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Comment by Avi on August 4, 2020 at 5:04am

Hi Shayla. 

Sorry to hear about your mom. Cancer is the biggest curse on mankind. I lost my mom to Cancer in May 2018. 

Please feel free to put here whatever you want. 

Regarding the relationship, I also suffered some issues with my marital relationship when my mother died but it was because nobody will understand the grief you are going through. So please think twice to move ahead with Divorce, it may be temporary thing. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 21, 2020 at 10:12pm

Shayla, first let me say that I am so sorry about your mom. My mom was my best friend, too. I have never been married before, but I know that when we lose our moms, we may also lose our greatest fountain of unconditional love, and that can expose other relationships that we have. I know in my case, I became so accustomed to how much she loved me that I really didn't realize how my other relationships stacked up. I was getting all that I needed to feel loved and secure. I learned quickly what I had lost. It hurt very badly. So badly that I really didn't want to live. I didn't want to harm myself. I just wished that God would take me. And it has taken a long time to find my way back. I'm still not there yet, but I learned to eliminate toxic relationships. That has been a great help. You are grieving your mom. Only you know if that is clouding your judgement. To be honest, I am guessing that it is not, and that you are more aware now where you stand with your husband. Please know that you are supported here, and that I will help you every step of the way. I may not know you, but I know that your mom would have wanted you to be happy. The best way to honor her would be to try to make that happen. God Bless You my friend. 

Comment by Shayla on July 21, 2020 at 8:33pm

Hi everyone. I lost my mom to cancer May 2020. She fought the battle for 20 months.  She was my best friend. Unfortunately, I am UN-HAPPY marriage. We got married late in life. I'm 42, and he's almost 44. We have two children together (ages 4 and 6). I'm miserable and tired, and I see no change. I'm starting to prepare myself mentally and physically for divorce.  Has anyone experienced the loss of a mom while being in an UNHAPPY marriage. 

Comment by M Adams on May 14, 2020 at 2:08pm

Don’t think my remaining family, or most of my acquaintances would agree that my approach is healthy, or even acceptable, but it feels right to me.  I find that in some ways I’m getting less responsive to what people want of me, which has good and bad aspects.  Also able to cry a bit more — at first with the loss of my husband, and again with my mother, I couldn’t stop crying, found that terrible, then I mastered what I think of as the “clamp technique” which worked really well, but eventually too well.  Now I find that tears come again from time to time, at moments of memory, sometimes hokey t.v. stuff, or seeing something beautiful in the world that we experienced together, moments that evoke the sense of loss, etc.

Thinking about you Brett with the loss of your dear little dog, really sorry for your loss of that sweet companion (our lovely cat Spooky died suddenly a couple of months before my husband’s sudden death, so I know what it’s like to lose the special compassion that a beloved animal gives...kept walking around the place seeing a dark shape out of the corner of my eye and momentarily feeling ‘Spooky’s there!’ then realizing the truth all over again.) 

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 14, 2020 at 1:34pm

You have a wonderful, healthy attitude. I can only speak for myself, but I think my sadness comes from lost time on so many levels.

Comment by M Adams on May 14, 2020 at 1:29pm

Seems different for me — on my mother’s birthday, and on Mother’s Day, I do something to celebrate how beautiful and wonderful she was, last year with special meals and toasts to her memory as well as doing certain things, cooking her recipes and starting plants as she did, this year some similarities though with social distancing the outward aspect was mostly through writing and e-cards.  I find that I want to remind people — especially those who benefitted so greatly and took so much from her — of her value and uniqueness, and not let her existence just be erased. There are tears on those days but not necessarily more sadness or greater sense of loss than on some other days.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 14, 2020 at 10:58am

Jayne, if there is an advantage to this, maybe we are fortunate that we can get it over with in one day. I wouldn't necessarily call that a good thing, but I really dread any landmark dates concerning my mom.

Comment by Jayne on May 14, 2020 at 8:54am

My mom’s birthday was also mother’s day it is so so hard not having her physically here

Comment by SelV on May 14, 2020 at 6:39am

Motherless Day...

Pain. Sadness.

Everyday!

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 13, 2020 at 2:47pm

Avi, yes. People were posting pictures of their mothers, or they would post a picture with their mom, celebrating the day. It was also my mom's birthday. There is really nothing we can do but miss them. It's sad that a day that used to be the cause of happiness is now a day of pain. Christmas, too.

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