Tildyc
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Tildyc's Friends

  • Hilary Christene
  • Tammy black(Zendt)
  • Janet Hunter
  • rachel_micele
  • mike m
  • Rj
  • Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • Trina Mamoon
  • morgan
  • Diana, Grief Counselor

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emma left a comment for Tildyc
"I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada"
Nov 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'll never be OK. It will never get better. Another fucking holiday season coming. I miss you so much babe. I cannot stop this pain. Where did you go???????"
Nov 15, 2016
Tildyc is now friends with Jon-Paul Ackerman and Tammy black(Zendt)
Oct 22, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've not been on here for a long time. But what's a long time really? Since my Mark's death, time has slowed to never ending.... My last breath cannot come soon enough. Since Feb 4th, 2015- I've not felt true happiness nor has a…"
Oct 21, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"I apologize for the double post."
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc left a comment for morgan
"Hi Morgan. I haven't posted for a long while. I am so lost. I'm still existing in this life I do not want. Each moment is still heavy and pointless. There really are no words to describe the darkness of every movement, action, task,…"
Jul 2, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As always Bluebird- I am in complete agreement with you. Life is such a collassal burden now. I am not as active on here as I once was- I suppose my reason is that nothing has and never will change for me. He will never come back. I am alone in…"
May 29, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Many folk can get comfort from religion, god, faith... For myself, I feel like I've been lied to all my life about this subject. Force fed a bunch of far fetched crazy confusing stories. All written by people who lived so long ago. All I got…"
May 21, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel exactly as you do bluebird. My beautiful irreplaceable soul mate is never never never- fucking ever coming home again. I will never ever be ok again. and there is no man entity or a god or a phrophet or witch dr that exsist it's that can…"
May 19, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same Bluebird- I will never recover. It is the one and only thing I am certain of in my sorry excuse of a life now. There is no escape from this pain. I'm banking on my death to be the answer. But really I just don't…"
Apr 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Morgan and Trina- and all my beloved kindred. I received your messages. I truly appreciate that you dear souls reached out to me. I've been exsisting and nothing more. I do come back to our group quite frequently and see how All you are…"
Mar 27, 2016
Trina Mamoon left a comment for Tildyc
"Hi Tildyc, It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances.  Sending vibes of sympathy your way. Best, Trina"
Mar 26, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi all- There are so many new people here now. It's so extremely hard to comprehend how much pain that is inflicted upon us. It is debilitating sucker punch that has left me defenseless and broken. There was no preparing for this devastation.…"
Feb 5, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Before my life ended... I had heard some people say that they have been hurt and they are afraid to love again. This statement was not something I understood at all. To me it sounded like an exuse of some kind of convenient escape route. I truly…"
Jan 17, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi everyone- I haven't commented here lately nor have I responded to the caring and much appreciated personal messages I've received. And I do apologize. In fact- I actually feel like I've let down my very good friends and this truly…"
Jan 12, 2016
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"There is no other for me. Even if he would've had the chance to tell me otherwise- it would not change a damn thing on how I feel now. I cannot "move on" from this. This is not a choice- I do not want to live in this hell- it's…"
Dec 28, 2015

Profile Information

About Me:
Like everybody here, I'm here because I've suffered a loss that has left me emotionally and spiritually broken. The amount of pain I'm in cannot be described in words. As many of you already know all too well. For me – the pain never lessons. It just shifts from one aspect to another. Every aspect of my life, no matter what I'm doing – is filled with the loss that I am suffering. There is no escape. No amount of medication or therapy can even scratch the surface. They tell you that and it will get better in time. But here's the thing – just the thought of a future without him in it- makes me want to just disappear. It's paralyzing, lonely, endless and hopeless. I'm sure I sound overly dramatic. Yet- this is truly how I feel.

I've always considered myself a strong person before this. I've gone through a painful divorce, the loss of my dad and unbelievable amount of betrayal and infidelity in a past relationship. But to lose my Mark... That was the blow that knocked me down and out. I just can't see making it back this time.
About my Loss:
My fiancé and soulmate and best friend- died February 4, 2015. It was due to medical negligence... and he had so many more years ahead of him to live and love. His death was scary and traumatic and I was the only one there until it was too late to be able to take medical action. It was a bad decision on the doctor's part and it has left me permanently scarred. I still see the horrific scene in my mind. And its so very very sad. My poor baby. It's burned into my memory.

We had known each other for 9 yrs and were together for five of those yrs. It was the first time in my entire life that I actually felt safe, loved and accepted. When he died – all my hope, faith and happiness died with him.
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Comment Wall (16 comments)

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At 11:40am on November 17, 2016, emma said…

I'm so sorry for your loss it isn't easy to move past anything , I don't look forward to holidays either ... I'm here if you want to chat hugs from canada

At 6:58pm on March 26, 2016, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

It's been a very long time since you posted something. I think of you often and have wanted to write to you to ask how you are doing. I hope you are okay under the circumstances. 

Sending vibes of sympathy your way.

Best, Trina

At 9:06am on October 28, 2015, Hilary Christene said…

Hi Tildy,

i woke up in hell today, too. it's so bitterly painful that i fear i can't face it. i woke up into a nightmare.

At 7:54am on August 26, 2015, Angela said…
Tom and I picked out Chloe at the local shelter in 2002. She has been the best dog and companion ever. She seems to be doing ok with her medications but I hope she is not suffering too much.

I miss my husband sooooo much. I often still cannot accept he is gone. I still anticipate him walking in the door, texting or calling. Then I am so crushed that it's not happening.

It's so not fair.
At 9:54am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Your mark was like my larry, different type of relationship of course, your fiance, my son of 27 years. But i lived for him, he was my happiness as mark was yours. I have no other children and am divorced. our hearts are shattered just the same, our pain, the same, the lonliness and wondering if we will survive this...for me wondering if i even want to
At 9:46am on July 8, 2015, Rj said…
Thank you for your note and Oh my dear yes, it is pure suffering trying to function every day. Getting up, dressed and to work. Everything is a disaster all around. I just throw something on now, if it matches okay, if not, okay too. Im not sure how to survive this hell....every day, why isn't time helping??!
At 11:40am on July 6, 2015, Rj said…
I feel the same way...i just want to be set free of this snguish. I lost my only son,27 on feb 5. I feel ill at every turn, every day.
At 10:20pm on June 30, 2015, Erin said…
I feel a lot the way you do. I miss my Sean more than I can stand. July 4th was his favorite holiday. I think I will just stay in my corner in my room because I will not be good company for anyone. I only want him back. I don't want to live without him. But that will never happen and that makes me feel so helpless and defeated. What makes me so sad is that I start to realize that I won't ever be with him again. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with that. I still expect him to come home soon. That is easier to deal with. I liked what we had and it was ripped away from me so suddenly and unexpected. I did get to say goodbye or how much I really loved him. With all of this sorrow I have been trying to endure I still have to think of what next? What do I do with me? The past 9-10 years of my life was about him and that made me happy. He took my happiness when he left me. Time stood stil while everyone else is moving on. I am not ready to move on without him. I feel like I am leaving him behind. So I am just standing still. I know I can't be this miserable forever. It is to exhausting. I haven't really come out of this depression yet. It has only been 6 weeks. But gradually I will pick myself up and I think that is what he would want, to live for him. He wasn't ready to go. He had so much life in him. He wouldn't want me to mope around. I need to think of how he lived and the way his life impacted me for the better. I know this will take awhile but with baby steps I want to do something good in his honor. Maybe volunteer or help someone. I think this would be good for our souls. Then maybe little by little I can have a conversation with someone without crying so much. We only have 1 chance with this life and I know our loved ones would want us to make the best of it. So when ever you are ready try to do something that maybe you always wanted to do but put it on the back burner for lack of time or money. It doesn't have to be big just something that will take your mind off of your grief and will make you feel a little better. I hope this will help because believe me I am right with you on how hard this is.
The only thing I would never consider is suicide because I think that is very selfish and I have my son to think about. I would never want him to be sad like this. I think Sean would be really disappointed with me. He didn't get to choose to live or die but I do have that choice and he would want me to live.
Take care of youself
At 10:40am on May 27, 2015, Richard G said…

I know how you feel. I always expect Cherie to be home when I get home. Her empty chair is always such a stark reminder that she is gone. I'm sending you a big hug. I wish all the people here could get together but we would probably cause a flood with all of our tears.

At 2:14am on May 24, 2015, Trina Mamoon said…

Hi Tildyc,

Yes, on several occasions I "saw" Joseph. Not to offend anyone, it's how ghosts are described. After all, the word ghost comes from the German word Geist which means spirit. Joseph's spirit has visited me a few times. He was in full form but also like a vision, not quite see through but like an apparition. It isn't easy to describe the visions. But I did "see" him.

His visits give me the strength to face this horrible emotional turmoil and agony that I am having to live through. Because the one thing in this uncertain world is that death is certain. We don't know when our time will come. But my time will come eventually, whether it's next year or in five or ten. And when I die, I will be reunited with the love of my life. I only keep praying that my time comes sooner. This missing Joseph is unbearable and so, so very painful.

I wish you peace, even if it's for a little bit everyday.

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hope everybody has a loving good weekend and let's celebrate our Mom's for giving us life. I love you Mama!!"
2 hours ago
Linda Engberg replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, It has been 4 years since I lost my Husband and soulmate to cancer. My family and friends tell me that time will things better. To tell you the truth the only way I keep my sanity, is adopting a dog and seeing my therapist and…"
7 hours ago
KIM Montgomery replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, my husband passed May 2, 2017.  We had a wonderful marriage and we loved each other with all of our hearts.  Jack was an awesome person.  I am currently going through this with my own family.  I am away from my family…"
9 hours ago
KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello, well I made it through my 1st anniversary without him.  It was a really hard day, Wednesday.  I miss him like crazy and love him so much. Today I just feel numb.  All these stages of grief are exhausting.  Working full…"
14 hours ago
Mike H. posted a blog post

Repost: Is It Wrong to Grieve?

Is It Wrong to Grieve?Have you ever had a brief bout with illness? Perhaps you recovered so quickly that you have practically forgotten the episode. Well, grief is not like that. “There is no such thing as ‘getting over’ grief,” writes Dr. Alan Wolfelt in his book Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart. However, he adds: “Over time and with the support of others, your grief will soften.”As an example, consider how the patriarch Abraham reacted when his wife died. The Bible says that “Abraham began…See More
16 hours ago
Angela commented on Angela's blog post I lost My Mom
"I think because my daughter is giving me my first grand child it has blocked out some of the hurt I feel. Even though I am not crying I do think about my mom all the time, everyday"
23 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, I remember when the anger started burning inside me too. It was horrible and ugly and scary, and immensely powerful. I felt afraid to open my mouth in front of others in case I screamed and yelled and told them what I thought of them and…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My mom loved Judge Judy. You couldn't convince her that was not a real courtroom. She also loved The Shark Tank and Everybody Loves Raymond. It all seems like just yesterday since we watched those shows together. I love those shows, too, but it…"
yesterday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello AnneJ and everyone,  In a couple of weeks it will be 3 years since I lost all that mattered to me.  Six months ago I started unpacking and hung some pictures where I live now.  I did it out of embarrassment rather than a desire…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
":)"
yesterday
Jennifer added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
Thumbnail

They don't understand.

How do you deal with well meaning family/friends who just don't understand what you're going through? 2 of my sisters-in-law still have their husbands.  One does not have a good marriage, she talks about her husband dying flippantly she says things like "I know if _____ died I would use the insurance money to go on that vacation he never wants to go on."  Then in the next breath "Are you still going on your cruise next year?  I could take (my husband's) place if you want so you're not alone."…See More
yesterday
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Today was a good day! I love you and thank you so very much Mama! I think of you everyday while cleaning up your home and getting it ready for sale. It is still hard for me to go there and not seeing you watching Dr.Phil and judge Judy! I have not…"
yesterday
Beth Swansboro posted a status
"I am just learning this new place to talk. Not real sure how it works. I will stop in again. Thinking alot tonite of my husband. Sad."
yesterday
Beth Swansboro posted a status
"I get sad when I see family together. My son who is an only child I feel pain for. He lost the person he loved so much and talked to alot."
yesterday
Beth Swansboro posted a status
"Been reading the articles past few days. Lost my husband Nov. 2015. Not a day goes by I wish he were here. I will like being able to be here"
yesterday
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Apparently, I have found the anger that my counselor and everyone else has been saying I was going to feel.  To this point, all I have felt is sad or numb.  Well, the last 2 days I have not been able to stand to see happy families.…"
yesterday
Diane commented on Angela's blog post I lost My Mom
"My mom had renal failure , she passed away December 2015. I still miss her everyday of my breathing, during this time I had broken my right wrist on a Friday Dec. 11 2015 my mom died on the 17. The pain was in so many directions, leaving the…"
yesterday
Diane posted a status
"It's been 2 years since my mom died, I still miss her , it will be 3 years really in December. I miss u mom. Love you so much,"
yesterday
Abigail Noell and Brenda Ann are now friends
yesterday
AnneJ commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi, Linda. I feel the same way as you. I feel like you could walk right into my home, sit down, and we wouldn't have to say a word and be completely understood by one another. It's been 3 years and 10 months since my Beloved man died, the…"
yesterday

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