Jackie cooke
  • Female
  • Cheshire,,england
  • United Kingdom

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  • Helen Maez
  • Joy
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  • Lost with out him
  • beverly zuriff
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  • Richard Rivera
  • Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong

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About Me:
51 female
About my Loss:
12 March my world came to an end when my life long partner died. We met when I was 16, I am now 51, in the morning she was fine, bustling round the house, looking avenger me as I had broken my ankle. At 12.15 she sat down with me had a drink and discussed our nights tv viewing. She then said she felt hot and started breathing heavily, I got her inhaler, she said I think in dying, and instead of saying i love you I said no your not just sit a minute and get your breath. She then grabbed my hand and said I'm going and was gone. The ambulance took 40 mins to get to me, then drove past as couldn't find us, all the time I was doing chest compressions but nothing worked. She was put on ventilator in hospital for 24 hours so family could come and say goodbye. I don't know what to do.i am alone for the first time. I can't eat sleep or drink, iv no money and can't face working. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up ,there is no point in life now

Jackie cooke's Blog


Hi I have just found and joined this site and really need some help to go on, I lost my partner 3 weeks ago, we have been together since I was 16, I am 51 now. I am in such shock, she was fine in the morning, I have a broken ankle so she was bustling around looking after me, then she said she felt hot. She sat down and said I think I'm dying, I said don't be daft you've done to much just get your breath, then she looked at me, grabbed my hand said I'm going and just died.

What do I do, I… Continue

Posted on April 5, 2017 at 4:55am — 5 Comments

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At 7:10pm on August 31, 2017, Helen Maez said…

Hello  Jackie,

Thank you so much for reassuring words I really needed to hear them. you know there are some days that are worse than others and all I do is cry until I cant cry no more. like today is one of those days. it seems there will days I don't cry and then there those real bad days. Night time is the worse time for me  because we would watch tv together . I no longer watch TV.         

At 8:13pm on July 1, 2017, Francine Goodman said…

My heart goes out to all of us who have lost our partners. It is as hard to write it as it is to say it. I lost my husband of 39 years three years ago to cardiac arrest. 

I keep asking for signs, something, anything to give me hope that we will see each other again. I'm not sure what I believe anymore. I just never knew anything could hurt like this. Is there such a thing as seeing a sign?


At 11:13am on May 10, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Thank you Jackie, it means so much to me to think you are with me, waling beside me.

At 6:51am on May 3, 2017, pamela k branchaud said…

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for writing back to me.  Your loss is tremendous.  Actually both of our losses are.  My husband was the love of my life and I miss him continually.  Bedtime is the worst.  I hate going in the bedroom knowing he won't be joining me.  It's so deeply sad.  I miss everything about him.  Especially his hands.  I loved his hands and the way he looked at me.  He loved me so much and I believe I first fell in love with the way he loved me!  Every day since we met he thought I was beautiful.  I never could understand that because I don't see myself as pretty at all.  But, he did, and he told me often.  I always said he saw me through rose-colored glasses.  I lost that love and that's what hurts so much.  He always called me 'his lady'.  Everyday he asked me, 'how's my lady doing?'  How am I going to go through life never hearing that again?  He loved me so much and I loved him back with my whole heart.  I had one person in this whole world who thought I was their world and that was everything to me. Now, there's no one at the end of the day to listen to how my day went.  All the silly little things that matter to no one but me.  He cared and he always wanted to know how my day went.  Now there's no one.  He died Dec. 10, 2016 and the face that he's really gone is sinking in every day like a deep dark cloud.  It hits me every day some time and I burst into tears wherever I am.  I have no control over it.  Sometimes when I have a period of no pain in my heart I feel the cloud coming and I dread it but I know I can't do anything about it and I have to go through it.  The grieving process I guess.  It's so hard.  I was on a grief site but 90% of the people had lost children mostly to heroin addiction.  I read the posts since Paul's death every night.  It was comforting to connect with people who lost those they loved but more often than not the comments suggested the loss of a child is the worst one could go through.  In my heart I disagreed because I feel the loss of a spouse is worse.  They are your other half.  A child is not.  I'm not minimizing the pain one endures with the loss of a child in any way but I was troubled when they constantly said their pain was more than mine.  A child is a tremendous loss and I pray I never ever experience that (I have 3 children) but when you loose your spouse a part of you dies too.  The bible says you are spiritually joined and make one.  This is not true of a child.  I believe as the bible states when you are joined together in marriage you become one.  They are my beliefs and opinions and I don't mean to offend you or hurt you if I have.  I just don't know how to get through loosing the love of my life and my heart.  The only answer I know of is with God.  I don't know where your faith is but my hope is in God.  He is the sustainer of life and I know He knows the pain in my heart and when I'm alone at night and hurting so badly, He is with me and knows my pain.  From what I read you just lost your spouse a few weeks ago.  I am so sorry.  There are no words but somehow I find it comforting to know someone else knows the pain.  It's exhausting and takes my breath away.  Know you're in my thoughts and sending you a hug.  I pray we get through this day and God carries us when we can't walk.  

At 6:05pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Yes, it's true, people stop caring.  We will never stop grieving but I hope that someday it will not hurt this much.  We have to go through one day at a time.  I don't know if I have faith anymore.  Why would a loving god take away our love prematurely?

At 5:44pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Jackie, My grandmother died at 52 two months after my grandfather died.  The family said she die of a broken heart.  My cousin committed suicide after her husband died so I think people stop doing whatever it takes to stay alive.  If I was sure that I would see Lee again, I'm not sure what I would do.  The wound is so fresh and painful.  

At 3:50pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Jackie,  I go to bed early hoping for an escape from grieving. I don't really know what to do to ease the pain.  I understand how you feel and I do hope it will get better for us but right now I cannot cope with the loss.

At 12:55pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Surviving is the key condition.  I feel so lonrly and sad every minute of every day.  I go to bed at 5pm now and hope to sleep.  I hope I will adjust to this /

At 10:15pm on April 30, 2017, morgan said…

Bev, I already belong and it was a while ago when I joined but I think the way I did it was to click on the group name and then on the desktop version to the left it asks if you want to join the group. I think it works that way.....take care.

At 1:45pm on April 30, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

I am new to this site and need to know how to join "lost a spouse" group.  I am in a lot of gtieving pain.  Thanks.  Bev


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