I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately. Old friends are busy with their lives. Even my children are busy. My daughter lives 45 minutes away. She is busy with her new house. …Continue
Started this discussion. Last reply by Virginia G Oct 8, 2018.
"Since my husband’s death I have often found myself wanting to tell people to express their love and appreciation for the people in their lives — and although I know that could be rather annoying, sometimes I do tell them, because like…"
"Thank you everyone for your response. I'm just tired of being lonely. I talk to Joe all of the time, and long for his voice, and wisdom. I feel so bad that I didn't tell him often enough how special he…"
"I haven't been here in awhile, but have been so lonely.. I try to talk to people about Joe, but they don't understand. I guess they really are afraid to ask about him. I've been really depressed lately. …"
"It must be hard not being able to drive. When I’m not sleeping because of the depression, I feel the need to get out of the house. But then when I’m out I’m alone anyway and see other people with their families and that…"
"I'm so sorry for your great loss. It has been three years for me. The first year was worse. The only way it gets easier is when we start remembering the good times. The pain will get softer, but will always be…"
"I too, have been feeling extremely lonely for the last year. I thank God for my female Black Labrador Retriever, who my Mom loved SO much! She's all I have! And all I want! :-)
Yet, I feel we BOTH would benefit from being around people more. We…"
"Thank you morgan, and linda, for the information. My sister lives near Henderson, nevada. I might check that out. I've looked for 55+ communities there, but not for senior apartments. Also, morgan I…"
"Thank you Monty for the encouragement. I do talk to my sister in law, who is willing to listen. I know my own sisters would also, but I am afraid, or embarrassed (?) to bring it up. I'll try to be more…"
"I came back today because I need to talk. I didn't think I would get to this stage ....of always feeling lonely, but I guess I am. How do I get through this? I cannot go out of the house to visit someone, because I don't…"
"I know how you feel I too can not drive so I'm always home ALONE most of the day. Everyone says if you need me call, but when I do they always have something going on, so I hate to impose. I just keep to myself most of the…"
"Thank you bluebird for the kind words. That's a great idea to write to our friends. I still send Christmas cards, and birthday cards, but I should send a card once in awhile too. Thank you for the advice."
"I'm sorry you're feeling so down. It's good that you have your children and your sister-in-law, but no one can take the place of your husband. As far as your friends, it's quite possible that they just don't know…"
"thank you Monty for your comments. I try to remind myself that friends don't know what they r doing, and they don't know what to say. I know that everyone will face this at some time, but I cannot say that to friends,…"
"I have been feeling very lonely lately, and am depressed. I miss joe. Our 44th anniversary is coming up august 31st. The friends we had together are busy with their lives. They don't call often, so I stopped…"
I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately. Old friends are busy with their lives. Even my children are busy. My daughter lives 45 minutes away. She is busy with her new house. My son is 10 minutes away. He calls and invites me to go places with them. I miss the friends that Joe and I had together. They seem to be busy when I call them., so I quit calling. My sister in law is very good about calling me. She comes once a month with her husband to stay overnight. I'm…See More
Since my husband’s death I have often found myself wanting to tell people to express their love and appreciation for the people in their lives — and although I know that could be rather annoying, sometimes I do tell them, because like you I feel that I didn’t say and show it enough when I had the chance. At the same time, I think that feeling like this doesn’t mean that we weren’t loving and appreciative, it’s more that when it comes to expressing your love and admiration, it is never enough. Having these feelings of regret may even be a sign of how much you loved and valued the person you have lost ... and I think when you truly love someone, that person does know it and benefits from your lovr, however it is expressed.
Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I! I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.
I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.
But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?
I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened. I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself. I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse. If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable. All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.
I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone. It was hell. But I could not have afforded to stay where I was. Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me. So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.
Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days. I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided. It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing. And I cant say I am out of the woods either. The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.
I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare. That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief. I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain. Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.
41 years is a very long time to get used to another person. No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live. Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe.
This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole. It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.
I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.
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