I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately. Old friends are busy with their lives. Even my children are busy. My daughter lives 45 minutes away. She is busy with her new house. …Continue
Started this discussion. Last reply by Virginia G Oct 8, 2018.
"Have been reading comments from the past few days. Yes, grief is lonely. I'm so thankful for this group. Like Joe says, it's really difficult not having our better half here physically, just to appreciate…"
"I do too. It’s a long story, what happened to all my friendships in the four years since he died, but basically I don’t feel as if I have any friends now - not in the way I did before. But there are people out there - you, Morgan, for…"
"Elynn, I feel abandoned by everything and everybody. Period. Even with the people who try to console me. Its just not enough. I cant seem to feel that this life is worth living for any length of time. I go in and out of feeling…"
evn had frinds cross st in 2012 not speak 2me in 2012
i thrt i did thngs wong i still do
its frinds it do not get loss coz thy not had loss
do not get it
if its frinds its had a loss
it go way wen u need…"
"Since my husband’s death I have often found myself wanting to tell people to express their love and appreciation for the people in their lives — and although I know that could be rather annoying, sometimes I do tell them, because like…"
"Thank you everyone for your response. I'm just tired of being lonely. I talk to Joe all of the time, and long for his voice, and wisdom. I feel so bad that I didn't tell him often enough how special he…"
"I haven't been here in awhile, but have been so lonely.. I try to talk to people about Joe, but they don't understand. I guess they really are afraid to ask about him. I've been really depressed lately. …"
"It must be hard not being able to drive. When I’m not sleeping because of the depression, I feel the need to get out of the house. But then when I’m out I’m alone anyway and see other people with their families and that…"
"I'm so sorry for your great loss. It has been three years for me. The first year was worse. The only way it gets easier is when we start remembering the good times. The pain will get softer, but will always be…"
"I too, have been feeling extremely lonely for the last year. I thank God for my female Black Labrador Retriever, who my Mom loved SO much! She's all I have! And all I want! :-)
Yet, I feel we BOTH would benefit from being around people more. We…"
"Thank you morgan, and linda, for the information. My sister lives near Henderson, nevada. I might check that out. I've looked for 55+ communities there, but not for senior apartments. Also, morgan I…"
Since my husband’s death I have often found myself wanting to tell people to express their love and appreciation for the people in their lives — and although I know that could be rather annoying, sometimes I do tell them, because like you I feel that I didn’t say and show it enough when I had the chance. At the same time, I think that feeling like this doesn’t mean that we weren’t loving and appreciative, it’s more that when it comes to expressing your love and admiration, it is never enough. Having these feelings of regret may even be a sign of how much you loved and valued the person you have lost ... and I think when you truly love someone, that person does know it and benefits from your lovr, however it is expressed.
Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I! I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.
I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.
But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?
I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened. I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself. I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse. If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable. All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.
I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone. It was hell. But I could not have afforded to stay where I was. Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me. So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.
Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days. I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided. It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing. And I cant say I am out of the woods either. The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.
I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare. That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief. I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain. Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.
41 years is a very long time to get used to another person. No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live. Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe.
This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole. It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.
I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.
No comments yet!
Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"I had a relationship with someone for 5 years. I am married, and wasn't ready to leave my husband. So this man and I met infrequently (every month or 2) and talked a lot through text, but I felt like we had a very close bond. He finally told me…"
This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
Your wife, the love of your life, is BEAUTIFUL! And it does seem like it was destiny that brought the two of you together. Beautiful story of the two of you meeting for the first time.
Like Linda says, we have to be grateful that God sent us…"
Thanks for the cudos. I know every one of us is trying to cope with the loss of our Beloved Spouses. I too cannot do the things we shared and that's just about everything. Our likes were the same, so the only thing I did…"
Mary and Leane joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"I am so grateful that each of you share what you are doing and how you are dealing with your loss at whatever stage in months or years. In the past I never had to worry about looking for company for misery. I wasn't miserable.…"
What you say here about your day sounds like my miserable daily schedule:
"My schedule is pretty much go to the bedroom between 1 to 4am and most often I sleep until 11 or noon. And if I have to get up quickly I find I end up…"
I can relate to what you are saying: the activities that Joseph and I loved to do together are now very painful to do on my own. But it seems that you have started taking baby steps in the right direction by starting to run again.…"
That is quite an accomplishment! My husband was my running partner and we did a lot of charity runs together. My last run was 2 months after he died and dedicated the run to him. Since then I have tried running alone but it was too…"
"I am finding it so hard to keep motivated. I have tons I need to do to keep afloat and try to honor the legacy of my husband and yet all I seem able to do is push myself, force myself.......constantly. Its the putting on the mask and…"