JenShep
  • Female
  • Washington, DC
  • United States
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JenShep's Friends

  • Geraldine Brown
  • TimB
  • Amy
  • Lost with out him
  • Alice Thompson
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • morgan

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Latest Activity

JenShep and Geraldine Brown are now friends
Jul 19
JenShep replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"bluebird, that's the perfect answer and exactly what I'd want. I think about this all the time. I also think of how hard it would be to have him back for 5 minutes and then to have to lose him again if I wasn't able to follow him. For…"
Jul 19
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Yes! I keep thinking I’ll find my reason for still existing but it eludes me. And without reason, what is the point of anything? And the exhaustion... it’s worse now than it ever was. I feel like I’m walking through water…"
Jun 30
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Jon-Paul. I am afraid I am on the same path and appreciate your advice a lot. "
Jun 25
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Geraldine, i have spoken to two different mediums. Both were recommended to me by the same person but I will say this person was much less of a skeptic than I am. Both readings were a let down. The first one was just awful. Nothing she said hit on…"
Jun 20
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here. I’ve been wondering what it is about me that makes me this way. Just out of curiosity, would some of you share your astrological signs? I’m a Capricorn and it’s one of the most loyal signs in the zodiac. I have wondered…"
Jun 20
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I totally understand what you’re expressing and I feel the same way although my certainty waxes and wanes. Sometimes I feel so good because I know he’s right here with me and sometimes I can’t feel it and sink back down into…"
May 20
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I’ve cried for 561 days in a row. How can that not kill me?? This is crazy. How can we live like this?"
Apr 29
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nancy, Yup, yup, yup. I know I shouldn't compare with other people's losses but I do think this is the worst. We lose our biggest love and we lose in all parts of life too. We eat dinner alone. We go to bed alone. We don't have…"
Mar 13
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, Thank you so much. Your comment did a lot for me - it made me feel really good!  I've had so many times where I'm convinced that Tom is with me. I heard his voice for the first time in a year and a half just a few weeks ago.…"
Mar 13
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, The only thing that keeps me here is thinking about how much my mom would suffer if I were gone AND the idea that I would have to come back in a next life and go through this again. I can't imagine having to do this again in another…"
Mar 8
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda and Morgan, I feel the same as you both. Every night I state my intention that I will die (an easy death hopefully since Tom's was so horrific) and be with Tom and that we will go on a great adventure together and never have to be apart…"
Mar 2
JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
Jan 20
JenShep is now friends with TimB, Amy and Jon-Paul Ackerman
Jan 17
TimB left a comment for JenShep
"I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on.…"
Jan 17
JenShep replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Has anyone on the site use alcoholic to cope with Grief.
"No, you're not the only one. I drink every day to numb it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes things worse. I only wish I didn't drink as much as I do because of all of the calories lol. If it kills me, that'd be great. I just…"
Jan 14

Profile Information

About Me:
43yo, no kids, no pets.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life in October, only 5 months after his stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis. He was only 41. A young 41. It was my worst fear come to life.

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 9:28am on January 17, 2018, TimB said…

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on. Perhaps it did me no favors in that you fully believe your going to beat this but in the end she was healed. Not in the way we were all praying for, but healed none-the-less, according to God's plan. I have to understand that I'm not in control. That has been the hardest thing for me to grasp is that I can't fix it, no matter how much I want to. The best doctors and medicines couldn't beat her cancer. I'm devastated but hold on to the hope that God's grace will be sufficient. I wish you all the good things in life! If you ever need to vent, I'll be here. -Tim

At 5:51pm on September 23, 2017, Susan K said…

Hi Jen,

I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you can take each moment at a time and try not to think to much ahead, it just becomes overwhelming. I have not a  sincere laugh or happy moment since I lost my love. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "my worst fear come to life". I lost my husband after a 10 month battle with cancer, he died in February and my life has become a series of uneventful acts, nothing has meaning. I cry everyday and its still the ugly cry! But I can also hear my husband telling me not to give up, he told me before he died that the hardest part of everything was seeing me fall apart, so I try to be strong and enjoy life as we planned. Its hard but some days are less hard. I haven't found anyone but family that understands. I too am have no children and am fairly young 49 ( to be a widow), I do have a dog that has kept me sane, truly if it wasn't for her I would never get out of bed. Although I understand the temptation to end the misery of life, I hope you don't and just give it time. Time isn't a cure for missing your love but in time you may feel that you have something to be here for. As we all on this site can attest to, life changes in a flash...I don't mean to be preachy at all, I just think that we are all put on this earth for a reason and life needs to run its course...There is a good I am totally wrong but it is what gets me through the pain.I wish you peace and love. Sue

At 12:08am on July 6, 2017, Alice Thompson said…
Hello Jen, it was wonderful to read about your love's vibration visit, and it warmed my heart. Sometimes I think grief is only this hard because we are trying to live in a world that believes our loves are absent, whereas the reality is that they are not gone at all, but just in a different state. It is our fight against that reality that makes us suffer mentally. That's my idea. In any case I know my love is with me for various reasons including signs and communication... and just "deep knowing". If only I could hold onto that understanding in the face of this physical world and all the people in it who would not believe me. With love to you.
At 1:26pm on June 23, 2017, morgan said…

Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death.  He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday.  No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died.  I am a broken shell of a halfway functioning person and it is only on sites like this that I get my most comfort since everyone here understands the depth of what death does to those left behind.  I am so sorry that you have to join us but somehow sharing our misery seems to relieve a certain amount of the load we carry.  One hour at a time.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I'm glad that I was with my mom when she passed over. I was the last person that she saw and I was able to tell her that it was okay, but you bet I was haunted by all that I saw. There is no good way."
1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Actually, I am glad you did not see your Mom pass from this life to the next. I was there  for mine and it haunts me that I watched her struggled for breath. There are other things that happened before they took her away that I will never…"
2 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No she always used to say to me “you never know when it will be your time” I’m mad at myself for not being there and the reason was that I stopped at her house on the way to the hospital thinking they will have to get her settled…"
2 hours ago
Profile IconJade Rogers, Butterfly, Tammy* and 2 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
3 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I can relate. There is no definite diagnosis whether my Mom passed away from her heart condition or respiratory failure. I will never know. But there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. That was out of my control. I pray that you feel your…"
3 hours ago
Butterfly left a comment for Avi
"Hi , I lost my mother on April 14, 2018. Was with her when she passed. Love if her life. It was hard watching her go and seeing the fight in her face and her knowing that was it as far as being with me again in physical body. She is now a gorgeous…"
3 hours ago
Joy left a comment for Frances Koonce
"Thanks for your message Frances. I just saw it. I appreciate your kind words. God bless you.  I don’t post on this site likebI did when my mom first died. It’s still hard adjusting to her not being here.  Her death has helped…"
4 hours ago
Joy and Frances Koonce are now friends
4 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, so glad for you I so wish I could have the same experience I finally after much though realized what it is that I am having a hard time with about my moms death.....why did she go in CA, I cry and realize that I will live with not knowing…"
4 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I have made a decision to take baby steps to recover from the trauma of the bleed in my brain. The first step I am working on is thinking of myself as a whole person who has the desire and courage to return to living a life without thinking of…"
7 hours ago
Ginger commented on Susan Dee Leatham's blog post While I was sleeping
"Thanks Susan,for this very inspiring post, I lost my daughter on Feb. 18,2018 and reading this has given me so much more peace as I talk to her  everyday."
10 hours ago
bluebird replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I'm glad I was able to help a bit.  :)"
23 hours ago
Elynn m replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Thank you bluebird for the kind words.  That's a great idea to write to our friends.   I still send Christmas cards, and birthday cards, but I should send a card once in awhile too. Thank you for the advice."
yesterday
bluebird replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I'm sorry you're feeling so down.  It's good that you have your children and your sister-in-law, but no one can take the place of your husband.  As far as your friends, it's quite possible that they just don't know…"
yesterday
Donna Barringer updated their profile
yesterday
Profile IconDonna Barringer and Angel Moore joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Crystal K and Avi are now friends
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Elynn and Monty I have this picture right by my computer. It really helped me accept the fact that I will never stop grieve fro my Husband. I find no comfort with family and Friends, just my sweet little dog Babie J."
Friday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"thank you Monty for your comments.  I try to remind myself that friends don't know what they r doing, and they don't know what to say.   I know that everyone will face this at some time, but I cannot say that to friends,…"
Friday
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Elynn sorry so to hear of your loss and how your feeling. My wife passed December last year and i have also found that people have stopped calling and don't come around. I too am feeling isolated and alone. Luckily for me i have my sister…"
Friday

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