Tildyc
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emma left a comment for Tildyc
"I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada"
Nov 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'll never be OK. It will never get better. Another fucking holiday season coming. I miss you so much babe. I cannot stop this pain. Where did you go???????"
Nov 15, 2016
Tildyc is now friends with Jon-Paul Ackerman and Tammy black(Zendt)
Oct 22, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've not been on here for a long time. But what's a long time really? Since my Mark's death, time has slowed to never ending.... My last breath cannot come soon enough. Since Feb 4th, 2015- I've not felt true happiness nor has a…"
Oct 21, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"I apologize for the double post."
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"Hi Morgan. I haven't posted for a long while. I am so lost. I'm still existing in this life I do not want. Each moment is still heavy and pointless. There really are no words to describe the darkness of every movement, action, task,…"
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As always Bluebird- I am in complete agreement with you. Life is such a collassal burden now. I am not as active on here as I once was- I suppose my reason is that nothing has and never will change for me. He will never come back. I am alone in…"
May 29, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Many folk can get comfort from religion, god, faith... For myself, I feel like I've been lied to all my life about this subject. Force fed a bunch of far fetched crazy confusing stories. All written by people who lived so long ago. All I got…"
May 21, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel exactly as you do bluebird. My beautiful irreplaceable soul mate is never never never- fucking ever coming home again. I will never ever be ok again. and there is no man entity or a god or a phrophet or witch dr that exsist it's that can…"
May 19, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same Bluebird- I will never recover. It is the one and only thing I am certain of in my sorry excuse of a life now. There is no escape from this pain. I'm banking on my death to be the answer. But really I just don't…"
Apr 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Morgan and Trina- and all my beloved kindred. I received your messages. I truly appreciate that you dear souls reached out to me. I've been exsisting and nothing more. I do come back to our group quite frequently and see how All you are…"
Mar 27, 2016
Trina Mamoon left a comment for Tildyc
"Hi Tildyc, It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances.  Sending vibes of sympathy your way. Best, Trina"
Mar 26, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi all- There are so many new people here now. It's so extremely hard to comprehend how much pain that is inflicted upon us. It is debilitating sucker punch that has left me defenseless and broken. There was no preparing for this devastation.…"
Feb 5, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Before my life ended... I had heard some people say that they have been hurt and they are afraid to love again. This statement was not something I understood at all. To me it sounded like an exuse of some kind of convenient escape route. I truly…"
Jan 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi everyone- I haven't commented here lately nor have I responded to the caring and much appreciated personal messages I've received. And I do apologize. In fact- I actually feel like I've let down my very good friends and this truly…"
Jan 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"There is no other for me. Even if he would've had the chance to tell me otherwise- it would not change a damn thing on how I feel now. I cannot "move on" from this. This is not a choice- I do not want to live in this hell- it's…"
Dec 28, 2015

Profile Information

About Me:
Like everybody here, I'm here because I've suffered a loss that has left me emotionally and spiritually broken. The amount of pain I'm in cannot be described in words. As many of you already know all too well. For me – the pain never lessons. It just shifts from one aspect to another. Every aspect of my life, no matter what I'm doing – is filled with the loss that I am suffering. There is no escape. No amount of medication or therapy can even scratch the surface. They tell you that and it will get better in time. But here's the thing – just the thought of a future without him in it- makes me want to just disappear. It's paralyzing, lonely, endless and hopeless. I'm sure I sound overly dramatic. Yet- this is truly how I feel.

I've always considered myself a strong person before this. I've gone through a painful divorce, the loss of my dad and unbelievable amount of betrayal and infidelity in a past relationship. But to lose my Mark... That was the blow that knocked me down and out. I just can't see making it back this time.
About my Loss:
My fiancé and soulmate and best friend- died February 4, 2015. It was due to medical negligence... and he had so many more years ahead of him to live and love. His death was scary and traumatic and I was the only one there until it was too late to be able to take medical action. It was a bad decision on the doctor's part and it has left me permanently scarred. I still see the horrific scene in my mind. And its so very very sad. My poor baby. It's burned into my memory.

We had known each other for 9 yrs and were together for five of those yrs. It was the first time in my entire life that I actually felt safe, loved and accepted. When he died – all my hope, faith and happiness died with him.
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Comment Wall (16 comments)

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At 11:40am on November 17, 2016, emma said…

I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada

At 6:58pm on March 26, 2016, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances. 

Sending vibes of sympathy your way.

Best, Trina

At 9:06am on October 28, 2015, Hilary Christene said…

Hi Tildy,

i woke up in hell today, too. it's so bitterly painful that i fear i can't face it. i woke up into a nightmare.

At 7:54am on August 26, 2015, Angela said…
Tom and I picked out Chloe at the local shelter in 2002. She has been the best dog and companion ever. She seems to be doing ok with her medications but I hope she is not suffering too much.

I miss my husband sooooo much. I often still cannot accept he is gone. I still anticipate him walking in the door, texting or calling. Then I am so crushed that it's not happening.

It's so not fair.
At 9:54am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Your mark was like my larry, different type of relationship of course, your fiance, my son of 27 years. But i lived for him, he was my happiness as mark was yours. I have no other children and am divorced. our hearts are shattered just the same, our pain, the same, the lonliness and wondering if we will survive this...for me wondering if i even want to
At 9:46am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Thank you for your note and Oh my dear yes, it is pure suffering trying to function every day. Getting up, dressed and to work. Everything is a disaster all around. I just throw something on now, if it matches okay, if not, okay too. Im not sure how to survive this hell....every day, why isn't time helping??!
At 11:40am on July 6, 2015, Rj said…
I feel the same way...i just want to be set free of this snguish. I lost my only son,27 on feb 5. I feel ill at every turn, every day.
At 10:20pm on June 30, 2015, Erin said…
I feel a lot the way you do. I miss my Sean more than I can stand. July 4th was his favorite holiday. I think I will just stay in my corner in my room because I will not be good company for anyone. I only want him back. I don't want to live without him. But that will never happen and that makes me feel so helpless and defeated. What makes me so sad is that I start to realize that I won't ever be with him again. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with that. I still expect him to come home soon. That is easier to deal with. I liked what we had and it was ripped away from me so suddenly and unexpected. I did get to say goodbye or how much I really loved him. With all of this sorrow I have been trying to endure I still have to think of what next? What do I do with me? The past 9-10 years of my life was about him and that made me happy. He took my happiness when he left me. Time stood stil while everyone else is moving on. I am not ready to move on without him. I feel like I am leaving him behind. So I am just standing still. I know I can't be this miserable forever. It is to exhausting. I haven't really come out of this depression yet. It has only been 6 weeks. But gradually I will pick myself up and I think that is what he would want, to live for him. He wasn't ready to go. He had so much life in him. He wouldn't want me to mope around. I need to think of how he lived and the way his life impacted me for the better. I know this will take awhile but with baby steps I want to do something good in his honor. Maybe volunteer or help someone. I think this would be good for our souls. Then maybe little by little I can have a conversation with someone without crying so much. We only have 1 chance with this life and I know our loved ones would want us to make the best of it. So when ever you are ready try to do something that maybe you always wanted to do but put it on the back burner for lack of time or money. It doesn't have to be big just something that will take your mind off of your grief and will make you feel a little better. I hope this will help because believe me I am right with you on how hard this is.
The only thing I would never consider is suicide because I think that is very selfish and I have my son to think about. I would never want him to be sad like this. I think Sean would be really disappointed with me. He didn't get to choose to live or die but I do have that choice and he would want me to live.
Take care of youself
At 10:40am on May 27, 2015, Richard G said…

I know how you feel. I always expect Cherie to be home when I get home. Her empty chair is always such a stark reminder that she is gone. I'm sending you a big hug. I wish all the people here could get together but we would probably cause a flood with all of our tears.

At 2:14am on May 24, 2015, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

Yes, on several occasions I "saw" Joseph. Not to offend anyone, it's how ghosts are described. After all, the word ghost comes from the German word Geist which means spirit. Joseph's spirit has visited me a few times. He was in full form but also like a vision, not quite see through but like an apparition. It isn't easy to describe the visions. But I did "see" him.

His visits give me the strength to face this horrible emotional turmoil and agony that I am having to live through. Because the one thing in this uncertain world is that death is certain. We don't know when our time will come. But my time will come eventually, whether it's next year or in five or ten. And when I die, I will be reunited with the love of my life. I only keep praying that my time comes sooner. This missing Joseph is unbearable and so, so very painful.

I wish you peace, even if it's for a little bit everyday.

 
 
 

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Andrew posted a blog post

Lost a great friend.

I recently received news that my best friend passed away from heroin laced with fentanyl at age 31 on jan 10th. I was in shock and felt like i was in a bad dream. I hadn't heard from him in almost 6 months and figured he was out slamming dope because in the past he would tend to avoid me and my mother (who was like a 2nd mom to him) because he didn't want us seeing him strung out and didn't want to ruin our relationship of trust. May 15th, i arrive home from a job interview and check facebook…See More
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9 hours ago
morgan replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I want to let you know that everything you are feeling is normal even though it seems so difficult compared to what we thought we had and what we knew.  The death of our spouse is the most difficult thing we will ever face, bar none.…"
13 hours ago
Jen H replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Monty, I lost my husband New Year’s Eve and have a 4 year old. It is extraordinarily hard to put on the happy face, be everything she needs, keep productive at my job, keep the house going and all the other needs of life covered. Bless you…"
14 hours ago
monty thompson added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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My wife passed 5 days before christmas

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the last 2 years she had really declined both in her ability to look after herself, our boys, happiness and quality of life.i tried all i could to try and encourage her to be the best she could given her condition.   Unfortunately this was not enough to stave off a simple cold turning bad overnight and…See More
18 hours ago
Missy updated their profile
22 hours ago
CYBERSIS commented on Ginger's blog post No Title
"Really sorry for your loss. How awful to lose a child. I guess some people are really uncomfortable with grief and just don't know what to say.  I know exactly the loss you feel. I lost my mother in October. I saw her and talked to her…"
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Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That’s lovely, Linda."
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Beautiful, Linda! "
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oneindigheid updated their profile
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Love it. "
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Oops, forgot the picture "
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"To all on this site. This is hanging above my stove. Everyone of us had a royal wedding."
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JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I totally understand what you’re expressing and I feel the same way although my certainty waxes and wanes. Sometimes I feel so good because I know he’s right here with me and sometimes I can’t feel it and sink back down into…"
yesterday
Taylah B left a comment for Geraldine Brown
"Hi Geraldine. I am so deeply saddened that you have had to experience this great loss, something no one should ever have to experience, but sadly do. I tried my absolute best to keep mum here and safe with me, my siblings and the rest of the family…"
yesterday
Geraldine Brown left a comment for Taylah B
"Hi Taylah, I think it's amazing that you supported and cared for your mum through her illness. She would have been so grateful to have you by her side - a familiar loving face. Give yourself some credit for being so compassionate and loving. I…"
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I watched it too, and I cried, but they were good tears. I have been lucky enough in this life to be loved completely and that love continues. I love him more and more and I know it is the same for him. The physical phase is in the past and it will…"
yesterday
Geraldine Brown joined Katherine Ellis's group
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This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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monty thompson joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
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