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Comment by Aimee on Thursday

Storyas,

Thank you for writing back, your support is very much appreciated.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on Thursday

Sue - You're right.  Life is a lesson.  My husband had a similar experience with his ex-wife.  She had no criminal record, but after he was married to her he found out that she was a con artist, that she took people for money when she could get away with it, etc. - and she kept getting away with it till she died last year from a blood illness that may have come from drug use (no, my husband does not have it, he was tested - thank God).  I think she had mental disease.  She could charm people so easy and make people think he was the crazy one when he was only going crazy cuz she was making him crazy.  After that experience, I tell everyone that they need to be careful about meeting people on the internet.  I'm so super careful.  I'm not on Facebook, Linked In or anything.  A person with a criminal record is just somone who got caught, but there are lots of dishonest people out there who look really good on paper.  I think it's best if you try to meet someone in that small town where you know everyone.  It takes a long time to get to know someone well enough to know you can trust them.  And, unfortunately, kind hearted people seem to be targets for these types of personalities.  I've had a few of them in my life too.  One of them I was so mad that I asked point blank, "Why did you use me like this?"  The answer - "You were so kind I knew I could get away with it."  It is good to be a kind person, but it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable enough to be kind.  Be careful.  I will pray for you that you meet a special friend to help you through this time - a trustworthy special friend.  May I add you, first name only for privacy, to my prayer list at church.  I know that most of the people at my church actually do take the time to pray.

Aimee - you are not alone or crazy.  I think the people who don't feel much when they loose someone are the crazy ones.  We who hurt like heck are the normal ones, because we know how to love.  And, you are not alone - we are here.  Maybe some of the people you think have moved on are feeling as bad as you do, but sometimes its harder to open up to those who are closest to us.  That's why we are here.  And, it is hard to face things like summer or any other time we loved spending time with our loved one.  It does get easier with time, but I'm not sure if it ever goes away.  It sounds like you were like me and my mom.  I never lived more than a few blocks away from her, and we did everything together.  Some guy in New Orleans wanted to marry me about twenty years, and there was no way I was moving that far away from my parents.  I turned him down.  We tried to make it work long distance for a couple of years, but it finally fizzled out.  I'm not sorry.  I would have rather been with my mom, and I never doubted I made the right decision to stay here with my parents.  But, when you are that close to them like you were to your mom and I was to my mom, it hurts like heck when we loose them, because our every day was with them, and we've got to go on living our every day without them.  That stinks!  But, I do think your mom and my mom would both want us to live in the moment and enjoy our lives, but that's not so easy to do.

Comment by Aimee on Wednesday

I am so happy to have found this site.  Thank you to everyone for their honesty about their pain, I don't feel so alone or crazy.  Its so hard to loose my mom.  Its been 10 days since she passed away from cancer, on Mother's Day.  I am so grateful because she spend the day with me one last time.  Its hard with summer coming and all the things we had planned and that she won't be there.  Its still unbeleivable to me that I will never talk to her again, my best friend.  When the phone rings for split second I think maybe its her, then reality hits.  People have stopped calling and sending cards, it feels like I'm suppose to

be over it by now, everyone else has moved on, but me.  I miss her so much I can barely breath sometimes.  I feel like I'm in daze and I'm trying so hard to come out of it for my son's sake.  I know she would want be to be there and in the moment with him.  Thanks for listening.  Take care.

Comment by Sue Waxman on Wednesday

Storyas,

Thank you for writing back. I am so mad at myself for being duped by this guy. My boss/best friend did a back ground check on him and it came out OK. We both think he is married/or attached and just wanting some excitement on the side. I wrote him an e mail for closure for myself. I don't do the bar thing unless it is an after work thing with friends - home by 7 pm. I have lived in the same town for 35 years and know everyone. He lives about 1 hour away in Naples. Everything in life is a lesson.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on Wednesday

Sue, I am so sorry about your mom and the upcoming anniversary of her death isn't helping any.  And, it's so much harder when you are alone.  Even though my husband is not the most compassionate person in the world and rarely knew how to handle my grief, sometimes it was helpful just to have him sitting next to me on the couch at night watching tv, so I would not feel alone.  I think you can meet a great guy sometime, but just be wary of those dating sites.  Those things attract a lot of calculating people.  My husband was married once before.  He met the woman on the website.  He found out too late that she was a liar - after she had taken him for everything he had.  We still have five years of recovering from it after we were married, and he'd already been recovering from it for a while then.  People can say anything on those websites.  Maybe you could join a group that has gentlemen in it where you could get to be their friend first like a book club or dancing (our city has free dances to keep old dance styles alive on the weekend), which is a great way to meet a guy cuz they need a partner or church or something.  I do hope you meet someone, but you need to be careful where you  meet them.  I'd avoid bars too.  Although I'm sure there are some great guys in bars, there are also a lot of people (men and women) there who are just on the make, so you have to be super careful.

Comment by Sue Waxman on Wednesday

Hello Friends,

It is obvious that all of us are so alike it that we love and care very passionately, especially for our mothers. It will be a year June 26th that my mother passed. It is just as painful this minute as it was a year ago. I recently opened up my life and my heart to a man I met on a website called Plenty of Fish. My friends encouraged me to join this site to meet a guy. Long story short he ended up being a complete liar. He hurt me knowing he was the first man I have let into my life since my divorce 3 years ago. So...I find myself looking again at this sad person in the mirror. I know this to shall pass because I am a strong woman. I've proven that to myself. So I guess dating is out of the picture for me because honestly....I can't handle the BS. I miss my mother so much. She was all I had that was honest. Love Sue

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on Wednesday

I have not been on for a couple of weeks, so I missed a lot of messages.  I want to congratulate you all on making it through mother's day even though it was so painful.  You are all much stronger than you feel, because grief makes us feel weak.  I made it too.  But, I want to make sure I respond to Mark.  Mark - I can feel your pain.  From the words you say, I can tell that you are feeling your grief at loosing your mom much the way I felt grief right after my mom died.  Your taco bell story broke my heart.  My mom loved to eat.  She mostly loved to go out and eat.  So, there are restaurants that I went to with her frequently that I will never walk into again.  It was so hard to watch her loose her appetite.  She loved lemon merangue pie (I know I spelled that wrong) and in her last days the nurse kept bringing her a tray.  On one tray was a piece of lemon merangue pie, and she wanted to eat it.  She took two bites and pushed it away.  I still feel guilty every day, because I think I should have not done this or that other thing I did and spent much more time with her going out to eat even though I did go with her at least once per week.  It just seems like anything I did with her when she was alive was not enough now that she is not here to do it with.  I am a very soft hearted person who gets used a lot due to how soft hearted I am, and my mom and dad were the only two people on the planet that I know for sure really cared about me.  I feel guilty all the time for the people I spent time with or did for when my mom needed me more.  Those people used me up til my well ran dry and then went away, but my mom was always there and now she is the only person I really want to spend time with (other than my dad who is also gone), and I can't spend time with her.  My guess is that you were as close to your mom as I was my mom, and that is why the way you are grieving sounds so familiar to me.  My mom was the best friend I ever had.  We did everything together.  We went to the grocery store, the bank, the post office, shopping for clothes, out to eat - everything together.  Sometimes I feel like I'm disconnected from life now.  I'll be walking along down the street and think, "Oh, I'm still here.  I'm still alive."  Nothing holds the meaning it used to hold.  I know there is some work I have to do before I go be with her, and I truly hope that when my time comes I see her again, but I'm just not fully a live since she left.  And, in spite of saying all of this, I will say that it does slowly get better.  It is better now than it was when she first died.  When she first died I took my breaths so shallow that when I finally healed enough to take a deep breath I was so aware of breathing again that I was surprised at how little I had been breathing.  So, it does slowly get better.  I don't know what the answer is.  I wish I did, so I could share it with you.  All I can say is that I'm willing to talk or listen if you ever need a friend.  I am sorry you are hurting so badly.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on Wednesday

Marlene, Judy, Kaliha - I can relate to how all of you feel.  I used to have a lot of passion in my life:  i loved life.  I realize now my parents, especially my mom, were the fuel for that.  So, little matters now and there seems to be so little to look forward to.  A dog I got after my dad died one year ago last week is the one thing that keeps me going.  And, I blacked mothers day out this year.  I didn't even go to my mom's grave.  The only way I could handle it was to pretend it wasn't happening, and I did that well.  A week after it was over I realized it was over and I thought - I owe her some flowers.  I didn't realize how good I could be at blocking unpleasant memories.  I had wanted to take her to his revolving restaurant that does a great mothers day brunch for mothers day.  Now, we will never be able to do that.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on Wednesday

Melissa, I just got back on after a few days.  I got your friend request and accepted it and just sent you a message.  But, I did not get your dream.  Can you tell me where you sent it to.  You know - I kept thinking and thinking and thinking about what my mom was doing in that place where I saw her in my dream.  I don't think she was typing.  I think she was sewing.  She loved to sew.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on Wednesday

Sunny - I know how you feel.  I have gotten rid of very very little of my parents stuff.  I still have my mom's clothes.  Everyone told me I should give them to charity, but I have a friend who is a social worker who is the head of one of those charity shops, and clothes that don't get sold in 30 days get shredded.  She said that is common practice.  I can't stand the thought of that happening to my mom's clothes, especially since she made most of them herself - she loved to sew.  Therefore, I am keeping them.  And, on the day when I can bear to take a pair of scissors to them and cut them up, I will make quilts for her grandchildren.  I can not yet bear to cut them up to make quilts out of them, but I am getting closer.

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