“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have…

Grief and pain are the price we humans have to pay for the love and total committent we have for another person. The more we love, the more we are hurt when we lose the object of our love. But if we are honest with ourselves, would we have it any other way..... Jason, your in my thoughts and I pray your at peace.

Grief and pain are the price we humans have to pay for the love and total committent we have for another person. The more we love, the more we are hurt when we lose the object of our love. But if we are honest with ourselves, would we have it any other way..... Jason, your in my thoughts and I pray your at peace.

 I have been married 34 yr. My wife is from Taiwan. I met her in New Mexico. 5 to 7 yrs ago she had to have dialysis. In the past year or 2 she has has had problems. One time she had a cardiac arrest. In the past month she went back in the hosp with heart problms. The hosp put in a pace maker and new heart valves.Since all this was done she had blood pressure problems which became more severe and breathing problems the breathing improved but then went bad. She developed some sort of…

Going through pictures for the first time since last July when I had to pick pictures for my husbands memorial.  This time it is to find those pictures of my husband with his kids to give to them on Fathers day.  How can something that used to give me so much pleasure now cause such a gut wrenching ache in my chest that I cant take a breath?  My heart really truly aches!!!!  Maybe this was not such a good idea afterall. 

dear kermit,

my daughters friend was murdered the other day, and she is having a hard time, and you would know just the thing to say, and i am trying to help her, doing my best, but it's hard when you see the world through the haze of a life that once was. as usual, you were the lightening, i was the lightening bug. .... i keep saying i want my real life back. i just can't understand. this is a loving god? this is fair? better place? my ass.  i was reading about all the people that…

MY NAME IS DAVITA. ON APRIL 9, 2012, MY LIFE WOULD FOREVER CHANGE. 2 POLICE OFFICERS CAME TO OUR HOME THAT MOURNING TO INFORM US THAT OUR 13 YR.OLD DAUGHTER, DESTINY MONEE SMITH, HAD DIED IN A FIRE. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT!!!!!!!!!!I FAINTED!!!!!!!NOT MY BABY. SHE WAS JUST STARTING TO BLOSSOM AS A TEENAGER, WHY SO SOON GOD? DESTINY HAD DIED OF SMOKE INHALATION. ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT IS MY BABY IN THE FIRE.......................BUT SHE DIED FROM THE SMOKE, SHE DIED FROM THE SMOKE. GOD DIDN'T…

I once told a woman I understood her pain when she told me her daughter was stillborn after birth. I had gone through a miscarriage years before and thought I knew what it was like to lose a child. Now, 11 years later I know I could never have understood her pain until I lived it. On May 2, 2012 I have gave birth to twin boys who died within hours after birth because I was only 22 wks and 2 days pregnant. I cannot wipe from my mind the doctor standing next to my bed telling me I had done…

On Thanksgiving of this year, I called my Mom excitedly to ask how to season my first Thanksgiving Turkey. This was my daughter's first Thanksgiving and I was floating on Cloud Nine. I was also nine months pregnant with my youngest daughter. I spoke to her for a little while. The plan was to eat our dinner and then head up to her house for dessert. I got off the phone when my 10 month old started to throw a temper tantrum and promised her I'd call her back. "You better!" She said before she…

Just got home from West Virginia yesterday and I am having a really hard time. I went up to the grave and planted flowers and last night when we got back to maryland I lost it. I am still in denial and I don't want to let her go. I am glad that she is free from pain but I miss her so much. I was crying so much last night and I was saying Bernice I miss you so much why did you have to leave me. And the tears where just…

"She died calmly, and her countenance expressed affection even in death. I need not describe the feelings of those whose dearest ties are rent by that most irreparable evil, the void that presents itself to the soul, and the despair that is exhibited on the countenance. It is so long before the mind can persuade itself that she whom we saw every day and whose very existence appeared a part of our own can have departed forever—that the brightness of a beloved eye can have been extinguished…

Have you ever felt like the world was crashing down on you

and no matter how successful you are

Nothing matters

Your loved ones are ringing in your of things will be okay

When it's not

My mind is boggling of regrets of things I wish I would have done

before my parents died, my mom recent of 6 months.

The generations before me are gone

And although I have siblings I still feel alone

My love life, I have none

I feel like…

Feeling lost and so alone today.  Like everything is too much. My friends tell me that everybody copes differently, some go on a huge cleaning binge, I tried that (and for the record I hate housework because it seems no sooner is everywhere cleaned then kids and dogs mess it up so it looks like I did nothing).  Obviously that didn't help except to make me a little more upset than usual. Usually when I am feeling down I can bake and feel better, but now that doesn't work either.  Just reminds…

i just came back from a vacation trip along with my son. he enjoyed his time out there and out of the house for a bit. i missed danny so very much and would have given anything for him to be along with us during our vacation. however, seeing my son's joy and happiness, was just amazing, like if I was seeing danny and feeling him close to me at all the times. although, i had guilty thoughts I dont regret it at the end. i love danny so much and know how much, deeply he loved our son, and know…

If I knew it would be the last time

That I'd see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly

and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

that I see you walk out the door,

I would hold you kiss you hug you and beg you not to go.

If I knew it would be the last time

that i would hear your voice and laughter

I would have video tape every moment every word and every action

If I…

So, my dad passed on April 23rd...I`m getting married August 4th. We have a cottage on an Island ( which my dad`s father built in the 50s) and this place was my dad`s favorite place ever. He lived to go up there on summer weekends...he would even stay weeks up there. This place is so special and reminds me of my dad. One of the main reasons why I am getting married up there is because of my dad. Now my dad is gone...and I have to continue the wedding ( less than 3 months away)...It doesnt…

In less than twelve months I have lost my mother, grandfather, performed cpr on a friend's father who died in my hands. I recently graduated the police academy and was looking forward to rejoining my wife in Denton where we had decided to make a new start. I was greeted with her request for a divorce. Now I find myself almost back where I started with this whole process. People tell me to get back out there and do things and that things could always be worse but I dread to think what else…

I don't really know where to head from here or if this will work for me. But I have to try. The loss of my Mother becomes so grate that weather i'm just relaxing or at work I drift back to it. I really don't know what triggers it but I drift back....to when she was alive and I had to take care of her. The Cancer ate away at her so quickly this time...I felt like when she wasn't sleeping she was always in pain. We had to give her medication every couple of hours...We would sometimes even have…

I wish I could claim perfection. The love of my life wasn't perfect - and neither was I. As I close in on 6 months without him, I keep dealing with his legacy of imperfect people. I hate it. Imperfect people come at me each day - needing things - and I come up empty. Maybe I can help - and maybe I can't. 

With him, I was the strong one. In many places in my life, I had to be the strong one. I'm not feeling very strong now. I keep hoping and praying I can just be - and not have…

It is so hard to begin. Grief it seems is taking over my life. I have been holding my breath unconsciously for four years now. I don't want to give in to the grief for fear if I do it will all be true and I will disappear. Four years ago my younger sister died quite suddenly. She was 10 years younger then me, and we were estranged 14 months at the time, for a misunderstanding that never got resolved. I had therapy and was making some progress when my mother died two years later. Eight months…