Comment

Comment by Hilary Christene on December 28, 2015 at 11:37pm

I like your math, rachel_michelle

Comment by rachel_micele on December 28, 2015 at 11:34pm

Boy, this topic of being with someone new opens up a huge can of worms for me. As Hilary said, it's good Patrice you are the way you are. And to have that kind of stability (?) after only a couple months ... wow. Kudos.

I will refrain from most of what I could go on about in this topic and stick to what is relevant of the preceding comments. However, I am just under 9 months and thinking about this brings high anxiety, almost panic. But Hilary gave a good nutshell, "Some of us were so deeply entangled with our experience being in tandem with our loves, that this shock is hitting us in this way." The circumstances of what our love meant to us, what "us" fulfilled for us wasn't just 1+1=2. It was 1+1=infinity. I'm not doubting your husband meant something significant to you but, I don't know, for those of us actively here, they and "us" must of meant something completely different.

Comment by Patrice Ball on December 28, 2015 at 8:25pm

Please understand that I do not judge. I realize sadness is not a choice and I have no way of knowing what each of you feel. We all lost our spouse, but each of us has our own individual way of mourning. I was just wondering about how others processed. Thank you each for sharing.

Comment by Tildyc on December 28, 2015 at 8:15pm

There is no other for me. Even if he would've had the chance to tell me otherwise- it would not change a damn thing on how I feel now. I cannot "move on" from this. This is not a choice- I do not want to live in this hell- it's debilitating and constant. But there is truly no way out- except death- period. I love him more than myself.... without him- I am a shell.

Comment by Hilary Christene on December 28, 2015 at 6:47pm

We're all different. Some of us were so deeply entangled with our experience being in tandem with our loves, that this shock is hitting us in this way.

It's good that you are the way you are, Patrice. It enables you to move forward gracefully into your remaining years. Those of us struggling against suicide are not choosing to feel this way. Rather, we find ourselves confronted by and in danger of not surviving feeling this way.

Comment by George H on December 28, 2015 at 6:44pm

To tell you the truth I haven't given it much thought she hasn't been gone quite a year

Comment by Patrice Ball on December 28, 2015 at 6:42pm

Thanks for responding George. Did you disagree with her? It's so sad to read comments about people wanting to die because their spouse did. I believe my husband would want me to celebrate the fact that I still am alive. Of course I mourn for him, but he was always more concerned with the happiness of those he loved. 

Comment by George H on December 28, 2015 at 6:37pm

But that was how she felt

Comment by George H on December 28, 2015 at 6:36pm

Yes my wife Mary did

Comment by Patrice Ball on December 28, 2015 at 6:28pm

Question to anyone who lost a spouse: Before s/he died, did your spouse tell you (lovingly) that you should find a new person to be happy with; rather than to mourn forever and live all alone, in heartbreak and loneliness?

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