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Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 15 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Monty Nov 6.

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by George H on March 27, 2015 at 8:46am
I want to thank everyone who commented on my post I would like to write you all individually but I have severe vision problems so I talk into this phone and I hope it prints out what I say once again thank you all I appreciate the support cuz im pretty much by myself here 24 7 never felt this type of loneliness
Comment by Ally M on March 27, 2015 at 12:30am

I just wanted to say thank you for the responses to my earlier comments, or that have commented in the group recently.  Sometimes it just helps to read things, and know that I share your many of your thoughts and feelings- thank you all.

Comment by Tildyc on March 26, 2015 at 10:24pm
Here's what I think John T. Just remember- it's just my opinion. But I'm starting to feel as if Mark can hear me in a sort of way... Kinda like when John-Paul said to still your mind. I find if I am in a very quiet place- and I try and relax and focus on what I'm saying to him – I feel like I can hear an answer somehow. I don't know if it's him or common sense or what???? I've asked for forgiveness and other things and I feel like he has heard me. I don't know – perhaps I am truly going crazy? I've stated that before on here. Maybe it's my way of getting through this dark and painful time or maybe there's something really truly behind it. Honestly – how are we to know? So – if your guilt is weighing you down – talk to her and let her know you're sorry and then listen – I'm sure you'll hear the answer she would give you. If she were still here on earth in front of you or somewhere else that we don't know....Just listen and remember- what would she say to you about this? You would know better than anybody else right? She is your soulmate... Trust what you feel.
Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 26, 2015 at 8:24pm

John T,  What you have written about Diane, I feel confident in saying that if she thought that you were less then she deserved, she would not have stayed with you. 

I had the same conversation with Jeremy.  I always believed that he deserved way better than me.  He definitely was a better person than I was.  He never judged anyone. Treated everybody the same.  He told me that he stuck around because he believed that I was smart and funny and made him whole.  He made me feel loved, secure and beautiful.  I feel none of that now.

Comment by Jason on March 26, 2015 at 6:10pm
I agree with the writing in a book idea. Me and Amanda use to talk about anything joe everything. After she passed I missed talking with her, I had so much I wanted to say but no way to say it. One person suggested posting on her facebook but some of the things I wanted to say weren't for everyone else's eyes. So I decided to get a notebook to write in. Now whenever I think of something I'd want to say to her I write in that notebook like I was talking with her. It's not a perfect solution but I do think it's helped me or at least given me a means to vent.
Comment by Fran on March 26, 2015 at 5:39pm

As a nurse we "learned" the stages of grief and I agree, it's BS! I don't know that anyone ever really "accepts" death. 

I did my writing in a book last year when Bill was diagnosed and kept it up until he died in November. I've not been able to write in it since. For now, I look up to the heavens or at a pix of Bill and make my comments, ask my questions...I'm still waiting for answers. Maybe I'm expecting too much. I know I will never forget that week before he died. We made it to hospice 24 hours before he died and they insisted he had more time, whereas I told them he'd be gone in a day.I was angry that i was right.

Comment by Donna M Dowling-Hall on March 26, 2015 at 5:15pm

I don't know if this will help anyone or not.  My counselor has me writing things down in a book.  Anything that comes to mind.  Questions for Jeremy, questions for myself, stories, observations.  She asked me if I felt his presence our first session and I didn't have an answer.  I don't completely feel his presence, but writing those things down have been a bit cathartic.  I am starting, I guess, come to some sort of terms with this, new normal.  I still get choked up and I still cry.  I still feel not whole. 

John,  I was given the same advice.  Jeremy did not wish to have cancer and did not wish to leave me and would not want for me to be in so much pain.  It took them saying it several times before it started to sink in a little. 

My husband didn't have the chance to even make it to hospice.  I had to make the decision for a DNR.  It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make.  He was gone within 58 hours of going to the ER.  I almost did not got back to the hospital the night he died.  I will never forget his last days on earth and his last breath.  I am relieved that he is not in pain and suffering anymore and was angry that he left me.  The stages of grief is a bunch of BS. 

Comment by Tildyc on March 26, 2015 at 12:45pm
John T and Jason- yes everything for me is based off of my life before Mark died and after he died. I tell myself things like- "I used to enjoy my days off when Mark was around." Now they're just another long day in this never ending "ground hog day" that my life has become. Dog walks used to be so wonderful- now they are lonely. Dinner was an event and we discussed it daily. Made plans and looked forward to it. Now- either I eat toast standing over the kitchen sink or just skip it. NOTHING- absolutely nothing is truly enjoyable for me since Feb. 4, 2015.

Gawd- I sound so ridiculously morbid and depressed. I'm almost embarrassed but - no apologies- it truly is how I feel right now.
Comment by Tildyc on March 26, 2015 at 12:22pm
Hi George- I too have been going to a councilor and though she is very nice and understanding- I'm not convinced it's helping really. All I do when I'm there is cry and talk about Mark and it seems repetitive and it's gut wrenching. I mean- I do this exact thing at home everyday- several times a day. But it doesn't cost me $ to do it at home. And since my income has been cut in 1/2 when my Mark died- I don't have much to spare. But- she's understanding and let's me make payments. I'll probably go back next week again because I don't know what else to do to about this overwhelming sadness and depression. I dunno- I have no real answers to this. Except for this site- at least on here, I know I'm not the only person in the world that is suffering from such a profound loss.
Comment by George H on March 26, 2015 at 11:27am
having another bad day waiting for the grief counselor but I'm starting to wonder if that's helping any just can't seem to find a direction I'm missing my wife so much I hate being in such a dark place
 

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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jonathan, I meant to respond to your post when I read it but forgot. We're all in the same boat because we were all ONE with our Loves. You'll notice by our sharing here that it just doesn't get better for us. Keep sharing here. …"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jonathan, I meant to respond to your post when I read it but forgot.  We're all in the same boat because we were all ONE with our Loves.  You'll notice by our sharing here that it just doesn't get better for us.  I tied…"
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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