Elynn m
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Lonely

I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately.  Old friends are busy with their lives.  Even my children are busy.   My daughter lives 45 minutes away.   She is busy with her new house. …Continue

Started 5 hours ago

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Latest Activity

Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"thank you Monty for your comments.  I try to remind myself that friends don't know what they r doing, and they don't know what to say.   I know that everyone will face this at some time, but I cannot say that to friends,…"
3 hours ago
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have been feeling very lonely lately,  and  am depressed.  I miss joe.  Our 44th anniversary is coming up august 31st.  The friends we had together are busy with their lives.  They don't call often, so I stopped…"
4 hours ago
Elynn m posted a discussion

Lonely

I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately.  Old friends are busy with their lives.  Even my children are busy.   My daughter lives 45 minutes away.   She is busy with her new house.  My son is 10 minutes away.  He calls and invites me to go places with them.  I miss the friends that Joe and I had together.  They seem to be busy when I call them., so I quit calling.   My sister in law is very good about calling me.   She comes once a month with her husband to stay overnight.  I'm…See More
5 hours ago
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan,  yes. It is very difficult.  Do you have family near you?  Thank God for your neighbor who was kind enough to visit you  in your time of need.   One thing I've learned through this experience is that when I feel…"
Apr 27
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan    Very well put.   I think all of us agree with what you said.  Thank you for the wisdom."
Jan 28
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Rose,  I'm sorry for your loss.    I was married for 41 years ....always hoped to reach our 50th, but never did.  Joe has been gone since september, 2015....seems like yesterday.    That's great that you have…"
Jan 22
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, I'm so sorry.  Your husband was so young.  It is very hard to imagine life without our precious husbands.  We can help each other here. I am very grateful for this site.  I am free to express my feelings, because I…"
Jan 12
Elynn m replied to L.O's discussion lost my soulmate in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. That has to be the worst type of loss.....most unexpected.   I lost my husband unexpectedly, but he was at the emergency room at the hospital.  We did lose our son unexpectedly at home. (From a…"
Jan 3
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess…"
Dec 14, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda for posting that.   "
Dec 14, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This is my third Christmas without Joe.   I miss him more each year.   I realize how precious he was.   Wish he could be here at least a few hours each day with me ! (Physically, so I can hold him agsin).  "
Dec 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Feeling lonely today. I get really upset because friends haven't been in contact. I keep telling myself that they have their own lives, but I am not accepting that at this time! Is that selfish? I miss Joe so much. He was my best friend here on…"
Nov 4, 2017
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, there is really nothing you can do about family and friends who say they know what you are going through.   We both know that they can't possibly feel what we feel until it happens.   I just remind them to tell each other…"
Oct 25, 2017
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Quoting Scripture is really encouraging my faith, and helps with the grief.  Thank you for posting!"
Aug 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"I do agree, Trials do not come from God.  That does not mean we won't have trials. I agree with James 1:13 and 1corinthians :10:13 Jesus helps me adjust my views.  As most of us know, when I am weak, then He is strong (2corinthians…"
Aug 11, 2017
Elynn m commented on Brenda Ann's group Has your faith been tested or lost with the death of your loved one?
"Well-meaning people may say, “Jesus took your loved one away,” but that can cause people – especially children – to be angry at God. 1 Corinthians 15:26 says death is our last enemy. Therefore, we can say, “Death took…"
Aug 11, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"thank you Monty for your comments.  I try to remind myself that friends don't know what they r doing, and they don't know what to say.   I know that everyone will face this at some time, but I cannot say that to friends,…"
3 hours ago
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Elynn sorry so to hear of your loss and how your feeling. My wife passed December last year and i have also found that people have stopped calling and don't come around. I too am feeling isolated and alone. Luckily for me i have my sister…"
3 hours ago
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have been feeling very lonely lately,  and  am depressed.  I miss joe.  Our 44th anniversary is coming up august 31st.  The friends we had together are busy with their lives.  They don't call often, so I stopped…"
4 hours ago
Elynn m posted a discussion

Lonely

I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately.  Old friends are busy with their lives.  Even my children are busy.   My daughter lives 45 minutes away.   She is busy with her new house.  My son is 10 minutes away.  He calls and invites me to go places with them.  I miss the friends that Joe and I had together.  They seem to be busy when I call them., so I quit calling.   My sister in law is very good about calling me.   She comes once a month with her husband to stay overnight.  I'm…See More
5 hours ago
Profile IconSamantha Jolly, Blanca Ornleas and Harris Insler joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
11 hours ago
Harris Insler posted a blog post

A Call to Arms

I am calling on anyone who has lost a loved or knows someone who has lost a loved one due to substance abuse disease.  I lost my son 12 years ago due to a fentanyl laced bag of heroin. It took eight years for me to realize I didn't want his death to be just a footnote and a statistic. I made Part 1 of a short documentary about my son which was which was shown in October of 2017. A film professor/ Director/ editor, John, who had helped me finish this film came up with an idea for a new film. We…See More
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, yes. That is the circle of life."
16 hours ago
Jediah Krajcik updated their profile
19 hours ago
Avi commented on Susan Dee Leatham's blog post While I was sleeping
"Thanks for amazing post Susan. I lost my mother on 15 May 2018 and miss her a lot. I also believe that we will be reunited again once where there is no pain, agony and we will live for eternity. "
21 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theressa I do not have IPhone so I guess face time I cannot install. Let me know if we can talk over skype, my id is avitiwari26@gmail.com Today is 3 months when my mother left for her heavenly journey. I am still not able to laugh with ease and…"
21 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I don't know if I have skype but I do have facetime..."
22 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bret I needed that laugh this morning   lol"
22 hours ago
Briana Wroten joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
yesterday
Avi is now friends with Frances Koonce and Brett Bowman
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I will message my phone # to you. In fact, anyone who wants to call me can. I am convinced that none of you are strung out crackheads, trolling the internet."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks BlueBell and Brett.  Bluebell wishing that you get perfect soon.  Brett, do you have a skype Id where we can have a call?"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I am so happy for you. And you are obviously doing better with women than I am..."
Wednesday
Chanel commented on Cathy Richardson's group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"I'm sorry to hear that you're still going through a tough time, Rain. I feel like some days I'm okay and others I'm struggling. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to."
Tuesday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Congratulations Avi! Bluebell"
Tuesday
Susan Dee Leatham posted a blog post

While I was sleeping

It has been 4 years since my mom died.  I still think about it every day, and can't seem to look past it.  I know I need to go grocery shopping.  I know I need to entertain my 4 year old but before I do anything today I want to share what has helped me tremendously in making my mom's death easier to live with.The first thing that helps is remembering her and being stubborn about NOT letting her go.  I don't have to let my mom go.  She already went.  The thing I do have to do is admit how I feel…See More
Tuesday

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