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Comment by Irwin on November 11, 2016 at 10:35pm

"When my Soulmate died, my soul died as well."

Comment by Irwin on November 11, 2016 at 10:33pm

I have made it to day 52 since my wife passed. Yesterday a very beautiful woman told me that she would be very interested in getting to know me, but she sees so much pain in me. When I'm ready to move on, then she wants me to contact her.

I will never be ready to move on. I will always be thinking of her and that would not be fair to any woman that I would have a relationship with. I'm only 61 and I have this feeling I will live another 20+ years. I cannot fathom that thought without Jodi. I sincerely hope I pass away sooner than later. When you Soulmate died, my soul died as well. I have a heart....just wish it would stop beating because all I feel is pain.

Comment by Libbie H on November 11, 2016 at 9:37pm

Desperate to put my heart together...Tomorrow is 24months, 730th day without my husband...Last year I ran to the beach, stayed drunk, came home many days later praying this heartbreak will end. Well 365 days later its the same...but this year I'm home alone,  trying to do this sober.  Not that any other day has been different but just expected this to get easier. The morning he died movie wakes me every morning...just want him back even sick...how selfish....and my life with him. HELP GOD!

Comment by Elynn m on November 11, 2016 at 7:37pm

Thanks for sharing, george.   Just expressing myself in this group has helped today

Comment by George H on November 11, 2016 at 7:22pm

Evelyn i truly don't believe there are stages my wife is been gone for 21 months and I still do it all anger depression loneliness emptiness you name it it's still here I'm sitting in my room most of the time I stare at the TV that's not even turned on I don't know how I'm getting through this

Comment by bluebird on November 11, 2016 at 7:20pm

Elynn,

The "stages of grief" thing is just a guideline. It doesn't work that way for everyone; really, it hardly ever works exactly that way, because people are so individual.  Even for people for whom it does more-or-less work that way, there is almost always some overlap of the stages, or some back & forth between them, etc.  

I know it's not "hopeful", but I can tell you that my husband died four years ago, and I am still severely depressed, and I always will be. Basically I have felt and always will feel every one of the stages except for "acceptance", as I will never accept my husband's death. I mean, I know that he died, but I will never "accept" it in that I will never "move on" or "move past it" or any of the other cliches. 

Now, as for you -- I can't tell you how long your depression will last. It could last another week, or another year, or forever.  Personally, I much prefer to just sit around the house, since I just want to make my "life", such as it is, as small as I possibly can, and then die as soon as possible. If that is not how you feel or what you want, then I think it would be a good idea for you to call your husband's family, especially as you said they are very supportive. Even if they are busy, they will likely want to make time for you.  Same for your friends.  Do you have your own family (parents, siblings, etc.) on whom you can rely as well, relatives on your side you can call?

Comment by Elynn m on November 11, 2016 at 7:10pm

I miss my husband.   It was one year in seotember.   I know that depression is one of the stages of grief, but how long will it last?  Seems that lately, I am having trouble finding things to do.   Just sit around the house.  Don't feel comfortable calling friends. Always feel that they are too busy.   My husband's family is very supportive, but am having trouble calling them too.   Should call them, but I think they are too busy (probably not true, it's just my mood.)

Comment by joanne on October 29, 2016 at 5:19pm

Irwin I've recently discovered that movie, and although it breaks my heart and I cry constantly whilst watching it, it makes me hope that one day I can find my Andy and be with him always.x  A couple of months before he died it was my birthday and one of the walls in my hallway is painted with blackboard paint and when I returned home from work that day, he had wrote in chalk 'happy birthday my queen, love for for all eternity, for 14 months I have made sure nobody touches that message or brushes past it and rubs of the chalk, I read it everyday knowing he will love me forever, as I will him. For all eternity Andrew,always xxxxxx

Comment by Irwin on October 29, 2016 at 2:08pm

I hear every word you are saying Barbara. I always talk to my no matter where I am....bank, grocery store etc... I actually think she's right there with me at all times. Then I realize that I'm experiencing deep, deep depression with PTSD as icing on the cake. For those that can move on and build a new, I have nothing but Praise for your ability to do so. Me.....I'm sorta-kinda like Robin Williams in What Dreams May Come, where I will not rest till I find my wife and be with her forever. That's where I'm at on earth and where ever it leads after that. Love You Jodi

Comment by Charlie on October 29, 2016 at 12:13pm

Barbara, I am almost always touched deeply by what I read in these posts.  I rarely post myself because I just feel like I'd be saying the same things that have already been said.  But the way you ended your last post really resonated with me.  I'm not usually one to ask "why", but you're so right.  So much for "golden years".  And the cruelty of this being the way in which our lives end?   Spot on.  I, like what seems to be the vast majority of our fellow grievers, hope every day that mine ends sooner than later.  Today would not be soon enough.

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