"I feel the same way Linda. But, I've had so many experiences that make me pretty sure there is one. I'm afraid to have wasted all of this suffering for nothing. If there is an afterlife/reincarnation, to kill myself now will mean I'll…"
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December. She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on. Perhaps it did me no favors in that you fully believe your going to beat this but in the end she was healed. Not in the way we were all praying for, but healed none-the-less, according to God's plan. I have to understand that I'm not in control. That has been the hardest thing for me to grasp is that I can't fix it, no matter how much I want to. The best doctors and medicines couldn't beat her cancer. I'm devastated but hold on to the hope that God's grace will be sufficient. I wish you all the good things in life! If you ever need to vent, I'll be here. -Tim
I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you can take each moment at a time and try not to think to much ahead, it just becomes overwhelming. I have not a sincere laugh or happy moment since I lost my love. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "my worst fear come to life". I lost my husband after a 10 month battle with cancer, he died in February and my life has become a series of uneventful acts, nothing has meaning. I cry everyday and its still the ugly cry! But I can also hear my husband telling me not to give up, he told me before he died that the hardest part of everything was seeing me fall apart, so I try to be strong and enjoy life as we planned. Its hard but some days are less hard. I haven't found anyone but family that understands. I too am have no children and am fairly young 49 ( to be a widow), I do have a dog that has kept me sane, truly if it wasn't for her I would never get out of bed. Although I understand the temptation to end the misery of life, I hope you don't and just give it time. Time isn't a cure for missing your love but in time you may feel that you have something to be here for. As we all on this site can attest to, life changes in a flash...I don't mean to be preachy at all, I just think that we are all put on this earth for a reason and life needs to run its course...There is a good I am totally wrong but it is what gets me through the pain.I wish you peace and love. Sue
Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death. He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday. No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died. I am a broken shell of a halfway functioning person and it is only on sites like this that I get my most comfort since everyone here understands the depth of what death does to those left behind. I am so sorry that you have to join us but somehow sharing our misery seems to relieve a certain amount of the load we carry. One hour at a time.
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Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
"Sorry to see your stories here... There is nothing worse. I will be at 4 years in June. After a while at least for me, the acute pain just became dull pain. I have heard that grief is love turned inside out. No…"
"Thank you bluebird for always encapsulating the horror movie we live in in a way that is gentle but firm. I can only nod my head in agreement with each of the points you made because I am so exhausted by trying to explain this widowing to…"
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me.
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel. When my husband died several people, including…"
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch.
That's what I…"
Nice to have your words and well wishes here. We all know this journey all too well. There are days u dread as well, and on those days we all have, we just need to be very gentle with ourselves. That's something I'm…"
"Re baby steps, one thing that has helped me is doing things that we did together, or learning to do things that she did. It might sound sad or even heartbreaking, to do those things alone, and if it feels that way it’s not the right…"
"Day by day. Minute by minute. Find something, anything that makes you happy and focus on it. For me it's my dog. When she is gone I will focus on something else. It could be anything.
If that doesn't work, do it for your mom. Carry on for…"
"For me it now has been three years ... three years and four months.
I survived first by distracting myself from it, thrust into work and no time to think, it would only come back at evenings and nights to haunt me ...
I guess what helped me was…"
"Bluebird, so sorry for you loss,your posts spoke my feelings exactly on grief and pain of living. Can you please let me know how you survived all these years.
Its been just over 2 weeks and each day is an eternity for me I hope I don’t…"
"it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?"
"Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel. I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable. I say to…"
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"