Mel Royer
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  • Roanoke, VA
  • United States
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Signs from the other side
1 Reply

Much like my dear, Nancy made her apparition appear to me last July, this past week she made her presence clear with a strong scent of her favorite perfume, "White Diamonds".  I have never smelled as…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by rachel_micele May 26.

REQUIEM
4 Replies

On this bright and early morning of Black Friday, when I have already been up since 1:30.I still ponder the pointlessness of it all.  I post this little ditty about my feelings on the…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Maxey Nov 29, 2016.

A Visit!
2 Replies

Like everyone on this site, I have been going through hell since my wife passed away, April 29th, 2015.  The past few weeks it has gotten worse until last night.  It was the middle of the night and,…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Shoresh Jul 28, 2016.

The First year Is Here!

Well, I opened my eyes..once again...and slowly reaiized that  It is here!  the first anniversary of the morning I held Nancy in my arms and she died! I am shell shocked!  Numb and panic stricken at…Continue

Started Apr 29, 2016

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Mel Royer and Maxey are now friends
Feb 23
Mel Royer posted a video

Nancy Royer Memorial Video

Thanks to Steve and Deidra Gold...Deidra is Nancy's daughter. They put this video together. It is a wonderful collection of photos and music to keep the memo...
Sep 30, 2016
Mel Royer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Copper Charlie...You have walked through the fire and your soul has been tempered. I am at a year and 4 months and today has been the worst day yet!  I am completely lost and broken on this Tuesday afternoon yet your comment has given me…"
Aug 30, 2016
Mel Royer left a comment for Jon-Paul Ackerman
"Elynn, I can relate to your situation as it parallels mine perfectly. First, I am sorry for our loss. I am aware there are no words that can take away the sting, the inconsolable pain of your loss. I lost my Nancy, April 29th of last year and am…"
Aug 18, 2016
Mel Royer commented on joanne's blog post unbearable day out
"I agree, Morgan.  Nothing I ever did was bad enough to deserve this kind of pain. I don't know what's going on with me now but every day is ratcheting up and worse than the previous.  I too am just biding my time, looking for new…"
Aug 12, 2016
Mel Royer replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"She was my bride, my best friend, the best half of me, my sweetest of hearts. These and more are the things I hang onto. To let go of them, to leave that behind would leave me dead. They are all I have to hang onto. They keep me remotely sane.…"
Aug 5, 2016
Shoresh replied to Mel Royer's discussion A Visit!
"Yes. My son appeared to my mom...and he did the same, when he knew she could see him, he looked startled and faded from view. My cousin's son also appeared to his grandfather. My cousin's son passed about 2 years prior to my Uncle (his…"
Jul 28, 2016
bluebird replied to Mel Royer's discussion A Visit!
"That's wonderful; you are very lucky."
Jul 24, 2016
Mel Royer posted a discussion

A Visit!

Like everyone on this site, I have been going through hell since my wife passed away, April 29th, 2015.  The past few weeks it has gotten worse until last night.  It was the middle of the night and, as usual, I was making numerous trips to the bathroom. Then for what amounts to 2 or 3 seconds, I saw directly ahead of me, standing at the bedroom door a vision. She was vivid to my eye and stood stock still. She appeared to be wearing the same type of hospital gown that she passed in. She said…See More
Jul 24, 2016
Mel Royer updated their profile
Jul 16, 2016
Mel Royer and Lisa are now friends
Jul 12, 2016
Mel Royer posted a photo

Mel1

Shot in studio where I record commercials, music, etc.
Jun 24, 2016
Mel Royer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I had said this before, in a post awhile back....paraphrased here...I don't need the company of other people to feel whole, I need the company of the one I lost to feel whole. There is one Nancy, the only one qualified to heal my scars, bind up…"
Jun 16, 2016
Mel Royer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks, Lisa.....I've been here, reading with little to post. Still buried in grief and coping as best I can. Trying to stay busy with a lot of work around the house. If I can just force myself to distract myself in that way, I can experience a…"
Jun 15, 2016
Mel Royer replied to Adrien Naude's discussion Devastated by the loss of my dear Wife
"Adrien....My deepest condolences on the loss of your soul mate. I lost mine a year ago on April 29th, 2015. Still the deep, stabbing pain continues. I too spend much of my days in tears and only sleep from sheer fatigue and exhaustion. I awake every…"
Jun 15, 2016
Mel Royer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"There's always the sky burial. Tibetan, I think?..where you prepare the body on the top of a mountain and leave it to the vultures.  "
Jun 14, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
Retired and former radio broadcaster working as
I can freelance from my home
About my Loss:
My wife had a stroke in Feb 2013. In April 2015
she died in my arms. I continue to experience extreme difficulty dealing with it. Apart from a PT Aide, I was her sole caregiver and this death was not expected.

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Mel Royer's Blog

Deleted "Barrel" Verse

Didn't mean to startle anyone. I didn't realize when I removed the "How long is the barrel"  blog it would remove all the posts as well.  At any rate, In the eloquently phrased words of Morgan, this is not a perfect world and that's when I realized Nancy would have none of this at all...so, right off the table it went. Now.I will join the "walk" and continue with everyone else here, walking together no matter how much of a bitch it may seem to be. The only other option is probably not the…

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Posted on December 29, 2016 at 3:10pm — 3 Comments

After watching an amazing short film "Paper Memories", Google search for it,...it's worth it! Especially for us!

I wrote this after watching "Paper Memories". Nothing spectacular, the poem not the film, but after rummaging through some photos of my own, Nancy and I, I could see a sort of parallel.

Oh, But could an old photograph or two bless these, our weary souls that worry still.. and then extinguish all breath which remains to place us at last, together again.

Posted on June 23, 2016 at 11:00am

A couple of verses...for what they're worth!

I wrote a couple of verses describing the rending, pillaging of the soul that is the only thing grief can offer us. 

"Here as time runs, endlessly, shore to shore then back again, waves of despair to never end, to never resolve and close upon  this terrible span of days.”  

and then-

"Bleaker shadows keeping vigil in the corners of my room, expressing deeper sorrow, shedding tears of deeper gloom.” 

Posted on April 20, 2016 at 9:03am

A Day Of Dreams or Nancy comes to receive me!

There was a morning last month, I sensed the strong presence of my soul mate. I felt the need to write an emotional treatise of sorts, what morphed into a free verse.  I call it "A day of Dreams".  It became my own "balm in Gilead".

A DREAM OF DAYS     M. Royer    02/17/2016  (Reunion)

SOMEWHERE, OUT BEYOND THE COUNTY LINE SHE WAITS

IN A STAND OF DISTANT TREES…

Continue

Posted on March 18, 2016 at 9:04am — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 6:23am on December 30, 2016, Carl accomando said…
Mel,my wife also died in my arms and her death was not expected she had a severe reaction to immune therapy and was put at our request in palative care where her our whole family was there when she passed I layers in bed and held her talking and telling her I love her now I keep reliving it even though at the time it was comforting.My son is a manager of food and restaurants at hotel Roanoke my daughter and soninlaw are teachers there . My son also worked in radio in Florida and did STAND up comedy .So next time I go I'll let you know I think it would be helpful to share our stories about the wives we loved so much.
At 3:58pm on December 29, 2016, Carl accomando said…
Mel ,just got back from Roanke was visiting children and grandkids for Christmas just lost my beautiful wife last month to cancer after 43 years of marriage its so hard to go on like this I went to Virginia at their insistance my wife would be angrey if I did not spend the holiday with our grandkids they were here life. But it was so hard everything reminded me of her well I did some painting in my granddaughters room and saw a picture of her and my wife well I lost it went to the bathroom and grief my eyes out both kids 8 and 11 came in and hugged me and gave me tissues I thought to myself I should be comforting them so I said to myself I have to go on for them they can't lose 2 grandparents because I like you want to be with my wife and thought hard about it .Well as much pain as I'm in I can't put them through that so here I am back home in NC .Im going to move to Roanoke but can't right now we planned on it but she got cancer .So maybe sometime in the future we can get together and talk about it I go there about 1 a month.Take care I know what your feeling
At 11:20am on November 13, 2016, Michael said…
Mel
Your comments are appreciated. I cared for my wife for 15 years until she died a month ago. Im lost and beaten. I would have cared for her forever.
At 5:14am on April 6, 2016, SAMIRA said…
Thank you Mel
At 7:24pm on November 18, 2015, morgan said…

Mel,

As we all read about each others struggles we try to offer any consoling words so we can feel that someone else doesn't have to suffer like we are.  And yet, we all know that there is nothing that really removes the pain. We just temporarily feel as though someone else has taken on an equal or worse burden because they have shared with us their pain.

As the time passes our physical/emotional situation changes.  The early time is just sheer desperateness recognizing that we cannot understand why we aren't dead too.  We certainly feel like it.  And that time goes on much longer than we anticipate.  I didn't come out of my own personal fog for at least a year and half almost up to the two year mark.  I was so fragile.  I couldn't make sense of anything and my mind was going wild.  At this point I am slowly seeing through the fog a bit but I am no less missing him.

Whatever you do don't expect too much of yourself.  For a long time you will be taking very very small steps.  You wont believe that you could be this crippled and yet you are.  There is no changing that part of it.  No one but the rest of us can understand that.  

I'm not going to say it is going to get a lot better quickly.  I can only say all of us are walking beside you and each of us are trying to manage what we can do on a moment to moment basis and there is nothing more we can expect.  It will change. The desperation of it will subside a bit,  enough to give you a bit more time when you aren't falling repeatedly into the hole.  The only thing that will allow that is the suffering you are going through now.

I wish I had a more positive perspective on it but this is how it has been for me. I can only hope your suffering is lessened by small diversions that relieve the whirl of your mind for longer periods of time.  

Take care.  We are with you in spirit.

At 4:19pm on October 27, 2015, Fran said…

She was lucky to have you! How many men would have run the other way?!

Our problem as the "survivor" is how do we move on? I know my husband wanted me to be happy again. He even talked to me about "finding someone new". I just couldn't get it thru his thick skull that I wanted him more than any amount of money and there was no way I would want to find someone new...no one would measure up....I am trying to do things that he would be happy about. I'm trying not to just wallow in self-pity and not be negative all the time, but it's hard. When someone asks "what do you want?", my answer is my old life back...I want Bill!.

And I've heard that year 2 is worse than year 1. God help us!

At 10:04am on October 27, 2015, Fran said…

Mel,

I wish I could tell you it gets easier. I'm a week away from the first year "anniversary" of my husband's death. He survived 8 months after being diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. 8 long months of chemo and radiation and pain off the scale. I was his caregiver and glad to. I was a nurse, by trade, so knew the mechanicals of all the "hands on" stuff, but it was soooo different taking care of him. Different than when I had taken care of my parents before they died. 

I have had my eyes opened over the past, on how much he did for me/us. How much I relied on him. Even tho he was gone alot traveling for work, he was in near constant contact. We were a team. Didn't always see eye to eye, but we complemented each other by filling in and doing what the other didn't. We made a whole. Now he's gone and I'm left to try to fend for myself. I get panic attacks when I have to make decisions. I have 2 adult children who live with me, and they help, but it isn't the same. 

I felt a little better during the summer, when I could be outside and be somewhat warmed by the sun and doing gardening things...now, it feels like the world is dying again...I've never been a good cold weather person.

I have no words of wisdom for you. Just know that you are not alone in how you feel.

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Latest Activity

Ronnie Luethy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It has been 3 months for me now, and I still say 'we'. Every once in awhile I realize as I say it, and I've tried to say 'I' a few times. But I've starting to realize that it still is 'we' not just…"
1 hour ago
Beth Swansboro and Mary Ann Troxell are now friends
4 hours ago
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have a quick question for you all.  I was talking to a friend the other day and I said "we" she said, "Don't you mean I?"  It made me realize I use we and us a lot still.  I know it has only been a…"
4 hours ago
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Alice.  I have been feeling more and more and more anger towards just about everyone I know.  I am angry they are happy, angry they have future plans they are looking forward to, angry they want to include me in those plans.…"
4 hours ago
Alice Thompson replied to Maxey's discussion Moved, but nothing changes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, I actually do believe my love is still with me, and I have this life with him nobody could understand. I've started bringing this up in conversation with people a couple of times, but soon stopped when I heard the sound of what I was…"
7 hours ago
Maxey left a comment for Jon-Paul Ackerman
"I think John has said everything I am feeling each day. I sometimes think during the day of how many of us are out there suffering through this pain. It has been almost two years for me, so, I guess, after three there is still no relief or hope in…"
8 hours ago
Demetrius and Brenda Ann are now friends
8 hours ago
Maxey added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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Moved, but nothing changes

I moved from the beautiful Northwest to Austin, TX to be closer to my family, but nothing seems to change. My sadness and loneliness seem to follow me wherever I go. I thought maybe a change in scenery would give me a new perspective, but, so far, nothing.It will be two years in October that I lost my husband of 55 years, and I miss him MORE today than ever. I think I am becoming obsessive since I talk to him all the time and fantasize that he is still here. I make believe we are going to take…See More
8 hours ago
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Good morning everyone and good morning Mama!  I have alot to get accomplished today so that I can bring things home from Mamas home. As always I love you Mama!"
13 hours ago
Profile IconDAWN WALTON, Julie Owen, Lori Szymanski and 26 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
14 hours ago
Suzette Laree Arch added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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4 months and I can't stop crying

I knew my Best Friend since high school...we were good friends..And stayed in touch over the years - We may have gone 3-4 years before we spoke - But we knew each others situations and we stayed Best Friends - Giving each other advice - I just wanted to make sure he was home to his wife and child - As he served 8 tours in Afghanistan, Iraq and undisclosed locations - We both are parents..We reconnected face to face 2 years ago, both in bad marriages and unhappy...I was about half way through my…See More
16 hours ago
Suzette Laree Arch joined Cathy Richardson's group
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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
16 hours ago
Tori commented on Laura Rozier's group Losing Someone to Drug Overdose
"I lost my best friend 6/17/16 to a heroin overdose. I've noticed for me that the happiest times are the hardest. The milestones where you find yourself able to smile and laugh again are usually the most painful. The happier the occasion or the…"
16 hours ago
Tori joined Laura Rozier's group
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Losing Someone to Drug Overdose

If you've lost someone you loved due to them overdosing on drugs, let's talk about it here.See More
16 hours ago
Tori posted a photo
16 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Janie that sounds good, "I love  you mom"!!!!  "
17 hours ago
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hope everybody has a loving good weekend and let's celebrate our Mom's for giving us life. I love you Mama!!"
yesterday
Linda Engberg replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, It has been 4 years since I lost my Husband and soulmate to cancer. My family and friends tell me that time will things better. To tell you the truth the only way I keep my sanity, is adopting a dog and seeing my therapist and…"
yesterday
KIM Montgomery replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, my husband passed May 2, 2017.  We had a wonderful marriage and we loved each other with all of our hearts.  Jack was an awesome person.  I am currently going through this with my own family.  I am away from my family…"
yesterday
KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello, well I made it through my 1st anniversary without him.  It was a really hard day, Wednesday.  I miss him like crazy and love him so much. Today I just feel numb.  All these stages of grief are exhausting.  Working full…"
yesterday

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