Mary
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About Me:
Met my soul mate in grade 12. Been together 35 years and married for almost 29 before my soul mate passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We have 3 children.
About my Loss:
Lost the love of my life on April 26, 2016. We were each other's Rock, confidant, true love. I am lost in this world. I'm trying to be strong for my kids who loved their awesome dad. He is a great and loving husband, wonderful dad, loving son and brother. He was full of life and love and touched everyone he met.

Mary's Blog

Heartbroken

I was hoping to find others who have lost a spouse so i could talk about the loss of my husband. What I have learned is that only those who have lost a spouse knows how I feel. Before I could only imagine how it would feel. Now I know the deep pain, the overwhelming feel of broken and alone. I truly miss my Neil every moment of the day. It's been 5 weeks and it gets harder each day.

Posted on June 3, 2016 at 1:59am — 13 Comments

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 1:08am on February 22, 2017, morgan said…

Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.  Some days we get through them a bit less destroyed than others.  The hope is that if you get through one day maybe you wont wake up for another.  That's the hope.  So far I haven't found the key for that door.  Its lonely and dark, you're right,  I wont lie.  And the thought of waking up every day is what keeps me from going to sleep at night.  Maybe I think the if I stay up late enough I wont wake up again because I'll need to sleep forever.  That door hasn't worked either.  

After four years and one month I am not quite as desperate.  I don't break down everywhere like I used to.  I am better able to take showers, brush teeth, dress and do what used to be second nature.  Now I have to think it all through.  It is "better" as far as functioning which can help quell a bit of the grief but like many in here I am going to be one of the ones that will never get over my husbands death.  I am existing the best I can, doing the best I can and I don't ask too much of myself.  Thats it.  Thats how I get through a day.      

It isn't much but thats what I was left.  My husband was my sacred place I went to for everything.  Now that everything is gone and I can only hope I will be reunited with him in a different space, in a different time.  And I hope that for everyone else here........

At 1:54pm on February 21, 2017, MARY A BLANDFORD said…

How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. 

At 1:51am on July 23, 2016, Marta said…
Mary. Thank you for the message.
I'm also sorry for your loss.
 
 
 

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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
10 hours ago
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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14 hours ago
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you bluebird for always encapsulating the horror movie we live in in a way that is gentle but firm.  I can only nod my head in agreement with each of the points you made because I am so exhausted by trying to explain this widowing to…"
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bluebird and Martee are now friends
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
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yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re baby steps, one thing that has helped me is doing things that we did together, or learning to do things that she did.  It might sound sad or even heartbreaking, to do those things alone, and if it feels that way it’s not the right…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly and you actually helped me also God bless you and your little dog and everyone of us here it’s always nice to know that we still keep in touch after almost 5 years"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Day by day. Minute by minute. Find something, anything that makes you happy and focus on it. For me it's my dog. When she is gone I will focus on something else. It could be anything. If that doesn't work, do it for your mom. Carry on for…"
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Luna Nightshade replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"For me it now has been three years ... three years and four months. I survived first by distracting myself from it, thrust into work and no time to think, it would only come back at evenings and nights to haunt me ... I guess what helped me was…"
Monday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, so sorry for you loss,your posts spoke my feelings exactly on grief and pain of living. Can you please let me know how you survived all these years. Its been just over 2 weeks and each day is an eternity for me I hope I don’t…"
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Martee posted a status
"I don’t want this..."
Sunday
Martee posted a status
"Today I have been walking as a lifeless, joyless, husk for 2 weeks and 4 days. My beautiful, loving husband is gone...."
Sunday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad "
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Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Sunday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"
Sunday

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