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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Losing my mind, alone in a house full of people 9 Replies

Started by Keri Adams. Last reply by charity wolf May 20.

Stop telling me its going to be fine/better or the pain will go away!!!! 1 Reply

Started by Dixie Brossart. Last reply by Tans Apr 12.

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Comment by jill smith on Thursday

Hi Nancy, I am so sorry for your pain. I was very close to my mother who passed in October. What you are describing is what I miss most about my mom too. Sometimes something good will happen and I want to tell her about it then I feel sad I can't just pick up the phone and call her.

Your mom just passed, maybe 6 weeks ago. That is a tall order for you not to be sad, I am sorry you are feeling people are frustrated with you. I have found there are a couple people who I can count on, but it is hard. I have also found counseling extremely helpful. I have done group and one on one and both have their plusses, but it is nice to be able to talk all I need to. We all grieve so differently and the time it takes varies too. 

Comment by Nancy Dynes on Thursday
I miss my mom so much at this moment. I've missed her every moment since she passed on April 18, but my heart is especially heavy tonight and I find that sleep escapes me once again. I wish I could hug her and hear her voice. I never realized how everything I did in life always came back to my mom, what she would think about it, would it make her proud or happy. I can't imagine ever feeling normal or happy again. When I'm with my family or friends I have to pretend I'm okay because that is what is expected. I think they're getting frustrated with me being sad all the time. I'm so sorry for everyone here and the tremendous loss and pain we are all experiencing. Sending prayers out to all...
Comment by charity wolf on Tuesday

Hi Charlene:)

thank you...this is a very painful journey. My friend reminds me that a broken heart, is broken-open. hug

Comment by Charlene Taylor on Tuesday
Thank you Charity, it helps to hear words from someone else. I'm so sorry about your Mom also.
Comment by charity wolf on Tuesday

Hi Charlene:)

 

 My Mama died in January:( What I have learned is that grief needs a voice. You have to feel the grief and let it move through you. I am sad everyday too and hurt like I never could have imagined. When you love someone so deep than the hurt is just as deep. Please know that your pain is a normal grief response. I send you so much love and peace....heart broken with you...I am so sorry for your loss:(

Comment by Charlene Taylor on Tuesday
Hi all, it's been almost 5 months since my Mom died. I Thought I was doing pretty good. I've been to see my incarcerated son, my dad got remarried and I went to Colorado to help a dear old friend come back south for health reasons. I stopped my Prozac 2 months ago. Now that things have settled down besides helping my father-in-law who had a stroke, I've feel like I've gone backwards with the almost never ending sadness returning. I think that all I've been doing is keeping so busy with others so I don't feel. Now that I stopped my Prozac it's really helping me "feel" more. I miss my Mom so much!!!! Take care everyone!!!!
Comment by Danny on May 20, 2015 at 2:02pm

Yes guilt and regret..tell me about it.  Working on it.

Comment by Jean on May 20, 2015 at 12:45pm

My favorite author Elizabeth Berg Lost her mother recently and she posted this on her FB page. I highly recommend her novels.

The other day, a woman told me she was sorry to hear about my mother's death. I thanked her. And then she told me that it had been over twenty years since her mother died, and she still felt the loss. "Really?" I said. And then, "Oh, no."
I think I had assigned myself an arbitrary time to grieve, and a time to stop grieving. Things are not working out quite as planned.
It feels to me now that grieving is like walking through a maze. You think you've found the way out but th...en you discover that you have not. You need to go back. You need to try another way. And you need--and this is very, very hard for me--to accept that you are not exactly in control of the process.
I told a friend who is on her way to see her nearly 100-year-old mother today that maybe she should give her an extra kiss when she sees her. And maybe my friend will. Maybe she won't.
If there's anything this loos has taught me, it's the lesson of not letting opportunities go by. It seems we can't help doing it, letting opportunities go by. We are programmed to think there will be another day, another time, until suddenly--and permanently-- there is not. I have been spending a lot of time with guilt and regret, wondering why I didn't call to check in with my mom every day, especially after my dad died and she lived alone. I think I thought, Oh, there's nothing to say, really. I'll call after a few days, when there's something to say. But there was something to say, and it did not take the form of the words in any given conversation. Rather, it took-or could have taken--the form of my mom knowing that I cared, that I loved her, that I was just making sure she was all right. I did not do that, and my regret about it weights so heavily on my heart. Whew, it's heavy.
I know the cure for me is time and forgiveness of self. It seems a long way off. It seems as though a maze I thought was one size has revealed itself to be much bigger and more complex.
I was out with my mom one day when I was a little girl about 7 or 8,, and we came upon a man begging on the street. He was a double amputee, both legs missing below the knee. I had never seen such a thing. It seemed so cruel, so absolutely understandable that such a thing should be visited upon someone. Why had this happened? The man was sitting on a blanket, hiis pants legs neatly folded beneath his stumps. He wore tan pants, a white shirt, and a white straw hat. We walked past him and got into the car, and I burst into tears. My mother, knowing me to be the oversensitive individual that I was, wrapped some change in Kleenex, pressed it into my hand, and told me to give it to the man. I walked over to him, my face read and blotchy, and wordlessly gave him the money. And he looked up at me with a glorious smile on his face--I can still see it so clearly--and said, "Thank you, little lady."
When you want to take best care of yourself, it seems the thing to do is to take care of someone else. There's the salve for today.

Comment by charity wolf on May 20, 2015 at 9:54am

Hi everyone,

 so sorry for all our losses:(  My Mama died in January. She had a very traumatic brain disease. When we found out, she only had a month and a half of life left. She was in my home whrn she passed and I watched her take her last beautiful breath. she was like a butterfly, gently flying away. Caring for her was the biggest blessing of my life. I believe it is what my soul came here to do. That said, my bday is tomorrow and wow, I am a mess. bithdays in my family are a big deal:( I just want to run away and hide, ya know? Mama was my heart song and without her to hug, just so painful. I understand the pain that feels like it will kill you.

thank you for hearing me:) I feel you all in my heart. Mama's are our links to life. we will alwaya have a hole and that has to be ok....

Comment by Jean on May 18, 2015 at 1:27am

I know that you need time to process this life alternating time. I cried and screamed into a pillow that my mother gave me right before she passed. She told me it was her mothers pillow. I hugged that pillow and screamed into it so I would not scare the neighbors. That went on for many months. Everyone grieves in their own way. I had already been getting used to the fact that my career of 30 years was gone.

Sent overseas. I can honestly say I no longer miss that job but the loss of it had me down. Then my mother got sick with aplastic anemia and I took care of her for the 3 months before she passed right here in our home. She has a room here. Taking care of her was the most fulfilling thing I have ever done in my whole life. No nursing home. We sure went to get her blood checked weekly. She never complained. She is my hero in this life and I am doing the best that I can to honor her last wishes. Not easy for me to do and it has taken me over two years to even get started. I still cry when I go into her room, every time.

I just want you to write down all of the happy memories that you and your mother shared. I am stronger but I don't think we ever get over losing mothers. It's just a void that cannot be filled.

 

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