All Blog Posts (2,548)

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i love seeing him in my dreams. 

Added by ash on August 10, 2020 at 7:30pm — No Comments

When does the fear and anxiety go away?

My mom and Dad both died this past Dec. There deaths were easy to accept as my Mom had Alzheimer's to the point where she no longer spoke not knew anyone.  Visiting her was like going to get funeral each visit.  My Dad was 86 and had a great life and died of natural causes. But my brother John was a shock we never saw coming.  He was a healthy man that fell down to the…

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Added by Patty Szafarski on July 23, 2020 at 1:27pm — 9 Comments

I lost my mother in April. It hurts worse now than then

My mother died in April after a years-long battle with vascular dementia. I buried her last Friday.

It hurts worse now than then.

I knew my mother was going to die. When she was first diagnosed two years and change ago, I looked up the medical literature. It said that life expectancy was six to nine years post-diagnosis.…

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Added by Joe von Anjou on July 21, 2020 at 4:33pm — 13 Comments

First birthday without my mom

My birthday is tomorrow. 3 weeks after my mom passed away. I have been fearful about it. I am staying at my childhood home right now, taking care of my dad. It has been nice to be with family and where all of my favorite memories with my mom happened. I decided to take my daughter to our favorite café here. Bake a cake and a few of our relatives are coming. Everyone else lives far away. I felt good about it. Then my sister said that she was coming. She has had her own personal struggle…

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Added by Sara on July 17, 2020 at 12:31pm — 2 Comments

):

i miss my dad

Added by ash on June 12, 2020 at 11:36pm — 1 Comment

ptsd

pstd actin up coz of stuff goin on yes had muhso mush loss in 8 yrs 

losn  nbor ovr yr go new her sinse i wz 8 

a

frind 2 mnth monfth a go

cov 19 givun me bad dreams carzin my ptsd 2 go up

cnt

sea a dr coz thy not sean no 1 coz of cov 19

sorry if im rantin to mush or fealin sorry fr  my slf coz im not 

Added by dream moon JO B on April 10, 2020 at 4:07pm — No Comments

more than 3 years...still lost

I lost my best friend 3.5 years ago. we met in high school and were together for 18 years. We could never be open about our love. She was married for 10 years and has a son. In spite of this our love was strong and genuine. This selfless pure love comes once in a lifetime. Now that i have lost her my world has changed...i dont know who i am and what i want from life.

So many regrets...

The worst part is that i cannot talk to anyone about this here. no one will be able to understand…

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Added by Pavika on March 12, 2020 at 5:17am — 3 Comments

The food of love

Think I’ve mentioned someplace on this site that sharing meals and cooking was always very important to my husband...it was also a big part of my mother’s life and one of the ways she showed affection and concern for those in her life, they were similar in many ways, including that one.  My husband used to tell people that he’d always “had trouble distinguishing food, love, and sex” — he’d say it in a joking way, but he really believed that in some way, at the deepest level, they were all…

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Added by M Adams on February 25, 2020 at 2:20pm — No Comments

Dark Night and Day of the Soul

Hello Morgan, Bluebird, Linda at al. I'm sorry it has been so awfully long since my last contact.  A Year? I have always read the posts, though and have felt the same horrible burning pain I have the last, nearly 5 years since Nancy left me. I have had a couple of tia's including a lengthy bout of "aphasia". It was almost comedic as I couldn't talk but kept trying to tell the emt's which hospital to drop me at. This year, I have…

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Added by Mel Royer on February 22, 2020 at 9:49am — 2 Comments

A Stoic Response to Grief (from The Daily Stoic)

A Stoic Response to Grief

“It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it. For if it has withdrawn, being merely beguiled by pleasures and preoccupations, it starts up again and from its very respite gains force to savage us. But the grief that has been conquered by reason is calmed for ever. I am not therefore going to prescribe for you those remedies which I know many people have used, that you divert or cheer yourself by a long or pleasant journey…

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Added by M Adams on February 14, 2020 at 5:11pm — 1 Comment

A Poem for Us

I wrote this poem many years ago when my mother and my second mother, my mother-in-law, were both dying of cancer.  They died a week apart.  It was helpful to me then and is helpful to me now.  I hope it can be helpful for some of you.

Children of the Light

We are children of the light,

Burning crystals,

Each fracturing the light

Into his own incandescent dance of joy.

Blinded by our senses

We do not see the light that binds us.

Flames…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on February 8, 2020 at 5:28pm — No Comments

Memorial Services

The widespread practice of a viewing of the body and wake at a funeral home is not helpful to me as it seems to be for so many people.  But I do need to say goodbye formally, in a memorial service.  As a person of faith, I prefer religious services; but some formal rite of farewell, some ritual recognition that a life has ended is still important, if the family is not religious.  It has always been important to mankind, and it is important to me.  My uncle wanted nothing, no service, no…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on February 4, 2020 at 9:12pm — No Comments

Moriturus

Moriturus

Edna St. Vincent Millay



If I could have

Two things in one:

The peace of the grave,

And the light of the sun;



My hands across

My thin breast-bone,

But aware of the moss

Invading the stone,



Aware of the flight

Of the golden flicker

With his wing to the light;

To hear him nicker



And drum with his bill

On the rotted…

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Added by M Adams on February 4, 2020 at 11:06am — 1 Comment

Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. 

It took a long time to develop my…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on January 24, 2020 at 4:25pm — 1 Comment

The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on January 22, 2020 at 7:14pm — No Comments

Grief

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."

— C. S. LEWIS

Added by M Adams on October 20, 2019 at 12:04am — 1 Comment

so lost andf confused

hello i am 30 years old and just have resentley lost my spouse/love of life/king two mounths agoo all of a sudden he was only 23 years old about a mounth before he passed we took a break for a reason i not wont to say but he did something now 12 hours before he dise he is on his hands and nees begging me back i say no and walk away for him to die i ooved him with everything i have and miss him so much and just dont now what to do i have peopletelling me they understand but i dont think they…

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Added by heathert on July 3, 2019 at 11:34pm — No Comments

I'm trying to not blame my dad for my mom's death

My mother passed away last Thursday and my and I just had a newborn baby 2 months ago. My mother and my father are both alcoholics and addicts. They were both doing very badly physically and mentally and my mom was so sick that she wasn't able to drive anywhere in order to get alcohol and so my father would go and get stuff alcohol so that he could drink and she would feed her alcohol knowing that it was killing her. She would continuously fall down the stairs and hit her head and have to go to… Continue

Added by Lauren A Fernandez on July 2, 2019 at 1:42am — 2 Comments

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mom's birthday. I wish I could spend it with her like I always do but I can't.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this day or this life without her kindness and love.

Happy birthday my mama. I love you so much.

Added by Chris on June 12, 2019 at 1:00pm — 2 Comments

The Numbness Continues.

Most days I feel not much of anything anymore. Numbness, sadness, loneliness but mostly numbness.

Added by Chris on June 11, 2019 at 11:21pm — 2 Comments

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i love seeing him in my dreams. See More
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Joe von Anjou commented on Joe von Anjou's blog post I lost my mother in April. It hurts worse now than then
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