Tildyc
  • Female
  • United States
Share on Facebook
Share

Tildyc's Friends

  • Hilary Christene
  • Tammy black(Zendt)
  • Janet Hunter
  • rachel_michele
  • mike m
  • Rj
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • Trina Mamoon
  • morgan
  • Diana, Grief Counselor

Tildyc's Groups

Gifts Received

Gift

Tildyc has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

Tildyc's Page

Latest Activity

emma left a comment for Tildyc
"I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada"
Nov 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'll never be OK. It will never get better. Another fucking holiday season coming. I miss you so much babe. I cannot stop this pain. Where did you go???????"
Nov 15, 2016
Tildyc is now friends with Jon-Paul Ackerman and Tammy black(Zendt)
Oct 22, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've not been on here for a long time. But what's a long time really? Since my Mark's death, time has slowed to never ending.... My last breath cannot come soon enough. Since Feb 4th, 2015- I've not felt true happiness nor has a…"
Oct 21, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"I apologize for the double post."
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"Hi Morgan. I haven't posted for a long while. I am so lost. I'm still existing in this life I do not want. Each moment is still heavy and pointless. There really are no words to describe the darkness of every movement, action, task,…"
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As always Bluebird- I am in complete agreement with you. Life is such a collassal burden now. I am not as active on here as I once was- I suppose my reason is that nothing has and never will change for me. He will never come back. I am alone in…"
May 29, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Many folk can get comfort from religion, god, faith... For myself, I feel like I've been lied to all my life about this subject. Force fed a bunch of far fetched crazy confusing stories. All written by people who lived so long ago. All I got…"
May 21, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel exactly as you do bluebird. My beautiful irreplaceable soul mate is never never never- fucking ever coming home again. I will never ever be ok again. and there is no man entity or a god or a phrophet or witch dr that exsist it's that can…"
May 19, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same Bluebird- I will never recover. It is the one and only thing I am certain of in my sorry excuse of a life now. There is no escape from this pain. I'm banking on my death to be the answer. But really I just don't…"
Apr 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Morgan and Trina- and all my beloved kindred. I received your messages. I truly appreciate that you dear souls reached out to me. I've been exsisting and nothing more. I do come back to our group quite frequently and see how All you are…"
Mar 27, 2016
Trina Mamoon left a comment for Tildyc
"Hi Tildyc, It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances.  Sending vibes of sympathy your way. Best, Trina"
Mar 26, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi all- There are so many new people here now. It's so extremely hard to comprehend how much pain that is inflicted upon us. It is debilitating sucker punch that has left me defenseless and broken. There was no preparing for this devastation.…"
Feb 5, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Before my life ended... I had heard some people say that they have been hurt and they are afraid to love again. This statement was not something I understood at all. To me it sounded like an exuse of some kind of convenient escape route. I truly…"
Jan 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi everyone- I haven't commented here lately nor have I responded to the caring and much appreciated personal messages I've received. And I do apologize. In fact- I actually feel like I've let down my very good friends and this truly…"
Jan 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"There is no other for me. Even if he would've had the chance to tell me otherwise- it would not change a damn thing on how I feel now. I cannot "move on" from this. This is not a choice- I do not want to live in this hell- it's…"
Dec 28, 2015

Profile Information

About Me:
Like everybody here, I'm here because I've suffered a loss that has left me emotionally and spiritually broken. The amount of pain I'm in cannot be described in words. As many of you already know all too well. For me – the pain never lessons. It just shifts from one aspect to another. Every aspect of my life, no matter what I'm doing – is filled with the loss that I am suffering. There is no escape. No amount of medication or therapy can even scratch the surface. They tell you that and it will get better in time. But here's the thing – just the thought of a future without him in it- makes me want to just disappear. It's paralyzing, lonely, endless and hopeless. I'm sure I sound overly dramatic. Yet- this is truly how I feel.

I've always considered myself a strong person before this. I've gone through a painful divorce, the loss of my dad and unbelievable amount of betrayal and infidelity in a past relationship. But to lose my Mark... That was the blow that knocked me down and out. I just can't see making it back this time.
About my Loss:
My fiancé and soulmate and best friend- died February 4, 2015. It was due to medical negligence... and he had so many more years ahead of him to live and love. His death was scary and traumatic and I was the only one there until it was too late to be able to take medical action. It was a bad decision on the doctor's part and it has left me permanently scarred. I still see the horrific scene in my mind. And its so very very sad. My poor baby. It's burned into my memory.

We had known each other for 9 yrs and were together for five of those yrs. It was the first time in my entire life that I actually felt safe, loved and accepted. When he died – all my hope, faith and happiness died with him.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
No

Tildyc's Photos

Loading…
  • Add Photos
  • View All

Comment Wall (16 comments)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

At 11:40am on November 17, 2016, emma said…

I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada

At 6:58pm on March 26, 2016, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances. 

Sending vibes of sympathy your way.

Best, Trina

At 9:06am on October 28, 2015, Hilary Christene said…

Hi Tildy,

i woke up in hell today, too. it's so bitterly painful that i fear i can't face it. i woke up into a nightmare.

At 7:54am on August 26, 2015, Angela said…
Tom and I picked out Chloe at the local shelter in 2002. She has been the best dog and companion ever. She seems to be doing ok with her medications but I hope she is not suffering too much.

I miss my husband sooooo much. I often still cannot accept he is gone. I still anticipate him walking in the door, texting or calling. Then I am so crushed that it's not happening.

It's so not fair.
At 9:54am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Your mark was like my larry, different type of relationship of course, your fiance, my son of 27 years. But i lived for him, he was my happiness as mark was yours. I have no other children and am divorced. our hearts are shattered just the same, our pain, the same, the lonliness and wondering if we will survive this...for me wondering if i even want to
At 9:46am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Thank you for your note and Oh my dear yes, it is pure suffering trying to function every day. Getting up, dressed and to work. Everything is a disaster all around. I just throw something on now, if it matches okay, if not, okay too. Im not sure how to survive this hell....every day, why isn't time helping??!
At 11:40am on July 6, 2015, Rj said…
I feel the same way...i just want to be set free of this snguish. I lost my only son,27 on feb 5. I feel ill at every turn, every day.
At 10:20pm on June 30, 2015, Erin said…
I feel a lot the way you do. I miss my Sean more than I can stand. July 4th was his favorite holiday. I think I will just stay in my corner in my room because I will not be good company for anyone. I only want him back. I don't want to live without him. But that will never happen and that makes me feel so helpless and defeated. What makes me so sad is that I start to realize that I won't ever be with him again. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with that. I still expect him to come home soon. That is easier to deal with. I liked what we had and it was ripped away from me so suddenly and unexpected. I did get to say goodbye or how much I really loved him. With all of this sorrow I have been trying to endure I still have to think of what next? What do I do with me? The past 9-10 years of my life was about him and that made me happy. He took my happiness when he left me. Time stood stil while everyone else is moving on. I am not ready to move on without him. I feel like I am leaving him behind. So I am just standing still. I know I can't be this miserable forever. It is to exhausting. I haven't really come out of this depression yet. It has only been 6 weeks. But gradually I will pick myself up and I think that is what he would want, to live for him. He wasn't ready to go. He had so much life in him. He wouldn't want me to mope around. I need to think of how he lived and the way his life impacted me for the better. I know this will take awhile but with baby steps I want to do something good in his honor. Maybe volunteer or help someone. I think this would be good for our souls. Then maybe little by little I can have a conversation with someone without crying so much. We only have 1 chance with this life and I know our loved ones would want us to make the best of it. So when ever you are ready try to do something that maybe you always wanted to do but put it on the back burner for lack of time or money. It doesn't have to be big just something that will take your mind off of your grief and will make you feel a little better. I hope this will help because believe me I am right with you on how hard this is.
The only thing I would never consider is suicide because I think that is very selfish and I have my son to think about. I would never want him to be sad like this. I think Sean would be really disappointed with me. He didn't get to choose to live or die but I do have that choice and he would want me to live.
Take care of youself
At 10:40am on May 27, 2015, Richard G said…

I know how you feel. I always expect Cherie to be home when I get home. Her empty chair is always such a stark reminder that she is gone. I'm sending you a big hug. I wish all the people here could get together but we would probably cause a flood with all of our tears.

At 2:14am on May 24, 2015, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

Yes, on several occasions I "saw" Joseph. Not to offend anyone, it's how ghosts are described. After all, the word ghost comes from the German word Geist which means spirit. Joseph's spirit has visited me a few times. He was in full form but also like a vision, not quite see through but like an apparition. It isn't easy to describe the visions. But I did "see" him.

His visits give me the strength to face this horrible emotional turmoil and agony that I am having to live through. Because the one thing in this uncertain world is that death is certain. We don't know when our time will come. But my time will come eventually, whether it's next year or in five or ten. And when I die, I will be reunited with the love of my life. I only keep praying that my time comes sooner. This missing Joseph is unbearable and so, so very painful.

I wish you peace, even if it's for a little bit everyday.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Ann Brooks updated their profile
7 hours ago
Julia A. and Tonya are now friends
14 hours ago
Paula Marie commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It will soon be four years since I lost my mom and today the grief is worse than ever ... I wonder will it ever go away ... and do I even want it to go? I don't mind the constant sadness, but it often becomes so overwhelming in it's…"
15 hours ago
Richard Rivera replied to Richard Rivera's discussion MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I got back from the hospital. I checked in and I was there for several hours. the results came back and the doctor told me that chest x-ray came clean and that my bloodwork is normal. Also my EKG also showed no abnormalities. in short, I am a…"
18 hours ago
Tanya commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Nancy, grieving is hard work because at some point you have to pick yourself up.  So your emotions go up and down.  Thankfully between my daughter and work, I'm busy.  That helps otherwise I would be a mess.  The finality of…"
20 hours ago
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, YES!! I almost forgot about this but I used to do the same thing. We would be out for dinner and I'd see a daughter with her elderly mother, and I just kept looking at them thinking how lucky she was to still have her mom. Looking…"
22 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Nancy yes I wished that we lived closer also it would be great to talk with you Bluebell, it took me sometime to go shopping, mostly because of panic and anxiety attacks that take over, but I did and still do the same thing I would look at…"
yesterday
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Tanya, I just read your post from yesterday. You are SO right!! I have some clothing of my mom's tucked away that I am keeping. One piece is a shirt she used to wear in the 60's that I remember so clearly from when I was a little girl. I…"
yesterday
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I'm so sorry, Theresa. It's too bad the lot of us don't live nearer together so we could meet and support one another. One thing I've learned through this is that there are people in our lives who can be thoughtless and…"
yesterday
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, I can relate so well to this. I can't tell you how many times I have said and felt these exact same things. I'd see a recipe that looked good and start to call my mom to tell her about it, I'd create a piece of art but she…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I went out shopping with a friend today. When I saw a pretty wind chime, I found myself thinking "Mom would like that". But there is no more Mom to get presents for. I miss her. I want her back. I wish this was all a very long, horrible…"
yesterday
catherine bailey commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"It really helps to communicate with others who have experienced the same loss, so thanks to all who answered my post.  Lenny, Connie and Kim - we all understand each other.  Today was a better day for me - some days are like that.…"
yesterday
Lenny commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"Dear Connie, Katherine and Kim I fully understand the bereft feelings and I also have been anxious about precious moments of our daughters and where they will end up when we pass. The pain of losing our only child never ends , even when we appear to…"
yesterday
Connie K commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"Dear Catherine I feel the very same way. I have everything form my son's baby things, through elementary and high school. He died at age 17 and never got to even graduate, drive a car by himself, well you know....I have things of mine I wanted…"
yesterday
cin po commented on Valentina Jolley's blog post Letter to you; my other half in heaven
"I too have regrets and your post deeply resonated with me. I wish I spent more time with him. I wished I laughed more with him. I wish I talked to him more. It's too late now.  I will never be the same. I am trying to help myself in little…"
yesterday
cin po left a comment for Fran
"Hi Fran, I am forced to do all of these things as quick as I can because I have to go back to work soon. I am trying to finish all of the paperwork. I was forced to do things quickly even though I am so emotionally distraught. My world stopped when…"
yesterday
cin po commented on cin po's blog post Talking to people about my loss & grief helps me
"Hi Jewels, I am so sad that your husband died a sudden death. My partner and I had a conversation about what's the worst thing that could happen to him. We talked about it for hours and we cried a lot that night. In a way we were saying…"
yesterday
kim commented on Jodi Denton's group Traumatic loss of an only child
"Catherine, I to lost my only child my son in 2014. im not doing good, I pray to die everyday. theres no life with out my son for me.  shawn is the love of my life.  my depression is getting worse, my loneliness emptiness.  im so very…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Heather, yes I do, I have no one, my husband doesn't even want to hear me talk about it, he ignores me when I do I have not had a dream about her yet To me it seems like everyone thinks I should just move on, but I'm not ready, I have…"
Thursday
Heather commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I do the same thing, at least several times a day. My Mom was a diabetic so I had to take the used testing strips back to the pharmacy the other day. I actually sat In the car hugging it, something of hers that I have to let go of and it made me so…"
Thursday

© 2017   Created by Diana, Grief Counselor.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service