Multiple Losses Group

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Comment by Amy Kuptz on March 13, 2010 at 1:34pm

Hi I'm Amy. I am new to this site. I guess I should start by explaining my losses. I lost my mother in 2002 after being in a coma for 9 months due to a heart attack. While she was in a coma her sister, my aunt, passed. I then lost my grandmother, their mother also in 2002. In 2003 I then lost my grandfather. In 2005 my other grandmother (dad's side) passed the day before I graduated high school. I also lost my dad's father and brother when I was younger. Then the day before Thanksgiving 2005 another of my mother's sister and her husband died in a car accident, they were on their way home from grocery shopping for Thanksgiving. A year ago I lost my first love to suicide. He had been there for me when my mother passed and we kept in touch after we broke up. He lost his mother also. I also lost my first baby niece last August.
Having wrote all this out I am thinking wow I am strong. But still I don't know how I got this far. I was 16 when my mom died and pretty much raised my sister because my dad took to alcoholism when she passed. It is still so hard and I feel like one day I will just crack. I live with this grief every day even thought it has gotten better it never goes away. These people should be in my life, they can't be replaced and all I can do is give tribute to their memorial.

Comment by Richard Lewis on March 10, 2010 at 5:43pm

As I read these comments I realize, that even though I have been told, Each of us grieve in different ways and at different rates and that loss is very personal. What would bother me very little is a major thing to many others.
So having said that. I would like to talk a little about the "LONELYS" these are the little things that trigger the emptyness that follows the death of a Loved one... For me it has been memorys that for some unknown reason are triggered by the strangest things such as a bird in flight,{ My Youngest son } or Dust on any item {My Wife} A sailboat {my Brother} a sunset { my Grandson}.... These are losses I have had since 2006 the last three since Oct.2009. But they seem to ease as time passes and I know that, although I will never forget. So to each of you I say " I feel your pain and I can assure you that It WILL ease.You are loved and My prayers are with you

Comment by Cheryl on February 2, 2010 at 10:45pm

Bangding I am amazed at your strength and my heart goes out to you, you have been through so much my friend. I know you must be hurting awfully bad inside. Please know that you are among people who can emphasise with you and we care. Take care.
Cheryl

Comment by nice girl on February 2, 2010 at 1:55pm

oh.....so complicated....so sad...but reality. My sister was dying of AIDS/Cancer 38 yrs old. My mom was broken...blaming it all on herself (never was her fault) My Mom was so sad...no energy. I tried my best to support both my sister and mom. My mom died in Jan 09....my sister watched. Then my sister died 2 months later March 09...with out my Mom to hold her...I did, but everyone needs their Mom. My step father blamed my sis ter for my Mom's death....then he had a heart attack (May 09) He survived. (at the same time he had a new girlfriend 4 months after my mom died...i met her for the first time in ICU-my parents had been married for 25 years...it shocked me) My father survived. then 2 months later one of my closest friends friends killed his two small children, his wife then himself ( August 09) No one saw this coming...I had just talked to him the week before....also, i during this time...I took a promotion....then almost got restructured out of a job...I put my 14 year old dog to sleep and my 18 year old cat is terminal with cancer...I lost triplets during childbirth in 2004 ...yes, all this is true. So .... I am surviving...yup, friends did not know what to say....most were not there when I watched my sister die .... it was a HORRIFIC death. even hospice said it was bad (the morphine needle had fallen out and the morphine was dripping on the floor...we did not see that for 24 hours- i was on the other side of the bed) I do have a partner that has stood by me through this all...I am going to marry her this year. I am proud that I am making it through this....I am marching like a brave soldier...like i promised my mother I would.

Comment by Cheryl on January 30, 2010 at 7:07pm

Dear Alison, I am very sorry for everything you and your son are going through. My son was 10 when my mom passed away and they were very close. At first it was very hard for him to talk about her but he came around some months later on. Keep loving on him and in his own time, he will come around. There is a site that has really helped me out a lot that you may want to check out. They have some excellent children's books on death. It is faith based. wwwgriefshare.com I am glad you joined this group. I am new too.

Comment by Alison on January 29, 2010 at 1:42pm

Hello. I am new here. My name is Alison. I have 2 young children and have been married for almost 8 years. I lost my mother in law in November of 2009 then lost my grandfather 5 days later. It was awful. I feel like I deserted my husband the day after his mom died to be at my dying grandfathers side. I worry most about my 7 yr old son. He was so close to his grandma. She had been very sick and was at a hospital several hours away. I am saddened to say he did not see her 2 months prior to her death. He does not like to talk about her. He changes the subject when we try to talk to him. His teacher talked with me about his changed behavior in the past 2 weeks. I have made an appointment w/ our family doctor to see if he has any ideas.

Comment by Trudy F. Evans on January 29, 2010 at 1:18am

It absolutely makes sense Cheryl. How long has it been since your brothers passed away? It's just so good to be where we can pour our heart out and I'm listening to you. I hear and feel your pain. I'm here for you.

Comment by Cheryl on January 28, 2010 at 11:46pm

I just read some of the posts and my heart just breaks in pieces for all of you. I am so very sorry for all of your losses. I know that God must have sent me to this site because I've been praying for help, but hopefully I can in turn help some of you too. I keep going back and forth from feeling numb to extreme sadness. When I'm numb I feel guilty. Does this make sense? I remember when my first brother died. I took a drive and at his intersection I remember getting soooo angry that everyone went when the light turned green. I was angry because "just for a moment" I wanted all of them, well the entire world to stop and know that my brother mattered. His life mattered and here everyone was just driving off. I knew in my head that it was silly but in my heart it was just so real and painful. Thanks for listening. It helps to talk and not feel like I have to edit ;O)

Comment by Cheryl on January 28, 2010 at 11:16pm

Thank you Trudy for your kind words. It really is nice to know that someone understands. This isn't something just anybody gets so I am grateful now that I found this site. My heart is sad for yours too. Let's keep in touch.

Comment by Trudy F. Evans on January 28, 2010 at 6:05pm

Hi Cheryl, I'm a newby here too, just one day ahead of you. My heart goes out to you because I really do understand where your coming from. You just never know who the pain is for. Mine was a long time ago but the pain arises every year for the anniversary dates. You've been richly blessed with a wonderful husband. I'm like you, it feels so good to be here in this safe place. Now maybe we can someday heal. My Dr. recommended this for me.

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