Though it's been three years since my life was "taken into the hands of death, turned upside down, shaken out, and set back down in total chaos", I still find myself missing Jeremy. I love him so much.

Hello, my name is Penny Caywood, but call me Pennywyze, please. The reason I've sought out support online for my grieving is because I've literally got no one to talk with about the things I'm going through. I mean, I've got a boyfriend, Steven who lost his wife 2 days after Jeremy's benefit in 2019, but I don't dare talk about my soulmate and best friend to my old man. However, he has been repeating the same stories from his past for the last 18 months since we've been together,…

Suicide, I’ve found, is not like any other kind of death. My best friend did this…I guess she just couldn’t hang on anymore. How could I have missed this? Im so sorry. Sometimes I forget & think maybe it was a dream. Did she REALLY die? Why hasn’t she called? 

Birthdays (any yearly reminder of significance really) of those that have walked the Rainbow Bridge can be hard for the griever.  This past February would have been a significant milestone for Jen...she should be 50 years old.  While the daily triggers to thoughts and reminders were still occurring before this birthday, the intensity definitely increased as the date came and went.  I took me into the afternoon before I could muster the courage to reach out to her sister.  I am walking…

It may seem insignificant or outdated to write a sympathy card to someone who is grieving, however sympathy cards are one of the most powerful ways to show someone how much you care. Through the years it has been common practice to write sympathy cards to the family and friends of someone we know when they pass away. They continue to send a powerful and encouraging message serving as a reminder of love in the midst of loss. Writing a sympathy letter can be a…

Bereaved Mother's Day

Sharing this event as it is both in-person and virtual - Bereaved Mother's Day Conference 2022 - A Healing Collective

I wanted to write today about anger. After my son passed away, many of his friends wrote beautiful memories and feelings about him via Facebook. I didn't realize how much he meant to so many people and how many lives were touched by his kindness. However, what angers me is that not ONE of these "FRIENDS" ever came to visit him in the nursing home. He was in a nursing facility for 10 years and yet only his dad, myself and his stepdad came on a regular basis. I understand that it's hard to see…

 Here is the story of my son, Matthew-

He was an easy baby, full of smiles and laughter but a rather shy little boy. He was so gentle natured. He grew up to be a wonderful person. He was well liked by his schoolmates and continued to be a nice, sweet person. 

He wanted to be a 2nd grade teacher. He went to Community College, worked at PISD as a mentor and also worked part time at Tom Thumb.

When he turned 21, his life changed forever. He had been experiencing…

2 weeks ago today you left this Earth to begin your pain free journey with Jesus. I'm forever grateful to be one of your granddaughters, to have been loved endlessly by you. I miss so many things. I miss your smell, the way you looked at nanny, the way you would light up when I walked into the house, our texts with your emojis; and so much more. 

It feels like it was 10 minutes ago that I checked for a pulse knowing in my head that there wouldn't be one because you had taken…

My aunt passed away towards the end of June 2021.  We were never particularly close, I visited her in California for a couple weeks when I was in middle school, but otherwise contact was limited.  She had some medical issues that prevented her from having children and (what I pieced together) a strained relationship with her father that caused her to sever most ties with the family, with perhaps some jealousy towards the family that my father was able to have.  When she passed away I went…

2021 lozzin my mom thn lozzin my unlc in mnths aprt iv got no 1 famlyy hav ther oqnn ownn livss 

iv no hubby or bf to suprtt me im not fealin sorry forr my slf juts fealin loww on all loss iv had in lst 10 20 30 yrs iv had

When I started getting into medical writing, I was looking for a reliable resource for information on CBD reviews of CBD products. I wanted to find a resource with scientific data that had information that could be used by parents, teachers, pharmacists, professionals, and other health care professionals in making informed decisions about therapeutic and potential uses of CBD extracts. In my effort to find such a resource I came across many websites, including some that had nothing to do…

She was my world I am all alone now what do I do I can't breathe

feal so alon sinse lozin mom i no its coz of cov 19 ruls 

feal lk frindss dnt wontt to me nevr agan coz it hapnd wen dad died had peppl cross st not speek 2 me

peppl saed thy wud keep in toch nop dnt seam 2 wontt to no me

but soons thy need me mugns is ther for evry 1…

Dear anyone reading this, 

<Sidenote First>>>...The night before the support group meeting, Jen appeared in my dreams again.  We were back at high school age.  I sat down with her at a lunch table, but it felt like we hadn't 'officially' met yet.  Awkward stares and moments of silence.  I started to talk and then she was standing, staring, concerned.  It had a feeling like, "How dare you talk to me, you don't know me."  Well, maybe not that harsh, but definitely a…

I had a conversation right after a posting that I put on Facebook referencing Jen (and since deleted) with a friend.  They made a comment about the possibility of a 'spirit' being trapped in limbo if the griever does not release them (get through the grief).  The comment has been rattling around in my brain for a couple months, and not in a good way.  It hurt.  It angered me.  The message received by me was that I was harming (trapping at least) her spirit by still being grief…

I thought I was done. Recovery in process. Moving on...But the Tilt-A-Whirl does not stop. Or maybe it is more accurate to say that my mind does not let it stop.

I was not sure if my mic would work on here

I lost my mum today I did

Now the numbness is setting in again

I think I must have been on autopilot all day no it's starting to sit in and kick in again like I did 9 year ago

Things are just resonating with me today, I guess, and I'm actually in a place where I can write my thoughts. I read this one just a bit ago... "Feelings of grief recede, but feelings of loss remain ever-present."

Another one that hits home as I define what this journey is that I'm on. It seems to more accurately describe how I have felt all along. As I was a 2-year old when my Mother died 42-plus years ago, I don't think I could have had the capacity to consciously grieve.…