JenShep
  • Female
  • Washington, DC
  • United States
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JenShep's Friends

  • TimB
  • Amy
  • Lost with out him
  • Alice Thompson
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • morgan

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Latest Activity

JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
Jan 20
JenShep is now friends with TimB, Amy and Jon-Paul Ackerman
Jan 17
TimB left a comment for JenShep
"I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on.…"
Jan 17
JenShep replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Has anyone on the site use alcoholic to cope with Grief.
"No, you're not the only one. I drink every day to numb it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes things worse. I only wish I didn't drink as much as I do because of all of the calories lol. If it kills me, that'd be great. I just…"
Jan 14
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Oh! Shoot. I'm sure I have some disorders lol but that's not what I'm trying to do!  Well I'm sure I can meditate on whatever hurts the most. God, idk if I wanna do that. I'll probably just cry and cry and cry. I know…"
Jan 12
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"hahaha well I agree with you about it not being a great thing to have a life to live. And I'm not opposed to trying other methods like you mentioned - have thought kind-of seriously about ibogaine... But, thanks for the reply and the…"
Jan 12
JenShep replied to Jon-Paul Ackerman's discussion There Is No Loss in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jon-Paul, I love reading this. I wonder if you can share how you get into a trance state? (I realize that this is a very complicated question - but maybe the process that you went through to achieve this?) I've been practicing meditation for…"
Jan 11
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Stewart, you give me hope. I am one of those who came here so discouraged to find that most everyone is still wanting to die - even several years after losing the love of their lives. I now find it comforting that I am not crazy. So many people…"
Dec 30, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry Morgan. I think I feel just like you do. I think there's a part of my brain that thinks that Tom is coming back or that I will get to be with him soon. But that never comes. And it's like running a never ending marathon.…"
Dec 28, 2017
JenShep and morgan are now friends
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And Cheyenne, I totally get it. And I definitely wasn’t meaning to push anything on you. Please let us know how your experience is with the grief counselor. Everyone has pressed me to see one but I have resisted so far for some reason.…"
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And Nancy, That was the first book I read after Tom died. It gave me some hope. Since then I’ve read so many more. I recently read Love Never Dies by Dr. Jamie Turner (it was only $3 to download from amazon) and this lady got all kinds of…"
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, I think my beliefs are pretty similar to yours. I have that same fear that if I killed myself I would damage something in my soul that would mean I’d never get to be with Tom again, or at least that it would take eons. I definitely…"
Oct 26, 2017
JenShep joined Amy's group
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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.See More
Oct 25, 2017
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Cheyenne, When I first came to this site I was also surprised to see so many people who feel the same way. I was hoping to find some people who had figured out how to move forward and feel okay but that's really not the case. And then I found…"
Oct 25, 2017
JenShep and Alice Thompson are now friends
Oct 4, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
43yo, no kids, no pets.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my life in October, only 5 months after his stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis. He was only 41. A young 41. It was my worst fear come to life.

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 9:28am on January 17, 2018, TimB said…

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly loved wife in December.  She was 40. She had been fighting for nearly 3 years! Fighting hard! While my journey is no more or less painful than yours, I had more time to process what was going on. Perhaps it did me no favors in that you fully believe your going to beat this but in the end she was healed. Not in the way we were all praying for, but healed none-the-less, according to God's plan. I have to understand that I'm not in control. That has been the hardest thing for me to grasp is that I can't fix it, no matter how much I want to. The best doctors and medicines couldn't beat her cancer. I'm devastated but hold on to the hope that God's grace will be sufficient. I wish you all the good things in life! If you ever need to vent, I'll be here. -Tim

At 5:51pm on September 23, 2017, Susan K said…

Hi Jen,

I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you can take each moment at a time and try not to think to much ahead, it just becomes overwhelming. I have not a  sincere laugh or happy moment since I lost my love. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "my worst fear come to life". I lost my husband after a 10 month battle with cancer, he died in February and my life has become a series of uneventful acts, nothing has meaning. I cry everyday and its still the ugly cry! But I can also hear my husband telling me not to give up, he told me before he died that the hardest part of everything was seeing me fall apart, so I try to be strong and enjoy life as we planned. Its hard but some days are less hard. I haven't found anyone but family that understands. I too am have no children and am fairly young 49 ( to be a widow), I do have a dog that has kept me sane, truly if it wasn't for her I would never get out of bed. Although I understand the temptation to end the misery of life, I hope you don't and just give it time. Time isn't a cure for missing your love but in time you may feel that you have something to be here for. As we all on this site can attest to, life changes in a flash...I don't mean to be preachy at all, I just think that we are all put on this earth for a reason and life needs to run its course...There is a good I am totally wrong but it is what gets me through the pain.I wish you peace and love. Sue

At 12:08am on July 6, 2017, Alice Thompson said…
Hello Jen, it was wonderful to read about your love's vibration visit, and it warmed my heart. Sometimes I think grief is only this hard because we are trying to live in a world that believes our loves are absent, whereas the reality is that they are not gone at all, but just in a different state. It is our fight against that reality that makes us suffer mentally. That's my idea. In any case I know my love is with me for various reasons including signs and communication... and just "deep knowing". If only I could hold onto that understanding in the face of this physical world and all the people in it who would not believe me. With love to you.
At 1:26pm on June 23, 2017, morgan said…

Jenifer. I lost my love to stage IV caner and we had 27 days from diagnosis to death.  He was 63 and in 2 days would have been his 68th birthday.  No kids and one cat who belonged to him and stayed with me afterwards until she too died.  I am a broken shell of a halfway functioning person and it is only on sites like this that I get my most comfort since everyone here understands the depth of what death does to those left behind.  I am so sorry that you have to join us but somehow sharing our misery seems to relieve a certain amount of the load we carry.  One hour at a time.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Jenni H posted a blog post

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…See More
21 hours ago
Fernanda Alonzo joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
yesterday
Fernanda Alonzo updated their profile
yesterday
Suzette Laree Arch replied to Suzette Laree Arch's discussion 4 months and I can't stop crying in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"I wish I had your strength and thoughts - I just want to stop missing him "
yesterday
Jamie replied to Jamie's discussion I'm new here and going through a very hard time. in the group Multiple Losses Group
"Thank you so much. I've been journaling but I hadn't thought about writing things I want to tell them. That is a great idea. Thank you so much for your response and kind words."
Friday
Becky W replied to Jamie's discussion I'm new here and going through a very hard time. in the group Multiple Losses Group
"Jamie - I am so so sorry for your losses.  Some of my multiple losses have included sudden, unexpected deaths too & they can be the most difficult ones sometimes.  I found journaling to be of comfort.  I was able to write my…"
Friday
Jamie posted photos
Friday
Jamie added a discussion to the group Multiple Losses Group
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I'm new here and going through a very hard time.

Hello everyone. I'm new to this site.I lost my grandfather in June of 2017. A few weeks later, my grandmother passed away. My grandmother and I were very close. She was more of a mother to me than a grandmother. It was very hard on me. Only three months after the death of my grandma, on December 18th of 2017, my father passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. I never got to say goodbye. I lost the three most important people in my life within a few short months and I am having a very hard…See More
Friday
Jamie joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Friday
Jamie updated their profile
Friday
Profile IconMiriata Oranje, Fernanda Alonzo, Kristyn Lohoff and 8 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Jenni H commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Lost Without My Mom
"My mom died on February 25, 2017. She had a stroke a year and half that rendered her paralyzed and she had aphasia. I was her caregiver. It was extremely impossible to stomach seeing my mother constantly in pain. My nerves and mental state was gone…"
Friday
Jenni H joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
Friday
Raven Richardson posted a blog post

I'm so hurt

I feel like my i have no support. I lost my bf and oct of 2017 and i lost my baby Nov 2017. I'm so hurt. I dont have anybody 2 talk 2. My bf family dont even check on me 2 make sure I'm ok. See More
Friday
Kyle McKay replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"thank you sweetie its hard"
Friday
Darien replied to Suzette Laree Arch's discussion 4 months and I can't stop crying in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Not sure why I didn't get a notice about your post. I always try to respond promptly. As it is, I got a notification for a post I can't find, so.... In a little less than 4 months it will 2 yrs since I had my soul shredded. I'm…"
Friday
Rhonda Robinson left a comment for Michele Huddleston
"Can't imagine what your feeling ..I just lost my mother 12-1- 17..please talk to someone that can help you..maybe even a pastor..go to church. .if you don't go at least pray..pray for strength  and comfort..give yourself time to feel…"
Thursday
B.Windsor posted a blog post

it's been one year

Tomorrow, it'll be one year since Shelby died. No matter how things seem at any given time, the darkness has set in.  i just can't shake it.  i've continued having physical issues going on, and haven't been able to get in to see the doctor, yet--my appointment is for Monday.  i'm tired of trying to keep going.  i still haven't even begun to work on the planning of Shelby's going away party, yet, either.  *sigh  At this point, my hope is that once i can get straightened out, or at least find out…See More
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Mine as well."
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"TTo My Husband Julian"
Wednesday

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