Elynn m
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  • United States
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Crystal,  that's the only thing I can think also.   Joe's work here was finished here, and God took him home.    I'm sure he heard the words, "well done, " , because his life was totally committed to…"
Apr 8
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Sorry to hear that you are still having trouble sleeping.   We all know the feeling.  Even though my son is here alot, "
Mar 27
Elynn m replied to Valentina Jolley's discussion Widow and childless in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Valentina,  so sorry to hear of your sudden loss.   I think you will find this site helpful.   I have been helped by the wisdom of many people on this site."
Mar 13
Richard Rivera and Elynn m are now friends
Mar 8
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard,  it's good to hear that some progress was made.   I agree with the others.  Take care of yourself, because  you are  important.  Thank you for openly sharing with us.  (I find myself calling out for…"
Mar 7
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just found an article on BillyGrahan.irg.   there is section on his site that talks about what happens after death if anyone is interested.   I like the way he explains life after death"
Feb 28
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard, I am putting you on my prayer list.   God  still works miracles today.   I don't know if you are in california, but I do know that (here)  , they are not allowed to refuse to provide medical care (at emergency…"
Feb 14
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard,    I am sorry for your recent loss.      My husband also refused to go to the hospital until i called 911.   ...don't feel guilty. This might not sound very comfirting, but someone told me a few months…"
Feb 14
Elynn m replied to Angela's discussion Does it help to move? in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Angela (need to retype this because my computer won't let me find the comment i started.)  Anyway, Angela.   They say to wait one year before making any big decisions.  It has been one year and 4 months since Joe went to be with…"
Jan 15
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Sometimes God takes our loved ones away, to heal them.   Angela, I can't imagine losing two of the people I love within such a short time.   God must know that you are a very strong person .   I lost both my son and husband,…"
Jan 15
Elynn m replied to Maxey's discussion Silence in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Maxy,   I have to have some sort of background noise.   It is usually music or the tv.  (Have been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately.)  Gospel music calms me down.  Sometime I have to take a melatonin or Camomile tea…"
Jan 2
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Michael, you are probably right about your stats.  I'm sure that all of us are different.   But you (and the rest of us) know ourselves,  more than anyone else can.   You brought up some good points to comtemplate.…"
Jan 1
Elynn m replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Another Lonely New Year's Eve. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes linda, I spent new years eve with my dog.   My husband and I usually stayed home for new tears.   That's right...no one to kiss at midnight! .... talked to a few friends today (new year's )....then I watched the Packers game!…"
Jan 1
Elynn m replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Can't handle the Holidays in the group Lost My Spouse...
"This is my second christmas without my husband.   Yes  it is very hard.   The medications do not work.   I find that camomile tea calms me down.  I also use melatonin at night. My family (mostly my sister-in law-) is open to…"
Dec 29, 2016
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Pamela,    I am really sorry if I hurt your feelings.   What I said was just meant to be a comment, not a judgement.   I guess I should watch how I speak.   My comment was for myself too. I always have to remind myself that…"
Dec 26, 2016
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Pamela,     It's good that your family is coming over.  You should not be alone for Christmas.    I know how you feel about the fake smiles as if everything is ok,  just try to open up to them, and express those…"
Dec 22, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

silvia maria posted a blog post

The REBEL inside us

There is a part of being human that is perhaps more evident to who is more an INTROSPECTIVE person. The part in me that the REBEL takes charge and propulse CHANGE. It´s not visible to others necessarily. Because it is in such a deep level, that most don´t quite read right. Works like this. When a lot of people tell you things that are not remotely acceptable, you make a longer distance from them to you. And they wonder what´s wrong, and of course they wont point at themselves reading you wrong…See More
46 minutes ago
Kathleen Jordan commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"Fabulous!  Enjoy the small moments.  I still run my karaoke business, but it was so hard to  sing so many songs without choking up during them.  Now, I've found a way to pull strength from them. I wish I  could explain…"
2 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"Well my friends, a strange thing has happened. This morning I was ranting to you all about not having a sign to say my Shirl is ok and still with me. We run or did run a dog training club together, we have done this since 1995, I am trying to carry…"
2 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"Oh and also can I just say that the worst thin I'm hearing over and over is that she is at peace now. She was at peace before she died, she was reading the paper saying what we were going to watch on TV that evening. She had just enjoyed tea…"
7 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"I'm getting this all the time, iv been told I'm still young enough to meet someone else, wtf! Light at the end of the end of the tunnel, it will get better with time. Keep yourself busy and you won't notice it so much. No one has a…"
7 hours ago
Tasha commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"People are just trying to help I believe. I can't stand when people want to know how they died. Why? I love them, I miss them, their route of departure isn't important. I have experienced much loss in my life, the most recently my…"
10 hours ago
bluebird and Lost with out him are now friends
10 hours ago
pamela k branchaud joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
12 hours ago
beverly zuriff left a comment for AnneJ
"Thank you for your understanding of my grief.  If you have gone through it, you know how terrible it is.  I wish you the best."
15 hours ago
Dolly commented on Diana, Grief Counselor's blog post After Death Communication
"I believe you got your answer Cindi... God is a merciful God and knows our hearts even with everyone else thinks they do... but only He does and only our hearts matter.. we all say and do things that hurt Him and like the best parent ever He loves…"
16 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jerry that is horrendous, how can that have happened, have you only just found this out. How could a disease she didn't have kill her. It's horrible. Thinking of you x"
19 hours ago
Paula Marie replied to cristian criss's discussion Agony after grandmum's death.
"This sounds very much like my experience of losing my amazing mother nearly 4 years ago. I felt totally empty and dead inside, and lost almost every reason to live. I clung to the few things left in my life that had meaning, and really just wanted…"
20 hours ago
Cindi Norton commented on Diana, Grief Counselor's blog post After Death Communication
"My 36 year old son Christopher died April 5th of an alcohol drug overdose.  He is a Christian and fought addictions for many years. I have tremendous guilt praying I could of helped him-saved him.  A few days ago I saw an Angel, just after…"
22 hours ago
Cindi Norton joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
22 hours ago
Maggi Crowston-Boaler replied to Doug's discussion Unbearable loneliness
"October 22nd, 2012, my elder son was told he had late-stage Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Massive tumour on his right lung. Inoperable. Long story short: he went through HELL and he died just a month later. No counselling has ever been offered. I've…"
23 hours ago
Jerry commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"So, I am having to learn all about SUDEP, Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy. 13 Saturday's ago today, my beautiful, healthy, adoring, wife has apparently died from this mysterious condition, that is even more mysterious when you don't…"
yesterday
joanne commented on joanne's blog post I want to go back
"Jackie, im so sorry for your loss, my so called friends are also non existent, like you I understand they have lost the fun, happy person I once was, I will never be that person again, that person died when he did. I also understand the family part,…"
yesterday
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post I want to go back
"All this is so true , there is no joy in waking up, every night i won't, it's 7 weeks today since my life came to an end and every day is worse. Friends are non existent,i don't blame them,the happy fun person has gone and all…"
yesterday
Tasha posted a discussion

Sons father died

January 20, my son's father lost his life to addiction. My son is eight years old, it seems so unfair that a little kid has to endure such grief. His father and I grew up together, I knew why he was the way he was. His parents both were addicts and we're in prison. Well tomy ( my son's father ) , continued the cycle. When our son, drake was born, tomy was in prison and it continued through drake's life. Tomy came home from his last stint in prison December 15 and was found dead Jan 20. Only had…See More
yesterday
morgan commented on joanne's blog post I want to go back
"Joanne, The refrain is so similar and familiar for all of us.  I was at Lowes tonight and I was picking up things for the job I am doing and the fellow who was helping me said I should be on a beach somewhere reading a book having a good time…"
yesterday

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