Jackie cooke
  • Female
  • Cheshire,,england
  • United Kingdom
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  • beverly zuriff
  • Nora
  • Bethany
  • Richard Rivera
  • Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong

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Latest Activity

Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Nora, you are a beautiful women with a beautiful heart. Steve loved you very much but remember you were a success before you met him and not because of him. We need to give ourselves time to grieve it's only been 3 months, who knows if we will…"
Tuesday
Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Kim, your not alone, as Nora's says every word you say matches how I feel. I have lost my best friend, soul mate, partner, my lover. Now I'm alone with my dog and cat. OVer 70 people and the funeral but none of them ring or call. People…"
Monday
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion LIVING ALONE CAN BE LETHAL
"Hi richard, that's really scary, this is probably a stupid question but can you not get some sort of panick button? Shirls brother has epilepsy and he has a button that contacts emergency if he falls or collapses, he doesn't even have to…"
Saturday
Jackie cooke commented on Nora's blog post If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
"Hi Nora, lovely words. Just wish I could feel they were true. Maybe they are, wish we could know for sure then we could maybe find a little peace xx"
Saturday
Jackie cooke replied to Melissa Malone's discussion Sudden loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Melissa, this a living hell, i to lost my partner of 36 years on 12 March, one minute we were laughing and chatting the next she was dead. The shock is unimaginable. I am in the same boat, never paid the bills or dealt with the paper work, have…"
Saturday
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion YES, IT DOES FEEL LIKE THE FIRST DAY
"I had a dream last night about Shirl, I knew in the dream that I only had a day with her and then she would die. I was holding her and we were both sobbing then I must have woke up. Richard it feels like she died again last night, I'm sobbing…"
Jun 16
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"I agree Joanne, it wouldn't even be fair on anyone else as they could never even to start to compare to shirl. Iv never wanted or looked or thought about being with anyone else since I was 16 so if I haven't in 36 years I'm not going…"
Jun 12
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post No Title
"Hthanks for posting, every word is true"
Jun 9
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion TO REMARRY OR NOT?
"Richard I to am struggling with the emptiness and loneliness but there is absolutely no way I could consider being with anyone else. As painful as this life is I do not want to replace Shirl. I wouldn't judge anyone or blame anyone for moving…"
Jun 9
Jackie cooke commented on Valentina Jolley's blog post Letter to you; my other half in heaven
"That's one of the saddest loveliest letters I have read. It's all so true, I died the day Shirl died and now I am just existing. 36 years together and still not a fraction of the time I needed. People say life goes on but mine ended 12…"
Jun 7
Jackie cooke replied to Jules's discussion Lost without my husband in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi jules, I am so sorry you have lost your husband, I to lost my partner to a sudden cardiac arrest on 12 March, I had been with her since I was 16, 36 years, I have no children, just my pets and I would like to be able to tell you it gets easier,…"
Jun 3
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion Terror terror and more terror
"Hi richard, I'm sorry you are suffering so, I read your post this morning and have been thinking about you. I know how you feel, I to am alone although I have my dog who is now my world and I can not leave her. I know you believe that Annette…"
Jun 1
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm sure your right, and Bisto bit better thank god, it's just at the moment I feel like I am loosing everything. All our plans hopes and dreams gone, just emptiness and loneliness. I can't remember her voice even. It's so hard x"
May 24
Jackie cooke replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Hi Lynda, that's a lovely thought. I'm still struggling with it all, everything seems to have gone wrong since she died. Today our dog has been very poorly and I had to take her to the vets alone, it as so hard as she hates the vets. I…"
May 24
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel so alone, I don't think Shirl is with me. Everything is going wrong, Bisto our dog who was her world is poorly. I have to take her to the vets by myself, I'm terrified in case it's serious. She is my only reason for living now.…"
May 24
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I know Jerry, there just doesn't seem any point in getting up and carrying on. What's the point of anything, I was cleaning house yesterday, then thought why am I bothering, there's no one to see or care what the house looks like.my…"
May 19

Profile Information

About Me:
51 female
About my Loss:
12 March my world came to an end when my life long partner died. We met when I was 16, I am now 51, in the morning she was fine, bustling round the house, looking avenger me as I had broken my ankle. At 12.15 she sat down with me had a drink and discussed our nights tv viewing. She then said she felt hot and started breathing heavily, I got her inhaler, she said I think in dying, and instead of saying i love you I said no your not just sit a minute and get your breath. She then grabbed my hand and said I'm going and was gone. The ambulance took 40 mins to get to me, then drove past as couldn't find us, all the time I was doing chest compressions but nothing worked. She was put on ventilator in hospital for 24 hours so family could come and say goodbye. I don't know what to do.i am alone for the first time. I can't eat sleep or drink, iv no money and can't face working. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up ,there is no point in life now

Jackie cooke's Blog

Help

Hi I have just found and joined this site and really need some help to go on, I lost my partner 3 weeks ago, we have been together since I was 16, I am 51 now. I am in such shock, she was fine in the morning, I have a broken ankle so she was bustling around looking after me, then she said she felt hot. She sat down and said I think I'm dying, I said don't be daft you've done to much just get your breath, then she looked at me, grabbed my hand said I'm going and just died.

What do I do, I… Continue

Posted on April 5, 2017 at 4:55am — 6 Comments

Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 11:13am on May 10, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Thank you Jackie, it means so much to me to think you are with me, waling beside me.

At 6:51am on May 3, 2017, pamela k branchaud said…

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for writing back to me.  Your loss is tremendous.  Actually both of our losses are.  My husband was the love of my life and I miss him continually.  Bedtime is the worst.  I hate going in the bedroom knowing he won't be joining me.  It's so deeply sad.  I miss everything about him.  Especially his hands.  I loved his hands and the way he looked at me.  He loved me so much and I believe I first fell in love with the way he loved me!  Every day since we met he thought I was beautiful.  I never could understand that because I don't see myself as pretty at all.  But, he did, and he told me often.  I always said he saw me through rose-colored glasses.  I lost that love and that's what hurts so much.  He always called me 'his lady'.  Everyday he asked me, 'how's my lady doing?'  How am I going to go through life never hearing that again?  He loved me so much and I loved him back with my whole heart.  I had one person in this whole world who thought I was their world and that was everything to me. Now, there's no one at the end of the day to listen to how my day went.  All the silly little things that matter to no one but me.  He cared and he always wanted to know how my day went.  Now there's no one.  He died Dec. 10, 2016 and the face that he's really gone is sinking in every day like a deep dark cloud.  It hits me every day some time and I burst into tears wherever I am.  I have no control over it.  Sometimes when I have a period of no pain in my heart I feel the cloud coming and I dread it but I know I can't do anything about it and I have to go through it.  The grieving process I guess.  It's so hard.  I was on a grief site but 90% of the people had lost children mostly to heroin addiction.  I read the posts since Paul's death every night.  It was comforting to connect with people who lost those they loved but more often than not the comments suggested the loss of a child is the worst one could go through.  In my heart I disagreed because I feel the loss of a spouse is worse.  They are your other half.  A child is not.  I'm not minimizing the pain one endures with the loss of a child in any way but I was troubled when they constantly said their pain was more than mine.  A child is a tremendous loss and I pray I never ever experience that (I have 3 children) but when you loose your spouse a part of you dies too.  The bible says you are spiritually joined and make one.  This is not true of a child.  I believe as the bible states when you are joined together in marriage you become one.  They are my beliefs and opinions and I don't mean to offend you or hurt you if I have.  I just don't know how to get through loosing the love of my life and my heart.  The only answer I know of is with God.  I don't know where your faith is but my hope is in God.  He is the sustainer of life and I know He knows the pain in my heart and when I'm alone at night and hurting so badly, He is with me and knows my pain.  From what I read you just lost your spouse a few weeks ago.  I am so sorry.  There are no words but somehow I find it comforting to know someone else knows the pain.  It's exhausting and takes my breath away.  Know you're in my thoughts and sending you a hug.  I pray we get through this day and God carries us when we can't walk.  

At 6:05pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Yes, it's true, people stop caring.  We will never stop grieving but I hope that someday it will not hurt this much.  We have to go through one day at a time.  I don't know if I have faith anymore.  Why would a loving god take away our love prematurely?

At 5:44pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Jackie, My grandmother died at 52 two months after my grandfather died.  The family said she die of a broken heart.  My cousin committed suicide after her husband died so I think people stop doing whatever it takes to stay alive.  If I was sure that I would see Lee again, I'm not sure what I would do.  The wound is so fresh and painful.  

At 3:50pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Jackie,  I go to bed early hoping for an escape from grieving. I don't really know what to do to ease the pain.  I understand how you feel and I do hope it will get better for us but right now I cannot cope with the loss.

At 12:55pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Surviving is the key condition.  I feel so lonrly and sad every minute of every day.  I go to bed at 5pm now and hope to sleep.  I hope I will adjust to this /

At 10:15pm on April 30, 2017, morgan said…

Bev, I already belong and it was a while ago when I joined but I think the way I did it was to click on the group name and then on the desktop version to the left it asks if you want to join the group. I think it works that way.....take care.

At 1:45pm on April 30, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

I am new to this site and need to know how to join "lost a spouse" group.  I am in a lot of gtieving pain.  Thanks.  Bev

At 12:48pm on April 28, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Thank you Jackie  for your comments.  You seem to be going through the exact thing I am.  Noone to say "you look beautiful, I love you so much, it hurts".  Never again will I receive such undying devotion and love.  Life is so lonely and empty.  I hope we both can go through this grief and feel better eventually.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes, that is exactly how I feel."
11 minutes ago
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Went to the 2nd session of support group.  Grief is grief and hurts no matter what the loss.  It hurts, you feel alone.  I have learned one thing from group is we are not alone. There are 2 different groups those that are…"
11 minutes ago
Jean replied to Darlene's discussion My grief has made me feel numb from the neck down, has anyone else felt this?
"I had that feeling when my nephew called me and told me his brother had killed himself one year after my brother (their father) died. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before. From the top of my head all the way to my feet just a rush of ?…"
9 hours ago
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, ladies, I just found some thought that actually explains how I feel now: Sounds familiar? Grieving and trying to be nice, crying and smiling to look nice next minute... It is a great movie anyway - watch when you can."
yesterday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Jackie. Those horrible panic attacks just visit us often. Suddenly the whole world is turning black and no oxygen anymore. Jackie, I accept you as acting Steve - I hope he does not mind - and I really appreciate your support - I know you…"
yesterday
AnneJ replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi, Kim. Please don't feel sorry about discussing different topics; it's how our minds work and your words are a comfort to so many. Just knowing someone feels the same, hurts the same, has the same inner voice... the empty bed, the…"
yesterday
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I try not come on here in the early morning as I start work early so I can go home early.  That was my routine.  We would get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee and I would go off to work.  I looked forward to going home a little…"
yesterday
Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Nora, you are a beautiful women with a beautiful heart. Steve loved you very much but remember you were a success before you met him and not because of him. We need to give ourselves time to grieve it's only been 3 months, who knows if we will…"
Tuesday
Nora posted a status
"Hi, Pumpkin! 3 months without you today. Started looking for a job. I know you are proud of me now. But it is so hard without you. Love""
Tuesday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Ladies, I just had one more pain caused by simple actions that I even did not pay attention to before. Well, I sat to start looking for a job. It was already hard as I have a "meeting people & leaving the house" anxiety. Also, it…"
Tuesday
Jennifer B posted a photo
Tuesday
Lost with out him replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I too feel exactly as everyone here has discribed it. Four months in.. Lost the love of my life. I feeling like the walking dead.. I function because I am expected to. I go to work because I haven't any choice. I have to sell my house.( for…"
Tuesday
Bethany posted a blog post

One down...

Having a glass of wine for my mom tonight and trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's been gone for a year. A whole year. A year without daily emails just so I'd wake up to an email every morning. A year without daily Skype chats just to catch up even though nothing much ever changed. A year without an e-card for every random holiday. A year without hearing about the dumb things my dad was or wasn't doing. A year without my best friend. A year without my mom.See More
Monday
gregory harvey posted a blog post

National TV show wants to help unsolved cold cases

I am the producer of a nationally televised crime docu-series. I am currently developing a new series focusing on unsolved cold cases, where the perpetrator is known but remains uncharged, many times because they are already in prison for life for another crime. That should not deter anyone else from getting justice. We will bring in outside, independent cold case detectives to rework cases to see if we can help. The series will underscore the hope, strength and tenacity of the families and…See More
Monday
morgan replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I really hate to reply to this thread as I am four years and almost five months into the loss of the love of my life and I can hardly stand the roller coaster I am on.  I am careening off the tracks "again" and I come here to reassure…"
Monday
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you all for the kind support here.  It does help.  I too feel lost at time.  This morning I was up at 3:30 watching TV; my alarm goes off at 4:45, no sense in trying to go back to sleep.  Like some one else said on here, my…"
Monday
Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Kim, your not alone, as Nora's says every word you say matches how I feel. I have lost my best friend, soul mate, partner, my lover. Now I'm alone with my dog and cat. OVer 70 people and the funeral but none of them ring or call. People…"
Monday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, If I could I would just copy each word of yours and paste it here. I am exactly in the same boat. I know how you fell and what is going on with you. I will have 3 months tomorrow and today is 13 weeks since my Steve just gone, disappeared into…"
Monday
KIM Montgomery added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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Missing my Best Friend

Again, I am missing my best friend tomorrow will be 7 weeks.  I went back to work last week and it helped some.   Getting into a routine helped.  The issue I have is when I get home he is not there.  That was our time together. Yesterday being father's day the adult kids were lost as was I. My son lives close by and my daughter is 300 miles away.  I was alone without the kids, just my 2 little dogs.  I am so thankful for them.They say go back to work it will help, they say it has been 6 weeks…See More
Monday
Mike H. posted a blog post

Mourning by Definition

MourningThe outward expression of grief over a death or some other calamity. In Bible times, it was customary to mourn for a period of time. In addition to weeping loudly, mourners wore special clothes, put ashes on their head, ripped their garments, and beat their chest. Professional mourners were sometimes invited to funerals.—Ge 23:2;…See More
Monday

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