"Richard, I am putting you on my prayer list. God still works miracles today. I don't know if you are in california, but I do know that (here) , they are not allowed to refuse to provide medical care (at emergency…"
I am sorry for your recent loss. My husband also refused to go to the hospital until i called 911. ...don't feel guilty.
This might not sound very comfirting, but someone told me a few months…"
"Angela (need to retype this because my computer won't let me find the comment i started.) Anyway, Angela. They say to wait one year before making any big decisions. It has been one year and 4 months since Joe went to be with…"
"Sometimes God takes our loved ones away, to heal them. Angela, I can't imagine losing two of the people I love within such a short time. God must know that you are a very strong person . I lost both my son and husband,…"
"Maxy, I have to have some sort of background noise. It is usually music or the tv. (Have been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately.) Gospel music calms me down. Sometime I have to take a melatonin or Camomile tea…"
"Michael, you are probably right about your stats. I'm sure that all of us are different. But you (and the rest of us) know ourselves, more than anyone else can. You brought up some good points to comtemplate.…"
"Yes linda, I spent new years eve with my dog. My husband and I usually stayed home for new tears. That's right...no one to kiss at midnight! .... talked to a few friends today (new year's )....then I watched the Packers game!…"
"This is my second christmas without my husband. Yes it is very hard. The medications do not work. I find that camomile tea calms me down. I also use melatonin at night. My family (mostly my sister-in law-) is open to…"
I am really sorry if I hurt your feelings. What I said was just meant to be a comment, not a judgement. I guess I should watch how I speak. My comment was for myself too. I always have to remind myself that…"
It's good that your family is coming over. You should not be alone for Christmas. I know how you feel about the fake smiles as if everything is ok, just try to open up to them, and express those…"
" All of us go through a grief stage of anger....many have been there, and if not yet, everyone will. I hope you will have someone with you now and during the holidays. Please let us know how you are doing…"
"Michael, I am sorry for your loss. My husband went to be with Jesus 15 months ago. Asbeveryone else feels, I too am struggling with my loss. Joe was the best I could have asked for. Perfect for me! God is…"
Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I! I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.
I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.
But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?
I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened. I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself. I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse. If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable. All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.
I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone. It was hell. But I could not have afforded to stay where I was. Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me. So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.
Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days. I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided. It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing. And I cant say I am out of the woods either. The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.
I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare. That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief. I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain. Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.
41 years is a very long time to get used to another person. No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live. Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe.
This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole. It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.
I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.
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Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
One of my friends (who hasn't contacted me for weeks) sent me a cutesy picture of a cat and a message which asked "how are you?". Cat picture aside, I am tired of this question, particularly when I feel the person asking it just wants to hear I am feeling better. As if that is possible for me five months after my husband's suicide. After I lost the love of my life, my joy and my happiness.I don't know how to answer the how are you question anymore, but I will be damned if I'm going to put on a…See More
"Debbie I am so sorry for the lost of your Mom. Just know she was just as important to us as we were to her.
Rita I don't have advise. My mother shut down in 2008 when my dad passed away, til this day she has not been able to offer…"
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom on Valentines day 2017. I too dream about her, and when I wake up, it really hurts that she is not here. I had a different relationship with my Mom than you did. I was her caregiver and her…"
"Well said thank you for the advice. But guilt is the hardest thing to let go. I can't seem to shake it. I still think over and over I could've done more, should've done more. right now I'm actually going to hopefully get help…"
16 hours ago
Rhea, Becky, Qasim and 17 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Olive! I hate that you're having to get through this day alone. You should absolutely talk about your dad. You're a whole person, not split in half with two separate losses. I wish we could sit and share a…"
"Richard, I understand your feelings. If only we could have had more time with our loved ones. If only something had been different. It doesn't seem to matter if they died in front of us or in a horrible accident. Bottom…"
"Hi Nancy, I wish we could go out to eat tonight in honor of my mom, but my husband works nights and my dear dad passed on February 4 (I didn't know if I should mention that in here because the group is about moms). Your experience…"
"Hi, Olive. I am certain she feels your love! I am always praying and asking The Lord to tell my mom how much I love and miss her, and even to give her a hug and kiss from me. You can be sure he will pass everything on to your sweet mother. On my…"
First of all, I want to thank you for replying to my comments. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and how they parallel with mine. It does help me sort through what all I am grieving.
As the caregiver, a daughter, a sister and a…"
"Nancy, I am okay right now which I am grateful for.
Olive, My thoughts are with you on this difficult day.
Theresa, Talking does help and I thank you for your support. I am feeling my way through it minute by minute, hour by hour and day by…"
"I wish I could say it gets better, Elizabeth. You have gone through four years, and I have only gone through 16 months, so I can only think that my life will never hold any joy or happiness again. No, it is not health, but how can we make our…"
"Thanks for sharing, Bluebird. The poem, unfortunately, says it all! My life has no meaning. I did think love would last forever, and I never even contemplated a life without my husband. I many times think that the end of my life should not be so…"
"I can't help but think the same thing, that it's no coincidence. my only problem is that I'm still separated from Annette and it's just killing me inside. I still scream at night. The nightmares just keep coming and it's…"
"Hi Nancy, Theresa, and Bluebell,
Please know you are all in my prayers. Today would have been my sweet mom's 75th birthday, so it is a very hard day. I know she is rejoicing in heaven, but I can't help but be selfish and wish…"