Richard Rivera
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  • Union City, NJ
  • United States
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FINALLY LOSING IT
2 Replies

It's been 8 months since my wife died in my arms. Annette's life was so intertwined with mine that her not being here has led me not to care. The silence has killed me. I still stagger to work --…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera yesterday.

WHERE AM I? WHEN DOES IT END?
4 Replies

I have fought to keep what little there is left of my sanity. Annette being gone has caused profound pain mentally and physically. I know many here know what I'm talking about. I wake up and STILL…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Aug 7.

TERRIFIED AGAIN SO VERY ALONE
2 Replies

I am trying so hard to deal with the loneliness the fear of being so very alone in the house with no one to speak to. I feel like I'm drowning in the dark and I can't Escape. Last night I had, for…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Richard Rivera Jul 12.

HEARING HER VOICE AGAIN THRIUGH VOICEMAIL
7 Replies

I called my Annette's cell ang got her voicemail.Devestating doesn't come close to what I felt. It was a voice from the past. Hearing her "I can't come to the phone right so please leave a…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by bluebird Jul 16.

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Latest Activity

Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion FINALLY LOSING IT
"Dear Nancy: I have tried I have for Paris and I have tried, I have fought, I suffer and continue to suffer from my medical issues ( agony when standing walking and sitting). Annette and I had no children. We both suffered until we met and married.…"
yesterday
Nancy replied to Richard Rivera's discussion FINALLY LOSING IT
"Richard. I didn't know your wife nor do I know you but I'm quite sure she is mortified watching you self destruct. She would not want you to give up and hurt her by hurting yourself. She is still with you and you need to respect the love…"
yesterday
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

FINALLY LOSING IT

It's been 8 months since my wife died in my arms. Annette's life was so intertwined with mine that her not being here has led me not to care. The silence has killed me. I still stagger to work -- with people staring at my morbid obesity and  swollen groin which  hangs down to my knees filled with lymphatic fluid.Those stares from strangers, children pointing how ugly I am to their parents as they pass by. I cry because no matter how bad the job, the agony of walking and commuting to my job I…See More
Sunday
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHERE AM I? WHEN DOES IT END?
"Jo: You shouldn't feel bad about what you have said. everyone of us grieves differently. some people find it easy to say "grow up" and "get over it". They think we're like machines. when we're just human beings…"
Aug 7
JO B replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHERE AM I? WHEN DOES IT END?
"for me no had a bad few yrs thrt it wud be ok bt ths yrs bean a bad 1 bean a vivtm of crim moms alz/dem gets wors  i no i need 2 cry bt im wored if ido ill  be cri till 2020 sorry if imsayin wong tthns or putin my foot in ti"
Aug 6
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHERE AM I? WHEN DOES IT END?
"Nancy: You have my sympathies over the loss of your beloved husband. I suppose each of us are stuck in certain situations are the same. For me, with with no children, partially disabled with morbid obesity and a groin filled with so much…"
Aug 6
Nancy replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHERE AM I? WHEN DOES IT END?
"I'm sorry for your loss Richard. I'm guessing your wife would not want you to give up and would want you to finish your mission here on earth whatever that may be. I lost my husband in a whirlwind cancer diagnosis on May 10. He lived 7…"
Aug 6
Richard Rivera posted a discussion

WHERE AM I? WHEN DOES IT END?

I have fought to keep what little there is left of my sanity. Annette being gone has caused profound pain mentally and physically. I know many here know what I'm talking about. I wake up and STILL expect to find her laying down in bed with me every morning.I still keep having flashbacks of the good times and bad times. When we kissed, when we fought.  It still feels like the first day.I'll find peace when we're together. Until then,   my life is nothing but just waiting to until with God's…See More
Aug 5
Richard Rivera added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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THOSE THREE WORDS: "I LOVE YOU"

Annette's been dead just under eight months. My grieving hasn't stopped. I try but I keep getting worse mentally and physically. My groin has swollen more and now due to the fluid build its reaching past my knees. Grotesque doesn't come close to the sight of my misshapen body. I am a freak who is stared at whenever I manage to find the slight strength to go out. So it got me to thinking. As homely as I am, as disgusting as I have become, I remember those three words my wife and I lived with…See More
Jul 20
bluebird replied to Richard Rivera's discussion HEARING HER VOICE AGAIN THRIUGH VOICEMAIL
"I have kept a voicemail message from my husband, too. I never actually noticed it on my phone until sometime after he died, so I don't know when he left it and I don't recall him ever asking if I got his voicemail.  Anyway, I treasure…"
Jul 16
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TERRIFIED AGAIN SO VERY ALONE
"Trina: So sorry. You have my prayers and hope each day you will get through your pain and grief. From what I read, I assume you are living alone? Same here. My wife gone and its the silence, the empty beds, her things laying around that make each…"
Jul 12
M Adams replied to Richard Rivera's discussion HEARING HER VOICE AGAIN THRIUGH VOICEMAIL
"It's strange how we respond to bereavement -- I wanted to preserve the last telephone message my husband left on our machine, and had talked to a friend about how best to transfer it to something permanent, but then a power outage occurred and…"
Jul 10
Linda Engberg replied to Richard Rivera's discussion HEARING HER VOICE AGAIN THRIUGH VOICEMAIL
"Hi Morgan, My grief will never end until I am dead "
Jul 10
Linda Engberg replied to Richard Rivera's discussion HEARING HER VOICE AGAIN THRIUGH VOICEMAIL
"Hi Richard, I lost my Husband 4 years ago, but I keep his voicemail message because that's all I have left of him.  "
Jul 10
HelenB replied to Richard Rivera's discussion HEARING HER VOICE AGAIN THRIUGH VOICEMAIL
"Wow, I have a hard time reading old emails & texts. That must be hard."
Jul 10
Trina H replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TERRIFIED AGAIN SO VERY ALONE
"I've lost my daughter she was only 7months. There are days I can't leave my bed or move. I'm stuck with the playbacks of things I could of done to prevent it. I'm alone with my grief to try to manage with out a partner to help…"
Jul 10

Profile Information

About my Loss:
I lost my beloved Honey Bunny wife Annette on December 2nd, 2016. She died from complications from obesity. I myself am obese and heading down the same path. We had no children and I am alone. I live now in silence and devestated.

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At 5:22pm on May 18, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Richard,  I hope you are doing better today.  I know how terrible it is to lose the lose you love. Sometimes the grief is unbearable.  I wish I knew how to deal with this terrrible sadness.  I guess we just have to go through it, it's like a storm that has to end. Take care of yourself.   Bev   

At 4:03pm on May 16, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Richard,  I hope you can begin to accept what has happened to you.  I prey that for myself also.  Life without your love is terrible.  What can we do?  I guess, we try to accept what we cannot change, but for me, right now that doesn't seem possible.  I hope you  can find your way, I hope I can too.  I  keep thinking, "better to love and lost, than not to have loved at all".  Sounds good but doesn't work for me.

At 8:35pm on May 15, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Yesterday, Richard, was a very sad day without my husband celebrating mother's day with me.  As I was lying in bed later in the day, I looke up at the ceiling and I saw a basket of beautiful flowers.  I never had hallucinations in my lifetime, and I don't know what a near death experience is, but I thought I would  share this with you.  Bev

At 8:17pm on December 25, 2016, morgan said…

Its what we all keep praying for Richard.  Just last night I took a sturdy cardboard box that a lamp had come in and I kicked it so hard and so long against the wall I thought I was going to pass out.  Some hours can be unbearable.  Some minutes we try to breathe.  Some days are measured knowing we are one day closer to not having to be here alone and hoping we are going to be embraced by our beloved again.  

Its alot of wishing and hoping......and in the interim praying it doesn't last long.  I haven't found an end to the suffering but I will say it varies in degrees.  And yes,  tearing you to pieces sounds all too familiar.  We just bear it.  Endure it.  And this time of year is definitely very very hard.  People who live in the old universe still celebrating while we are jumping off the bridge.  Soon we will be into January ..... try to find something to keep you busy Richard.  Its one of the ways to save your brain from totally going over.....distraction will help somewhat......take care Richard....

At 3:12pm on December 25, 2016, Richard Rivera said…
Today December 25th and I woke up screaming out my wife's name. I chased around the apartment and am in agony. There's no end to this suffering. What do I have? An apartment and a lousy job with silence and grief that's tearing me to pieces. I keep hoping I don't wake up. It is the only thing that I continue to pray for.

Richard Rivera's Blog

LOOKING TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE HOW HAS HAD A RECORDED NDE

Hello:

I'm looking to (either in this forum or privately by email) to speak to those of you who have had a NDE. 

I wanted to understand certain aspects of the NDE and hope someone can clarify some questions I have.

I'd be forever grateful...

Thanks

Richard Rivera

Posted on May 15, 2017 at 2:40pm — 4 Comments

 
 
 

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