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Comment by M Adams on February 17, 2020 at 8:27pm

Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel.  When my husband died several people, including relatives, promoted going on a cruise — it seemed such a bizarre and horrifying idea to me at that time.  Even now, more than three years later, it would be hard for me to contemplate doing something like that.  People are so different in what feels right to them, and when.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 17, 2020 at 6:02pm

Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch.

That's what I have done for the best four and a half years. Just make it from here to the couch, but I am growing. I have grown since my mom went away. And, maybe, just maybe, we will all be okay, if we just keep plugging. Life's not so bad. Life gave us our moms. They're gone now, but maybe there are more blessings ahead if we just don't give up.

Comment by Brenda on February 17, 2020 at 5:04pm

Thanks M Adams.  I like that idea, my mom's thing was traveling, she loved it and we always went to Mexico together, I am just scared to go, I am fearful because she won't be with me, I think it will be too sad, but everything is so sad.  Thanks Brett for finding something that makes me happy, that's a hard question for me.  Good things to think about.  Appreciate the kindness and ideas. 

Comment by M Adams on February 17, 2020 at 3:02pm

Re baby steps, one thing that has helped me is doing things that we did together, or learning to do things that she did.  It might sound sad or even heartbreaking, to do those things alone, and if it feels that way it’s not the right thing for you, at least not now, but it has been a good experience for me.  Part of it is honouring the history of your relationship with someone you loved and love, remembering beautiful, ordinary moments shared.  

Comment by Theresa on February 17, 2020 at 9:37am

Brett you said it perfectly and you actually helped me also God bless you and your little dog and everyone of us here it’s always nice to know that we still keep in touch after almost 5 years

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 17, 2020 at 9:00am

Day by day. Minute by minute. Find something, anything that makes you happy and focus on it. For me it's my dog. When she is gone I will focus on something else. It could be anything.

If that doesn't work, do it for your mom. Carry on for her.

Comment by Brenda on February 17, 2020 at 3:18am

I am feeling like I can't catch my breath, the sadness and tear flow the last 72 hours seems like I am entering a tunnel I can't find my way out of, I'm drowning.  I can't sleep without waking in a puddle of sweat and tears.  I miss everything about my mom!  It feels so lonely when she was the only person I would talk to several times a day, feels like she was the only person who loved me and now I have nothing.  Sadness, tears and an emptiness with no light is so scary.  What are the baby steps for this? How does someone pull through?

Comment by Theresa on February 16, 2020 at 9:52am

Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad 

Comment by Casey on February 16, 2020 at 9:46am

it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?

Comment by Theresa on February 16, 2020 at 5:53am

Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to myself how am I going to handle this time in my life without my mom.  I am a nervous wreck, but I am trying to lean on my faith in God, always.

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