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Sole Survivors

For those who are the last surviving members of their immediate family.

Location: New York, NY
Members: 15
Latest Activity: Jul 2, 2023

I Know I'm Not Alone

I'm starting this group in the hopes of finding others out there who are in my unique situation - having lost my entire immediate family before 30.  My mother passed when I was 13 after a six year battle with breast cancer, and my father died of lung cancer when I was a sophomore in college.  This past New Year's my sister committed suicide, leaving me as the sole survivor of my family.

Ideally I would like to start some sort of meet-up in New York, but I'm not sure how many people will stumble upon this post.  If you're out there, I'd love to connect.

Discussion Forum

Lost mom, brother, dad will soon follow... 1 Reply

I hope it's okay to post here... I feel as if I've lost my whole family, though my dad is still physically alive. He has MS and dementia, and his health and mental well-being have severely declined.…Continue

Started by Kimberly. Last reply by Troy Oct 20, 2021.

nightmares 1 Reply

Since i lost my sister which i am having trouble getting over.I have been having nightmares .I don't remember them but my husband says i talk in my sleep and it sounds like I'm fighting with someone…Continue

Started by bobbie. Last reply by Troy Oct 20, 2021.

One of Two Directions? 4 Replies

So - if you're on this forum, you've probably lost both of your parents and probably at least one sibling, like myself.  Here's my question:  After the loss of both parents while still in your…Continue

Started by Jessica Granantowski. Last reply by Kate Sep 20, 2015.

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Comment by Hallie O on July 2, 2023 at 10:01pm

I lost my entire immediate family (my mother and sister) in 15 days back in December 2022 and these have been the biggest and most profound losses of my life. My sister had battled Stage 4 (metastatic) breast cancer for 4 years, and it even though it was an estranged and complex relationship, when my mother (she was alive at the time) notified me, it shook me to my core.

And then, if that loss wasn't enough, my mother contracted a very strong COVID variant (I assume it was XBB in addition to having another virus like Influenza at the same time) and she died tragically and unexpectedly in Mexico where she had been living for quite awhile. 

I was beyond traumatized and in shock when I received news of her sudden death, and then was further traumatized by certain events that took place in the aftermath involving her biological family who were just horrible to deal with, so I was more or less, alone in dealing with these catastrophic events. I had PTSD and felt like I had been dropped into a war zone (the level of trauma was/is too much to even put into words really).

Like the previous poster, Erin, I hope more of us who are in our 40s and above who have dealt with losing entire immediate families can find solace and support each other. 

If you are in a similar boat, don't hesitate to reach out to me.

-Hallie

Comment by Erin on April 24, 2023 at 6:53pm
I lost my only brother, my only sibling,4/14/23. I am the sole survivor of my family of origin. Our father passed away in 2010 and our mother passed away in 2020 (non-covid related), I am grateful that my brother was able to help me grieve those losses, I am really struggling as to how I grieve his loss without him. I am “only” 52 and to think of the rest of my life without anyone left who remembers me as a baby, or the stories we shared with and without our parents, to not have one of the 3 left if I need to talk, need help, or guidance or just to share joy with anymore. Not many people truly understand where I am coming from, because most people my age still may have both parents, or 1 parent, all of their siblings or some of their siblings. There’s just some solace even as a 52 year old woman to know there was one person on the planet that knew my back-story and would always have my back no matter what, in a way only a parent or sibling can. Sometimes when I think about the gravity of this loss, the pain and loneliness take my breath away. Most of the information I can find on-line is geared to elderly people who have lost their last sibling. I haven’t been able to find much coping info on mid-lifers or younger who find themselves as the “last ‘man’ standing” of their family of origin, so to speak. I hope more people will join that I can connect with, no one really understands what this is like.
Thank you,

Erin
Comment by Wes Raincloud on December 9, 2020 at 10:21am

8 years ago I lost my dad to cancer, then in 2017, my mother followed him. The next year my 52-year-old baby sister died. Leaving a brother I had lost contact with and hadn't seen for 10 years. I found my brother this past April but the day before I was to speak to him he passed from cancer. Now I am the only one left and I can't help but wonder why I am still here and they are not. I am almost 60 years old and have heart and lung disease. I may be joining them sooner than I realize, but anyway....

I was my sister's primary caretaker and watching her mental and physical health decline slowly and painfully broke my heart. You see I knew my sister was going to die....Mentally, but emotionally I didn't get it until after she was gone. I was totally and completely devastated. My sister and I were close even sharing an apartment for years.

Anyway, I am left with some song lyrics from Don Mclean's "Empty Chairs"..."I wonder if you know, that I never understood, that although you said you'd go, until you did I never thought you would."

It is coming up on Christmas soon and I will probably end up alone or with someone else's family trying to pretend to be happy. This sux!!! R_O_Y_A_L_L_Y!!!

Comment by Jen L on April 21, 2018 at 10:40am

I'm not sure anyone is still active in this group but it' the most appropriate group on here I've found I guess. I tried the Multiple losses group but those guys all have tons of people still left as a support system. Hmm. There's no Everyone's Dead-Zero Family extended and so on groups. There's an opportunity I guess. 

Anyways, last year my Mom, Dad, Aunt Brother and dog...even my damn dog died. I had that dog for 14 years, I really wish he hung o considering how muc everything else sucked.

Everyone spaced it out nicely a few months apart for full impact. Illness, not trauma. Dad was the last right before Christmas. I attended the funeral with just the Priest. I was exhausted from making arrangements all year so I just did it alone. 

Now I get to figure out how to keep their beloved horse farm which is in massive debt as I deal with a foreclosure from leaving my job to...wait for it...be with my sick family before they die. Ahhh, lol...death and taxes, so fun for the only one left behind. 

My friends act like none of this is happening. So if I don't act chipper for every moment of the dy, thy wonder why. When I say "I'm upset bout my family being dead and I'm all alone" I've literally gotten "no but really, why are you upset?"

Not one person visited me after any of these losses. Not one. I got invites to come see them sure but it's hard after losing someone. It's

 really hard after losing 2...3...4...5.

Don' tell me to journal or pray to Harry Potter, Bugs Bunny or whatever fictional characters some person wrote down in an edited book. Those are nice for some, like fingerpainting or basketweaving. I have to deal with real life Wills and estates alone. I have to figure out how to fix up a old farmhouse alone. If people won' be bothered to say hi to someone who lost thir entire family, they probably won' come by to swing a hammer. 

Be happy you probably still have an Emergency contact to list as someone on here very thoughtlessly posted about how awful that would be to not have anyone to write down. 

It is awful. 

Comment by Sara on August 29, 2014 at 5:01pm
I lost my mum and dad by the time I was 24. I'm 49 now and lost my only sibling 9 days ago. It's very strange to be the sole survivor of my birth family.
Comment by Bill Smith on September 14, 2013 at 10:35am

Hi Jessica, I hope Austin is going well for you. I don't know what other sites you may have reached out to but might want to try this one - I've found warm friendly people there, and I think it gets a little more "traffic" so maybe you'll have better luck finding people who can relate: http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/forum/13-loss-of-a-parent-moth...

Best to you.

Comment by Sheila B. on July 8, 2013 at 10:35am

Jessica, I am so sorry for your loses. My daughter and I are both only children and we lost my mom to a sudden heart attack. Wishing your strength and peace. 

Comment by Bill Smith on April 6, 2013 at 7:49am

PS I can't figure out how to leave a group so I guess you're stuck with me.   :)

Comment by Bill Smith on April 6, 2013 at 7:47am

Ruthie, I'm so sorry for your loss as well.  I can't imagine what y'all must be going through.

Hi Jessica - since you've found a kindred spirit here, I'll jump off (again only as I don't "qualify").  I will say that having lost my only love and not being at all close to my family, I can very much relate to feeling very much "alone out there," if that makes any sense, although of course it's not the same thing as what you're dealing with. 

Either of you, feel free to reach out any time.  (PS I have friends in Austin and have heard it's a great place; sounds like a good move for you)

Comment by Ruthie K on April 2, 2013 at 1:38pm
Six months ago, after the death of my father, I became the sole survivor of my original family. I agree, Jessica: it is alienating. I have only a handful of friends my age who have lost a parent, a few who have lost a sibling, but none who has lost all of them. I don't know who to talk to about it. I would love to connect with you, Jessica.
 

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