Libbie H
  • Female
  • Lawrenceville, GA
  • United States
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About Me:
I am 53yrs old, career in healthcare for 27 yrs then disabled with psoriatic arthritis. Married for 31 yrs to a former marine No children. No family close by; Dad and Mom dead
About my Loss:
My husband died at home this past november after 12 yr long battle with lung and heart failure. We were a couple for 36 years, married for 31; I was his caregiver/coordinated his care for 10yrs. I have survived the holidays,our anniversary and his birthday last month. During these years my fathernlaw,sisternlaw and in 2011 my mom died-my rock. My grief is overwhelming; my brain filled only of him sick and the suffocation he endured the morning he died. Help....
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Libbie H's Blog

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 Praying time goes faster so my life will end...I have endured my 3rd Christmas...so meaningless...another New Year with my heart still in pieces. I have started my Eat, Pray,Love journey;  going to places and visiting people special to our 35 yrs together...therapists thought would help but only made my heart break more...wish I had stayed in my shell. My journey took me to the church where we married, visiting my second Moma, visiting my best high school friend who was in our wedding. I…

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Posted on January 29, 2017 at 11:20am — 1 Comment

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At 5:40am on March 12, 2017, Steinberg said…

Thank you Libbie for your kind welcome. 

At 3:42pm on September 17, 2015, morgan said…

Libbie,  Under "about my loss" your last word is quite definite.

Help….

This is a word I swear has no answer.  We all need it and no one in a literal sense is able to do much for us.  What we can do is reach out, read how others are (or in many cases are not) handling the pain of their loss very well and know that we are not the only ones crying out for help.

I go on a couple of websites besides this one for my "help".  On each one I read something that somehow makes me know I am not suffering alone and in its own way it "helps" me. How?  I have no idea.  I do seek it out though.  It's like pain medication.  My own personal internet IV drip.  

Death of the person who we loved and being left to deal with the repercussions of what that does to our own mental health is beyond traumatizing.  We simply have no answers nor do we know how to deal with it.  I have come round more and more to realizing that this is WAY bigger than I will ever be able to overcome and I am doing only what I have to do while I breathe.  

Life for me has become pretty inconsequential.  In the last week I have also had to euthanize my beloved kitty cat who really was my husbands cat and it is like having to bury him twice.  That little heartbeat that was always with me and was the last visceral connection to my husband has now also been severed.  How am I coping? Not well but that seems to have become the flavor of the day.  Coping and then not coping.  Crying and then not crying.  Doing and then not doing.  At one point in life thinking things were hard I regret my whining then because it does not hold a candle to where my head is at now.  

Looking at the world in its ever declining state I know in many ways I have no problems.  It's then I really begin to question the necessity of continuing and yet I still wake up to open my eyes and the scene is about the same.  I have to get through another day.  

I have no answers Libbie. I am really of no help either.  I just wanted to write to say you are in the company of others who have heard your cry for "help" and although we cant do much more than to write back acknowledging it we all understand your pain.  All  of us with different circumstances and different history's but the pain seems inscrutably similar and we are thinking of you.  

 
 
 

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"I don’t know how to handle the death of my son I feel like I’m just fading away"
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, too.  As for me -- same as it has been since my husband died. I don't expect it will ever change. I know what you mean about being over the shock, and I suppose it's usually/mostly that way for me as well, but…"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, Bluebird.  Thanks for asking.  Just dealing with this awful reality 6 years later.  I'm over the shock and and am just dealing with the way it is.  How are you, otherwise?"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thanks, Jeff. How are you doing?"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but I get it.  You are so right about what's happening to this country."
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"The 4th of July is my husband's favorite holiday -- mostly because of all the cookouts/barbecues/food, but also because of the fireworks. So, as with so many other things since he died, I find that I can't celebrate it. There's simply…"
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