Richard Rivera
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  • Union City, NJ
  • United States
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TODAY DECEMBER 2nd IS MY FIRST YEAR WITHOUT ANNETTE

Has a year really gone by that fast? I'm sitting outside, the sun is out and TV's weather beutiful. Only I sit alone. Annette and I sat next to each other every day and talked about how the birds…Continue

Started Dec 2, 2017

LOOKING FOR CHILDLESS WIDOW/ERS IN THE HUDSON COUNTY, NEW JERSEY AREA

I  trying to find a grieving group where the members DO NOT HAVE support via family members. Their relatives, their children etc...I'm trying to start a group for those like myself who have no…Continue

Started Nov 30, 2017

MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
6 Replies

This December 2nd will mark the first full year of my wife's death. I am still alone. In the dark. ANd I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my life. A full year and each day feels like the first…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Nov 29, 2017.

TIMES HAVE GOTTEN WORSE... WISH IT WEREN'T SO..
3 Replies

It's been a while since I posted anything. I think I needed to tell others what's been going on since my beloved wife Annette died last December 2nd. We had no children, no friends or relatives. All…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Oct 25, 2017.

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Latest Activity

Frances Koonce replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"Dear Richard, it’s been several months since you posted and I’m concerned about your well being.I’ve only been visiting this forum for about a week or so, but I’m trying to learn about others as I know mutual support is…"
Aug 7, 2018
Pam and Richard Rivera are now friends
Jul 29, 2018
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"It's been almost 2 years now and I still wake up screaming out Annette's name. I am living in terror. I am  living in hell. I even find myself heading toward homelessness soon. I was turned down for a 3rd time for ss disability.…"
Jun 2, 2018
bluebird replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"You are absolutely wrong, at least in terms of trying to apply your view on this to every grieving person. I am not in the least bit confused, I know exactly how I feel, and what I do & don't want. I want my husband -- he is my soulmate, my…"
Jun 1, 2018
Robin M Bond replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"Hi there, it is very difficult to live alone and spend a whole life in loneliness. I think in every phase of life you need someone who cares for you, make you smile and love you. I think you need to take the help of professionals who can help you…"
Apr 12, 2018
Kelley J Lopez replied to Richard Rivera's discussion FIRST BIRTHDAY ALONE...
"I am sorry to hear this. But I wish you happy birthday and good wishes for you."
Jan 10, 2018
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

TODAY DECEMBER 2nd IS MY FIRST YEAR WITHOUT ANNETTE

Has a year really gone by that fast? I'm sitting outside, the sun is out and TV's weather beutiful. Only I sit alone. Annette and I sat next to each other every day and talked about how the birds chirp led and squirrels could race past us. Arrying thief munchies to their nests.All that is gone. I sit alone, my breathing today is at it's worse. Even when we were obese we suffered together. It made us appreciate life so much more. Now the pain of grief and body makes life beyond unfulfilling.…See More
Dec 2, 2017
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

LOOKING FOR CHILDLESS WIDOW/ERS IN THE HUDSON COUNTY, NEW JERSEY AREA

I  trying to find a grieving group where the members DO NOT HAVE support via family members. Their relatives, their children etc...I'm trying to start a group for those like myself who have no children, no family or friends. Who have fallen through the cracks and wonder why they keep suffering alone.Tragic tho a loss is, imagine being so alone in the world and in mental and physical pain with little or no hope left -- and no one to help.I want to start a support group for those who have…See More
Nov 30, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"David: I have yet to get the bloodwork results back. I ned to contact the doctor for the follow up this week. I don't know, I keep begging Annette to forgive me, take me with her. I continue even with the first full year of her death I scream…"
Nov 29, 2017
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"Hello Richard, Sorry you're not doing well. Hopefully the results of your bloodwork will give your provider somewhere to begin with treatment - what do they say? What kind of work do you do?  If you can't do it anymore, aren't…"
Nov 29, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"David Thank you for responding to my post I don’t know why I am in the condition that I am in but hopefully the bloodwork will be more detailed as always time is running out I could no longer carry this weight of 459 pounds my knees are…"
Nov 29, 2017
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"Bless you Richard, You're pulling all my strings. I too cry out for my beloved to come for me and not leave me behind; it's been my worst nightmare. Is there some physical malfunction the reason for your weight gain?  What does your…"
Nov 28, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"I keep screaming into the night. I cry out to Annette to come for me. I beg her not to leave me behind. I wait and wait. My health is such that my morbid obesity has gotten even worse. I have over 15 pounds of lymphatic fluid increase in just a few…"
Nov 28, 2017
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
"I'm so sorry, Richard The loss of your dear Annette would be more than enough to handle.  You also have health and financial problems, and a job you dislike - all so overwhelming. I understand how you want it all over and be with your…"
Nov 27, 2017
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL

This December 2nd will mark the first full year of my wife's death. I am still alone. In the dark. ANd I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my life. A full year and each day feels like the first day I lost Annette.I go to a job so unfulfilling, where each day I get closer to being let go (for whatever reason). It's a matter of time. My health is now at a point where the fluid sack between my legs has actually grown. The pain is indescribable. I don't know how much longer I have left until…See More
Nov 27, 2017
Richard Rivera replied to bobby parks's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE
"Dear Bobby: I really do feel the agony and suffering you’re going through. I lost my wife December 2nd. We were childless. We had only each other. I live alone. No friends not even a goldfish. Despite your tradegy, you still have a son who so…"
Nov 6, 2017

Profile Information

About my Loss:
I lost my beloved Honey Bunny wife Annette on December 2nd, 2016. She died from complications from obesity. I myself am obese and heading down the same path. We had no children and I am alone. I live now in silence and devestated.

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At 5:22pm on May 18, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Richard,  I hope you are doing better today.  I know how terrible it is to lose the lose you love. Sometimes the grief is unbearable.  I wish I knew how to deal with this terrrible sadness.  I guess we just have to go through it, it's like a storm that has to end. Take care of yourself.   Bev   

At 4:03pm on May 16, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Richard,  I hope you can begin to accept what has happened to you.  I prey that for myself also.  Life without your love is terrible.  What can we do?  I guess, we try to accept what we cannot change, but for me, right now that doesn't seem possible.  I hope you  can find your way, I hope I can too.  I  keep thinking, "better to love and lost, than not to have loved at all".  Sounds good but doesn't work for me.

At 8:35pm on May 15, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Yesterday, Richard, was a very sad day without my husband celebrating mother's day with me.  As I was lying in bed later in the day, I looke up at the ceiling and I saw a basket of beautiful flowers.  I never had hallucinations in my lifetime, and I don't know what a near death experience is, but I thought I would  share this with you.  Bev

At 8:17pm on December 25, 2016, morgan said…

Its what we all keep praying for Richard.  Just last night I took a sturdy cardboard box that a lamp had come in and I kicked it so hard and so long against the wall I thought I was going to pass out.  Some hours can be unbearable.  Some minutes we try to breathe.  Some days are measured knowing we are one day closer to not having to be here alone and hoping we are going to be embraced by our beloved again.  

Its alot of wishing and hoping......and in the interim praying it doesn't last long.  I haven't found an end to the suffering but I will say it varies in degrees.  And yes,  tearing you to pieces sounds all too familiar.  We just bear it.  Endure it.  And this time of year is definitely very very hard.  People who live in the old universe still celebrating while we are jumping off the bridge.  Soon we will be into January ..... try to find something to keep you busy Richard.  Its one of the ways to save your brain from totally going over.....distraction will help somewhat......take care Richard....

At 3:12pm on December 25, 2016, Richard Rivera said…
Today December 25th and I woke up screaming out my wife's name. I chased around the apartment and am in agony. There's no end to this suffering. What do I have? An apartment and a lousy job with silence and grief that's tearing me to pieces. I keep hoping I don't wake up. It is the only thing that I continue to pray for.

Richard Rivera's Blog

LOOKING TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE HOW HAS HAD A RECORDED NDE

Hello:

I'm looking to (either in this forum or privately by email) to speak to those of you who have had a NDE. 

I wanted to understand certain aspects of the NDE and hope someone can clarify some questions I have.

I'd be forever grateful...

Thanks

Richard Rivera

Posted on May 15, 2017 at 2:40pm — 4 Comments

 
 
 

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joe kelly replied to Jade Rogers's discussion Hi!
"Dear Jade, I wish I had some advice for you because when I sign in, I notice that you often sign in I guess to check if anything new has been posted.  Being lonely after losing your Love after so many years together is a major part of all who…"
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Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed…"
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M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
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M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
Friday
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
Friday
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Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
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