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Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Halloween used to be one of my favourite times of year. My husband and I would decorate outside - spooky and fun - all the kids loved it. Now the second Halloween without my Neil. The kids and I didn't have the motivation to do it without him.…"
Nov 2, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird - I'm sorry to hear of your dear cat. Thinking of you Alice - exactly how I feel. I put on that "ok" mask every time I go to work etc. My heart is broken. I don't think I'm negative - just sad, lonely for my best…"
Jun 29, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It is 14 months without my dear husband Neil. I feel like I'm just floating along... I have no joy in my day. It's just a matter of getting done what needs to be done. I have teens at home so I do my best to give them a home to be at. I…"
Jun 29, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim and Elvynn, your hubbies sound like my wonderful husband. He had the special way with people and doing things. I've missed him every moment of every day since April 26, 2016. The outside yard he'd do such a good job. This year…"
Jun 5, 2017
Mary left a comment for Deanna
"❤❤ hugs to you"
Jun 3, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My thoughts and prayers to you Jackie. I understand what you are saying. It's hard to live each day without that important person sharing our day with us. I understand the fear too of forgetting, that's the worst. Life is with my husband,…"
Apr 11, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I agree with all of you. My thoughts are the same. We just get through the days. Everything has lost color... The world keeps going but I feel like I'm forgotten in it. I miss my husband every moment of every day. It will be one year April 26 -…"
Apr 8, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Beautiful photos Trina. Hugs to you ❤"
Mar 15, 2017
Mary left a comment for MARY A BLANDFORD
"Hi Mary. I'm not sure how this reply thing works. But I just wanted to say that I don't have any answers. I totally understand the deep ache you feel for your husband. It is hard to do life each day. Hard to start the day without that one…"
Feb 27, 2017
morgan left a comment for Mary
"Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.…"
Feb 22, 2017
MARY A BLANDFORD left a comment for Mary
"How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. "
Feb 21, 2017
Mary left a comment for MARY A BLANDFORD
"Sending you hugs and praying for comfort. I know how you feel and it is a difficult road. I too lost my high school sweetheart 9 months ago. He was 52. What you have described is also how I feel. The only reason I am still here is for my kids. But I…"
Feb 20, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Lisa. I also have panic attacks going into stores and certain places that my husband and I would go to. The grocery store is the hardest and Home Depot. I actually only go out when necessary. I've lived in my hometown all my life yet all…"
Jan 25, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda Alice and Morgan..my heart goes out to you. I feel the same. Thank you for sharing this as I was beginning to feel like "I'm wallowing in my self-pity". But I'm not. I feel like you all do because my life partner, my best…"
Jan 21, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My thoughts are with you Michael. It has been 8 months for me and I too find it hard each day. Am also still working on my husbands estate as he didn't have a signed will. We had ours prepared about a month before but hadn't got to the…"
Jan 9, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Michelle - my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you are a member here. My beautiful husband has been gone 8 months. He was only 52. I don't find it any easier. I find it harder each day. I cry every day and have breakdowns once or twice a…"
Jan 4, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Met my soul mate in grade 12. Been together 35 years and married for almost 29 before my soul mate passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We have 3 children.
About my Loss:
Lost the love of my life on April 26, 2016. We were each other's Rock, confidant, true love. I am lost in this world. I'm trying to be strong for my kids who loved their awesome dad. He is a great and loving husband, wonderful dad, loving son and brother. He was full of life and love and touched everyone he met.

Mary's Blog

Heartbroken

I was hoping to find others who have lost a spouse so i could talk about the loss of my husband. What I have learned is that only those who have lost a spouse knows how I feel. Before I could only imagine how it would feel. Now I know the deep pain, the overwhelming feel of broken and alone. I truly miss my Neil every moment of the day. It's been 5 weeks and it gets harder each day.

Posted on June 3, 2016 at 1:59am — 13 Comments

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 1:08am on February 22, 2017, morgan said…

Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.  Some days we get through them a bit less destroyed than others.  The hope is that if you get through one day maybe you wont wake up for another.  That's the hope.  So far I haven't found the key for that door.  Its lonely and dark, you're right,  I wont lie.  And the thought of waking up every day is what keeps me from going to sleep at night.  Maybe I think the if I stay up late enough I wont wake up again because I'll need to sleep forever.  That door hasn't worked either.  

After four years and one month I am not quite as desperate.  I don't break down everywhere like I used to.  I am better able to take showers, brush teeth, dress and do what used to be second nature.  Now I have to think it all through.  It is "better" as far as functioning which can help quell a bit of the grief but like many in here I am going to be one of the ones that will never get over my husbands death.  I am existing the best I can, doing the best I can and I don't ask too much of myself.  Thats it.  Thats how I get through a day.      

It isn't much but thats what I was left.  My husband was my sacred place I went to for everything.  Now that everything is gone and I can only hope I will be reunited with him in a different space, in a different time.  And I hope that for everyone else here........

At 1:54pm on February 21, 2017, MARY A BLANDFORD said…

How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. 

At 1:51am on July 23, 2016, Marta said…
Mary. Thank you for the message.
I'm also sorry for your loss.
 
 
 

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Latest Activity

joe kelly replied to Jade Rogers's discussion Hi!
"Dear Jade, I wish I had some advice for you because when I sign in, I notice that you often sign in I guess to check if anything new has been posted.  Being lonely after losing your Love after so many years together is a major part of all who…"
12 hours ago
Holly Baldwin is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
12 hours ago
Dennis C. and Virginia G are now friends
23 hours ago
Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
Saturday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
Friday
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
Friday
P updated their profile
Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
Friday
Profile IconValerie Groh, diane, Lisa and 6 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday

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