I miss my Mom!

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Comment by Bangding Bangding on February 2, 2010 at 2:00pm

I did not mention in my last post something VERY important...my mom was/is my best friend...as close as you can be. In some ways it is best she did not watch my sister die. I am happy for that...but EVERY moment of EVERY day...I hurt for her...I miss her.

Comment by Bangding Bangding on February 2, 2010 at 1:58pm

oh.....so complicated....so sad...but reality. My sister was dying of AIDS/Cancer 38 yrs old. My mom was broken...blaming it all on herself (never was her fault) My Mom was so sad...no energy. I tried my best to support both my sister and mom. My mom died in Jan 09....my sister watched. Then my sister died 2 months later March 09...with out my Mom to hold her...I did, but everyone needs their Mom. My step father blamed my sis ter for my Mom's death....then he had a heart attack (May 09) He survived. (at the same time he had a new girlfriend 4 months after my mom died...i met her for the first time in ICU-my parents had been married for 25 years...it shocked me) My father survived. then 2 months later one of my closest friends friends killed his two small children, his wife then himself ( August 09) No one saw this coming...I had just talked to him the week before....also, i during this time...I took a promotion....then almost got restructured out of a job...I put my 14 year old dog to sleep and my 18 year old cat is terminal with cancer...I lost triplets during childbirth in 2004 ...yes, all this is true. So .... I am surviving...yup, friends did not know what to say....most were not there when I watched my sister die .... it was a HORRIFIC death. even hospice said it was bad (the morphine needle had fallen out and the morphine was dripping on the floor...we did not see that for 24 hours- i was on the other side of the bed) I do have a partner that has stood by me through this all...I am going to marry her this year. I am proud that I am making it through this....I am marching like a brave soldier...like i promised my mother I would. .

Comment by Marsha "Marcy" Welch on January 31, 2010 at 10:14pm

I lost my Mom about a year and a half ago to cancer. I was her caretaker and spent the last few months of her life with her-day and night. It was hard and heartbreaking, but I'm glad I did it. When she left this world, there was NO DOUBT in my mind that she loved me.
Now, after, I lost my job and had to move back to New Orleans to work. I am barely making enough money to get by. Most days I feel a little lost because I don't have Mom to talk to. She always knew what to say even when I didn't like what she said.
I currently find myself ANGRY. Just FURIOUS. About everything. It's affecting my work, my friendships, everything. Most days end with me wanting to pack everything up and leave. I want to go hide at my Dad's house in the mountians and not deal with the world. I think mostly because I'm tired of being mad. And generally I'm just mentally exhausted. I want to talk to Mom so badly I just ache. I feel like none of my friends understand (maybe because they haven't been through it themselves?) and I keep getting the words "you need therapy!" from a lot of them. These of course are the same 'friends' who didn't even call, email, write-nothing when I was going through watching my mother die. I need to talk to someone about it, that's for sure. My friends are tired of hearing about it, my family tries not to talk about it, I can't afford therapy and I DON'T want to take anti-depressants because I did right after she died and I couldn't stand the way they made me feel. I could hardly stay awake, much less function. I'm just seeking the ear of people who know what I'm going through and where I am in the greiving process. Did I post this in the right place?

Comment by Rochelle Kramer on January 26, 2010 at 5:57am

I lost my mom 3 years ago to liver cancer. I was 17, senior in high school, and still living at home. I have 5 older siblings that were moved on with their lives: husbands, kids, fiancees, college. They didnt understand. A dad whom I havent had a relationship with since I was 7 and has no interest in being in my life. So, here I am, 3 years later, at the age of 20, in a new city, and still...im soooo lost. I dont even know where to begin. I literally have no one to talk to about this anymore. I feel like I have been through the worst of it. Yet, I feel as if I have never miss her so much in my life than right now. Wishing I could talk to her, tell her about New York, my new friends, my career that I am working on. I would love to just hear her voice again, tell her i love her, because i never got the chance. I cant explain it more than...i just miss her.

Comment by Kirsti lisa michels on January 10, 2010 at 10:15am

i lost my mum nearly a year ago to cancer,i was her carer for her last few months,always with her,i new she was bad but i never thought she would actually die,even when i saw a document from her doctor saying she has less then 3 months i still didnt believe and acted like everything was going to be okay,but ever since she has gone i am a different person,she was the most amazing,strongest,loving person i have ever met and am so mad and frustrated and confussed as to why this happened to her. im only 19 i should be out with friends,but instead i am like the mum now in my family i take care of my dad and younger brothers,while doing that i forget to take care of myself,and i end up breaking down,i feel so stressed all the time like i cant keep up,i just miss her so much,i dont like to bring it up to my brothers and dad cause i dont want to make them sad and its so hard to talk toother people cause they get uncomfortable and dont know what to say ......... i just miss my mum so much.

Comment by Katherine Ellis on January 8, 2010 at 8:54pm

My Mom is not dead yet. My real mom. She is lying in the hospital and right now they don't think she will make it. Her sugar level is over 500 and they can't get it down, she is dyhdrated, won't eat, sometimes knows us, other times doesn't. I didn't know where to turn but to you guys. I don't know what to think, how to feel. I am so scared. She will be 87 this year but has always seemed so young and strong. Since I lost my daughter she has been my strenght. Thank you for writing this. I know some of you have just gone though this and have lost your mom's. I am so sorry for your loss. God Bless

Comment by Money Jensen on January 8, 2010 at 10:22am

I lost my mother along with my sister jan 14th 2004 , they were murdered by my mother's ex boyfriend. I had just moved out around thanksgiving a thousand miles away to be with my fiance'. The guilt i feel because i couldn't protect them feels unbearable at times. My mother's family made me feel as if it was somehow my fault. My Mother hadn't told them that i had moved out for fear that they would criticize her for letting me leave home at nineteen. I feel like losing her i lost the only person left that had my back in my family. The rest of her family except my uncle all turned their backs on me when i decided to stay with my fiance' instead of coming back to be with them. This sometimes hurts the most. I am her only child left. She had five miscarriges , one child die of birth complications and the last to murder. Sometimes i wonder why did i live? I wish i could have taken some of the pain she lived through just to feel worthy of still being here.

Comment by Kim 330 on December 24, 2009 at 5:27pm

On August 6, 2009 my mother was brutally and senselessly murdered in her own home by two men during an apparant robbery/burglary attempt. We just sat through the preliminary hearing which was the most painful day of my life. No one should have to hear of how the woman who gave them life and loved us unconditionally left this world with 55 stab wounds, 13 blunt trauma wounds, and was strangled on top of all of that. My heart aches not only for the loss but for the act in which she was taken away, 2 weeks shy of her 59th birthday. And just weeks shy of the birth of her first GREAT Grandchild. She was so excited and oh so proud, as she was of all of her six children... and eleven grandchildren. My mother was my very Best friend who I could talk to about anything. She had a heart of gold and would give the shirt off her back to anyone in need. She will live on through all of us though, as she would have wanted it to be. For she was so proud of her children and left behind a piece of her spirit within each and every one of us which we will continue to shine brightly in her honor. Visit www.inmemoryofcindyramos.com for further information and to honor this loving woman. This is the website I have created in my mothers honor and memory. Merry Christmas to you all and may we all somehow find the strength to make it through these holidays with this pain which we all now unfortunately know to be so real. It is the support of others and forums like this that truly can help in getting each other through our tragedies. Peace be with you all.

Comment by Tania Taylor on November 29, 2009 at 4:04pm

It feels like I have no one to talk to in my family. I was the caretaker for my family since I don't work. Anytime I was needed I would fly or drive to be at their side. So when my mother got sick I was there in a heartbeat. I stayed for a month then due to my own medical problems I needed to go home for 6 weeks. Luckily I made it back to my mom 2 weeks before she passed away. Every single day we had to either be at the hospital or Chemo center. First thing every morning I was helping her get ready to be there by 7am and wouldn't leave until 3 or 4 pm. I was planning on bringing her back to Las Vegas so I could provide better care, but she always said she wanted to die on her own bed in Hawaii. The day she died the doctor told us that the tumor in her brain was gone, and that due to chemo reactions we were going to postpone any more chemo. She was supposed to get better! So that day we were so hopeful and enjoying just relaxing. That night she passed away in her sleep around 11pm. Just 1 hour after I tucked her in and said good night. I am glad she had that last day of enjoyment thinking we were finally beating this thing. Its the small things that count.

Comment by Tania Taylor on November 14, 2009 at 12:48am

I feel so guilty. Did I do enough to take care of my mom while she was dying? My mom had 4 daughters. Two chose to act like nothing wwas wrong. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer on March 15 2009. On July 22 2009 she passed away in her sleep. When diagnosed I flew to Hawaii where she lived and stayed for a month. Then I had to go home to my husband and daughter. While home I tried to get my unemployed sisters to go back to Hawaii to help our older sister with our mother's care. They both came up with every excuse in the book. Even after I offered to pay for one of them to go. Once my mom got worse six weeks later I flew back to Hawaii. She had severe reactions to her chemo and would not eat. We tried everything. Daily blood transfusions, potassium infusions, platelets. I have a disability that makes me exhausted. So each all day trip to the hospital exhausted me. Finally on that laast day I had to take a nap. I checked on her later and said she had mild heartburn. I told her to take a tums then I went back to sleep. Turns out an hour later she passed awaay. I found her the next morning. Could I have done more? Should I have stayed with her in the room? Should I have realized her heartburn was actually her heart failing? Could I have done more. It feels so unfinished. I wish I could have sat and talked with her more. She was always so exhausted I wanted her to just rest. I wish I could just talk to her one more time.

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