"Linda we share your pain here. It's been 5 years for me. I find myself increasingly pulling back, esp. at Holidays. I just wish family understood better that it's hard for us to celebrate anything. I don't wish this apathy on…"
"5 years ago tonite I lost my Love. Since then I check in here periodically to see how others deal with the passage of time. Apparently, pretty similarly. We do what we must. We have "good" days and worse days. Our memories blindside us yet…"
Had been an RN since 1980 yet wasn't able to save Bill. I "retired" at the end of 2014, after Bill's death. I just didn't want to be responsible for anyone's life anymore. I'm feeling sucked dry....
About my Loss:
Lost my husband, Bill, November 6, 2014 due to cancer. We had just managed to hit our 27th anniversary before he started deteriorating...I had been off from work since his diagnosis in March. He had hoped to survive long enough to go deer hunting, but, died just 2 weeks shy of that wish.
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Thankyou Fran again. I still find shopping difficult making decisions and can't be bothered to cook for myself relying on ready meals mainly. I compare myself to everyone & feel lacking watching everyone else appearing capable. EVen the widows at my singing group all appear to have coped with their loss while I struggle every day even after 17 months. That's low self esteem.i can't believe I I'm 71 because I feel like a helpless child!
Thankyou Fran for hearing my plea and responding. I was married to my husband for 44 yrs and knew him for 50. How can you have a loving partner for so long and be O.K when you lose them? I was 0.K for 3 months then crashed spectacularly and was hospitalised with psychosis for 2 months. It's been 17 months now and I'm still on medication. I dread waking up to the loss every morning. I have 3 grown up sons who think I am doing O.K but I'm not really. I don't think I'll ever reach a new normal. The widows I meet all seem to be doing O.K
Thank you Fran. I am trying to find something worth holding on to and not just giving up. There are moments when I dissolve in tears and don't want to continue to exist. Then there are moments when I realize that I hold in my hand the life that my husband so treasured. He fought hard because he wanted his life back from the very first moment that the brain tumor was diagnosed. It took his ability to balance and walk, most of his sight, and some of his reasoning - all at once. All of the physical therapists had to try to hold him back from working so hard to be able to stand and to take a few steps. I really don't want to go on into a future without him. I don't want to throw away any part of the life he and I both loved and wanted back. Just like him, I want my life back. Neither of us will have gotten our heart's desire.
I am forced to do all of these things as quick as I can because I have to go back to work soon. I am trying to finish all of the paperwork. I was forced to do things quickly even though I am so emotionally distraught. My world stopped when my partner passed away but they won't stop for me so I have to catch up with them. My work is a contract work and it will be ending this July if they will not renew it. So I have to start applying for jobs as early as now so I will have a backup.
Thank you. I am sorry your husband lost to this awful disease. I hate the hospitals now. I hate the idea of anyone going through chemo and radio when the outcome will still be the same as not having a treatment.
I really try not to go to the dark places where my thoughts lead me to. I feel sad looking at photos of older women because that is going to me in the future, only without my partner. Oh how I miss him. I will try to live a life where he will be proud of me. I will try to keep in touch with people who mattered the most to him. He will always be in my heart until the day I die. I never thought I would be ths type of person who says cliche things like this but my partner was my everything.
I finally managed to finish calling all the companies that needed to be informed of my partner's passing today. There's more that needs to be done but I will do things slowly.
Hi Fran this is Pam philipp you commented on my page my husband also had a neck surgery before he was diagnosed and they never found anything until they found the throat cancer first about a year after the neck surgery he started complaining about a sore throat so I made him go to the doctor they said it was the stage 2 then they wanted to send him for a pet scan and that's when they found the second cancer in his lungs liver bladder spine and that cancer was a totally separate and different cancer from the throat cancer they had no idea he had it and the secondary cancer was stage four terminal Two months after his diagnosis he was gone it's been almost 14 months and every day I am more lost unfortunately I don't have the family or friends hanging around and being here they all said they would but of course they all lied I guess we just have to deal with it but I really don't know how I hope you have a good support system this website is a good outlet because the people here all do really understand how you feel I hope you have a blessed day thank you for your response it helps
I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I think I've been hiding from the truth, that my Jim is gone, and he isn't coming back. It's been about 15 months, but sometimes it seems like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels like he' been gone 100 years. I decided that I didn't want to sit in the house and cry all summer like I did last year, so I've begun to work on planting flowers, which I've never done, and just making a nice back yard that I could hang out in. I had a brick patio put in, bought all of the cool furniture for on it, and I've yet to even go out there and sit. I just don't really want to do anything without him.
im so sorry for you and your family. I know how deep, sharp, and unimaginable this pain is. I know too how it breaks you up and your world too. It was like looking through a broken kaleidoscope for me. Nothing seemed whole, I trusted…"
"My son pass away Nov 25 at 936am my life has not been the same I really feel lost , empty nothing to live for but I have 3 other kids I love them more than anything I just don't know what to do please can someone help me"
"Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather…"
"Miriam, thanks for what you’ve said here, think it will be helpful to many other people here and I hope writing it down will help you as well. What you say about the way you miss your uncle, the loss of rituals and of his expressions of…"
An uncle in our family committed suicide. For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen. We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again. And after five years she was done and could move on. I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
"Hi everyone, My name is Katherine.
I am learning how to deal with the loss of my mom, she passed away two months ago.My mom was never my best friend, but she was so much more. She made me the person that I am today and living without her has…"
Two months ago, my mom committed suicide. As of now, this has to be one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life. I hope that through this forum I may be able to just reach out to someone who can kind of understand what my situation is like.My friends try to talk to me (and I do reach out to them) but I feel that the situation I am in is a really heavy thing to talk about (basically I don't want to rope my friends into my troubles, nor do I want to be a burden to them). I talk to…See More
"Dona, I am so sorry for your pain. A difficult relationship like yours always leaves all sorts of conflicting feelings that are hard to sort out. I hope that the support you receive here will help you find your way to a better place."
"Hi, I'm brand new, too. I needed some place to talk out the grief that other people don't understand and don't really want to listen to. Hopefully, this will be a helpful place for both of us. Whatever your loss, I…"
This morning there was a crescent moon. I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon." I got all choked up seeing it. Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart. He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards. But no more. More tears to fight back. Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there. I have never had anyone else do that for me. I knew…See More