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Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Halloween used to be one of my favourite times of year. My husband and I would decorate outside - spooky and fun - all the kids loved it. Now the second Halloween without my Neil. The kids and I didn't have the motivation to do it without him.…"
Nov 2, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Met my soul mate in grade 12. Been together 35 years and married for almost 29 before my soul mate passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We have 3 children.
About my Loss:
Lost the love of my life on April 26, 2016. We were each other's Rock, confidant, true love. I am lost in this world. I'm trying to be strong for my kids who loved their awesome dad. He is a great and loving husband, wonderful dad, loving son and brother. He was full of life and love and touched everyone he met.

Mary's Blog

Heartbroken

I was hoping to find others who have lost a spouse so i could talk about the loss of my husband. What I have learned is that only those who have lost a spouse knows how I feel. Before I could only imagine how it would feel. Now I know the deep pain, the overwhelming feel of broken and alone. I truly miss my Neil every moment of the day. It's been 5 weeks and it gets harder each day.

Posted on June 3, 2016 at 1:59am — 13 Comments

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 1:08am on February 22, 2017, morgan said…

Mary, You have perfectly expressed the suffering of all of us who come here and are trying to manage.  How do we have any hope or get through a day?  No one has an answer.  We all just take baby steps towards what a day might hold.  Some days we get through them a bit less destroyed than others.  The hope is that if you get through one day maybe you wont wake up for another.  That's the hope.  So far I haven't found the key for that door.  Its lonely and dark, you're right,  I wont lie.  And the thought of waking up every day is what keeps me from going to sleep at night.  Maybe I think the if I stay up late enough I wont wake up again because I'll need to sleep forever.  That door hasn't worked either.  

After four years and one month I am not quite as desperate.  I don't break down everywhere like I used to.  I am better able to take showers, brush teeth, dress and do what used to be second nature.  Now I have to think it all through.  It is "better" as far as functioning which can help quell a bit of the grief but like many in here I am going to be one of the ones that will never get over my husbands death.  I am existing the best I can, doing the best I can and I don't ask too much of myself.  Thats it.  Thats how I get through a day.      

It isn't much but thats what I was left.  My husband was my sacred place I went to for everything.  Now that everything is gone and I can only hope I will be reunited with him in a different space, in a different time.  And I hope that for everyone else here........

At 1:54pm on February 21, 2017, MARY A BLANDFORD said…

How do you all that have experienced the worst pain manage to have any hope for tomorrow or get through the day?  It is so incredibly lonely and dark.  I hate the thought of going to bed and waking to another day of the same thing. 

At 1:51am on July 23, 2016, Marta said…
Mary. Thank you for the message.
I'm also sorry for your loss.
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
Sunday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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