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Comment by Tildyc on March 25, 2015 at 10:33pm

Longer in your life. I feel like I'm someone that the un-affected need to avoid. I try to conceal my grief when I'm out in public but- I feel as if it is the only thing that defines me. I realize everyone can see it. That person I was before- the person who had love- died with Mark. What's left...?? Just this broken, withdrawn and weird person I do not recognize as me.

Comment by Tildyc on March 25, 2015 at 10:23pm

I never understood what it really meant to lose someone like upur spouse/soulmate. I live in a very small community and everyone knows when someone dies in our town. I've always been on the other side if this. Someone Mark and I knew would pass and we would try and comfort the folks left behind and then we'd discuss buying medivac insurance and complain about needing better Drs. etc... But- it truly never set in to our reality that we... I would actually be living in this realm. I feel like I'm living in this entirely different world. Completely opposite and isolated from all the normal, happy folk who don't walk around with their every thought on the one that's no l

Comment by Tildyc on March 24, 2015 at 8:44am

Ally- it truly is up to you if you want to go or not. If you truly think you can't handle it and you truly just rather stay home then do that. Do what you feel like you need to do. It's okay because this is your own personal journey and we all have to go through it alone. Most people if they have not been to this will not understand how you are feeling. Your parents love you and they want you to be okay and I understand why they want to keep an eye on you. But the final decision is yours Ally. Right now if I were asked to go on a vacation anywhere with my family – personally – I would have to decline because it's all I can do just to get to work and be in public for a few hours a day. I spend way too much time crying But – if you think it will help you feel better then by all means go with your family. But make the decision based on what's best for YOU, not best for somebody else right now. If it hurts too much to be around all those happy couples – I totally understand. Stay away until you're ready to deal with it. Let people know that you love them but you just need your space right now.

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 24, 2015 at 5:06am

Ally,  I lost my 42 year old husband on February 12, 2015.  I am 46.  We also have no children.  I also want to know if he is at peace.  A sign he is okay.  I missed him so damn much.  

Comment by Ally M on March 23, 2015 at 11:50pm

Thank u both so much.  It helps to hear that i am not alone.  My family has been of great support and they are doing their best to understand.

They had planned a vacation to palm desert in January and i had declined because of Steve's illness as they knew i would.  After he died my parents said they needed me to go with so they would know i was okay.  I agreed to go as long as if i declined to attend certain events they would understand.  I am now dreading it since i'm not sure i can hang in there.  My parents have each other for 51 years, and my brother and sister in-law have been together since 1985, and have their own children.  How have u all managed being with other families?

Comment by Tildyc on March 23, 2015 at 11:20pm

Yup- been looking for the same thing also. I just wish I could get a sign or something... to ease my mind and heart.

Comment by Ally M on March 23, 2015 at 11:15pm

thank you, i just have started pacing the house when i am home, talking to him and praying he is at peace.  i wish he could send me some sign that he is happy so i could find some peace too.

Comment by Tildyc on March 23, 2015 at 11:08pm

Hi Ally- I lost my Mark Feb 4, 2015. I don't know when it's ever going to get better.... If ever. But I do know exactly how you feel, I think.

Comment by Ally M on March 23, 2015 at 11:01pm

Hi everyone, I lost my husband on Feb. 8, 2015 and i feel like i am doing worse these past 2 weeks than i did before.  Is that normal?  Steve was 46 yrs. old and i recently turned 44.  We didn't have any children together, so the house is so quiet.  I feel like everyone around me expects me to be improving.  I don't know what to tell them, except 'i'm okay'. 

Comment by Tildyc on March 23, 2015 at 10:59pm

So this might seem a little corny to everyone else but – I'm a fan of music. And I have not been able to listen to music since the day Mark died. But this song snuck in on me tonight and the words are amazing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2RgcaNV0Nw&sns=em

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