All Blog Posts (2,545)

A Stoic Response to Grief (from The Daily Stoic)

A Stoic Response to Grief

“It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it. For if it has withdrawn, being merely beguiled by pleasures and preoccupations, it starts up again and from its very respite gains force to savage us. But the grief that has been conquered by reason is calmed for ever. I am not therefore going to prescribe for you those remedies which I know many people have used, that you divert or cheer yourself by a long or pleasant journey…

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Added by M Adams on February 14, 2020 at 5:11pm — 1 Comment

A Poem for Us

I wrote this poem many years ago when my mother and my second mother, my mother-in-law, were both dying of cancer.  They died a week apart.  It was helpful to me then and is helpful to me now.  I hope it can be helpful for some of you.

Children of the Light

We are children of the light,

Burning crystals,

Each fracturing the light

Into his own incandescent dance of joy.

Blinded by our senses

We do not see the light that binds us.

Flames…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on February 8, 2020 at 5:28pm — No Comments

Memorial Services

The widespread practice of a viewing of the body and wake at a funeral home is not helpful to me as it seems to be for so many people.  But I do need to say goodbye formally, in a memorial service.  As a person of faith, I prefer religious services; but some formal rite of farewell, some ritual recognition that a life has ended is still important, if the family is not religious.  It has always been important to mankind, and it is important to me.  My uncle wanted nothing, no service, no…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on February 4, 2020 at 9:12pm — No Comments

Moriturus

Moriturus

Edna St. Vincent Millay



If I could have

Two things in one:

The peace of the grave,

And the light of the sun;



My hands across

My thin breast-bone,

But aware of the moss

Invading the stone,



Aware of the flight

Of the golden flicker

With his wing to the light;

To hear him nicker



And drum with his bill

On the rotted…

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Added by M Adams on February 4, 2020 at 11:06am — No Comments

Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. 

It took a long time to develop my…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on January 24, 2020 at 4:25pm — 1 Comment

The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I…

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Added by Miriam Holmes on January 22, 2020 at 7:14pm — No Comments

Grief

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."

— C. S. LEWIS

Added by M Adams on October 20, 2019 at 12:04am — 1 Comment

so lost andf confused

hello i am 30 years old and just have resentley lost my spouse/love of life/king two mounths agoo all of a sudden he was only 23 years old about a mounth before he passed we took a break for a reason i not wont to say but he did something now 12 hours before he dise he is on his hands and nees begging me back i say no and walk away for him to die i ooved him with everything i have and miss him so much and just dont now what to do i have peopletelling me they understand but i dont think they…

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Added by heathert on July 3, 2019 at 11:34pm — No Comments

I'm trying to not blame my dad for my mom's death

My mother passed away last Thursday and my and I just had a newborn baby 2 months ago. My mother and my father are both alcoholics and addicts. They were both doing very badly physically and mentally and my mom was so sick that she wasn't able to drive anywhere in order to get alcohol and so my father would go and get stuff alcohol so that he could drink and she would feed her alcohol knowing that it was killing her. She would continuously fall down the stairs and hit her head and have to go to… Continue

Added by Lauren A Fernandez on July 2, 2019 at 1:42am — 2 Comments

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mom's birthday. I wish I could spend it with her like I always do but I can't.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this day or this life without her kindness and love.

Happy birthday my mama. I love you so much.

Added by Chris on June 12, 2019 at 1:00pm — 2 Comments

The Numbness Continues.

Most days I feel not much of anything anymore. Numbness, sadness, loneliness but mostly numbness.

Added by Chris on June 11, 2019 at 11:21pm — 2 Comments

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.

I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.

Best, Kelli

Added by Kelli Auerbach on May 17, 2019 at 1:54pm — 1 Comment

Three Months

I guess there isn't much to say anymore. I miss him so much. He was like my brother and it feels weird and wrong and different. It's weird to think a year ago we were laughing and were so close. Its weird to think that someone who was once so beautiful and full of life is now rotting six feet underground in a wooden box. I'm not sure of my religious beliefs but I think I hope he's either moved onto the next life or has his own personal heaven with everyone he loved. I hope he has his…

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Added by Zeena on May 13, 2019 at 8:30pm — 1 Comment

An Empty Canvas

 Today is different for me and yet it isn’t. During the night when I woke, I could feel sadness though it didn’t seem to be a focused sadness. It was just there. And then I ended up having what I think was something like a panic attack. We were prescribed a very weak dose of an antianxiety med by our doctor so I took one of those and was able to sleep at last!

But in a way, I just put off what I was feeling and so today is again a sad day. My…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 13, 2019 at 11:47am — No Comments

A birthday without our son

 This is the second thing I wrote in my journal a few days ago.

On this day that would have been our sons birthday, I find that I cannot celebrate his life quite yet because I’m still grieving him. It’s only been twelve days since he left us and at times it still feels like he’s here.

A brief flash in the corner of the eye that looks like him. The simple glance to his bedroom door…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 12, 2019 at 10:29pm — No Comments

Those first days

This is an entry that I wrote in my personal journal. I'm adding them to begin my blog.

Our son chose suicide in the early morning hours on Friday, April fifth of this year (2019). As is always the case in these situations, my wife and I have many questions. Many of those questions will never be answered, simply because Phil isn’t here to answer them. Of the others, I’m sure we’ll eventually figure out the answers.…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 11, 2019 at 7:17pm — 1 Comment

why do god let wong 1s die or sufferrr

i no iv askt stuff on off l hav for 7 yrs on hear on off sineses iv bean hear

why duze

got let gooodd gud pepplee suffr

wen u get bad pepplee it kill or hyrtt hurtt not suffr 1 bit in lifee suffrr 

gud peepplee i no suffr coz of god i ask why]

wen bad pepllee do bad stuff lk kill rapee  molestr  peppllee go free not be punchessd ty do not 

i get mad wen i hear kids died 

peplee it do no harmm 2 no 1 die bad detahtss deathss y thy do

Added by dream moon JO B on April 12, 2019 at 5:32pm — No Comments

When does the crying stop.

31 days and counting. Can't say his name without crying, can't talk about the death without crying, can't think about him without crying, can't write this without crying. I want it to stop.

Added by Anna-Marie on April 7, 2019 at 11:10am — 4 Comments

Bad behaviour

Recent postings on “I miss my mom” brought back memories of moments with my mom when I would get very anxious and frustrated, when I would raise my voice and so on.  My mom was very forgiving of me, and very understanding — she got how worried I was about her, especially but not exclusively during latter years of complex health issues, and she appreciated that I was trying my best to help.  She was grateful to me, and expressed gratitude, which was sometimes uncomfortable, but I was also so…

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Added by M Adams on March 14, 2019 at 2:37pm — 1 Comment

Trying to move on

It's been almost 3 and a half years since I lost the love of my life. In that time, I moved my parents in with me, because I owed them so much. Last year, my 91 year old Pops told me"happy birthday" 6 days before my birthday and the day the docs were sending him to the nursing home.....the last thing he said to me. Now, my mom is terrified that she is going to die in the heart surgery that she has scheduled for Friday.  Hey, I'm terrified as well.  I did karaoke as a side line, because I…

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Added by Kathleen Jordan on March 12, 2019 at 1:40am — No Comments

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bluebird and Martee are now friends
7 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me. That…"
7 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel.  When my husband died several people, including…"
8 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch. That's what I…"
10 hours ago
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello mommas  Nice to have your words and well wishes here. We all know this journey all too well. There are days u dread as well, and on those days we all have, we just need to be very gentle with ourselves. That's something I'm…"
13 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re baby steps, one thing that has helped me is doing things that we did together, or learning to do things that she did.  It might sound sad or even heartbreaking, to do those things alone, and if it feels that way it’s not the right…"
13 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly and you actually helped me also God bless you and your little dog and everyone of us here it’s always nice to know that we still keep in touch after almost 5 years"
19 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Day by day. Minute by minute. Find something, anything that makes you happy and focus on it. For me it's my dog. When she is gone I will focus on something else. It could be anything. If that doesn't work, do it for your mom. Carry on for…"
19 hours ago
Luna Nightshade replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"For me it now has been three years ... three years and four months. I survived first by distracting myself from it, thrust into work and no time to think, it would only come back at evenings and nights to haunt me ... I guess what helped me was…"
yesterday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, so sorry for you loss,your posts spoke my feelings exactly on grief and pain of living. Can you please let me know how you survived all these years. Its been just over 2 weeks and each day is an eternity for me I hope I don’t…"
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Martee posted a status
"Today I have been walking as a lifeless, joyless, husk for 2 weeks and 4 days. My beautiful, loving husband is gone...."
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad "
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Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I'm having a lot of trouble getting Krissy to eat. She has diabetes and she has a very limited diet as it is. She can only eat prescription dog food. I switched to the wet version and she was eating up, and now it's the same as before. My…"
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Katherine A Pericas Geersten replied to Katherine A Pericas Geersten's discussion Hello, a little bit about me.
"Thank you Mrs. Crawford, it means a lot to be hearing from someone else who understands. "
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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