Jackie cooke
  • Female
  • Cheshire,,england
  • United Kingdom
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Jackie cooke's Friends

  • Joy
  • KIM Montgomery
  • irina s
  • Lost with out him
  • beverly zuriff
  • Nora
  • Bethany
  • Richard Rivera
  • Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong

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Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It will always be we, us ours, I never want it to just be me. Just cos Shirl not with me physically she is still part of me and still part of our lives"
yesterday
Jackie cooke and Joy are now friends
Aug 7
Jackie cooke replied to Linda Engberg's discussion No one cares after spouses death.
"That's such a happy picture, made me smile. Hugs jackie x"
Jul 11
Jackie cooke commented on Pamela philipp's blog post Lost
"Hi Pamela, this is normal. Over 100 people at shirls funeral, no one been near, no phone calls. I think people can't handle our grief, they think it's catching, maybe we remind them this could be them one day, I don't know but I do…"
Jul 3
Francine Goodman left a comment for Jackie cooke
"My heart goes out to all of us who have lost our partners. It is as hard to write it as it is to say it. I lost my husband of 39 years three years ago to cardiac arrest.  I keep asking for signs, something, anything to give me hope that we will…"
Jul 1
Jackie cooke replied to corina lyttle's discussion lost my fiance to overdose in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you. I wish I could help but am in a dark place myself. Just know your not alone and we all know what. Your going through x"
Jul 1
Jackie cooke and Lost with out him are now friends
Jun 30
KIM Montgomery and Jackie cooke are now friends
Jun 29
KIM Montgomery left a comment for Jackie cooke
"Hi Jackie, I understand how you feel.  Each day brings a new unknown.  How am I going to feel today.  I woke up this morning feeling well this is what is like, waking up alone no good morning to my love.  I have 2 precious…"
Jun 28
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Kim, it's up to 14 weeks for me, and I'm finding each day it's getting worse not better. I think reality is starting to set in so I suddenly get hit with the total fear that this is it, this is my life now, empty. I can't…"
Jun 28
Nora replied to Jackie cooke's discussion Moving on in the group How to move on...
"Moving on is not forgetting. Moving on for me right now is only taking myself to some other level - better to say moving out of pain. Guilt. Jakie sent me some time a site where they say - you did not cause his death, you did not kill or hurt…"
Jun 26
morgan replied to Jackie cooke's discussion Moving on in the group How to move on...
"Jackie & Lost, The loss of our spouse is like nothing we could have ever dreamt it would be.  After 35 years with my husband and having known him for 55 with lots of trial and tribulations in between there are no real set ways of coping.…"
Jun 25
Lost with out him replied to Jackie cooke's discussion Moving on in the group How to move on...
"Hi Jackie: I agree, I joined this group and have been worried all night that I should not have. I am no where near moving on either. In fact the way I feel now I am content not to as to not devalue our relationship. So I will watch from afar and…"
Jun 25
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion FIGHTING THE GUILT AND DEPTHS OF DEPRESSION in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi richard well done for going back to work, I am proud of you and I know Annette will be proud to. You have been so brave to face your pain and fears and get back to work. There has been so much tragedy here in the uk in recent weeks, so many…"
Jun 25
Jackie cooke added a discussion to the group How to move on...
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Moving on

Moving on, it sounds so final, I'm not sure I'm ready to move on, I know I don't want to, not if moving on means living my life without Shirl, alone. I know I have no choice, this is reality but I still feel this is so unreal, I'm waiting for normality to return, treading water till it does. I thought I was doing ok, thought I was surviving, now the whole grief thing has hit me again with its full force, I'm back to square one, just staying in bed, hiding from it. I'm no where near moving on x
Jun 25
Jackie cooke joined Steph's group
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How to move on...

How to move on after the loss of your significant other? Is this possible? When? Navigating through this process while also dealing with your grief. See More
Jun 25

Profile Information

About Me:
51 female
About my Loss:
12 March my world came to an end when my life long partner died. We met when I was 16, I am now 51, in the morning she was fine, bustling round the house, looking avenger me as I had broken my ankle. At 12.15 she sat down with me had a drink and discussed our nights tv viewing. She then said she felt hot and started breathing heavily, I got her inhaler, she said I think in dying, and instead of saying i love you I said no your not just sit a minute and get your breath. She then grabbed my hand and said I'm going and was gone. The ambulance took 40 mins to get to me, then drove past as couldn't find us, all the time I was doing chest compressions but nothing worked. She was put on ventilator in hospital for 24 hours so family could come and say goodbye. I don't know what to do.i am alone for the first time. I can't eat sleep or drink, iv no money and can't face working. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up ,there is no point in life now

Jackie cooke's Blog

Help

Hi I have just found and joined this site and really need some help to go on, I lost my partner 3 weeks ago, we have been together since I was 16, I am 51 now. I am in such shock, she was fine in the morning, I have a broken ankle so she was bustling around looking after me, then she said she felt hot. She sat down and said I think I'm dying, I said don't be daft you've done to much just get your breath, then she looked at me, grabbed my hand said I'm going and just died.

What do I do, I… Continue

Posted on April 5, 2017 at 4:55am — 6 Comments

Comment Wall (11 comments)

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At 8:13pm on July 1, 2017, Francine Goodman said…

My heart goes out to all of us who have lost our partners. It is as hard to write it as it is to say it. I lost my husband of 39 years three years ago to cardiac arrest. 

I keep asking for signs, something, anything to give me hope that we will see each other again. I'm not sure what I believe anymore. I just never knew anything could hurt like this. Is there such a thing as seeing a sign?

Fran

At 7:03pm on June 28, 2017, KIM Montgomery said…

Hi Jackie,

I understand how you feel.  Each day brings a new unknown.  How am I going to feel today.  I woke up this morning feeling well this is what is like, waking up alone no good morning to my love.  I have 2 precious puppies.  Before I met my dear husband "Jackie" I was a workaholic; worked 2 jobs and took 2 college classes at the same time.  Things slowed down, finished school; worked one 1 job and started to actually spend some time with people. Jack came along and he was so wonderful. No not perfect but he was a very caring person.  He was put on disability a couple years after we married and so I was the one that worked and he stayed home.  It was hard for him because he wasn't use to this; he adapted.  He always kept busy and his biggest goal was to have things done around the house so when I got home from work we would spend time together.  Like you know I think about those things and the no longer.  We looked forward to our time in the morning and a cup of coffee before I went to work.  Coming home from work and have dinner and watching a couple of shows together.  One of the shows we watched was The Voice.  I can no longer even turn it on or am I interested in the show.  Just know how you feel you are not alone. The days of not wanting to get up.  The days to pull all strength I have to get things done, simple things like going to the grocery store.

At 11:13am on May 10, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Thank you Jackie, it means so much to me to think you are with me, waling beside me.

At 6:51am on May 3, 2017, pamela k branchaud said…

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for writing back to me.  Your loss is tremendous.  Actually both of our losses are.  My husband was the love of my life and I miss him continually.  Bedtime is the worst.  I hate going in the bedroom knowing he won't be joining me.  It's so deeply sad.  I miss everything about him.  Especially his hands.  I loved his hands and the way he looked at me.  He loved me so much and I believe I first fell in love with the way he loved me!  Every day since we met he thought I was beautiful.  I never could understand that because I don't see myself as pretty at all.  But, he did, and he told me often.  I always said he saw me through rose-colored glasses.  I lost that love and that's what hurts so much.  He always called me 'his lady'.  Everyday he asked me, 'how's my lady doing?'  How am I going to go through life never hearing that again?  He loved me so much and I loved him back with my whole heart.  I had one person in this whole world who thought I was their world and that was everything to me. Now, there's no one at the end of the day to listen to how my day went.  All the silly little things that matter to no one but me.  He cared and he always wanted to know how my day went.  Now there's no one.  He died Dec. 10, 2016 and the face that he's really gone is sinking in every day like a deep dark cloud.  It hits me every day some time and I burst into tears wherever I am.  I have no control over it.  Sometimes when I have a period of no pain in my heart I feel the cloud coming and I dread it but I know I can't do anything about it and I have to go through it.  The grieving process I guess.  It's so hard.  I was on a grief site but 90% of the people had lost children mostly to heroin addiction.  I read the posts since Paul's death every night.  It was comforting to connect with people who lost those they loved but more often than not the comments suggested the loss of a child is the worst one could go through.  In my heart I disagreed because I feel the loss of a spouse is worse.  They are your other half.  A child is not.  I'm not minimizing the pain one endures with the loss of a child in any way but I was troubled when they constantly said their pain was more than mine.  A child is a tremendous loss and I pray I never ever experience that (I have 3 children) but when you loose your spouse a part of you dies too.  The bible says you are spiritually joined and make one.  This is not true of a child.  I believe as the bible states when you are joined together in marriage you become one.  They are my beliefs and opinions and I don't mean to offend you or hurt you if I have.  I just don't know how to get through loosing the love of my life and my heart.  The only answer I know of is with God.  I don't know where your faith is but my hope is in God.  He is the sustainer of life and I know He knows the pain in my heart and when I'm alone at night and hurting so badly, He is with me and knows my pain.  From what I read you just lost your spouse a few weeks ago.  I am so sorry.  There are no words but somehow I find it comforting to know someone else knows the pain.  It's exhausting and takes my breath away.  Know you're in my thoughts and sending you a hug.  I pray we get through this day and God carries us when we can't walk.  

At 6:05pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Yes, it's true, people stop caring.  We will never stop grieving but I hope that someday it will not hurt this much.  We have to go through one day at a time.  I don't know if I have faith anymore.  Why would a loving god take away our love prematurely?

At 5:44pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Jackie, My grandmother died at 52 two months after my grandfather died.  The family said she die of a broken heart.  My cousin committed suicide after her husband died so I think people stop doing whatever it takes to stay alive.  If I was sure that I would see Lee again, I'm not sure what I would do.  The wound is so fresh and painful.  

At 3:50pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Jackie,  I go to bed early hoping for an escape from grieving. I don't really know what to do to ease the pain.  I understand how you feel and I do hope it will get better for us but right now I cannot cope with the loss.

At 12:55pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Surviving is the key condition.  I feel so lonrly and sad every minute of every day.  I go to bed at 5pm now and hope to sleep.  I hope I will adjust to this /

At 10:15pm on April 30, 2017, morgan said…

Bev, I already belong and it was a while ago when I joined but I think the way I did it was to click on the group name and then on the desktop version to the left it asks if you want to join the group. I think it works that way.....take care.

At 1:45pm on April 30, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

I am new to this site and need to know how to join "lost a spouse" group.  I am in a lot of gtieving pain.  Thanks.  Bev

 
 
 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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17 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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