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Comment by Michael on November 27, 2016 at 10:48am

Louise
I feel just about everything you feel. So do most people on here.

Comment by Louise on November 27, 2016 at 10:35am

It's 60 days today since I lost my wonderful husband. Whoever first said "it will get easier" really had no idea. I want to punch them. It does not get easier, the more time that passes the worse I feel as it becomes more and more apparent that he really is gone and I will never see him again. I am so lost and alone without him; all the phone calls and visits from friends stopped about 2 weeks ago. I feel like everyone is moving on and it makes me feel really angry. I feel people are fed up of me talking about him so I have stopped. It's an effort to get up everyday, shower, eat and do the simplest of tasks. I have trouble getting to sleep at night and he is constantly in my thoughts. And everyday it starts all over again. I am 33 and in reasonable health so the thought that I have another 30+ years of this is truly soul destroying. All I want is to be with him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 27, 2016 at 7:03am

Mary & Morgan,

I feel my strength weaking everyday. The sooner God takes me the better.

Comment by Mary on November 27, 2016 at 6:50am

Sending strength and peace and comfort to us all ❤️ I am finding it harder every day - the emptiness without the love of my life. 7 months today...it's not any easier. I don't believe it will be. The loss of your life partner is not something that can be replaced, 35 years and we were still in love and each day we still liked each other. I lost not only my husband buy my best friend, the man I talked to every day. The hole I believe will be felt everyday for the rest of my life. I only pray that God has mercy on me and takes me to my Neil soon. Selfish I know but to live many years without Neil will be too heartbreaking. I too have lost my zest for life, everything is grey and joyless.

Comment by morgan on November 26, 2016 at 11:32pm

I'm really not sure how long I can do this.

Comment by Chum on November 24, 2016 at 3:10am

Stewart, I can so relate to your experience.  You are more disciplined than me with planning and attempting new things, but the feeling is the same.  I too have lost that zest for life and am just drifting through the days, weeks, and months.  It's been eighteen months since my husband died.  I was on sick leave myself at the time and have since retired as had been the plan, so have have lost the routine and structure of my life.  If I'm honest I am so grateful to be retired, but am starting to miss the push that work gave me.  No children and no family in this country....I really am alone, yet this doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would if I was reading this about someone else.  If I was looking in at my life I would likely feel sorry for myself but I'm happy with the spareness of it.  I just wish I felt some little piece of zest.  I adopted two dogs as the older dogs passed away and I volunteer at a bird refuge once a week if only to have something that isn't just about me endlessly living in head, and to do some good.  It's weirdly passive yet I have no inner resource to draw from at this time.  I'm in a holding pattern that I have no idea if I'll come out of and no idea if this is normal.   

Comment by stewart p on November 23, 2016 at 7:13pm

After 3 years the one good thing I can say about the holidays is they do get over with, just takes a little patience getting through it

Comment by bluebird on November 23, 2016 at 6:54pm

Comment by Elynn m 23 hours ago

It's been 14 months now since I lost my husband.   I'm afraid that depression is setting in with the upcoming holidays.   I miss the winter, because it does not snow ivery often. Thinking about moving, but don't know if that's a good idea.  The thought of making new friends  (don't really have friends here) and new neighbors is intimidating.   Has anyone else been through this?

Elynn,

The holidays are a much harder time for me, too. I used to love Christmas, New Year's (New Year's Eve is the anniversary of when we officially became a couple), the entire holiday season. Now I hate it.  Just do whatever feels best for you -- spend the holidays with friends/family/etc. if that helps you, or spend them alone if that helps you, or even spend them volunteering if that helps you (like in a soup kitchen or animal shelter or something).

As far as moving, the usual advice is not to move or make any drastic life changes for at least one year after the death of a spouse/partner, and I think that's generally good advice.  I would add that trying to do so during the holiday season probably isn't the best idea, either.  I don't know if you want my opinion, but if so, it's this -- once the holidays are all over, maybe then start thinking about whether or not you want to move, and start looking into it if so, but I wouldn't do that until after the new year, if I were you.

It can be intimidating to make new friends, even at the best of times, and certainly after a loved one dies, especially a spouse/partner.  Personally, I have absolutely zero interest in meeting any new people or making friends, so it's not really something I have to deal with, but pretty much everything is harder since my husband died, so if I wanted to make friends I think that would probably be harder too.  If making friends is something you want to do, then while it might be difficult, I think it is possible.  One way do to it would be to join groups with a common interest, like a book club or a swim team, or even a church/temple/mosque/etc.

Comment by bluebird on November 23, 2016 at 6:46pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{morgan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Comment by Michael on November 23, 2016 at 6:35pm

Elynn
This site hopefully can provide the friends who will listen. And maybe it can make the process a bit easier.

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