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Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Halloween used to be one of my favourite times of year. My husband and I would decorate outside - spooky and fun - all the kids loved it. Now the second Halloween without my Neil. The kids and I didn't have the motivation to do it without him.…"
Nov 2, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Met my soul mate in grade 12. Been together 35 years and married for almost 29 before my soul mate passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We have 3 children.
About my Loss:
Lost the love of my life on April 26, 2016. We were each other's Rock, confidant, true love. I am lost in this world. I'm trying to be strong for my kids who loved their awesome dad. He is a great and loving husband, wonderful dad, loving son and brother. He was full of life and love and touched everyone he met.

Mary's Blog

Heartbroken

I was hoping to find others who have lost a spouse so i could talk about the loss of my husband. What I have learned is that only those who have lost a spouse knows how I feel. Before I could only imagine how it would feel. Now I know the deep pain, the overwhelming feel of broken and alone. I truly miss my Neil every moment of the day. It's been 5 weeks and it gets harder each day.

Posted on June 3, 2016 at 1:59am — 13 Comments

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 1:08am on February 22, 2017, morgan said…

Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.  Some days we get through them a bit less destroyed than others.  The hope is that if you get through one day maybe you wont wake up for another.  That's the hope.  So far I haven't found the key for that door.  Its lonely and dark, you're right,  I wont lie.  And the thought of waking up every day is what keeps me from going to sleep at night.  Maybe I think the if I stay up late enough I wont wake up again because I'll need to sleep forever.  That door hasn't worked either.  

After four years and one month I am not quite as desperate.  I don't break down everywhere like I used to.  I am better able to take showers, brush teeth, dress and do what used to be second nature.  Now I have to think it all through.  It is "better" as far as functioning which can help quell a bit of the grief but like many in here I am going to be one of the ones that will never get over my husbands death.  I am existing the best I can, doing the best I can and I don't ask too much of myself.  Thats it.  Thats how I get through a day.      

It isn't much but thats what I was left.  My husband was my sacred place I went to for everything.  Now that everything is gone and I can only hope I will be reunited with him in a different space, in a different time.  And I hope that for everyone else here........

At 1:54pm on February 21, 2017, MARY A BLANDFORD said…

How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. 

At 1:51am on July 23, 2016, Marta said…
Mary. Thank you for the message.
I'm also sorry for your loss.
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Christopher replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
"You had half your soul ripped out... basically. Of course you're going to struggle. Most folks just don't get that because they are still fine. They have not been so deeply wounded and have nothing to compare your struggle to. When I…"
1 hour ago
Christopher joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
1 hour ago
Christopher joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"I have a rollercoaster. Some days I am fine alone, others I simply need a wife to love on and make stuff for and ask her opinion. That's just how it is. I don't get a choice and folks who constantly tell me "get over it, it's…"
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"I have the same experience and have talked to others who experience likewise, so it's a general fact regardless of age or gender. That's just how it goes. We'll be here, off and on. Hopefully."
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"I have to look forward or I just want to lay down and die. My son needs a dad. He needs a mom too but I can't find a woman who will step up and do that for him. She died when he was 5 so he didn't know her well. He has not had a mom since…"
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"Make something new. Marvel at it.Do it again. Repeat as necessary. It helps."
1 hour ago
Christopher replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"Just got here. Widowed at age 28. It took 18 hours from healthy wife to no more wife. That was nearly 8 years ago. She wanted me to move on and I wanted the same for her if I went first... strange that we had the conversation mere months before her…"
1 hour ago
Christopher posted a status
"Need a wife, preferably one that has a place and isn't a workaholic. It's time to start again. No more loneliness."
1 hour ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The dr from the hospital talked to my therapist.  I didn’t get any more answers.  I am convinced they gave up on her and since I did nothing, I’ll never know if she could have been helped.  I can’t fathom why I acted…"
2 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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4 hours ago
Profile IconKim and Joeann joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
8 hours ago
morgan and Crystal Parker are now friends
15 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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17 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hope everyone is doing well still have not heard from Bluebell it’s raining here today I hate weekends when it rains very depressing and boring hope to hear from everyone soon"
yesterday
M Adams left a comment for Shari Darling
"Dear Shari, strange, I had and continue to have similar problems regarding what to say about myself in this context, but somehow I stumbled here after my husband's death and it has been helpful.  Just reading of bereaved people's…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, As you always do in your posts, you take the words right out of my mouth.  Linda"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Before this nightmare I myself would never have imagined how debilitating the loss of a spouse is. Tracy B 2014 I thought I would be able to focus on my career to help me heal, but I don't even like going to work any more. At home, I can't…"
yesterday
Shari Darling updated their profile
yesterday
Profile IconShari Darling, Christopher and Tara Gibson joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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