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Comment by Dixie Brossart on Wednesday

Crystal- Your story is the mirror image of mine. My mom died 4 months ago after having early onset alzheimers for only 3 years.  Her Dr. at the assisted living she was at kept giving her harmful drugs.  She kept taking them in hopes of getting better or feeling better mentally. One day she freaked out...they kicked her out and put her in a nursing home.  She declined in a month, got a blood clot, went into cardiac arrest and died 3 minutes later from a pulmonary embolism.  I feel like dying every day.  It takes every ounce of strength in me to continue living or to not burn the place down that treated my mother this way.  I will never know for sure what happened to my Mom.  Only God knows. And for that I am miserable and in my own hell daily. She was 65. She was full of life.  She was my light.  Now it feels like I'm in the dark every second. 

Comment by Crystal on February 20, 2015 at 3:22pm

Libby - I am very sorry for your loss. Its still so fresh and crying and feeling like your going nuts is OK. Let yourself go through the motions. I too felt alone, still do. I would get angry that my sisters and brothers don't call me more or reach out to me because even if they are ok, I wasn't. Im NOT. Everyone deals with it differently. My dad trys to find things to keep him busy. Finishing projects he promised her. I think you dad may be trying to stay strong for you. Just continue to be there for each other. Its so hard to accept that this is our new reality, without them. I don't want it. I would sacrifice anything to have her back

Maddie- so sorry for your loss. I know those words don't compare to the magnitude of what you are feeling. Its a pain, a loss unimaginable and what seems like unbearable. Im sorry you feel alone and hope you find some comfort in this site. I think a part of us will always feel alone, pieces of us are missing. No one truly understood me the way my mom did.  

Comment by Crystal on February 20, 2015 at 3:02pm

Andre - I feel very similar. my mom was on a lot of medication that the doctor was constantly prescribing. I don't understand how a doctor can watch someone's health worsen with every prescription they write and keep doing it. My mom took what they gave her in hopes of getting better no longer being in pain. But she was overly medicated. My mom, my family..we trusted that the doctors had my mothers best interest at heart. we don't know the actual cause of my mothers death other than cardiac arrest. She also had a blood clot in her leg from fallin the week before. It soooo hard to accept she is gone. I wish more than anything could go back and prevent it and save it. Take her medicine... make the doctor acknowledge her clot more. she went to see them and they sent her home. I hate her doctor, I hate that I couldn't save her. I just want my mom back. Something so little and preventable took my mother forever.

Gnome- you are right, there is no love like a mothers love. I lost my mom my best friend at times worst enemy lol my protector my biggest fan my angel. I'll never be whole again without her. She was an amazing woman and Im proud to say I become more and more like her every day.  I am very sorry for your loss. I know its easy to get consumed with the regrets and what ifs but there was no way to predict what would happen or how we would feel. they know we love them.

Comment by Danny on February 18, 2015 at 5:27am

I am with you Andre Clark.  I did some of the same and the thing is that we did not do enough.

Comment by Emily on February 17, 2015 at 3:15pm

Happy Late Valentine's Day Mom, I miss you, love you and miss the wonderful cards you sent me.

Comment by Andre Clark on February 17, 2015 at 7:41am

I understand what you're going through Maddie. I'm 32, no kids, not married, not close to my family, and I'm an only child. My mother and I use to call each other several times a week. Now, my phone barely rings. She was my mother, father, and my best friend. I wish I would of told her I loved you more. I showed her I loved her, but I rarely said it.

Comment by Casey on February 16, 2015 at 1:16pm

I am very sorry for your loss Maddie. Its been one year since my mother passed and I am still completely broken. I miss her only even more.

Comment by Maddie on February 16, 2015 at 1:17am

Lost my mom January 16th.   I am broken.   Pretty much what Libby said down below me, but I'm too broken to type all that out.   I don't know how to go on without my mom, I'm not close to my other family, and I'm not married and I have no kids...basically I am an orphan now.   I have never felt so sad and alone in all my life.  I didn't know it could hurt this bad.

Comment by gnome on February 14, 2015 at 4:41am

It's been almost a year since my mom passed.  We were very close, we fought a lot, but I loved her so much.  She was sick for years and spent her last 5 months in between hospitals and long term care facilities... something she never wanted but I think she did in hopes of sticking around for me.  She was 63 and passed the day before my birthday.  I had been helping my mom over the 5 years before she passed (financially) and often felt stalled in my own life and I had feelings of resentment during that time.  Now I just feel so guilty for having those feelings when I should have just been trying to love her as much as I could before she left.  She was so miserable... I miss her so much.  Through everything she really was my best friend.... no one loves you like a mom loves her kids and now I just feel so alone. 

Comment by Andre Clark on February 13, 2015 at 5:37pm

Hello community. I been miss in action for a while. I lost my mom on 8-15-2014. She was 55 years old. The last time I was on this site was in November a couple of days before my birthday. I thought I was strong up till that point. I actually slipped into depression. I finally got professional help.

Libby I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep talking to your friends and family about your lost. Try not to isolate yourself in the house. That's what brought me down.

Nancy: Sorry for your loss. I too hold a lot of guilt. I blame my mother's doctor for not neglecting her and not finding a blood clot while all the signs of her having one was present. I also blame myself for not doing the research while my mother was in pain. We trusted the doctor.

One day at a time I till we see our mother's again.

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