Comment

Comment by Tildyc on April 20, 2015 at 2:41pm

George – I'm dealing with a similar feeling right now. I gave Mark a Dewalt handheld saw for his birthday. He was really really pleased with it. He named it Walt. Ha ha- he always had a good sense of humor. Sadly he never got to use it before he died. I left it right where he put it in our front room right next to the bookcase and I stare at it all the time. Yesterday an old friend of his asked me if he could borrow it for a project he was working on. I said yes but inside I was dying. I wanted to scream- "No- that's Walt and he belongs to my Mark. That was meant for him and only him. Why would you even ask such a thing?!"

I know it's not logical at all but, I'm just afraid to let it out of my sight. I got anxiety when he asked me to use it. Which is ridiculous, I know. I am a case for sure.

But – I will let him use it because he was one of Mark's best friends and if Mark were still here, he would have no problem with his buddy using it. Mark always was very giving and sharing. Always ready to lend a helping hand. I Used to be that way also.... I realize my behavior is strange now. I just don't recognize who I am anymore

Comment by Tildyc on April 20, 2015 at 2:22pm

Life is just absolutely pointless. I am going backwards in this grief. It feels like the very day that it happened. I cry and cry and I beg for him to come back. I call his name and ask him where he has gone. And I cannot believe he's never going to be here again. That just does not make sense to me.

There are endless amounts of things that remind me of him all the time. And all of these things send me reeling with pain and heartbreak. I cannot escape this longing and sadness. And I'm afraid I never will escape this until the day my broken heart finally stops beating.

Life is worthless without him in it.

Comment by George H on April 20, 2015 at 10:21am

hospice called me today they found someone in need of a hospital bed I told them I would donate it to a person that needed it so they're coming to get it tomorrow I hope I can handle that taking Mary's bed out of here right now the idea is ripping my soul

Comment by lost on April 20, 2015 at 10:06am

I haven't gotten out of bed yet. I just don't see the point. I feel like I was better last week. I feel like I'm going in a tunnel.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 20, 2015 at 9:57am

Going to close on my folks house today. Dad has been in a nursing home with Alzheimer's for 2 years. Don was supposed to be there with me today to hold me up. Now I am alone. Why am I alone in all this??? He was the best most kind and gentle man. I just dont understand???

Comment by George H on April 20, 2015 at 9:39am

Another week without mary don't know why I'm doing this I'm so Damm lonely and my life sucks I am truly sure there is know God hate hearing people say god had a plan for her what a crock of shit

Comment by Sandy Elaine Norris on April 20, 2015 at 7:06am

We had my daddy's funeral yesterday. It still feels so surreal. I believe in God and I know that I shouldn't question, but why did he have to take my husband and my daddy so close together. I wish I was numb. I would rather feel nothing than feel so much at one time. It shouldn't be possible to hurt this badly.

Comment by Tildyc on April 19, 2015 at 11:54pm

Mark and I were/are 50. The years ahead look long, sad and empty.

Comment by morgan on April 19, 2015 at 11:53pm

Trina you pretty much summed it all up.  We have all become prisoners.  At 27 months I reached my plateau a long time ago.  Now I just keep doing things to get through days when I wake up to this joyless existence.  I stay clear of people as much as I can.  The further along I get the worse that part gets.  I could easily be a recluse.  I work daily at compromising my body.  That's it. It's what I am left with.  I’ve tried dehydration and starvation but now I am leaning towards finding something that will do the heart in without it being obvious. 

Tildyc & Dianne-  I am feeling really badly for you both because I can read in your posts where I was.  If there is one thing you might hold onto it is that I was there…..it's different now.  The pain that you are feeling right now is indescribable.  Horrific.  The pain emerges as a “presence of his absence”.  It is visceral.  Later on in this journey you will find that missing him is different.  It becomes less the absence and more just reliving the reasons for the love.  The profound reasons of who that person was in the way they talked and walked and held you and all the things that were second nature.  Not so much the doing but the being.  It's different.  Crushing.

And yes all we have are each other on a grief site in cyberspace. I actually am thankful for each of you (bluebird, george,john, nancy, dianne, barbara and others) when you tell me that your feelings are so like my own.  I want to hear that my pain that is so deep and reflects my love that was so deep is something that other people had as well.  I want to know that there is/was love in this crappy world.  Imagine what it must have been like out on the prarie when the man or woman died.   No one to talk to.  But the main theme is probably the same now as it was then.  Life is joyless, we have become different people and none of us really want to be here.  And tomorrow I will wake up again………Sh*t.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 19, 2015 at 11:48pm

Dear Tildyc,

So sorry for your pain and the hellish experience you have been going through. I know, how can it be? How can someone that we loved more than life just be gone like that? Just to process this terrifying thought is heartbreaking. I don't know what we did to deserve this fate. I feel doubly cheated, on Joseph's behalf, that he did not get to enjoy a normal life span, he died way too young, and for myself that I am left a widow at age 54 and have years and years of loneliness, heartache, and misery to deal with with. It's just not fair! That's all I can say; there's nothing more to say. I am so sorry for all of us on this site.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 274
• 275
• 276
• 277
• 278
• …
• 339
• Next ›
• Page