Had been an RN since 1980 yet wasn't able to save Bill. I "retired" at the end of 2014, after Bill's death. I just didn't want to be responsible for anyone's life anymore. I'm feeling sucked dry....
About my Loss:
Lost my husband, Bill, November 6, 2014 due to cancer. We had just managed to hit our 27th anniversary before he started deteriorating...I had been off from work since his diagnosis in March. He had hoped to survive long enough to go deer hunting, but, died just 2 weeks shy of that wish.
Comment Wall (46 comments)
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Thankyou Fran again. I still find shopping difficult making decisions and can't be bothered to cook for myself relying on ready meals mainly. I compare myself to everyone & feel lacking watching everyone else appearing capable. EVen the widows at my singing group all appear to have coped with their loss while I struggle every day even after 17 months. That's low self esteem.i can't believe I I'm 71 because I feel like a helpless child!
Thankyou Fran for hearing my plea and responding. I was married to my husband for 44 yrs and knew him for 50. How can you have a loving partner for so long and be O.K when you lose them? I was 0.K for 3 months then crashed spectacularly and was hospitalised with psychosis for 2 months. It's been 17 months now and I'm still on medication. I dread waking up to the loss every morning. I have 3 grown up sons who think I am doing O.K but I'm not really. I don't think I'll ever reach a new normal. The widows I meet all seem to be doing O.K
Thank you Fran. I am trying to find something worth holding on to and not just giving up. There are moments when I dissolve in tears and don't want to continue to exist. Then there are moments when I realize that I hold in my hand the life that my husband so treasured. He fought hard because he wanted his life back from the very first moment that the brain tumor was diagnosed. It took his ability to balance and walk, most of his sight, and some of his reasoning - all at once. All of the physical therapists had to try to hold him back from working so hard to be able to stand and to take a few steps. I really don't want to go on into a future without him. I don't want to throw away any part of the life he and I both loved and wanted back. Just like him, I want my life back. Neither of us will have gotten our heart's desire.
I am forced to do all of these things as quick as I can because I have to go back to work soon. I am trying to finish all of the paperwork. I was forced to do things quickly even though I am so emotionally distraught. My world stopped when my partner passed away but they won't stop for me so I have to catch up with them. My work is a contract work and it will be ending this July if they will not renew it. So I have to start applying for jobs as early as now so I will have a backup.
Thank you. I am sorry your husband lost to this awful disease. I hate the hospitals now. I hate the idea of anyone going through chemo and radio when the outcome will still be the same as not having a treatment.
I really try not to go to the dark places where my thoughts lead me to. I feel sad looking at photos of older women because that is going to me in the future, only without my partner. Oh how I miss him. I will try to live a life where he will be proud of me. I will try to keep in touch with people who mattered the most to him. He will always be in my heart until the day I die. I never thought I would be ths type of person who says cliche things like this but my partner was my everything.
I finally managed to finish calling all the companies that needed to be informed of my partner's passing today. There's more that needs to be done but I will do things slowly.
Hi Fran this is Pam philipp you commented on my page my husband also had a neck surgery before he was diagnosed and they never found anything until they found the throat cancer first about a year after the neck surgery he started complaining about a sore throat so I made him go to the doctor they said it was the stage 2 then they wanted to send him for a pet scan and that's when they found the second cancer in his lungs liver bladder spine and that cancer was a totally separate and different cancer from the throat cancer they had no idea he had it and the secondary cancer was stage four terminal Two months after his diagnosis he was gone it's been almost 14 months and every day I am more lost unfortunately I don't have the family or friends hanging around and being here they all said they would but of course they all lied I guess we just have to deal with it but I really don't know how I hope you have a good support system this website is a good outlet because the people here all do really understand how you feel I hope you have a blessed day thank you for your response it helps
I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I think I've been hiding from the truth, that my Jim is gone, and he isn't coming back. It's been about 15 months, but sometimes it seems like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels like he' been gone 100 years. I decided that I didn't want to sit in the house and cry all summer like I did last year, so I've begun to work on planting flowers, which I've never done, and just making a nice back yard that I could hang out in. I had a brick patio put in, bought all of the cool furniture for on it, and I've yet to even go out there and sit. I just don't really want to do anything without him.
"Today we Remember 9/11. I can't even imagine the terror and heartbreak the families must still have. Losing my Husband Julian under normal circumstances was bad enough.
God Bless all the people that still suffer from this horrible…"
"Thank you friends for sharing your thoughts. I don't know what I do, if I didn't have this place to come to. We are all suffering and the real world just doesn't understand what we are going through. I miss the tender touch of my…"
"I have nothing that I want to or have to, to keep me busy except doing what I'm doing which has to have something to do with Her. Like yesterday, I found a small 3/4 X 2 1/2 inch bottle with a cork when I went to the dollar store…"
"Trina, Check your inbox for a message from me.
Joe, So true. That's exactly why I post here too. I keep thinking if I get it off my chest and out into cyberspace at least I know I wont be suffering alone. That consoles…"
I am sorry that I have not posted here for a while now to show my support for you. On August 4th it was the fifth anniversary of Joseph's passing. I just don't have the strength or energy anymore to keep pushing to survive each…"
"I'm in the 19th month and don't know what to say, except that the only time I'm not living this horrible nightmare is when I sleep and don't dream at all. Even when I post in a way to try to console anyone here, in a way,…"
"Avi, I don't mean to be a downer, but I am not sure there is an end to our grief. I know mine is still going strong. I wish the good things in my life were as consistent as this is. We have to keep moving though. Keep taking baby steps. Assay…"
I saw your post late late last night. I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing. After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.…"
"Hi All, Today I suddenly had grief all over the day. I miss my mother a lot and it seems that there is no end to this grief. Hope I meet her someday when I leave this world.
Just wanted to share my feelings here because people around me…"
"5 years since my wife died suddenly of heart failure right in front of me. The time since that day has been just awful and when I reached this anniversary, I just couldn't believe it. All I think about is all the years ahead without…"
"Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of the death of my wife. I spent the day unable to believe it has been 5 years but somewhat surprised at how well I handled the day. Today I have kept having outbursts of crying and overwhelming memories…"
"That is horrific for you. Im so sorry. Just know yoy aren't alone. Know we dont think you are some kind of monster and know that we validate what you guys had and the love that existed there. Try not to fixate on the particulars that you have…"
The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit. I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago. We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th…"