stewart p
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  • Battle Ground, WA
  • United States
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  • Michaela waldier
  • morgan

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Latest Activity

stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"like to share an inspirational story I just read about hope and the…"
Jun 4
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Maxey, you description of a sailboat adrift in the sea describes how i feel everyday.  You said something that caught my eye when you mentioned "trying to fill the void".  May I suggest to stop trying to fill the void and begin…"
Jan 5, 2018
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Ive spent the last few years forcing myself to get up, get out and get going and nothing I do will "make it better".  It is what it is and Ive come to realize the only thing I can do is change how I deal with it.  Its a new a way…"
Dec 30, 2017
stewart p is now friends with Michaela waldier and Amy
Dec 30, 2017
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm trying dancing lessons for a few months, always thought it would be neat and I cant dance worth 2 cents, for now.  If nothing else it helps keep me busy, distracted and finding something different to do, otherwise its too easy to sit…"
Dec 30, 2017
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I’d like to just to jump back on here for a moment share a little bit, because I care about all of those here who I share a unique bond with.  I realize some may disagree while someone else might gain some renewed hope or encouragement…"
Dec 19, 2017
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"BUT, I kept making myself do it, exercising, going for walks, bike rides, take the dog to the park, eventually began speaking before groups, found a new job I like and next month I will begin taking dance lessons.  Ive also met a very nice…"
Dec 19, 2017
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda Engberg your talking about that poem?  Thanks though I can take no credit it for it.  I was bingeing on netflix again watching SOA for like the 4th time in a row, it gets kind of boring but its one of the few things I find takes my…"
Nov 2, 2017
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Crystal, sorry to hear about you mum.  I can say from my own experience, would of, should of, could of is not worth the time and energy it takes to ponder.  Just ask yourself if what you did or think you didn't do you then, did you do…"
Oct 12, 2017
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"i take it back, Im downright pissed and sometimes hate life.  I had to say goodbye and I never got to say goodbye, somehow that just isnt right, and Im left struggling with it each GD day of my life"
Oct 8, 2017
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Nearly 5 years coming up and not much new to say.  Use to post on here a lot the first couple of years, notice a lot of new faces, Id say welcome but this isn't the sort of place you want to come to, more out of quiet desperation or…"
Oct 8, 2017
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I use to post on here a lot first couple of years, now nearly 5 years later lots of new faces, anyway thought Id drop in and just post this.  Ive junked out on Netflix ever since just for a distraction, watching one of my favorites for …"
Oct 6, 2017
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"karen stephenson you just do, one day at a time, it sucks, its horrible, it stinks and nothing good about it but you go through it and in the process something happens that changes nearly everything you ever thought about life before if you let it…"
May 4, 2017
stewart p commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Coming up on 4 years for me after being married 23 and have my world shaken apart all in lousy piece of sh5%t night.  It is hard, up and down and all around, one day better, next day worst.  Ive been to bereavement groups, counseling, no…"
May 4, 2017
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I got a new dog a couple years back and went for another walk in a park where my wife and I werent able to go hike at because of her health problems before she died.  It was actually fun and I dont remember thinking even second about her, just…"
Jan 25, 2017
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, I agree and maybe Ill have to try the friend route more again, its just regardless of whether its with friends, a date a job, a coworker, relatives i find myself generally choosing to stay at home alone, even over the holidays.  I…"
Jan 23, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
i am 52, father of 2 boys age 20 and 17 lost my wife on june 14/2013 suddenly and unexpectedly to a prescription drug overdose
About my Loss:
lost my wife of 23 years on June 14/2013 suddenly and unexpectedly to a prescription drug overdose

Stewart p's Blog

What do the birds mean

I can relate completely to every step in your day as if it were yesterday, its been almost 2 years now for me and I can say that I still go through many of the things as before, just as you describe them, but not as much and as frequently.  I still see a counselor but infrequently, I lay around in bed but less often, and I do sleep through the night most often and only wake up once in a while at 4.  I prefer to sleep because I often dream about my wife and i prefer that over being awake.  Im…

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Posted on May 14, 2015 at 9:22am — 4 Comments

Comment Wall (1 comment)

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At 1:29am on August 15, 2015, rachel_micele said…

Hi Stewart,

I'm glad to see your latest posts. I saved a post of yours written in May of last year and was actually looking for your profile about a month ago but couldn't find it. I thought maybe you left the site or something. Just really liked hearing, as someone further along this road of hell, your practical suggestions, words of encouragement, insight, etc. 

So that's all. Just glad you're still here and thank your for writing about the details of your journey.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
23 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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