Being the Other Woman/Other Man

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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situation

Members: 28
Latest Activity: Oct 12

Discussion Forum

I'm grateful I found this group

I have been struggling completely alone for nearly 2 years. I felt like there HAD to be others in my position out there but I had no way to find out.  I finally found a shrink who told me the term…Continue

Started by Alice Smith Oct 12.

Struggling 4 Replies

I was in a relationship with a man who had a long term girlfriend of 17 years.  This past weekend he committed suicide.  I am struggling and trying to process this as well as keep my family life…Continue

Started by Michelle Michelle. Last reply by Michelle Michelle Oct 24, 2019.

So many questions 1 Reply

Last weekend I found out that the man who was my lover and best friend for 10 years has died. Not only is he dead...he was murdered, nearly 2 months ago and I had been so busy and disconnected from…Continue

Started by Amy R. Last reply by Emmyk Sep 4, 2019.

I lost a loved one, what now? 2 Replies

Hello, I'm new here. He had a heart attack while with me, I had to call the wife to tell her what happened but denied that I was the other woman. I had to grieve on my own. There was one other person…Continue

Started by Maia. Last reply by Maia Aug 3, 2018.

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Comment by Addie on August 27, 2020 at 12:26pm
Jo, I’m so sorry. Last year, when I lost my love, I read somewhere that grief is like a ball in a box, and in that box is a pain button. At the beginning of grief, the ball is huge and so the pain button is always getting hit. As time goes on, the ball gets smaller, but when the button gets hit, it still hurts as badly as it did in the beginning. I’m finding this to be very accurate. My pain button was hit constantly in the beginning by every sight or smell or thought that produced a memory. It doesn’t get hit as often now, but when it does, it still hurts like hell. Your pain button is probably hit 100 times a day. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

I also read that grieving people need to be able to tell their stories. That is what is extra hard for those of us in secret relationships. Who do we tell our stories to? I was lucky to have two friends to confide in and I got a counselor, but I wasn’t able to publicly grieve or take off work or cry in front of my family. That is brutal. So I wanted to let any of you know that if you want to tell your stories to me and talk about your loved ones, Im here to listen.
Comment by Jo on August 26, 2020 at 10:08am
I’m new here just lost my boyfriend. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I miss him so much. He has been gone ten days. I can’t eat sleep work. I am devastated. His wife sent me a message from his phone. When I saw his name come up I lost it. I’m not ok. All the memories and plans we had. I miss him
Comment by CC on August 21, 2020 at 9:25am
Thank you Melissa for your kind words and good energy. I don't wish this pain on anyone.
Comment by CC on August 21, 2020 at 9:23am
Thank you for your support..I had to see a lot of pictures up there in his memorial and I was no where in them. Hearing how his family described him and knowing he was looking for me in April this past April makes me furious at him. Hearing all these things that I know were not true from his family makes me angry. You are brave to have gone to the funeral. I am sorry about your pain too.
Comment by Addie on August 20, 2020 at 10:41pm
I spent months of last year crying in secret, so I know well what you’re feeling. I went to his funeral, where a lot of the pictures in the slideshow were taken by me, but no one in his family knew I existed. I finally sought counseling, which has helped some. I can tell you that it does get easier, even though I know it doesn’t feel like it will. But there are still many days that I cry again when I realize he’s not out there anywhere to text or talk to.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Comment by CC on August 20, 2020 at 7:03pm
Thank you Addie...it is. I have to hide from my family I cry in secret when the tears come. We always vowed to be life long friends and I lost that too. I miss just knowing he was a phone call away.
Comment by Addie on August 18, 2020 at 3:43pm
I’m so sorry CC. Grieving is so hard. Grieving in secret and alone is the worst.
Comment by CC on August 17, 2020 at 9:23pm
I am new here. I just lost the man I was seeing on and off for the last 4 years. We have known each other for 8 years were friends first..coworkers. I had to watch his funeral via liveatream he passed from COVID..he was a Healthcare worker and contracted it at work. I saw how his wife and parents can mourn him openly and I have to pretend among our friends I'm just like the other friends when I was much more. I love him and can't say it, and will never be able to say it.
Comment by Addie on August 25, 2019 at 8:06pm
Emmy, I can imagine what you're feeling. Though our situations are somewhat different, the pain is the same. I'm sorry you're having to go through that. I want him back every day, so I know what you mean.
Comment by Addie on March 21, 2019 at 1:23pm
I had a relationship with someone for 5 years. I am married, and wasn't ready to leave my husband. So this man and I met infrequently (every month or 2) and talked a lot through text, but I felt like we had a very close bond. He finally told me this fall that he was living with someone, but that it was just an arrangement of convenience for him. I spent his last birthday with him, and he said he loved me and that all he wanted for his birthday was to spend it with me. He died exactly a month ago in a car accident, and I'm left with feelings of sadness, Loss, regret, and jealousy that I can't express. At the beginning of the relationship, he hinted that he wanted more than an affair, that he wanted me to leave my husband. I'll never know now what could have been or whether he ever really did want that, or whether I even mattered to him as much as he did to me. I feel hopeless but have to keep up a good face for my family, who wouldn't understand my sadness.
 

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Liv replied to Liv's discussion New to this severity of grief
"Hey guys. Have you ever had people tell you afterwards that they're here for you, but then they never follow through? That's been happening to me a lot lately. Right after everything happened, I've had people come up to me and say…"
21 hours ago
Valerie left a comment for Rosie
"Thank you for reaching out Rosie, I appreciate it the kind words of support"
yesterday
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Profile IconDavid Rhodes and Sol joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Laurie Laing replied to Gyla Lynn Darden's discussion Coping with your loss in the group Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter
"I feel the same way, I cant run from my self.The pain is physical every part of me hurts. My girl loved to laugh and I know she would not want me to be in pain and sad all the time so I try to put on a happy face but inside I am screaming how is the…"
yesterday
Jose L. Rodriguez left a comment for Rosie
"Thank you! :'("
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Valerie updated their profile
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Valerie commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"I can relate to your experience. My mother was just recently murdered by her partner/spouse. He shot her 3 times. At least one shot was to her head, the other two shots I'm still waiting for the autopsy report to know where the other two shots…"
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