All Blog Posts (2,537)

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.

I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.

Best, Kelli

Added by Kelli Auerbach on May 17, 2019 at 1:54pm — 1 Comment

Three Months

I guess there isn't much to say anymore. I miss him so much. He was like my brother and it feels weird and wrong and different. It's weird to think a year ago we were laughing and were so close. Its weird to think that someone who was once so beautiful and full of life is now rotting six feet underground in a wooden box. I'm not sure of my religious beliefs but I think I hope he's either moved onto the next life or has his own personal heaven with everyone he loved. I hope he has his…

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Added by Zeena on May 13, 2019 at 8:30pm — 1 Comment

An Empty Canvas

 Today is different for me and yet it isn’t. During the night when I woke, I could feel sadness though it didn’t seem to be a focused sadness. It was just there. And then I ended up having what I think was something like a panic attack. We were prescribed a very weak dose of an antianxiety med by our doctor so I took one of those and was able to sleep at last!

But in a way, I just put off what I was feeling and so today is again a sad day. My…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 13, 2019 at 11:47am — No Comments

A birthday without our son

 This is the second thing I wrote in my journal a few days ago.

On this day that would have been our sons birthday, I find that I cannot celebrate his life quite yet because I’m still grieving him. It’s only been twelve days since he left us and at times it still feels like he’s here.

A brief flash in the corner of the eye that looks like him. The simple glance to his bedroom door…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 12, 2019 at 10:29pm — No Comments

Those first days

This is an entry that I wrote in my personal journal. I'm adding them to begin my blog.

Our son chose suicide in the early morning hours on Friday, April fifth of this year (2019). As is always the case in these situations, my wife and I have many questions. Many of those questions will never be answered, simply because Phil isn’t here to answer them. Of the others, I’m sure we’ll eventually figure out the answers.…

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Added by Charles Alexander on May 11, 2019 at 7:17pm — 1 Comment

why do god let wong 1s die or sufferrr

i no iv askt stuff on off l hav for 7 yrs on hear on off sineses iv bean hear

why duze

got let gooodd gud pepplee suffr

wen u get bad pepplee it kill or hyrtt hurtt not suffr 1 bit in lifee suffrr 

gud peepplee i no suffr coz of god i ask why]

wen bad pepllee do bad stuff lk kill rapee  molestr  peppllee go free not be punchessd ty do not 

i get mad wen i hear kids died 

peplee it do no harmm 2 no 1 die bad detahtss deathss y thy do

Added by dream moon JO B on April 12, 2019 at 5:32pm — No Comments

When does the crying stop.

31 days and counting. Can't say his name without crying, can't talk about the death without crying, can't think about him without crying, can't write this without crying. I want it to stop.

Added by Anna-Marie on April 7, 2019 at 11:10am — 3 Comments

Bad behaviour

Recent postings on “I miss my mom” brought back memories of moments with my mom when I would get very anxious and frustrated, when I would raise my voice and so on.  My mom was very forgiving of me, and very understanding — she got how worried I was about her, especially but not exclusively during latter years of complex health issues, and she appreciated that I was trying my best to help.  She was grateful to me, and expressed gratitude, which was sometimes uncomfortable, but I was also so…

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Added by M Adams on March 14, 2019 at 2:37pm — 1 Comment

Trying to move on

It's been almost 3 and a half years since I lost the love of my life. In that time, I moved my parents in with me, because I owed them so much. Last year, my 91 year old Pops told me"happy birthday" 6 days before my birthday and the day the docs were sending him to the nursing home.....the last thing he said to me. Now, my mom is terrified that she is going to die in the heart surgery that she has scheduled for Friday.  Hey, I'm terrified as well.  I did karaoke as a side line, because I…

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Added by Kathleen Jordan on March 12, 2019 at 1:40am — No Comments

Shame

There are many mentions of guilt on this site, and it often seems to be assumed that all bereaved people suffer from guilt.  As far as I can tell that isn’t true for me, unless I am in very deep denial.  On the other hand, I feel a lot of shame about being bereaved, being alone, being tearful, distraught, unproductive, etc.  At the same time it seems ridiculous to be ashamed because someone beloved has died, and I haven’t seen other people reflect this feeling, so thought it was just my…

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Added by M Adams on March 4, 2019 at 2:30pm — No Comments

Moving on?

I haven't posted here in awhile. The crushing grief that overwhelmed me for so long after my mom died has lifted into more of a grief fog. But some issues within my family have arisen over the past few days, and I'm having a really hard time. And my question is: Why the hell is everyone in such a hurry to "move on?" What is so terrible about being sad, about missing someone? Why is it "normal" to go on with your life like nothing happened, to forget about the past and keep moving forward?…

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Added by Bethany on March 3, 2019 at 12:23pm — 1 Comment

still feal it

still feal it

7

yrs

still

feal it

died

3.3.12

but still

feal it

i

am

not#ateson seakinkin

i am not

i…

Continue

Added by dream moon JO B on March 2, 2019 at 6:06pm — No Comments

Twitter box underneath "LATEST ACTIVITY" section

Some have inquired about the twitter box option at the top of the "Latest Activity" section. Apparently, it was an automatic update by Ning. Your privacy is still safe. It's an option for those who connect their personal account here and sync it with their personal twitter account.

If they choose to do so, they are able to share their OWN personal update on twitter by selecting that box before they share their personal update (and nobody else's) here. I hope this clears up any…

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Added by Ninja on February 13, 2019 at 4:30pm — No Comments

Epictetus on Love and Loss

In the midst of what feels like unsurvivable loss, how do we moor ourselves to the fact that even the most beautiful, most singularly gratifying things in life are merely on loan from the universe, granted us for the time being?  Two millennia ago, the great Stoic philosopher Epictetus (c. 55–135 AD) argued that the antidote to this gutting grief is found not in hedging ourselves against prospective loss through artificial self-protections but, when loss…

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Added by M Adams on February 3, 2019 at 8:06pm — No Comments

Should dignity be sought?

"Blessed is he, who has learned to bear what he cannot change, and to give up with dignity, what he cannot save." Friedrich Schiller

Added by M Adams on February 1, 2019 at 12:00am — No Comments

Super blood wolf moon - lunar eclipse happening now

The moon should appear at its reddest at about 9:12 p.m., with the event lasting until about 10:40 p.m.

Kelly encourages people to take a look.  "You know, stop and look up and really think about [how] we are on this huge planet, moving around in space and there's very few times that we can actually be reminded and feel the effects of that," she said.

Added by M Adams on January 20, 2019 at 11:07pm — 1 Comment

permanent grief

it has been three years and four months since i lost my mom 9-6-2015 and my husband  9-14-2015 and the overwhelming grief is unbearable also my husbands birthday is on the 20th of this month i don't know how much longer i can hold on,also i have so much added stress from people telling me i have to move on don't they understand that i may look okay on the outside but i am shattered inside i have been numb for so long i feel like i'm in a horrific nightmare nothing makes any sense any more i…

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Added by Pamela philipp on January 16, 2019 at 11:49am — No Comments

The Gardener by Patricia Hooper

The Gardener

Since the phlox are dying 



and the daisies with their bright bodies



have shattered in the wind,



I go out among these last dancers,

cutting to the…
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Added by M Adams on December 11, 2018 at 7:30pm — No Comments

Strategies for feeling better -- sound reasonable

[These recommendations from psychiatrist/tv personality Dr Amen came via this morning's e-mail -- despite the 'celebrity doctor' context and the rather directional tone, they seem worth consideration, at least I basically agree with them, and am trying to implement them -- will paste below in case they are of potential interest to others on this site.]

***********

There is a saying that goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go…

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Added by M Adams on November 21, 2018 at 10:08pm — No Comments

I need advice

I have been very stressed and upset my daughter came back to my house for a while until she and her family gets on their feet which is not the problem the problem is she has made me get all the things that are important to me out of the house and put in the garage pictures mementos etc. because she thinks that I need to move on she said because it has been three years and she does not understand how she is upsetting me I don't want to be in this house like this anymore how do I make her…

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Added by Pamela philipp on November 18, 2018 at 3:24pm — 5 Comments

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx.............."
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You are a good person. I'm sorry you are gong through this."
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx  i no 1 day thy will get loss we got but i will not treet thm way did me "
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Thank you. I am sorry people have abandoned you. "
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"so sorry on yore loss i no u soon lern abot frinds familyy wen it cums to a loss  u soon lern abot real frindss u do evn famllyy 1s it dont trun bac on u wen u need themm "
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You said everything I am feeling right now. I am doing and thinking the same. I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry. "
yesterday
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I am new  here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the…"
yesterday
Profile IconKayla and Jazi joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Monday
Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
May 17
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
May 17
Profile IconKelli Auerbach, Fedor Malkin and Jan McCracken joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
May 17
Coartney Hale updated their profile
May 15
Coartney Hale posted photos
May 15
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
May 15

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