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Comment by M Adams on May 14, 2020 at 2:08pm

Don’t think my remaining family, or most of my acquaintances would agree that my approach is healthy, or even acceptable, but it feels right to me.  I find that in some ways I’m getting less responsive to what people want of me, which has good and bad aspects.  Also able to cry a bit more — at first with the loss of my husband, and again with my mother, I couldn’t stop crying, found that terrible, then I mastered what I think of as the “clamp technique” which worked really well, but eventually too well.  Now I find that tears come again from time to time, at moments of memory, sometimes hokey t.v. stuff, or seeing something beautiful in the world that we experienced together, moments that evoke the sense of loss, etc.

Thinking about you Brett with the loss of your dear little dog, really sorry for your loss of that sweet companion (our lovely cat Spooky died suddenly a couple of months before my husband’s sudden death, so I know what it’s like to lose the special compassion that a beloved animal gives...kept walking around the place seeing a dark shape out of the corner of my eye and momentarily feeling ‘Spooky’s there!’ then realizing the truth all over again.) 

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 14, 2020 at 1:34pm

You have a wonderful, healthy attitude. I can only speak for myself, but I think my sadness comes from lost time on so many levels.

Comment by M Adams on May 14, 2020 at 1:29pm

Seems different for me — on my mother’s birthday, and on Mother’s Day, I do something to celebrate how beautiful and wonderful she was, last year with special meals and toasts to her memory as well as doing certain things, cooking her recipes and starting plants as she did, this year some similarities though with social distancing the outward aspect was mostly through writing and e-cards.  I find that I want to remind people — especially those who benefitted so greatly and took so much from her — of her value and uniqueness, and not let her existence just be erased. There are tears on those days but not necessarily more sadness or greater sense of loss than on some other days.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 14, 2020 at 10:58am

Jayne, if there is an advantage to this, maybe we are fortunate that we can get it over with in one day. I wouldn't necessarily call that a good thing, but I really dread any landmark dates concerning my mom.

Comment by Jayne on May 14, 2020 at 8:54am

My mom’s birthday was also mother’s day it is so so hard not having her physically here

Comment by SelV on May 14, 2020 at 6:39am

Motherless Day...

Pain. Sadness.

Everyday!

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 13, 2020 at 2:47pm

Avi, yes. People were posting pictures of their mothers, or they would post a picture with their mom, celebrating the day. It was also my mom's birthday. There is really nothing we can do but miss them. It's sad that a day that used to be the cause of happiness is now a day of pain. Christmas, too.

Comment by Avi on May 13, 2020 at 12:00pm

Mother's day was horrible for me. Everybody was wishing their mothers on social media and I cannot even talk to her. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 12, 2020 at 2:27pm

I did. I am the Wellness Coordinator there. I still miss my dog though, and, of course, my mom. Sunday wasn't just Mother's Day. It was also my mom's birthday.

Comment by Michael Simons on May 12, 2020 at 2:13pm

Oatmeal!! Sorry that Krissy passed...I know you loved that dog. I hope you finally found a job you can stand. I know things will come together for you as long as you keep hitting the gym.....oh I can get it back lol

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