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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 715
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I am lost without her! (MOM) 7 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by Brett Bowman May 7.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 5 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Betty Ellsworth Mar 30.

I TERRIBLY MISS MOMMY! 2 Replies

Started by Edger. Last reply by Jennifer Nuss Feb 23.

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Comment by Brett Bowman 1 hour ago

I was thinking about this today. If I could have my mom back for just one month I would dote on her till the cows came home. The truth is my mom wouldn't have liked that. She didn't like to be doted on. At the end she was very appreciative for my help because there were so many things that she could not do for herself. The last month of her life was spent in bed. I felt very badly for her. For someone who was so independent to rely on someone else for even a drink of water. She would ask me for a cookie. It was just like when I was little and I would ask her. It was hard for my mom to let someone take care of her. For someone who loved her children so unconditionally, she wasn't crazy about being hugged on all the time. I think in the end she let me hold her hand just because she didn't have the energy to pull hers away.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we sort of think back and manufacture a better scenario for our mom's death. But I try to remember that, at the time, I tried to respond the way I thought my mom would want. Hindsight is 20/20. There are things that I wish I had said, but that's more for me than for my mom. My mom knew how much I loved her. All of our mom's knew.

Comment by BLUEBELL 13 hours ago

Thank you for your post Brett. It not only will help Virginia, it is helping me too.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman 13 hours ago

Virginia, our stories are very similar. I was my mom's caretaker as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD after she died. When we have PTSD we can turn just about everything into a worst case scenario. It is so easy to look back and question decisions that we made. I wish that I would have appreciated my mom more, not just on Mother's Day, but every day. Deep down I know the truth is that I always appreciated her. Guilt is a part of grief, and for some reason we are bound and determined to punish ourselves, like we don't feel bad enough already. Your therapist is right. You feel the way you do now because you loved your mom so incredibly much. If we had felt any indifference for our moms we would probably feel somewhat indifferent now. You cannot manufacture love. You either love someone or you don't. You obviously love your mom with all of your heart. And I am sure that your mom is very aware of that. Even now. Maybe now more than ever.

Comment by BLUEBELL 15 hours ago

Hi Virginia and welcome. May I ask when your dear Mom passed away?

Bluebell

Comment by Virginia G 21 hours ago

And speaking of therapists, I have ptsd, and sometimes I feel like I don’t fully realize what happened.  I sort of get numb at times and feel guilty about it.  I asked my therapist if it means I don’t care about my Mom.  She has known me for a long time and said, “I think you love your Mom more than anyone ever has”.  I was thinking that’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.

Comment by Virginia G 21 hours ago

Hi, just joined the group.  Wanted to comment on Brett’s point about people getting tired of hearing about grief or not understanding it.  I feel like I want to talk about my Mom constantly, whether it’s good times or bad.  It’s all I think about.  I have been obsessed with our experience in the hospital and why I didn’t question the doctors more and everything I did wrong.  In fact, tomorrow I am talking to the ICU doctor to try to get some answers.  I was by her side for four years of sickness, that she so bravely fought, and feel like at the end, I ruined everything.

And I tried not to know when Mother’s Day was, but that didn’t work.  One of my favorite days before.  No one should have to be without their Mom on Mother’s Day.  I should’ve treated her like everyday was her day.

Comment by BLUEBELL on Friday

On a positive note Theresa, you are being proactive by working extra hours in hopes that it will help you get through this very hard time in your life.

My prayers are with all of you daily. It does not always take the form of getting down on my knees and formally talking to God, but I like to think God hears me anyway.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on Friday

Gosh Bluebell, I'm sorry about that, you never know how a med is going to affect you.

I think about everyone on here always, I have been trying to busy myself with work taking extra hours to occupy my mind.

It doesn't work.

Comment by BLUEBELL on Friday

Thank you for answering Brett.

Yes. It is horrible. Not only are my emotions all over the place and it is hard to focus, I am also dizzy, nauseated, shake, feel fatigued, easily get cold and I cry. I tried the antidepressant and then it shot my anxiety through the roof. Consequently, instead of tapering slowly like is recommended, I had to cut the dose in half. I cannot drive. I cannot work. It is hard to think clearly. I am missing a get together with my sister and friends tomorrow to celebrate my birthday and to honor our Mothers for Mother'd day. A friend whom I invited to go with me is mad at me because I had to cancel  and I could not tell her the real reason why. As much as I love her, she is the type of person that would never understand. Thank goodness my sister does understand and believes me when I told her why I had to cancel and how bad I felt. I do have a dear good friend that is helping take care of my cats at my second residence because I can not get there in my car safely. A med similar to Klonipin is helping me with the shakes when they get particularly bad, but it puts me to sleep. When I wake up, I feel disoriented and just shuffle around the house for a bit, feeling lost. Yes, it is hard to go through this along with everything else. But I am assured by the doctor that it will get better after 1-2 weeks. I hope so. 

Crystal, thank you for your prayers. I am glad you got to see your Mom in your dreams, but sorry part of it was reliving her final breaths. I still think and visualize my Mom's last few breaths while I am awake. But they do not come as frequently and I am learning to push them away.

Thank God I have my little dog who accepts me and shows his love for me no matter what state of mind I am in or how bad I feel physically.

Thank God for good friends who are willing to help me while I get through this.

Thank God for this group who care about each other and support one another the best that they can while they are going through missing their Moms

For those who are on or considering an antidepressant or are currently on one, what I am going through does not happen to everyone, or if it does, the intensity varies from person to person.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on Friday

Bluebell, I am familiar with discontinuation syndrome. I have experienced it before and it's horrible. Klonopin helped me greatly.

I am so sorry. You are experiencing enough without having to go through this, too. We take antidepressants to try and cope, and sometimes they just make the problem worse. I had a very short run in with Effexor. It was horrible. 

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was thinking about this today. If I could have my mom back for just one month I would dote on her till the cows came home. The truth is my mom wouldn't have liked that. She didn't like to be doted on. At the end she was very appreciative…"
1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you for your post Brett. It not only will help Virginia, it is helping me too. Bluebell"
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, our stories are very similar. I was my mom's caretaker as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD after she died. When we have PTSD we can turn just about everything into a worst case scenario. It is so easy to look back and question…"
13 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Virginia and welcome. May I ask when your dear Mom passed away? Bluebell"
15 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"And speaking of therapists, I have ptsd, and sometimes I feel like I don’t fully realize what happened.  I sort of get numb at times and feel guilty about it.  I asked my therapist if it means I don’t care about my Mom.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, just joined the group.  Wanted to comment on Brett’s point about people getting tired of hearing about grief or not understanding it.  I feel like I want to talk about my Mom constantly, whether it’s good times or bad.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
21 hours ago
Andrew posted a blog post

Lost a great friend.

I recently received news that my best friend passed away from heroin laced with fentanyl at age 31 on jan 10th. I was in shock and felt like i was in a bad dream. I hadn't heard from him in almost 6 months and figured he was out slamming dope because in the past he would tend to avoid me and my mother (who was like a 2nd mom to him) because he didn't want us seeing him strung out and didn't want to ruin our relationship of trust. May 15th, i arrive home from a job interview and check facebook…See More
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morgan replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I want to let you know that everything you are feeling is normal even though it seems so difficult compared to what we thought we had and what we knew.  The death of our spouse is the most difficult thing we will ever face, bar none.…"
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Jen H replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Monty, I lost my husband New Year’s Eve and have a 4 year old. It is extraordinarily hard to put on the happy face, be everything she needs, keep productive at my job, keep the house going and all the other needs of life covered. Bless you…"
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My wife passed 5 days before christmas

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the last 2 years she had really declined both in her ability to look after herself, our boys, happiness and quality of life.i tried all i could to try and encourage her to be the best she could given her condition.   Unfortunately this was not enough to stave off a simple cold turning bad overnight and…See More
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CYBERSIS commented on Ginger's blog post No Title
"Really sorry for your loss. How awful to lose a child. I guess some people are really uncomfortable with grief and just don't know what to say.  I know exactly the loss you feel. I lost my mother in October. I saw her and talked to her…"
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