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Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird - I'm sorry to hear of your dear cat. Thinking of you Alice - exactly how I feel. I put on that "ok" mask every time I go to work etc. My heart is broken. I don't think I'm negative - just sad, lonely for my best…"
Jun 29
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It is 14 months without my dear husband Neil. I feel like I'm just floating along... I have no joy in my day. It's just a matter of getting done what needs to be done. I have teens at home so I do my best to give them a home to be at. I…"
Jun 29
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim and Elvynn, your hubbies sound like my wonderful husband. He had the special way with people and doing things. I've missed him every moment of every day since April 26, 2016. The outside yard he'd do such a good job. This year…"
Jun 5
Mary left a comment for Deanna
"❤❤ hugs to you"
Jun 3
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My thoughts and prayers to you Jackie. I understand what you are saying. It's hard to live each day without that important person sharing our day with us. I understand the fear too of forgetting, that's the worst. Life is with my husband,…"
Apr 11
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I agree with all of you. My thoughts are the same. We just get through the days. Everything has lost color... The world keeps going but I feel like I'm forgotten in it. I miss my husband every moment of every day. It will be one year April 26 -…"
Apr 8
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Beautiful photos Trina. Hugs to you ❤"
Mar 15
Mary left a comment for MARY A BLANDFORD
"Hi Mary. I'm not sure how this reply thing works. But I just wanted to say that I don't have any answers. I totally understand the deep ache you feel for your husband. It is hard to do life each day. Hard to start the day without that one…"
Feb 27
morgan left a comment for Mary
"Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.…"
Feb 22
MARY A BLANDFORD left a comment for Mary
"How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. "
Feb 21
Mary left a comment for MARY A BLANDFORD
"Sending you hugs and praying for comfort. I know how you feel and it is a difficult road. I too lost my high school sweetheart 9 months ago. He was 52. What you have described is also how I feel. The only reason I am still here is for my kids. But I…"
Feb 20
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Lisa. I also have panic attacks going into stores and certain places that my husband and I would go to. The grocery store is the hardest and Home Depot. I actually only go out when necessary. I've lived in my hometown all my life yet all…"
Jan 25
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda Alice and Morgan..my heart goes out to you. I feel the same. Thank you for sharing this as I was beginning to feel like "I'm wallowing in my self-pity". But I'm not. I feel like you all do because my life partner, my best…"
Jan 21
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My thoughts are with you Michael. It has been 8 months for me and I too find it hard each day. Am also still working on my husbands estate as he didn't have a signed will. We had ours prepared about a month before but hadn't got to the…"
Jan 9
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Michelle - my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you are a member here. My beautiful husband has been gone 8 months. He was only 52. I don't find it any easier. I find it harder each day. I cry every day and have breakdowns once or twice a…"
Jan 4
Mary left a comment for Holly
"My heart goes out to you. Losing a husband is unimaginable. I too lost my dear husband Neil, who was also 52. It's been almost 8 months. I understand how you feel. Every day is hard. Neil was the love of my life. Even tho I have family and…"
Dec 14, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
Met my soul mate in grade 12. Been together 35 years and married for almost 29 before my soul mate passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We have 3 children.
About my Loss:
Lost the love of my life on April 26, 2016. We were each other's Rock, confidant, true love. I am lost in this world. I'm trying to be strong for my kids who loved their awesome dad. He is a great and loving husband, wonderful dad, loving son and brother. He was full of life and love and touched everyone he met.

Mary's Blog

Heartbroken

I was hoping to find others who have lost a spouse so i could talk about the loss of my husband. What I have learned is that only those who have lost a spouse knows how I feel. Before I could only imagine how it would feel. Now I know the deep pain, the overwhelming feel of broken and alone. I truly miss my Neil every moment of the day. It's been 5 weeks and it gets harder each day.

Posted on June 3, 2016 at 1:59am — 13 Comments

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 1:08am on February 22, 2017, morgan said…

Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.  Some days we get through them a bit less destroyed than others.  The hope is that if you get through one day maybe you wont wake up for another.  That's the hope.  So far I haven't found the key for that door.  Its lonely and dark, you're right,  I wont lie.  And the thought of waking up every day is what keeps me from going to sleep at night.  Maybe I think the if I stay up late enough I wont wake up again because I'll need to sleep forever.  That door hasn't worked either.  

After four years and one month I am not quite as desperate.  I don't break down everywhere like I used to.  I am better able to take showers, brush teeth, dress and do what used to be second nature.  Now I have to think it all through.  It is "better" as far as functioning which can help quell a bit of the grief but like many in here I am going to be one of the ones that will never get over my husbands death.  I am existing the best I can, doing the best I can and I don't ask too much of myself.  Thats it.  Thats how I get through a day.      

It isn't much but thats what I was left.  My husband was my sacred place I went to for everything.  Now that everything is gone and I can only hope I will be reunited with him in a different space, in a different time.  And I hope that for everyone else here........

At 1:54pm on February 21, 2017, MARY A BLANDFORD said…

How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. 

At 1:51am on July 23, 2016, Marta said…
Mary. Thank you for the message.
I'm also sorry for your loss.
 
 
 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Karen Wilson posted a blog post

Lost my Son -only child in March of this year

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1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Really rough morning. I pray for some relief. This is not what my Mom would have wanted for me.  Bluebell"
2 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's horrible that someone would say, "It's not the end of the world" to you. That is cold. I am so sorry. Your mother in law... again, I am so sorry. You deserve better than that. We all do."
2 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hate to use the word resentment because I have enough on my plate right now. It takes energy to resent people. Negative energy. There is already too much of that in my life. The really hard part is that I got so much unconditional love from my…"
2 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett yes it can ruin relationships, I wont say who, but I was mentioning that I thought it was odd that a friend did not even call or send me a card when my mom passed, the person I was talking to said "its not the end of the world", this…"
4 hours ago
Jenn updated their profile
5 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Love is an amazing thing. There are times when I think that my mom has all the love that I have to offer, but there is always room for one more person. Even hundreds more.   people. "
13 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My heart is also with each one of you. Hugs and love to you all Bluebell"
14 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"One of the things that makes me feel very guilty (here) is that I do not want to discourage anyone who is making progress. I don't want to bring them down into the pit with me. I realize that there are people who may have recently come to this…"
14 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell and Brett we are all different we all grieve in different Ways some people grieve for shorter periods of time some people for longer I remember after my mother passed away I went to church they had a special mass with several priest from…"
14 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am becoming more of a functioning mess. I am able to see patient's now. I sleep a lot better. I try to exercise and socialize on a regular basis. But I have days when the sense of loss and sorrow is so overwhelming, that all I can do is cry…"
15 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Janie, of course you love your mom, and my mom certainly would not want for me to grieve the way that I do. I would not have wanted my mom to grieve my death this way. But I have to be honest about my feelings and my grief. Most of all I have to be…"
17 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, I always say we too. It is not just I because he lives in Heaven."
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jackie Cook It's been 4 years since I lost my Husband, it will always be us not me. "
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John T. I am surprised that I am still alive after losing my Husband 4 Years ago, I just go day to day hoping one day won't wake up."
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, Don't feel bad about not standing happy couples and family, It has been 4 years and I still feel that way. I just can't get over losing my kind, wonderful, Husband."
18 hours ago

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