"It is sad Trina but it is our truth. When my wife was here I'd dream about the good times that we would have when the kids finally cleared out. How I could really turn all the attention to her and spoil her, take her out and have date nights,…"
"I was in denial even when they was talking about hospice. I was thinking she's not going anywhere, we're in recovery mood but I do need a nurse to help me with some things. Cancer is a wicked disease and it took my beautiful wife through…"
"Really relate to what you say here, Kevin. t's strange how things can be comforting and painful at the same time. We never had any photographs of each other on display, but after my husband died it was one of the first things I did, getting…"
"Robin I feel the same way, I just feel a little comfort being surrounded by her pictures but I can't really look at them for too long because I just wanna go back to that time. My grief is apart of me, it's a wound that will never heal or…"
"Kevin, You are right about the dreaming. Every night I go to sleep hoping to dream of my husband; it is the only peaceful part of my day. I lay there in the dark thinking of him, but when I awake in the morning, the horror and reality of a another…"
"Almost at the 15 month mark of losing my soulmate, my heart of over 29 years. The pain doesn't go away, you just learn to live with it. I still cry daily, I can almost talk about my husband without crying, almost, I can look back on…"
You describe our existence so well. Our "so-called" life that began after our beloved spouse passed is one that "normal" people have no inkling about, how cruel and unforgiving it is. Most of my waking hours is one…"
"Dear S M,
I just read your profile. I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like to be in your shoes. As devastating and life altering as it was and has been for me to watch Joseph lose his battle to lung cancer, we had nine months together…"
"I entirely understand this. Lately, I'm spending so much more time sleeping, but I don't have bad dreams anymore. I have dreams that I remember, and he's usually in them. I smile when I see him...even if it is in dreams. I try…"
thanks for sharing your thoughts. I had not really ever thought of it the way you describe. At first I thought it should have been me and not him who was killed. Reason being that he was such an extraordinary person who added so much to…"
"Dear Kevin, know so much what you are talking about. Another painful aspect of grief is the tendency for people to compare and compete - I have no time for any of that. But I often was made to feel as if my grief was in someway less or less…"
It's so true what you say about choosing our spouse, life partner. The rest of our family members, as much as we love them, we didn't choose them. Your post made me feel very sad--a strange thing to say since I have been more…"
As much as I truly and dearly love my kids, there's just something very , very different about the relationship we have with our spouses whom We choose out of everyone in this world to love, honor and obey. There's a sacred bond that makes two people, one. When my beautiful wife was here and I would have bad dreams about something happening to her, I would be so very relieved to wake up and she's right beside me. Now its the Opposite. My relief is in my dreams when I sleep and my nightmare is…See More
"I hate sunny days, when I see couples holding hands and walking their dog or just outside enjoying the weather, I tear up and soon sin sink even deeper into this quicksand of depression. Rainy, stormy days match my mood better. I look forward to the…"
Nice, fun loving guy who just loves God, family and people.
About my Loss:
I lost the love of my beautiful wife to this horrible disease called cancer. We fought so long to beat it and she tried her best to stay as long as she could. It hurts my heart to have seen what this disease did to my beautiful wife, she or nobody on this earth deserves to be put through that pain. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna be able to go on from here. I feel so lost.
Kevin,I know what cancer did to my wife no should have to suffer the way she did the treatment put her in the hospital many times but the last time she could not recover it breaks my heart when I think about all she went through she came close to death many times and came back the last time we thought she'd do it again but her body was to ravaged by this horrible disease and it took her so i understand the feeling just hope where she is now knows no pain only happiness and peace.
Kevin, the first year tears you apart. It doesn't seem real in some respects. You survive(willing or not) thru the first birthdays without your soulmate...the first anniversary, the first Thanksgiving and Christmas, etc. People may not know what to say to you, but they more or less check in periodically. After the first year is over, most people kind of forget your situation. They feel you should've moved on. Unfortunately, this is when you could use their help the most because you really come to the realization that your loved is well and truly gone and that NOTHING is as it was and life SUCKS! I have gotten to the point where I don't do anything I don't want...or see anyone I don't want to see. I know I'm stuck. I miss having my playmate, my confidant, my cheerleader, my sounding board...I'm sorry we are all in this together, but, this site helps me a lot.
Our group is run through Kaiser and we meet every week. It helps. I am actually thinking about individual counseling as well. Today was a really rough day. I do know I have to come to work. Working from home I just want to…"
I have been thinking about you and getting a job. How is that going? I think I remember you saying that you had to leave your job because they did not give you enough time off when your husband died? Of course I do not want to over step…"
How often do you have meetings?
I found a group but they only meet eery 3 weeks. I am not sure yet.
Thank you for sharing your daughter's experience. Steve's daughter was really grieving at the beginning but now she only…"
"Went to the 2nd session of support group. Grief is grief and hurts no matter what the loss. It hurts, you feel alone. I have learned one thing from group is we are not alone. There are 2 different groups those that are…"
"I had that feeling when my nephew called me and told me his brother had killed himself one year after my brother (their father) died. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before. From the top of my head all the way to my feet just a rush of ?…"
I just found some thought that actually explains how I feel now:
Sounds familiar? Grieving and trying to be nice, crying and smiling to look nice next minute...
It is a great movie anyway - watch when you can."
"Thank you, Jackie.
Those horrible panic attacks just visit us often. Suddenly the whole world is turning black and no oxygen anymore.
Jackie, I accept you as acting Steve - I hope he does not mind - and I really appreciate your support - I know you…"
"Hi, Kim. Please don't feel sorry about discussing different topics; it's how our minds work and your words are a comfort to so many. Just knowing someone feels the same, hurts the same, has the same inner voice... the empty bed, the…"
"I try not come on here in the early morning as I start work early so I can go home early. That was my routine. We would get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee and I would go off to work. I looked forward to going home a little…"
"Nora, you are a beautiful women with a beautiful heart. Steve loved you very much but remember you were a success before you met him and not because of him. We need to give ourselves time to grieve it's only been 3 months, who knows if we will…"
"Ladies, I just had one more pain caused by simple actions that I even did not pay attention to before.
Well, I sat to start looking for a job. It was already hard as I have a "meeting people & leaving the house" anxiety. Also, it…"
"I too feel exactly as everyone here has discribed it. Four months in.. Lost the love of my life. I feeling like the walking dead.. I function because I am expected to. I go to work because I haven't any choice. I have to sell my house.( for…"
Having a glass of wine for my mom tonight and trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's been gone for a year. A whole year. A year without daily emails just so I'd wake up to an email every morning. A year without daily Skype chats just to catch up even though nothing much ever changed. A year without an e-card for every random holiday. A year without hearing about the dumb things my dad was or wasn't doing. A year without my best friend. A year without my mom.See More
I am the producer of a nationally televised crime docu-series. I am currently developing a new series focusing on unsolved cold cases, where the perpetrator is known but remains uncharged, many times because they are already in prison for life for another crime. That should not deter anyone else from getting justice. We will bring in outside, independent cold case detectives to rework cases to see if we can help. The series will underscore the hope, strength and tenacity of the families and…See More
"I really hate to reply to this thread as I am four years and almost five months into the loss of the love of my life and I can hardly stand the roller coaster I am on. I am careening off the tracks "again" and I come here to reassure…"
"Thank you all for the kind support here. It does help. I too feel lost at time. This morning I was up at 3:30 watching TV; my alarm goes off at 4:45, no sense in trying to go back to sleep. Like some one else said on here, my…"
"Hi Kim, your not alone, as Nora's says every word you say matches how I feel. I have lost my best friend, soul mate, partner, my lover. Now I'm alone with my dog and cat. OVer 70 people and the funeral but none of them ring or call. People…"