Comment

Comment by Sue Toler on Thursday

I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have.  After I lost Mom, I felt like I lost such a huge part of my life.  I am not the same person.  My Mom always wanted family to be close.  All that has changed.  Theresa, like you said we just go on living until we are called home.  

Comment by Theresa on Thursday

Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to.

As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called home.

Some days are painful, I find that most days I'm not happy, but I pray for God to give me strength.

Comment by Brett Bowman on Thursday

Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time on this earth is over, just like my mom. And I know that there is only one way that I can be with my mom again, and that is to live my life to its natural conclusion. That means that one day I'm going to die, too. That's kind of a cold slap in the face. I mean, we have always known that we were going to die one day, but that reality becomes a lot more clear and real when the people that we love most start to disappear. I have to get past the fact that I want what I can't have. I want my mom back, right here next to me. It just doesn't work that way.

Comment by Theresa on Thursday

Brett so true she was my security blanket
I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her
You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end.

Comment by Brett Bowman on Wednesday

M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away.

Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone.

I feel like the hard reality of this, for all of us, is the finality of it all. We realize that our moms are not coming back, and that if we live to be 100, it will be without our moms. That is a very hard reality to deal with.

Comment by Brett Bowman on Wednesday

Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an arrogant thing to say, but I would wager that the death of their moms was not as traumatic as mine. That doesn't mean that I loved my mom more. It just means that the circumstances of my life dictated a very long, hard grief, plus a ton of anxiety, and probably clinical depression, too. My mom was the center of my world. That's on me. I never moved on, got married, had kids, etc. I had a career and my mom. I made a choice. I should have known that I was setting myself up for a fall because my mom was in all likelihood going to die long before I would. I knew that but it always seemed so far into the future. Time ran out.

Like you, I can't express the magnitude of loss.

Comment by M Adams on Tuesday

Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.  My husband died on this date three years ago and my mother has been dead ten months, they were very close and they are both in my mind today.

Comment by Theresa on Tuesday

I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry
I can’t put into words the magnitude of a loss this was for me as I’m sure it is for everyone else here sometimes I just feel so sad

Comment by M Adams on Tuesday

Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without needing to frantically hold on to it.

Comment by Brett Bowman on Tuesday

The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. 

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