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Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 7, 2015 at 7:46am

Between Mark and myself, we have 6 children. All of them are grown. Only the youngest still lives with me. She is 20 and she is one of the main reasons I get out of bed. Losing her daddy has been so hard on her. I have to keep pushing through this pain or I am afraid that she will give up. But it is so hard. I miss Mark more with every breath that I breathe. If any of you ever need someone to talk to, I can give you my number.

Comment by lost on April 7, 2015 at 6:44am

I woke to another morning without James. How could you leave me to suffer like this. The emptiness is horrible. If there is a GOD....I hate you. I don't believe there is one. How could you leave evil on this earth and take the good. The people that say GOD has a plan.....what horrible plan? What about me? There is no GOD. We exist and then die.

Comment by George H on April 7, 2015 at 3:25am

M Morgan my phone is available for anyone that needs to talk

Comment by morgan on April 7, 2015 at 1:29am

George- I don't care either but I am still alive.  I want to be dead.  I have made a pact with myself to do what I can to diminish my health but for the time being I am unable to do anything else. And you are right you can’t run far enough.  I tried.  I went a long way.  I realized location didn't make a damn bit of difference.  

Tildyc-  You sound exactly like me.  Exactly.  Except for the seven kids. WOW, that was a family.  I always thought that having children made staying alive after being left behind a bit more of a reason.  It doesn’t sound as though that is true for you. I have no children so I am totally alone. 

 

Lori-.  Dry toast won’t work.  You will vomit up the opiates before it can work and you may end up with more damage than you bargained for.  There are ways but I am a bit worried about yours.  You need to do some more research if you are really willing to take the chance but I am going to repeat something I have written before. I had a friend who said " and what if when you cross over and you do have the chance to be with your love again and because you took a life (your own) you cannot be linked up with their energy. Then what? " Suffer for eternity?

The pain now is intolerable, immeasurable and debilitating but what if we have no chance of being with them ever again because we changed the vibration of natural law? Think about it. 

 

Comment by morgan on April 7, 2015 at 1:28am

I wish we could talk sometimes instead of write all the time.  It would be so much easier.  

Experiencing the consequences of my beloved husband having died for over two years now I can tell you some of it gets a little bit better.  A little.   But much of it years later is the same.   I can't tell you how many times I have said "I want out" and I can't live like this".  Unfortunately I am still saying it.  This is not meant to make it worse for you because I know the early times are so so raw that you feel like you can’t make it another minute.  Physically, mentally you have hit the brick wall and there is not one second that isn't pinning you against it.  I just want you to know that as the time passes it doesn’t keep coming on you every single second.  And the thing that gets better is the rawness. It took me about a year and half before I wasn't on the ground or in bed breaking down every second.  At first you are literally consumed by the loss.  There is nothing you can do to escape it.  You try but nothing helps.  Then slowly you might watch the first movie that might make you laugh.  As I recall it was the movie Wild Hogs.  Of course nothing for months later might do the same thing but you had that moment, that string of seconds that you peeked up over the rim of that damn hole.  Or you will find that you have made it all the way through the supermarket without crying.  That might take months too.  That was truly a horror show for me.  Like your Mark, Tildyc, my husband cooked great for the 35 years we were together.  Going to buy food was like going to a grave.  Horrendous.  Then slowly it gets a bit easier.  When I say easier I mean it slowly gets a little less intense.  A little less raw.  But what does not change is the missing.  That never goes away.  The missing is still in the forefront of everything you do you just aren’t crying and feeling that awful mental anguish every single second. 

Actually the pain changes its tune.  I used to beg. Plead.  Get down on my knees.  Take me, just take me.  Screaming, crying.  Now I still do a lot of it but I don’t get down on my knees quite as much.  I realize there is no one who is going to do anything about it and nothing is really going to change it.  So I have slowly over the years been starving and dehydrating myself.  Initially I lost a lot of weight from not eating (like you two) and since then I have been careful to not overeat so I can continue to lose muscle mass as I was not overweight to begin with. My skin is hanging on me.  That’s good.  I am hoping my body will catch something and my immune system will be so weak I will be able to pass easier if I do catch a bug.  This I find even for myself is pretty sick ( in the head) but I have gone from shock and stupor to just determination that I will die and sooner if I can.  In the meantime like you Lori I am trying to tie up my affairs and not get into anything else where I will have more obligations.

Comment by George H on April 6, 2015 at 11:29pm

The last thing I care about now is what I eat

Comment by Tildyc on April 6, 2015 at 11:23pm

I'm not trying to be mean – it's just that's how I feel.

Comment by Tildyc on April 6, 2015 at 11:22pm

Soleil's momma- I am a mother of seven children, five of them adopted. And I can't imagine what would happen to me if I were to lose one my very precious children. That they are now grown. I absolutely appreciate your encouragement and it's good to see that somebody has walk through this valley and come out the other side. Have Sarah is hope for us...? But your comments about fruit and 1% milk..... It's so ridiculous for me to hear right now. Are you kidding me? I don't give a shit if I live or die and you're talking about fruit and 1% milk. I'm sure I seem rude but – for god sake – you can't be serious.

Comment by George H on April 6, 2015 at 11:21pm

Know sleep tonight lonelinessis out of control

Comment by Soleil's Momma on April 6, 2015 at 11:14pm

And if you're going to have cereal for dinner...at least try to add some fruit and use fat-free or 1% milk ;)

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