• Female
  • United States

Tildyc's Friends

  • Hilary Christene
  • Tammy black(Zendt)
  • Janet Hunter
  • rachel_micele
  • mike m
  • Rj
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • Trina Mamoon
  • morgan
  • Jarvis

Tildyc's Groups

Tildyc's Discussions

It's been a while since I've been here
1 Reply

I am still broken. I see Morgan and Bluebird are still here. Well... I realize no matter what I do.... I will never be ok without MyMark. I seriously give up on happiness. Life is just gray for me. I…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Jean Feb 24, 2019.

Gifts Received


Tildyc has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift


Tildyc's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
Like everybody here, I'm here because I've suffered a loss that has left me emotionally and spiritually broken. The amount of pain I'm in cannot be described in words. As many of you already know all too well. For me – the pain never lessons. It just shifts from one aspect to another. Every aspect of my life, no matter what I'm doing – is filled with the loss that I am suffering. There is no escape. No amount of medication or therapy can even scratch the surface. They tell you that and it will get better in time. But here's the thing – just the thought of a future without him in it- makes me want to just disappear. It's paralyzing, lonely, endless and hopeless. I'm sure I sound overly dramatic. Yet- this is truly how I feel.

I've always considered myself a strong person before this. I've gone through a painful divorce, the loss of my dad and unbelievable amount of betrayal and infidelity in a past relationship. But to lose my Mark... That was the blow that knocked me down and out. I just can't see making it back this time.
About my Loss:
My fiancé and soulmate and best friend- died February 4, 2015. It was due to medical negligence... and he had so many more years ahead of him to live and love. His death was scary and traumatic and I was the only one there until it was too late to be able to take medical action. It was a bad decision on the doctor's part and it has left me permanently scarred. I still see the horrific scene in my mind. And its so very very sad. My poor baby. It's burned into my memory.

We had known each other for 9 yrs and were together for five of those yrs. It was the first time in my entire life that I actually felt safe, loved and accepted. When he died – all my hope, faith and happiness died with him.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.

Tildyc's Photos

  • Add Photos
  • View All

Comment Wall (16 comments)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

At 11:40am on November 17, 2016, emma said…

I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada

At 6:58pm on March 26, 2016, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances. 

Sending vibes of sympathy your way.

Best, Trina

At 9:06am on October 28, 2015, Hilary Christene said…

Hi Tildy,

i woke up in hell today, too. it's so bitterly painful that i fear i can't face it. i woke up into a nightmare.

At 7:54am on August 26, 2015, Angela said…
Tom and I picked out Chloe at the local shelter in 2002. She has been the best dog and companion ever. She seems to be doing ok with her medications but I hope she is not suffering too much.

I miss my husband sooooo much. I often still cannot accept he is gone. I still anticipate him walking in the door, texting or calling. Then I am so crushed that it's not happening.

It's so not fair.
At 9:54am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Your mark was like my larry, different type of relationship of course, your fiance, my son of 27 years. But i lived for him, he was my happiness as mark was yours. I have no other children and am divorced. our hearts are shattered just the same, our pain, the same, the lonliness and wondering if we will survive this...for me wondering if i even want to
At 9:46am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Thank you for your note and Oh my dear yes, it is pure suffering trying to function every day. Getting up, dressed and to work. Everything is a disaster all around. I just throw something on now, if it matches okay, if not, okay too. Im not sure how to survive this hell....every day, why isn't time helping??!
At 11:40am on July 6, 2015, Rj said…
I feel the same way...i just want to be set free of this snguish. I lost my only son,27 on feb 5. I feel ill at every turn, every day.
At 10:20pm on June 30, 2015, Erin said…
I feel a lot the way you do. I miss my Sean more than I can stand. July 4th was his favorite holiday. I think I will just stay in my corner in my room because I will not be good company for anyone. I only want him back. I don't want to live without him. But that will never happen and that makes me feel so helpless and defeated. What makes me so sad is that I start to realize that I won't ever be with him again. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with that. I still expect him to come home soon. That is easier to deal with. I liked what we had and it was ripped away from me so suddenly and unexpected. I did get to say goodbye or how much I really loved him. With all of this sorrow I have been trying to endure I still have to think of what next? What do I do with me? The past 9-10 years of my life was about him and that made me happy. He took my happiness when he left me. Time stood stil while everyone else is moving on. I am not ready to move on without him. I feel like I am leaving him behind. So I am just standing still. I know I can't be this miserable forever. It is to exhausting. I haven't really come out of this depression yet. It has only been 6 weeks. But gradually I will pick myself up and I think that is what he would want, to live for him. He wasn't ready to go. He had so much life in him. He wouldn't want me to mope around. I need to think of how he lived and the way his life impacted me for the better. I know this will take awhile but with baby steps I want to do something good in his honor. Maybe volunteer or help someone. I think this would be good for our souls. Then maybe little by little I can have a conversation with someone without crying so much. We only have 1 chance with this life and I know our loved ones would want us to make the best of it. So when ever you are ready try to do something that maybe you always wanted to do but put it on the back burner for lack of time or money. It doesn't have to be big just something that will take your mind off of your grief and will make you feel a little better. I hope this will help because believe me I am right with you on how hard this is.
The only thing I would never consider is suicide because I think that is very selfish and I have my son to think about. I would never want him to be sad like this. I think Sean would be really disappointed with me. He didn't get to choose to live or die but I do have that choice and he would want me to live.
Take care of youself
At 10:40am on May 27, 2015, Richard G said…

I know how you feel. I always expect Cherie to be home when I get home. Her empty chair is always such a stark reminder that she is gone. I'm sending you a big hug. I wish all the people here could get together but we would probably cause a flood with all of our tears.

At 2:14am on May 24, 2015, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

Yes, on several occasions I "saw" Joseph. Not to offend anyone, it's how ghosts are described. After all, the word ghost comes from the German word Geist which means spirit. Joseph's spirit has visited me a few times. He was in full form but also like a vision, not quite see through but like an apparition. It isn't easy to describe the visions. But I did "see" him.

His visits give me the strength to face this horrible emotional turmoil and agony that I am having to live through. Because the one thing in this uncertain world is that death is certain. We don't know when our time will come. But my time will come eventually, whether it's next year or in five or ten. And when I die, I will be reunited with the love of my life. I only keep praying that my time comes sooner. This missing Joseph is unbearable and so, so very painful.

I wish you peace, even if it's for a little bit everyday.



Latest Activity

Profile IconConnie ricke and rebecca wrobel joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
37 minutes ago
Ammy commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello Sue M & Shirelle, I am sorry for your loss.  I know the pain well.  And like Sue said, it does get "less sharp".  I don't think it ever goes away but definitely less intense.We lost our son nine and a half…"
39 minutes ago
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"im sorry Shirelle, the computer changed your name to Shirley. "
17 hours ago
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello Shirley, im so sorry for you and your family. I know how deep, sharp, and unimaginable this pain is. I know too how it breaks you up and your world too. It was like looking through a broken kaleidoscope for me. Nothing seemed whole, I trusted…"
17 hours ago
rebecca wrobel joined Jarvis's group

I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
21 hours ago
Shirelle commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"My son came home for 3 month then died"
22 hours ago
Shirelle commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"My son pass away Nov 25 at 936am my life has not been the same I really feel lost , empty nothing to live for but I have 3 other kids I love them more than anything I just don't know what to do please can someone help me"
22 hours ago
Shirelle joined Kar's group

Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
22 hours ago
Billy Jo Colt left a comment for Miriam Holmes
"Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather…"
M Adams commented on Miriam Holmes's blog post Healing Repetition
"Miriam, thanks for what you’ve said here, think it will be helpful to many other people here and I hope writing it down will help you as well.  What you say about the way you miss your uncle, the loss of rituals and of his expressions of…"
Shirelle posted a status
"It will be 2 months since my son pass I'm feel do lost I'm don't want to work but have bills I don't want to talk to anyone just want to cry"
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
Katherine A Pericas Geersten commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone, My name is Katherine.  I am learning how to deal with the loss of my mom, she passed away two months ago.My mom was never my best friend, but she was so much more. She made me the person that I am today and living without her has…"
Katherine A Pericas Geersten joined Karen's group

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Katherine A Pericas Geersten posted a discussion

Hello, a little bit about me.

Two months ago, my mom committed suicide. As of now, this has to be one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life. I hope that through this forum I may be able to just reach out to someone who can kind of understand what my situation is like.My friends try to talk to me (and I do reach out to them) but I feel that the situation I am in is a really heavy thing to talk about (basically I don't want to rope my friends into my troubles, nor do I want to be a burden to them). I talk to…See More
Profile IconRonald Gordon and Dona Fiedler joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler
"Dona, I am so sorry for your pain.  A difficult relationship like yours always leaves all sorts of conflicting feelings that are hard to sort out.  I hope that the support you receive here will help you find your way to a better place."
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler
"Hi, I'm brand new, too.  I needed some place to talk out the grief that other people don't understand and don't really want to listen to.  Hopefully, this will be a helpful place for both of us.  Whatever your loss, I…"
Miriam Holmes posted a blog post

The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I knew…See More
Profile IconNovember and Arlene Vesia joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 21

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service