Comment

Comment by George H on April 5, 2015 at 4:00pm

Mary wouldn't want this for me eather but what can we do about it

Comment by morgan on April 5, 2015 at 3:51pm

JohnT- the cats are glad you are with them.  And the thing to try and remember is "you don't live in the same dimension on the planet as your family and friends who have not lost their spouse live".  You have been catapulted to another dimension and you are not going back.  You will now experience "life" through a totally different lens and a totally different color filter.  Our life before was through a self awareness lens.  Now it is through a universal lens. Before it had a rose filter.  Now it is a blue filter.  Our brain is receiving the vibrations of an energy force from our loved ones who now occupy space where we want to be but our own vibrations cannot reach their level.  We will at some point but time is standing between us and the dimension that we cannot see them in.  

Is any of this really real?  Are we living out a predetermined force of nature?  Can we change any of it?  Am I nuts?  Has this given me too much to think about?  Why do I feel?  Everything was so much better before.

 

Tildyc- I wake up and do the minumum.  If I don’t shower, so what. Heck I barely eat.  When I take baby steps I mean I barely walk forward.  I am still laying on a couch two years later talking like I am, only to convince myself why in dogs name I am still so paralzyed to take up life again.  I get small windows of repreive but most of this takes place in my head and very little gets accomplished on the ground.  I did most of what I HAD to do in the first year and a half.  Sold one home took the proceeds bought and rehabbed two new ones, live in one and use the other for an income, half or less of where we were. Now I am worn down to a fragile old woman who tries to walk on the glass shards of her life. Remembering the time when I was deliriously happy with the ups and downs of life.  Yes, this is torture.

 

George-cloudy here in Minnesota.  Lived in all four corners of the US and the islands but know now location has no bearing anymore on how I feel.  It used to mean more but that was because we saw location as a means to an end.  Now I am at the end.  Nothing more to strive for.  No one to share the challenges with. 

I too wonder what this is all about.  I too feel more alone as each day rises and I am out of the shock phase and see more of what could be but I have no reason, purpose or desire to get up and do.  I wish I could wave a magic wand over all of us and bring back our loved ones because that is truly all we want.  That’s it.  But it will never happen.  I still don’t know what to do with that no matter how much I try to talk myself through it.

 

Diane- meltdowns.  Dog, how well do we all know meltdowns.  How is it that our bodies well up with such force of feeling and the tsunami just carries us away?  I have so many questions.  So many and no real answers. Just stuff I try to believe in order to get through another space in time.  Excuse me for saying so but wt*?  My husband didn’t want this for me so why is it happening? 

 

Comment by Tildyc on April 5, 2015 at 3:45pm

Here's another thing- and I feel absolutely horrible about this. Not only is today Easter, it's my one and only grandson's second b-day. And he's going to his 1st egg hunt. I'm going to both wonderful events. But- I am so mad at myself because I do not feel like doing any of it. I'm ashamed. I love my grand baby more than myself. He's the apple of my eye. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. But this deep depression that has taken over my life has sucked EVERY OUNCE OF JOY from my soul. I'm so completely broken now that my Mark isn't here with me. Is this who I am to be now?? To be a person who never again knows what happiness and peace feels like? It sure looks that way to me. The thought of all these empty, dark years ahead of me is more than I can bare.

Comment by Tildyc on April 5, 2015 at 2:49pm

I wake up and I wonder why I even have to get out of bed today? Although there are Easter plans that the family has put together, none of it is something I really want to participate in at all. Without Mark by my side- nothing interest me anymore. There is no more joy in any of my activities. This day is going to be a nightmare and it's going to drag on and on. I just want to stay in bed and sleep until it's over. Why do I have to shower, do my makeup and put on my Sunday best? I have to paste on that fake smile and pretend that I'm doing just fine. When I'm as far from fine as I can possibly be. This is torture.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 5, 2015 at 12:59pm

Went to church with a friend and had a major meltdown on the way home. Why am I alone and why was he taken from me when we were so happy and had so much to look forward to. The pain is searing and deep. My legs get heavy to walk and my heart is just aching all day. I do not understand any of this and not sure some days how I even get out of bed..

Comment by George H on April 5, 2015 at 12:21pm

First Easter alone never felt anything like this

Comment by George H on April 5, 2015 at 10:12am

raining here in Arkansas that really helps my mood still sitting in my chair still wondering what this is all about and yes being in a crowded room does absolutely nothing for the loneliness

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 5, 2015 at 9:56am

I'm so completely alone. If I were in the middle of a room full of people, I would still be alone. 

Comment by Tildyc on April 5, 2015 at 2:05am

- the depth of pain these victims and survivors are going through. It's so impersonal and insulting. It's a complete detachment.

Comment by Tildyc on April 5, 2015 at 2:01am

John T- I was actually having that very same thought today after watching the news. In fact I've been having these thoughts every time I've watched the news lately. When they report these terrible stories about human tragedy, murder and loss. These talking heads say it with such false concern in their voice and a fake mask of sadness on their face. It is so transparent and insulting to me. They absolutely do not have a clue on the levity and seriousness the subjects that there are reporting on. They hop from one news story to the next, without batting an eye or a change in their facial expression. They go from the death of someone's loved one- directly to a quirky little story about turkeys running loose in peoples yards. The detachment and flippancy completely infuriates me and makes me want to just grab them and shake them. To somehow make them realize the seriousness and the depth of the human tragedy they are sharing with us on a daily basis. Because they have absolutely no clue

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 309
• 310
• 311
• 312
• 313
• …
• 339
• Next ›
• Page