reason I've sought out support online for my grieving is because I've literally got no one to talk with about the things I'm going through. I mean, I've got a boyfriend, Steven who lost his wife 2 days after Jeremy's benefit in 2019, but I don't dare talk about my soulmate and best friend to my old man. However, he has been repeating the same stories from his past for the last 18 months since we've been together,…


Added by Penny Caywood on June 15, 2022 at 4:13pm — No Comments


Suicide, I’ve found, is not like any other kind of death. My best friend did this…I guess she just couldn’t hang on anymore. How could I have missed this? Im so sorry. Sometimes I forget & think maybe it was a dream. Did she REALLY die? Why hasn’t she called? 

Added by Marian McAfee on May 13, 2022 at 1:06pm — No Comments

The Big 5-0

Birthdays (any yearly reminder of significance really) of those that have walked the Rainbow Bridge can be hard for the griever.  This past February would have been a significant milestone for Jen...she should be 50 years old.  While the daily triggers to thoughts and reminders were still occurring before this birthday, the intensity definitely increased as the date came and went.  I took me into the afternoon before I could muster the courage to reach out to her sister.  I am walking…


Added by Speed Weasel on March 25, 2022 at 11:30am — No Comments

The Importance of Sympathy Cards

It may seem insignificant or outdated to write a sympathy card to someone who is grieving, however sympathy cards are one of the most powerful ways to show someone how much you care. Through the years it has been common practice to write sympathy cards to the family and friends of someone we know when they pass away. They continue to send a powerful and encouraging message serving as a reminder of love in the midst of loss. Writing a sympathy letter can be a…


Added by Benny Avina on March 25, 2022 at 9:35am — No Comments

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