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Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Halloween used to be one of my favourite times of year. My husband and I would decorate outside - spooky and fun - all the kids loved it. Now the second Halloween without my Neil. The kids and I didn't have the motivation to do it without him.…"
Nov 2, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird - I'm sorry to hear of your dear cat. Thinking of you Alice - exactly how I feel. I put on that "ok" mask every time I go to work etc. My heart is broken. I don't think I'm negative - just sad, lonely for my best…"
Jun 29, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It is 14 months without my dear husband Neil. I feel like I'm just floating along... I have no joy in my day. It's just a matter of getting done what needs to be done. I have teens at home so I do my best to give them a home to be at. I…"
Jun 29, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim and Elvynn, your hubbies sound like my wonderful husband. He had the special way with people and doing things. I've missed him every moment of every day since April 26, 2016. The outside yard he'd do such a good job. This year…"
Jun 5, 2017
Mary left a comment for Deanna
"❤❤ hugs to you"
Jun 3, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My thoughts and prayers to you Jackie. I understand what you are saying. It's hard to live each day without that important person sharing our day with us. I understand the fear too of forgetting, that's the worst. Life is with my husband,…"
Apr 11, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I agree with all of you. My thoughts are the same. We just get through the days. Everything has lost color... The world keeps going but I feel like I'm forgotten in it. I miss my husband every moment of every day. It will be one year April 26 -…"
Apr 8, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Beautiful photos Trina. Hugs to you ❤"
Mar 15, 2017
Mary left a comment for MARY A BLANDFORD
"Hi Mary. I'm not sure how this reply thing works. But I just wanted to say that I don't have any answers. I totally understand the deep ache you feel for your husband. It is hard to do life each day. Hard to start the day without that one…"
Feb 27, 2017
morgan left a comment for Mary
"Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.…"
Feb 22, 2017
MARY A BLANDFORD left a comment for Mary
"How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. "
Feb 21, 2017
Mary left a comment for MARY A BLANDFORD
"Sending you hugs and praying for comfort. I know how you feel and it is a difficult road. I too lost my high school sweetheart 9 months ago. He was 52. What you have described is also how I feel. The only reason I am still here is for my kids. But I…"
Feb 20, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Lisa. I also have panic attacks going into stores and certain places that my husband and I would go to. The grocery store is the hardest and Home Depot. I actually only go out when necessary. I've lived in my hometown all my life yet all…"
Jan 25, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda Alice and Morgan..my heart goes out to you. I feel the same. Thank you for sharing this as I was beginning to feel like "I'm wallowing in my self-pity". But I'm not. I feel like you all do because my life partner, my best…"
Jan 21, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My thoughts are with you Michael. It has been 8 months for me and I too find it hard each day. Am also still working on my husbands estate as he didn't have a signed will. We had ours prepared about a month before but hadn't got to the…"
Jan 9, 2017
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Michelle - my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you are a member here. My beautiful husband has been gone 8 months. He was only 52. I don't find it any easier. I find it harder each day. I cry every day and have breakdowns once or twice a…"
Jan 4, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Met my soul mate in grade 12. Been together 35 years and married for almost 29 before my soul mate passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We have 3 children.
About my Loss:
Lost the love of my life on April 26, 2016. We were each other's Rock, confidant, true love. I am lost in this world. I'm trying to be strong for my kids who loved their awesome dad. He is a great and loving husband, wonderful dad, loving son and brother. He was full of life and love and touched everyone he met.

Mary's Blog

Heartbroken

I was hoping to find others who have lost a spouse so i could talk about the loss of my husband. What I have learned is that only those who have lost a spouse knows how I feel. Before I could only imagine how it would feel. Now I know the deep pain, the overwhelming feel of broken and alone. I truly miss my Neil every moment of the day. It's been 5 weeks and it gets harder each day.

Posted on June 3, 2016 at 1:59am — 13 Comments

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 1:08am on February 22, 2017, morgan said…

Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.  Some days we get through them a bit less destroyed than others.  The hope is that if you get through one day maybe you wont wake up for another.  That's the hope.  So far I haven't found the key for that door.  Its lonely and dark, you're right,  I wont lie.  And the thought of waking up every day is what keeps me from going to sleep at night.  Maybe I think the if I stay up late enough I wont wake up again because I'll need to sleep forever.  That door hasn't worked either.  

After four years and one month I am not quite as desperate.  I don't break down everywhere like I used to.  I am better able to take showers, brush teeth, dress and do what used to be second nature.  Now I have to think it all through.  It is "better" as far as functioning which can help quell a bit of the grief but like many in here I am going to be one of the ones that will never get over my husbands death.  I am existing the best I can, doing the best I can and I don't ask too much of myself.  Thats it.  Thats how I get through a day.      

It isn't much but thats what I was left.  My husband was my sacred place I went to for everything.  Now that everything is gone and I can only hope I will be reunited with him in a different space, in a different time.  And I hope that for everyone else here........

At 1:54pm on February 21, 2017, MARY A BLANDFORD said…

How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. 

At 1:51am on July 23, 2016, Marta said…
Mary. Thank you for the message.
I'm also sorry for your loss.
 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Jennifer left a comment for morgan
"Thanks Morgan for commenting on my profile page. Wow...What u described that u go through every day of every year is exactly how I feel. I lost my girlfriend/fiance of 5 years to suicide. I know without a doubt in my mind that she is my soul mate so…"
yesterday
morgan left a comment for Jennifer
"Jennifer,   If there was anything at all I could say, I would.  No one who hasn't lost the love of their life can understand the amount of pain that stays with us for a very long time.  I know at four years I was still banging…"
yesterday
maria left a comment for Michael
"sorry for your loss I lost my husband feb 2016 its been rough I was married 44yrs"
Friday
Profile IconSN, maria and Jennifer joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I feel it all depends on the relationship, no matter if man or woman."
Thursday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hows everybody doing? Theressa, Brett, Adams, Virginia?"
Thursday
M Adams commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Have heard the same thing about men and loneliness, based on the assumption that women usually have richer and more developed social networks, a wider range of relationships, etc.  Of course this isn’t true of all women, though it seems…"
Thursday
M Adams joined Katherine Ellis's group
Thumbnail

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
Thursday
Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"In my opinion as a Widower by 4 and a half years, men find dealing with being alone and loneliness harder than woman, this is what widows I meet tell me. I strive on a daily basis to at least be less anxious, but I miss my right arm in my…"
Thursday
Karrie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This past week we lost a young man of 24 with three children, If there is a God why would he take this young man instead of me who's life is over. I really question my faith."
Tuesday
Joe Kelly commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"Our suffering is unbelievable and unbearable Dream Moon.  We just jave to believe that there is an afterlife where we will be reunited with those we love.  That's all I live for now.  To die to be with my Loving wife.  I…"
Tuesday
SGO is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Monday
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"wearss my mannerss gon joe sorry on yore loss 2"
Apr 14
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"i no so sad joe loss dear frinedd few days go way she sufferdd coz of illness wz cruell coz she wz a veryy sweet kind lady "
Apr 14
Joe Kelly commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"Why I don't know, but everyone dies someday.  There is a lot of evil in our world who do terrible things.  I'm sorry for your loss.  I too suffer the loss of my wife and afraid my daughter will die soon from cancer. …"
Apr 13
Joe Kelly joined dream moon JO B's group
Apr 13
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"stilllasky why  moree loss siness i postedd on hear"
Apr 13
dream moon JO B commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"it can go on/off for yrs it can  do not t not let no 1 tell u way u shud feal or mkee u feal baf bad for grieff or los loss  lst 7 yrs iv go thruu a multii loss of pepplee  evn a cat i had for 16/17 yrss i loss 2  peplee say or…"
Apr 12
dream moon JO B posted a blog post

why do god let wong 1s die or sufferrr

i no iv askt stuff on off l hav for 7 yrs on hear on off sineses iv bean hearwhy duzegot let gooodd gud pepplee suffrwen u get bad pepplee it kill or hyrtt hurtt not suffr 1 bit in lifee suffrr gud peepplee i no suffr coz of god i ask why]wen bad pepllee do bad stuff lk kill rapee  molestr  peppllee go free not be punchessd ty do not i get mad wen i hear kids died peplee it do no harmm 2 no 1 die bad detahtss deathss y thy doSee More
Apr 12

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