JenShep
  • Female
  • Washington, DC
  • United States
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JenShep's Friends

  • Geri
  • TimB
  • Amy
  • Lost with out him
  • Alice Thompson
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • morgan

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JenShep's Page

Latest Activity

JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I haven't posted in a while but I'm still in the same boat I was last time I posted and to come back here and read others' posts that sound so much like what I'm still going through is a bit of a comfort.  Joe, like you I…"
Tuesday
JenShep replied to Nicole's discussion Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Some days, yes it does. And some days it’s worse than the day you lost him. I’m two years out."
Oct 18
JenShep and Geri are now friends
Jul 19
JenShep replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"bluebird, that's the perfect answer and exactly what I'd want. I think about this all the time. I also think of how hard it would be to have him back for 5 minutes and then to have to lose him again if I wasn't able to follow him. For…"
Jul 19
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Yes! I keep thinking I’ll find my reason for still existing but it eludes me. And without reason, what is the point of anything? And the exhaustion... it’s worse now than it ever was. I feel like I’m walking through water…"
Jun 30
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Jon-Paul. I am afraid I am on the same path and appreciate your advice a lot. "
Jun 25
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Geraldine, i have spoken to two different mediums. Both were recommended to me by the same person but I will say this person was much less of a skeptic than I am. Both readings were a let down. The first one was just awful. Nothing she said hit on…"
Jun 20
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here. I’ve been wondering what it is about me that makes me this way. Just out of curiosity, would some of you share your astrological signs? I’m a Capricorn and it’s one of the most loyal signs in the zodiac. I have wondered…"
Jun 20
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I totally understand what you’re expressing and I feel the same way although my certainty waxes and wanes. Sometimes I feel so good because I know he’s right here with me and sometimes I can’t feel it and sink back down into…"
May 20
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I’ve cried for 561 days in a row. How can that not kill me?? This is crazy. How can we live like this?"
Apr 29
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nancy, Yup, yup, yup. I know I shouldn't compare with other people's losses but I do think this is the worst. We lose our biggest love and we lose in all parts of life too. We eat dinner alone. We go to bed alone. We don't have…"
Mar 13
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, Thank you so much. Your comment did a lot for me - it made me feel really good!  I've had so many times where I'm convinced that Tom is with me. I heard his voice for the first time in a year and a half just a few weeks ago.…"
Mar 13
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, The only thing that keeps me here is thinking about how much my mom would suffer if I were gone AND the idea that I would have to come back in a next life and go through this again. I can't imagine having to do this again in another…"
Mar 8
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda and Morgan, I feel the same as you both. Every night I state my intention that I will die (an easy death hopefully since Tom's was so horrific) and be with Tom and that we will go on a great adventure together and never have to be apart…"
Mar 2
JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
Jan 20
JenShep is now friends with TimB, Amy and Jon-Paul Ackerman
Jan 17

Profile Information

About Me:
43yo, no kids, no pets.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life in October, only 5 months after his stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis. He was only 41. A young 41. It was my worst fear come to life.

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 9:28am on January 17, 2018, TimB said…

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on. Perhaps it did me no favors in that you fully believe your going to beat this but in the end she was healed. Not in the way we were all praying for, but healed none-the-less, according to God's plan. I have to understand that I'm not in control. That has been the hardest thing for me to grasp is that I can't fix it, no matter how much I want to. The best doctors and medicines couldn't beat her cancer. I'm devastated but hold on to the hope that God's grace will be sufficient. I wish you all the good things in life! If you ever need to vent, I'll be here. -Tim

At 5:51pm on September 23, 2017, Susan K said…

Hi Jen,

I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you can take each moment at a time and try not to think to much ahead, it just becomes overwhelming. I have not a  sincere laugh or happy moment since I lost my love. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "my worst fear come to life". I lost my husband after a 10 month battle with cancer, he died in February and my life has become a series of uneventful acts, nothing has meaning. I cry everyday and its still the ugly cry! But I can also hear my husband telling me not to give up, he told me before he died that the hardest part of everything was seeing me fall apart, so I try to be strong and enjoy life as we planned. Its hard but some days are less hard. I haven't found anyone but family that understands. I too am have no children and am fairly young 49 ( to be a widow), I do have a dog that has kept me sane, truly if it wasn't for her I would never get out of bed. Although I understand the temptation to end the misery of life, I hope you don't and just give it time. Time isn't a cure for missing your love but in time you may feel that you have something to be here for. As we all on this site can attest to, life changes in a flash...I don't mean to be preachy at all, I just think that we are all put on this earth for a reason and life needs to run its course...There is a good I am totally wrong but it is what gets me through the pain.I wish you peace and love. Sue

At 12:08am on July 6, 2017, Alice Thompson said…
Hello Jen, it was wonderful to read about your love's vibration visit, and it warmed my heart. Sometimes I think grief is only this hard because we are trying to live in a world that believes our loves are absent, whereas the reality is that they are not gone at all, but just in a different state. It is our fight against that reality that makes us suffer mentally. That's my idea. In any case I know my love is with me for various reasons including signs and communication... and just "deep knowing". If only I could hold onto that understanding in the face of this physical world and all the people in it who would not believe me. With love to you.
At 1:26pm on June 23, 2017, morgan said…

Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death.  He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday.  No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died.  I am a broken shell of a halfway functioning person and it is only on sites like this that I get my most comfort since everyone here understands the depth of what death does to those left behind.  I am so sorry that you have to join us but somehow sharing our misery seems to relieve a certain amount of the load we carry.  One hour at a time.

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

M Adams left a comment for clarinda sprankle
"Dear Clarinda, what a terrible loss -- my heart goes out to you.  One of my uncles recently had to move into assisted living for similar reasons, so his wife is now on her own in their apartment.  She seems to be coping, but I'm…"
14 hours ago
Survivor17 updated their profile
yesterday
Survivor17 is now friends with Michael and clarinda sprankle
yesterday
Linda Engberg shared Kristina Rose's photo on Facebook
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Morgan and Trina, Thanks for the two beautiful posts. We are so lucky to have this forum.It is a place we can come to and not be judged by the world for the way we feel. This is the only support we have to make it through our daily lives. Thank…"
yesterday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear morgan, Linda, John, Joe, Denise, JenShep, Monty, and all Those Others reading this, I empathize with you all. My heart goes out to you! I think one of the reasons that others who have not lost a spouse do not understand us is because as Linda…"
Wednesday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear morgan, Linda, John, Joe, Denise, JenShep, Monty, and all Those Others reading this, I empathize with you all. My heart goes out to you! I think one of the reasons that others who have not lost a spouse do not understand us is because as Linda…"
Wednesday
Virginia G replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"What about your past?  I have so many regrets about mine.  I think about my whole life and everything I did wrong and how I want to do it over"
Wednesday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am thinking God is trying to tell me I deserve to be alone.   Theresa I know the Doors but don’t like them.  Im old. And I think the penny was from your Mom. Brett, I liked your line, “honking load of crap”.   And…"
Wednesday
mindy posted a discussion

Feeling pretty well depressed

My depression has been at it worse since I lost my grandpa it will be two years March 25th and my past bothers me alot too See More
Tuesday
Kristen Harlow posted a discussion

Feeling alone

I’ve been through a lot. In 2014, my father became officially bedridden on Christmas day due to Frontotemporal dementia and my sister was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. She went through operations, a colostomy bag, and 6 months of chemo. In 2015, my husband’s play went to Broadway, and for that play he was nominated for a Tony award, as was the play itself, the playwright, and 3 of the actors.We went to the Tony award ceremony on June 7, and the next day, out of the blue, he told me he…See More
Tuesday
Profile IconKristen Harlow, Susie A, Ginny Brown and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It isn't a secret how death affects many of us.  Its just avoided when the conversation comes up......For us it is as though we buried ourselves.  I think it is brave and necessary for those who have lost their beloved and still have…"
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jen, You hit the nail on the head that all people on this site didn't have the kind of love we had with our spouses. They were our soulmates and we were as one."
Tuesday
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I haven't posted in a while but I'm still in the same boat I was last time I posted and to come back here and read others' posts that sound so much like what I'm still going through is a bit of a comfort.  Joe, like you I…"
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi John, I still have the car my Husband and  bought in 2003. I keep it in tip top shape because it is still part of him and brings me comfort. After almost six years I still attend the annual workshop "Hope for the Holidays" given by…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I believe when you are talking to God your mom hears you she is right there. I also do not get any signals, but pay closer attention. I was praying to her one night because someone close to me is not well, and I said please mom help, please ask…"
Tuesday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I also talk to God now at my home or in temple. It makes me feel that I am talking to my mom.  I did not receive any signals which make me feel that my mother is nearby but I still believe that she can listen me. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I wish I could go to church with you. Church is very emotional for me. It's a combination of sadness and a feeling that I am close to my mom there. I cry a lot at church. Not out loud, but I try to sit in the back now. I don't…"
Tuesday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"A few days ago, our old car blew a head gasket on the freeway as I was on the way for a consultation with a doctor about skin cancer.  I am a baby about it even though it's not life-threatening.  Another of those times when I feel so…"
Tuesday

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