Tildyc
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Tildyc's Friends

  • Hilary Christene
  • Tammy black(Zendt)
  • Janet Hunter
  • rachel_michele
  • mike m
  • Rj
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • Trina Mamoon
  • morgan
  • Diana, Grief Counselor

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emma left a comment for Tildyc
"I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada"
Nov 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'll never be OK. It will never get better. Another fucking holiday season coming. I miss you so much babe. I cannot stop this pain. Where did you go???????"
Nov 15, 2016
Tildyc is now friends with Jon-Paul Ackerman and Tammy black(Zendt)
Oct 22, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've not been on here for a long time. But what's a long time really? Since my Mark's death, time has slowed to never ending.... My last breath cannot come soon enough. Since Feb 4th, 2015- I've not felt true happiness nor has a…"
Oct 21, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"I apologize for the double post."
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"Hi Morgan. I haven't posted for a long while. I am so lost. I'm still existing in this life I do not want. Each moment is still heavy and pointless. There really are no words to describe the darkness of every movement, action, task,…"
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As always Bluebird- I am in complete agreement with you. Life is such a collassal burden now. I am not as active on here as I once was- I suppose my reason is that nothing has and never will change for me. He will never come back. I am alone in…"
May 29, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Many folk can get comfort from religion, god, faith... For myself, I feel like I've been lied to all my life about this subject. Force fed a bunch of far fetched crazy confusing stories. All written by people who lived so long ago. All I got…"
May 21, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel exactly as you do bluebird. My beautiful irreplaceable soul mate is never never never- fucking ever coming home again. I will never ever be ok again. and there is no man entity or a god or a phrophet or witch dr that exsist it's that can…"
May 19, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same Bluebird- I will never recover. It is the one and only thing I am certain of in my sorry excuse of a life now. There is no escape from this pain. I'm banking on my death to be the answer. But really I just don't…"
Apr 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Morgan and Trina- and all my beloved kindred. I received your messages. I truly appreciate that you dear souls reached out to me. I've been exsisting and nothing more. I do come back to our group quite frequently and see how All you are…"
Mar 27, 2016
Trina Mamoon left a comment for Tildyc
"Hi Tildyc, It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances.  Sending vibes of sympathy your way. Best, Trina"
Mar 26, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi all- There are so many new people here now. It's so extremely hard to comprehend how much pain that is inflicted upon us. It is debilitating sucker punch that has left me defenseless and broken. There was no preparing for this devastation.…"
Feb 5, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Before my life ended... I had heard some people say that they have been hurt and they are afraid to love again. This statement was not something I understood at all. To me it sounded like an exuse of some kind of convenient escape route. I truly…"
Jan 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi everyone- I haven't commented here lately nor have I responded to the caring and much appreciated personal messages I've received. And I do apologize. In fact- I actually feel like I've let down my very good friends and this truly…"
Jan 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"There is no other for me. Even if he would've had the chance to tell me otherwise- it would not change a damn thing on how I feel now. I cannot "move on" from this. This is not a choice- I do not want to live in this hell- it's…"
Dec 28, 2015

Profile Information

About Me:
Like everybody here, I'm here because I've suffered a loss that has left me emotionally and spiritually broken. The amount of pain I'm in cannot be described in words. As many of you already know all too well. For me – the pain never lessons. It just shifts from one aspect to another. Every aspect of my life, no matter what I'm doing – is filled with the loss that I am suffering. There is no escape. No amount of medication or therapy can even scratch the surface. They tell you that and it will get better in time. But here's the thing – just the thought of a future without him in it- makes me want to just disappear. It's paralyzing, lonely, endless and hopeless. I'm sure I sound overly dramatic. Yet- this is truly how I feel.

I've always considered myself a strong person before this. I've gone through a painful divorce, the loss of my dad and unbelievable amount of betrayal and infidelity in a past relationship. But to lose my Mark... That was the blow that knocked me down and out. I just can't see making it back this time.
About my Loss:
My fiancé and soulmate and best friend- died February 4, 2015. It was due to medical negligence... and he had so many more years ahead of him to live and love. His death was scary and traumatic and I was the only one there until it was too late to be able to take medical action. It was a bad decision on the doctor's part and it has left me permanently scarred. I still see the horrific scene in my mind. And its so very very sad. My poor baby. It's burned into my memory.

We had known each other for 9 yrs and were together for five of those yrs. It was the first time in my entire life that I actually felt safe, loved and accepted. When he died – all my hope, faith and happiness died with him.
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Comment Wall (16 comments)

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At 11:40am on November 17, 2016, emma said…

I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada

At 6:58pm on March 26, 2016, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances. 

Sending vibes of sympathy your way.

Best, Trina

At 9:06am on October 28, 2015, Hilary Christene said…

Hi Tildy,

i woke up in hell today, too. it's so bitterly painful that i fear i can't face it. i woke up into a nightmare.

At 7:54am on August 26, 2015, Angela said…
Tom and I picked out Chloe at the local shelter in 2002. She has been the best dog and companion ever. She seems to be doing ok with her medications but I hope she is not suffering too much.

I miss my husband sooooo much. I often still cannot accept he is gone. I still anticipate him walking in the door, texting or calling. Then I am so crushed that it's not happening.

It's so not fair.
At 9:54am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Your mark was like my larry, different type of relationship of course, your fiance, my son of 27 years. But i lived for him, he was my happiness as mark was yours. I have no other children and am divorced. our hearts are shattered just the same, our pain, the same, the lonliness and wondering if we will survive this...for me wondering if i even want to
At 9:46am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Thank you for your note and Oh my dear yes, it is pure suffering trying to function every day. Getting up, dressed and to work. Everything is a disaster all around. I just throw something on now, if it matches okay, if not, okay too. Im not sure how to survive this hell....every day, why isn't time helping??!
At 11:40am on July 6, 2015, Rj said…
I feel the same way...i just want to be set free of this snguish. I lost my only son,27 on feb 5. I feel ill at every turn, every day.
At 10:20pm on June 30, 2015, Erin said…
I feel a lot the way you do. I miss my Sean more than I can stand. July 4th was his favorite holiday. I think I will just stay in my corner in my room because I will not be good company for anyone. I only want him back. I don't want to live without him. But that will never happen and that makes me feel so helpless and defeated. What makes me so sad is that I start to realize that I won't ever be with him again. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with that. I still expect him to come home soon. That is easier to deal with. I liked what we had and it was ripped away from me so suddenly and unexpected. I did get to say goodbye or how much I really loved him. With all of this sorrow I have been trying to endure I still have to think of what next? What do I do with me? The past 9-10 years of my life was about him and that made me happy. He took my happiness when he left me. Time stood stil while everyone else is moving on. I am not ready to move on without him. I feel like I am leaving him behind. So I am just standing still. I know I can't be this miserable forever. It is to exhausting. I haven't really come out of this depression yet. It has only been 6 weeks. But gradually I will pick myself up and I think that is what he would want, to live for him. He wasn't ready to go. He had so much life in him. He wouldn't want me to mope around. I need to think of how he lived and the way his life impacted me for the better. I know this will take awhile but with baby steps I want to do something good in his honor. Maybe volunteer or help someone. I think this would be good for our souls. Then maybe little by little I can have a conversation with someone without crying so much. We only have 1 chance with this life and I know our loved ones would want us to make the best of it. So when ever you are ready try to do something that maybe you always wanted to do but put it on the back burner for lack of time or money. It doesn't have to be big just something that will take your mind off of your grief and will make you feel a little better. I hope this will help because believe me I am right with you on how hard this is.
The only thing I would never consider is suicide because I think that is very selfish and I have my son to think about. I would never want him to be sad like this. I think Sean would be really disappointed with me. He didn't get to choose to live or die but I do have that choice and he would want me to live.
Take care of youself
At 10:40am on May 27, 2015, Richard G said…

I know how you feel. I always expect Cherie to be home when I get home. Her empty chair is always such a stark reminder that she is gone. I'm sending you a big hug. I wish all the people here could get together but we would probably cause a flood with all of our tears.

At 2:14am on May 24, 2015, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

Yes, on several occasions I "saw" Joseph. Not to offend anyone, it's how ghosts are described. After all, the word ghost comes from the German word Geist which means spirit. Joseph's spirit has visited me a few times. He was in full form but also like a vision, not quite see through but like an apparition. It isn't easy to describe the visions. But I did "see" him.

His visits give me the strength to face this horrible emotional turmoil and agony that I am having to live through. Because the one thing in this uncertain world is that death is certain. We don't know when our time will come. But my time will come eventually, whether it's next year or in five or ten. And when I die, I will be reunited with the love of my life. I only keep praying that my time comes sooner. This missing Joseph is unbearable and so, so very painful.

I wish you peace, even if it's for a little bit everyday.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Debbie Lynn Hallstrom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello. My name is Debbie. I am Adrianne's Daughter. I joined this group to announce to you of her passing. She took her last breath on July 4th, 2016. She was my best friend, my better half and my person. I am not sure how to even begin to…"
3 hours ago
Debbie Lynn Hallstrom joined Karen's group
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Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
4 hours ago
Debbie Lynn Hallstrom joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
4 hours ago
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I could cry for you. I'm so sorry you never had a chance to even say goodbye to your mom. I completely agree about The Lord giving us strength during this time of overwhelming grief. I'm Catholic and believe my mom is in heaven…"
7 hours ago
Rita commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Before my life changed on July 5, 2016 I was going to my Dads 3 times a week. I cooked, did his laundry, played dominoes, took him to doctor appointments, picked up prescriptions, bought his groceries and filled his pill box and whatever else needed…"
8 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Nancy is right Olive seeing a physician is good, I did also. I truly believe that God is giving me strength to see me through losing my mom. I don't know if you read the beginning of my post, my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly from cardiac…"
8 hours ago
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My heart goes out to you, Olive. That type of anxiety is crippling. I'm glad you have a physician who is making sure your symptoms are treated. I have experienced those symptoms at a younger age after being severely injured in an automobile…"
9 hours ago
JO B replied to JO B's discussion mad at god
10 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Olive, the answer is yes, I have extreme anxiety, I shake, its awful, even though it has been over a year, I did not want to take and SSRI, I practice yoga, it helps, but not enough. I was wondering if anyone else suffered from this. I pray it goes…"
10 hours ago
Olive commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Nancy, Theresa, and Bluebell,  Thank you so very much for responding to my post.  I am so sorry for the losses of your dear moms.  I feel like I don't know how to exist in the world without her.  I have a wonderful…"
11 hours ago
JO B commented on Diana, Grief Counselor's blog post After Death Communication
12 hours ago
BLUEBELL replied to BLUEBELL's discussion Lost my Mom
"Take care too Raina. I am not having a good morning , so I am short on words. What I am hanging on to is the faith that I know it will get better and I will move on with my life. I just do not know when that will be. Maybe it will be tomorrow and…"
18 hours ago
Louise commented on Louise's blog post Can't cope
"Thank you Morgan, your support means so much to me, I was in a bad place when I wrote this. I don't really have many people to talk to; there were loads of people there for me just after he died, but everyone has drifted away. My very best…"
18 hours ago
Raina2012 replied to BLUEBELL's discussion Lost my Mom
"Being your mothers caregiver must have been hard. And now that she is gone its all different. I think maybe you should try to stay at your house. My mom and i had an apartment together and i am trying to break the lease because i cant live there. To…"
18 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Nancy, what you said is true, my mom was all I had, I miss her everyday and I don't cry everyday anymore, I try not to, just when I need to.  But I try to get ahold of myself. It just feels as though this part of my heart will never…"
22 hours ago
morgan left a comment for Mary
"Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Louise's blog post Can't cope
"Louise,  Just  keep trying.  Baby steps.  Thats all any of us can do.  We keep trying to get through another day because there is only one other option which is not really desirable.  Do you have anyone who really…"
yesterday
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, Misty. I'm so thankful to hear your results were negative for cancer! My heart goes out to you that you couldn't have your mom by your side going through all of that. It's harder for me to share things with my dad as well, but my…"
yesterday
Nancy Dynes commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, Olive. Theresa and I have been going through the same thing. It's almost 2 years since I lost my sweet mom. It sounds like our moms were very much alike. I still cry privately each day. I have an underlying sadness during even the happiest…"
yesterday
Rita commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I haven't posted anything in a while but I come here to read stories about the losses we (mostly) Mothers are going through. Looking for answers and knowing in my heart there are none...My Jesse was 38 days away from being 38 years old. Why do…"
yesterday

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