"Dear Richard, it’s been several months since you posted and I’m concerned about your well being.I’ve only been visiting this forum for about a week or so, but I’m trying to learn about others as I know mutual support is…"
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Richard Rivera
- Male
- Union City, NJ
- United States
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Richard Rivera's Discussions
TODAY DECEMBER 2nd IS MY FIRST YEAR WITHOUT ANNETTE
Has a year really gone by that fast? I'm sitting outside, the sun is out and TV's weather beutiful. Only I sit alone. Annette and I sat next to each other every day and talked about how the birds…Continue
Started Dec 2, 2017
LOOKING FOR CHILDLESS WIDOW/ERS IN THE HUDSON COUNTY, NEW JERSEY AREA
I trying to find a grieving group where the members DO NOT HAVE support via family members. Their relatives, their children etc...I'm trying to start a group for those like myself who have no…Continue
Started Nov 30, 2017
MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
6 Replies
This December 2nd will mark the first full year of my wife's death. I am still alone. In the dark. ANd I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my life. A full year and each day feels like the first…Continue
Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Nov 29, 2017.
TIMES HAVE GOTTEN WORSE... WISH IT WEREN'T SO..
3 Replies
It's been a while since I posted anything. I think I needed to tell others what's been going on since my beloved wife Annette died last December 2nd. We had no children, no friends or relatives. All…Continue
Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Oct 25, 2017.
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Latest Activity
"It's been almost 2 years now and I still wake up screaming out Annette's name. I am living in terror. I am
living in hell. I even find myself heading toward homelessness soon. I was turned down for a 3rd time for ss disability.…"
"You are absolutely wrong, at least in terms of trying to apply your view on this to every grieving person. I am not in the least bit confused, I know exactly how I feel, and what I do & don't want. I want my husband -- he is my soulmate, my…"
Robin M Bond replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?"Hi there, it is very difficult to live alone and spend a whole life in loneliness. I think in every phase of life you need someone who cares for you, make you smile and love you. I think you need to take the help of professionals who can help you…"
Kelley J Lopez replied to Richard Rivera's discussion FIRST BIRTHDAY ALONE..."I am sorry to hear this. But I wish you happy birthday and good wishes for you."
TODAY DECEMBER 2nd IS MY FIRST YEAR WITHOUT ANNETTE
Has a year really gone by that fast? I'm sitting outside, the sun is out and TV's weather beutiful. Only I sit alone. Annette and I sat next to each other every day and talked about how the birds chirp led and squirrels could race past us. Arrying thief munchies to their nests.All that is gone. I sit alone, my breathing today is at it's worse. Even when we were obese we suffered together. It made us appreciate life so much more. Now the pain of grief and body makes life beyond unfulfilling.…See More
LOOKING FOR CHILDLESS WIDOW/ERS IN THE HUDSON COUNTY, NEW JERSEY AREA
I trying to find a grieving group where the members DO NOT HAVE support via family members. Their relatives, their children etc...I'm trying to start a group for those like myself who have no children, no family or friends. Who have fallen through the cracks and wonder why they keep suffering alone.Tragic tho a loss is, imagine being so alone in the world and in mental and physical pain with little or no hope left -- and no one to help.I want to start a support group for those who have…See More
"David:
I have yet to get the bloodwork results back. I ned to contact the doctor for the follow up this week.
I don't know, I keep begging Annette to forgive me, take me with her. I continue even with the first full year of her death I scream…"
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL"Hello Richard,
Sorry you're not doing well.
Hopefully the results of your bloodwork will give your provider somewhere to begin with treatment - what do they say?
What kind of work do you do? If you can't do it anymore, aren't…"
"David
Thank you for responding to my post I don’t know why I am in the condition that I am in but hopefully the bloodwork will be more detailed as always time is running out I could no longer carry this weight of 459 pounds my knees are…"
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL"Bless you Richard,
You're pulling all my strings.
I too cry out for my beloved to come for me and not leave me behind; it's been my worst nightmare.
Is there some physical malfunction the reason for your weight gain? What does your…"
"I keep screaming into the night. I cry out to Annette to come for me. I beg her not to leave me behind.
I wait and wait. My health is such that my morbid obesity has gotten even worse. I have over 15 pounds of lymphatic fluid increase in just a few…"
David Heggi replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL"I'm so sorry, Richard
The loss of your dear Annette would be more than enough to handle. You also have health and financial problems, and a job you dislike - all so overwhelming.
I understand how you want it all over and be with your…"
MADNESS TAKING ITS TOLL
This December 2nd will mark the first full year of my wife's death. I am still alone. In the dark. ANd I'm more terrified than I've ever been in my life. A full year and each day feels like the first day I lost Annette.I go to a job so unfulfilling, where each day I get closer to being let go (for whatever reason). It's a matter of time. My health is now at a point where the fluid sack between my legs has actually grown. The pain is indescribable. I don't know how much longer I have left until…See More
"Dear Bobby:
I really do feel the agony and suffering you’re going through.
I lost my wife December 2nd. We were childless. We had only each other.
I live alone. No friends not even a goldfish.
Despite your tradegy, you still have a son who so…"
Profile Information
- About my Loss:
- I lost my beloved Honey Bunny wife Annette on December 2nd, 2016. She died from complications from obesity. I myself am obese and heading down the same path. We had no children and I am alone. I live now in silence and devestated.
Comment Wall (5 comments)
- At 5:22pm on May 18, 2017,
beverly zuriff said… Hi Richard, I hope you are doing better today. I know how terrible it is to lose the lose you love. Sometimes the grief is unbearable. I wish I knew how to deal with this terrrible sadness. I guess we just have to go through it, it's like a storm that has to end. Take care of yourself. Bev
- At 4:03pm on May 16, 2017, beverly zuriff said…
Hi Richard, I hope you can begin to accept what has happened to you. I prey that for myself also. Life without your love is terrible. What can we do? I guess, we try to accept what we cannot change, but for me, right now that doesn't seem possible. I hope you can find your way, I hope I can too. I keep thinking, "better to love and lost, than not to have loved at all". Sounds good but doesn't work for me.
- At 8:35pm on May 15, 2017, beverly zuriff said…
Yesterday, Richard, was a very sad day without my husband celebrating mother's day with me. As I was lying in bed later in the day, I looke up at the ceiling and I saw a basket of beautiful flowers. I never had hallucinations in my lifetime, and I don't know what a near death experience is, but I thought I would share this with you. Bev
- At 8:17pm on December 25, 2016, morgan said…
Its what we all keep praying for Richard. Just last night I took a sturdy cardboard box that a lamp had come in and I kicked it so hard and so long against the wall I thought I was going to pass out. Some hours can be unbearable. Some minutes we try to breathe. Some days are measured knowing we are one day closer to not having to be here alone and hoping we are going to be embraced by our beloved again.
Its alot of wishing and hoping......and in the interim praying it doesn't last long. I haven't found an end to the suffering but I will say it varies in degrees. And yes, tearing you to pieces sounds all too familiar. We just bear it. Endure it. And this time of year is definitely very very hard. People who live in the old universe still celebrating while we are jumping off the bridge. Soon we will be into January ..... try to find something to keep you busy Richard. Its one of the ways to save your brain from totally going over.....distraction will help somewhat......take care Richard....
- At 3:12pm on December 25, 2016,
Richard Rivera said…
- Today December 25th and I woke up screaming out my wife's name. I chased around the apartment and am in agony. There's no end to this suffering. What do I have? An apartment and a lousy job with silence and grief that's tearing me to pieces. I keep hoping I don't wake up. It is the only thing that I continue to pray for.
Richard Rivera's Blog
LOOKING TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE HOW HAS HAD A RECORDED NDE
Hello:
I'm looking to (either in this forum or privately by email) to speak to those of you who have had a NDE.
I wanted to understand certain aspects of the NDE and hope someone can clarify some questions I have.
I'd be forever grateful...
Thanks
Richard Rivera
Posted on May 15, 2017 at 2:40pm — 4 Comments
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"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse..."I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue. Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves. In reality, most of my underlying…"
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"M Adams,
I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse..."usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words. Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
"Hello M Adams
Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse..."Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda. My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back. I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse..."Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
"Hi Morgan,
Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse..."Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired. So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though. I look here daily to read.…"
mindy posted a status"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!"Thanks so much! It helps having others that understand. Some of my family is supportive & that helps. It helps just having someone listen that truly understands. I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you.
Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!"Thank you, some days are better than others. I feel so for you. My Mom was the center of my world also. I lived with her & took care of her. I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
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Patrick E Woodson posted a status"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
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