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morgan's Discussions

ON a scale of 1 to 10
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I come here to read posts and on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the hardest, we are at infinity.  Having to manage the death of our beloved spouse (him or her) is definitely off the charts.  From…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Mar 27, 2016.

Loss and Attachment
2 Replies

To all,I don't know if this is at all helpful but last week I wrote the following and sent it out to the people in my family and a few friends on the three year anniversary of my husbands…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Jackie cooke Apr 25, 2017.

Will this ever stop hurting?
15 Replies

Today was ridiculously hard. Two years ago today the surgeon came out of the operating room to inform me that he had found a tumor on my husbands appendix that had metastasized into his abdomen and…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by AnneJ Jul 5, 2015.

I cannot accept...
5 Replies

I just don’t know how to do this anymore.  I am exhausted. Spent. Tired.  It is everything I can do to get a start on each day.  My solution to the pain is to diminish my physical health as much as I…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Dec 18, 2014.

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morgan's Page

Latest Activity

morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi to everyone,   I am sort of a broken record when it comes to how I have managed to cope with my husbands death.  I can honestly say that for the first four years looking back I was pretty much in a stupor.  The shock after sharing…"
Nov 7
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda,  I've been thinking about you wondering how Babie J is?  I just started feeding a feral cat here where I live on the woods and though I refuse to get too attached these little critters also get a piece of our heart.  I…"
Oct 28
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"OH Linda, I am SO sorry to hear of the imminent demise of Baby J.  I lost our kitty two years after my husband died so I can understand what you are feeling now.  Please know all our thoughts and prayers are with you in this time.…"
Oct 22
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am very sorry Lou.  Sorrier than you can imagine because those of us who have lost a spouse and come here to write, feel the same way you do.  We are all at different phases of the deep sorrow that can ever happen to a person when we…"
Oct 20
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I wonder how i am managing.  Not well and to be onest today I wanted to just set a date with death. I am approaching seven years of being without him and though I function towards the outside world better and my crying has lessened but at the…"
Oct 7
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, Check your inbox for a message from me. Joe,  So true.  That's exactly why I post here too.  I keep thinking if I get it off my chest and out into cyberspace at least I know I wont be suffering alone.  That consoles…"
Sep 9
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John T,   I saw your post late late last night.  I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing.  After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.…"
Sep 8
morgan left a comment for Maria
"Maria,   My heart goes out to you.  Alzheimers is a devastating long term drawn out disease to watch as our loved one loses contact with reality.  I lived it out with my mom.  It took seven and half years. And some of the…"
Sep 3
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we…"
Aug 19
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope.  I always feel support knowing I am not alone.  What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"
Aug 19
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Please somebody, tell me how I can continue to do this.  I am so depressed.  I get up every day and pretend.  It's what is making me so depressed.  It looks like I am functioning so normally.  Now that I have learned…"
Aug 18
morgan left a comment for Chanzy
"You know what is helpful about this site?  Its when you hear that the experiences you have had are not isolated or abnormal.  I had yet to read anyone talk about how the lack of communication at the end was losing appetite, confused and…"
Jul 26
morgan commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Michael,   Wish I had an answer to: "just how are we Widows and Widowers supposed to pick up the pieces. ? I am battling my emotions every day, the mood swings are awful.." I am not sure if I am really picking up the pieces.…"
Jul 9
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John, The honesty we share here is of comfort considering we live in a hellish place. Death (or for me any kind of loss) provokes memories of what I had with my husband.  I too had my younger brother die at the age of 54 two years ago and it…"
Jul 7
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just read the post on caregiving.....Even though my "caregiving" wasnt for long the loss makes my life not worth living...... "
Jun 30
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John, Haven't heard from you in quite awhile.  Guess you've been having another round of death grief that like most, is just another guilt ridden, overwhelming bout with the universe.   About three plus years after my husband…"
Jun 27

Profile Information

About my Loss:
I lost my beloved husband to stage 4 cancer January 21, 2013. He was diagnosed the day after Xmas 2012 and he didn't last even a month. I am devastated still and simply want to die.

Comment Wall (53 comments)

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At 8:03pm on April 19, 2019, Jennifer said…
Thanks Morgan for commenting on my profile page. Wow...What u described that u go through every day of every year is exactly how I feel. I lost my girlfriend/fiance of 5 years to suicide. I know without a doubt in my mind that she is my soul mate so when she left this world it felt like half of me died with her. Everyone blamed me because she was depressed and missed me while i was gone for a month visiting my kids in another state. I didnt come back home in time. Was it my fault? Yes it was and thats the prison sentence/punishment I have to live with for the rest of my life. I wake up every day dreading just gettin out of bed and enduring another day without my soul mate. The tears the crying sobbing always come without fail every day when i find myself alone so no one can see me cry. it will be 2 years in july and it feels like everyone around me expects me to just be over this so i walk around pretending i am ok put on a fake smile but deep down inside I am not okay. There are moments all the time when i think about quitting life the same way she did so I could finally be with her and ive come close too close to doing just that but something always stops me... My kids. I cant do that to them.... I wouldnt want my children to feel all this pain i feel now. Staying alive is my only option. It feels like a prison all of this misery and the loneliness...omg the loneliness is so heartwrenching i feel like its killing me slowly. I will never be the same again.
At 8:24am on January 21, 2019, Trina Mamoon said…
Dear morgan,
I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today (January 21st) on the seventh anniversary of the passing of the love of your life. I know that “life” as we live it now after the death of our beloved spouse is worth very little; we continue living only because we do and not because we want to. I am sending you good thoughts and hope that you can make it through the day somehow.
I am in Bangladesh now, and it is already the 21st here, and I have been thinking of you since yesterday.
Hugs, Trina
At 6:53am on January 21, 2019, Brenda Ann said…

Dear Morgan,

You said, ”What the hell happened to him.  Where is he?  I want to know and I know that is impossible.”  I noticed these 2 questions that you asked and noticed that you don’t feel it is possible to find an answers. 

I have found answers to these questions and many more big questions of life. Where I have found satisfying answer to the questions is on the www.jw.org website. A Bible writer said to God, ““Give me understanding . . . Your word is truth.”​—Psalm 119:144, 160. The Bible is providing answers for millions of people. Would you like to be one of them? The jw.org® website can help you.

At 12:39pm on December 26, 2018, Corinne C. Rico said…

Morgan, I didn't see your comment because I think I messed up posting my comment ontop of Jon-Pauls, I apolgize, new here and just getting to know how things work. I am not going to wish anyone Happy Holidays, or a Merry Christmas because I can see by reading everyones posts, we all felt the same.  Dreading New Years the most actually, my birthday and Christmas were brutal, but to welcome in a New Year?  Thank you for your understanding and relating to what I wrote.  I will continue to keep all of you, including myself in my daily prayers.

At 10:22pm on August 27, 2018, Linda said…

Dear Morgan, thank you so much for your kind and honest words.  I appreciate you reaching out to me, that alone gives me sustenance to get through another day.  Blessed be.  Linda

At 12:56pm on June 23, 2018, Mike H. said…

Morgan, first let me start by saying I am sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing. My blogs are not to promote religion, but to express what has helped me in times of hardship. My feelings are Scriptural and that is what I share. No slight or disrespect intended. - Mike

At 1:52am on April 20, 2018, Virginia G said…

Morgan,

thanks for the comment on my blog.  I read a few of your posts and I have the same desire to get out of here as soon as possible.  I’m only 47 and there’s no way I can wait until I’m old.  I’m afraid if I hurt myself I won’t be allowed in heaven and I can’t give up the chance of being with her again.  You said you eat a lot of salt and sugar, I’ve been eating bacon and drinking non organic milk.  I sit in my room all day, actually been sleeping during the day, up all night because one night I couldn’t sleep and it just stayed that way.  Sleeping doesn’t even feel good anymore and always feel anxious when I get up.  I don’t do anything at all and like you, see no purpose in me being here.  I still don’t know how I am even writing, eating most days only because my Dad forces me, and driving to the therapist because I should have had a heart attack or nervous breakdown instantly or at least by now.  It’s almost 2 months.  I’m on meds for ocd and depression but lowered them way down myself because I thought they were making me numb.  How do I get to her?

At 6:38am on January 27, 2018, Linda Engberg said…

Hi Alice,

Love your comment, I will never see the light at the end of the tunnel until I'm gone from this hell on earth

At 6:36am on January 27, 2018, Linda Engberg said…

Morgan,

You feel just like I do. A first I thought I was plain

crazy until I found this website. We are just walking zombies, doing what we have to do, I will never be the same Linda I was with Julian. Everyone thinks I'm better, but inside I will never be the same again. Each morning I wake up wishing I didn't. I would like to end my life know because I am dead inside, but taking my own life as I was taught in my religion I would not join him in heaven, so as an option I put it out of mind and just accept each day as it comes.   

At 1:52pm on December 13, 2017, Linda Engberg said…

Morgan,

You seem to be the only person that feels the way do. My grief will end for the rest of my life and I will not get over it. I did not want to post this to those who have just lost someone. 

Morgan's Blog

How long can I last?

to all of who have suffered the loss of a spouse,

we have had to endure endless days and nights of immeasurable pain.  A pain that is indescribable to all but to those who are experiencing it.  A chasm so deep that there isn't anything that can fill the void left.

I have times. like I had from November through January, where the pain was so gut wrenching, so unbelievably torturous that I couldnt walk, talk eat or sleep for days at a time.  For this fifth year anniversary it was…

Continue

Posted on March 29, 2018 at 11:37pm — 3 Comments

Not sure Diana can help

Let's just ask ourselves. If John the Dragon is not grieving and is happy with the way his life has turned out then why is he on a site called "online grief support".

The word grief has definitions and does not seem to be a problem for John the Dragon. Lucky him and those who aren't grieving.  But the so called "support from someone who is not experiencing grief is awkward and uncomfortable for those of us who are experiencing…

Continue

Posted on January 18, 2017 at 11:12pm — 1 Comment

What losing my love has done to me

I haven’t been writing at all recently, going back as far as Stewart asking me to share what “project” I am doing to help me move forward form my husbands death three years ago.  I never got to answering him and many other things have happened in the interim.  The worst of which has overshadowed and colored everything else on my daily journey is they found my yongest brother, 56 years old, dead in his bed on March 28th

 

I can’t even begin to explain how another…

Continue

Posted on April 10, 2016 at 1:11pm — 1 Comment

Three years three months today

Three years three months today………..he's still dead, I'm still alive and the pain is still ever present……. Grief is hardly an adequate word……..

Posted on March 21, 2016 at 2:03pm

 
 
 

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jacq kramer is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Carol Klotz is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sunday
Maria replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"Hello Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss. My son took his own life on August 25th. He was 20 yers old and the pain is almost unbearable. He was a wonderful human being and I miss him every day."
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Eileen replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"Thank you !! Feels good knowing I have someone I can chat with and understands. Have a peaceful night."
Saturday
Melissa replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"I’m sorry for your pain also!! I’m always here if you ever need to talk!! Your friend melissa"
Saturday
Eileen replied to Melissa's discussion I am new here and hoping that I can talk to someone who lost a child to suicide
"Hello Melissa, never lost a child to suicide. However lost my mother, father and husband. So my heart goes out to you. Stay strong because it's not easy. Your friend Eileen."
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Eileen posted a status
"Thanks for accepting me into the group. I am finding it very difficult to move forward so I decided to reach out for online support."
Friday
Eileen is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi to everyone,   I am sort of a broken record when it comes to how I have managed to cope with my husbands death.  I can honestly say that for the first four years looking back I was pretty much in a stupor.  The shock after sharing…"
Nov 7
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Fran, So sorry for your loss. It's been 7 years since I lost my Beloved Husband. I have and never will be the person I was. I have accepted that and just go through the motions. There are no good days for me. Since the day he died, I died…"
Nov 6
Fran commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"5 years ago tonite I lost my Love. Since then I check in here periodically to see how others deal with the passage of time. Apparently, pretty similarly. We do what we must. We have "good" days and worse days. Our memories blindside us yet…"
Nov 6
Terry k is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Sand updated their profile
Nov 4
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jonathan, So sorry for the loss of your Wife. All the friends on this forum are just waiting to join their spouse again.  It's all we can do. "
Nov 4
Jonathan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It has been about 16 months since I lost my beloved wife. Still as painful as though she just "sleep in Christ" on 10th July 2018... Life has been aimless and without any objective since then. Everyday has been slow but to me, everyday…"
Nov 4
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda,  I've been thinking about you wondering how Babie J is?  I just started feeding a feral cat here where I live on the woods and though I refuse to get too attached these little critters also get a piece of our heart.  I…"
Oct 28
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