Elynn m
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  • United States
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Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"KIM,      I'm sorry to hear about your liss.   My husband was on disability for a good part of our 40 years together....and I worked also.  I have no regrets..only wish that he were still here.   Joe was the…"
Jun 5
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHAT I REMEMBER WHEN MY WIFE ANNETTE DIED in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard,          I believe there is an afterlife, which,by the way, is for eternity.      I'm just passing through this place (the world) ; Yes, i am lonely without Joe, but i know this is not my final…"
May 29
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jackie,    I know that your Shirl is still in your heart.    Whatever you do, remember that God is in charge.....He doesn't want you to go through anything you can't handle.....He will get you through this....all we can…"
May 25
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, I am so sorry for your loss.   Your husband was very young.    You are right in saying that every day is a challenge.  I was used to facing  challenges together  with joe, but I have to face them alone now.  …"
May 23
Maxey replied to Elynn m's discussion lost my spouse in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I was married for 55 years' so I totally understand. Yes, you are so right, it will take me that long also - in other words, I will never be the same or "get over it"."
May 21
Elynn m replied to Elynn m's discussion lost my spouse in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Maxey, you are so right about other people.   I don't think we will ever get over the death of our spouse,....sad to say, but true.  After 41 years of marriage, it will take me that long to get over it!  All I can do with other…"
May 20
Maxey replied to Elynn m's discussion lost my spouse in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Elynn, When I read that you have survived two years and still yearn for your husband, I wonder how I will ever make it since it has only been 18 months for me, and I am in such bad shape. If only we could be given a timetable on how much longer this…"
May 20
Elynn m added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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lost my spouse

Haven't been here for awhile.   September will be 2 years since I lost Joe.  The grief continues.   I still sign  both of our names on birthday cards and Christmas cards.   Not ready to let him go yet.   Only one of his best friends continues to call.      Upsets me a little, but I have been guilty of the same.   When I call other friends(close friends of both of us), I usually hear,  "I didnt know what to say to you!"...........   Try 'how are you' is what I think, but don't say!I'm thankful…See More
May 19
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Crystal,  that's the only thing I can think also.   Joe's work here was finished here, and God took him home.    I'm sure he heard the words, "well done, " , because his life was totally committed to…"
Apr 8
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Sorry to hear that you are still having trouble sleeping.   We all know the feeling.  Even though my son is here alot, "
Mar 27
Elynn m replied to Jerry's discussion What, where, why and how in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jerry, so sorry for you.  You are right, "okay"  seems impossible.   Take time to grieve.   It is a long, difficult process.  We are here to help you."
Mar 13
Elynn m replied to Valentina Jolley's discussion Widow and childless in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Valentina,  so sorry to hear of your sudden loss.   I think you will find this site helpful.   I have been helped by the wisdom of many people on this site."
Mar 13
Richard Rivera and Elynn m are now friends
Mar 8
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard,  it's good to hear that some progress was made.   I agree with the others.  Take care of yourself, because  you are  important.  Thank you for openly sharing with us.  (I find myself calling out for…"
Mar 7
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just found an article on BillyGrahan.irg.   there is section on his site that talks about what happens after death if anyone is interested.   I like the way he explains life after death"
Feb 28
Elynn m replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Richard. Yes, I can offer my opinion.    there is definately something beyond this life.   We are only here for a short time.  As I get older I see why God says in his word (the bible) that "..life is like a vapor",…"
Feb 20

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

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bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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6 hours ago
Joy joined Niecy's group
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During the tragic loss of a loved one or having gone through several tragedies , be it death of a loved one, divorce , personal health issues, or getting older , ect. Sometimes the stress and depression compounded by grief can be debilitating and it may have us feel as if we are mourning our own deaths while we are grieving the loss of our loved ones , We feel as if our own lives are over , Being in this mode can make recovery a longer more confusing process for some. It can be uncomfortable to…See More
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KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Ericka replied to Jules's discussion Lost without my husband in the group Lost My Spouse...
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morgan left a comment for Julianna Jenkins
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morgan left a comment for Jennifer Shepard
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morgan left a comment for Adria Manary
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14 hours ago
morgan left a comment for Larry Piersa
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Belle Merc replied to Janet Shores Hoogendyk's discussion Murder, Suicide, And living in fear in the group Multiple Losses Group
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14 hours ago
Belle Merc joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
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Belle Merc updated their profile
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Joy replied to Joy's discussion Missing mama every day! in the group Adult Daughters grieving the death of her Mother
"Thanks for the kind words Dennis. My belief in God and life after this one ends is what keeps me going."
15 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to Joy's discussion Missing mama every day! in the group Adult Daughters grieving the death of her Mother
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15 hours ago
Profile IconDennis C. and Joy joined Tonya's group
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Adult Daughters grieving the death of her Mother

This group is for adult daughters trying to cope with losing her Mother
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