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Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Nicole Sep 28.

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Comment by M Adams on November 26, 2018 at 7:03pm

Monty, those sites are very helpful, thank you for posting them.  The thing about dark thoughts and grief-laden memories flooding in as you try to fall asleep, while the rational parts of your mind power down, is unfortunately an exact description of my current situation. Think I'm going to try some of the strategies mentioned tonight -- these days I need all the help I can get.

Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:42pm

sorry re double post.

Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:41pm

Hi Linda

Im sorry to hear about your niece and her loss

  My thoughts on the issue of grief is likely cute different than others, as every ones grief is a very personal process to journey though.

  I would surest that the culmination of her relationship with her partner, family and the situation leading to the death of her husband coupled with her personality and values would be the deciding factor on how GREIF affects her.

  I would i think approaching the her with the same open caring and non judgmental attitude i approach this form and (try in real life with for me is harder). 

  Grief is different for every one as every one is different.

I know its not a direct answer

but its the only one i have.

Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:41pm

Comment by Monty 11 minutes agoDelete Comment

Hi Linda

Im sorry to hear about your niece and her loss

  My thoughts on the issue of grief is likely cute different than others, as every ones grief is a very personal process to journey though.

  I would surest that the culmination of her relationship with her partner, family and the situation leading to the death of her husband coupled with her personality and values would be the deciding factor on how GREIF affects her.

  I would i think approaching the her with the same open caring and non judgmental attitude i approach this form and (try in real life with for me is harder). 

  Grief is different for every one as every one is different.

I know its not a direct answer

but its the only one i have.

Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:12pm

Hi All

as mentioned previously i have been doing a bunch of reflection as the first anniversary of my Wife's death is rapidly approaching ( as is Christmas).

i have been struggling with thinking.  Its like my head is full of thick soup.    at work it takes much more concentration to even do any basic trouble shooting and i miss lots of little things that i would previously picked up straight away.

in short I'm struggling to do my job where i would normally have done it easy.

anyway in researching "brain got and grief" i came up with some sites.  and they pinpoint a lot of my feelings / experiences around my ability to think.

i just thought i would share

hope every one is having as awesome day as they can

love and walm wishes to all

regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 26, 2018 at 3:16pm

Hi Friends,

I would like to get your input as to what complicated grief is. I have had it for over 6 years but my niece who lost her Husband feels all grief is complicated. I disagree with her because my Husband and I were true soulmates, we shared everything together. I think she is feeling guilty because she was always wrapped up in what she was doing even though they were married. The only thing they did together is when they went on vacation with there kids. I visited them a few years before he died and my niece was never home, I only since her twice in a weeks visit. I would appreciate any comments you might have. Thanks, Linda

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 23, 2018 at 7:18am

Thanks to all of you for sharing you feelings, This forum is the only thing that keeps me going. I accept that I will never be any better than the day Julian died. It's the price to pay for love an a soulmate. I jut don't fit in the world anymore.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on November 23, 2018 at 2:00am

It helps you took time to console me. I am thinking of how your dealing with all this. I am so sorry. People don't understand mental illness. It is snap your fingers and get On with life. Nope not that easy. I do pray a lot and will keep you in my prayers.

LIFE is hard for sure. Hopefully we can try and help each other here and there. You hang in there too. I don't do well in the day. To long! I will be in touch. God Bless.

P.S. I am not a church fanatic. Just normal believer.

Comment by morgan on November 22, 2018 at 10:55pm

Beth,  I wish I could help.  The best I can offer is that after five years and 10 months I can push the grief down better but sometime within 48 hours I will break.  It is normal for those of us who were bonded to our spouse.  That you have had mental breakdowns and hospitalized does not surprise those of us who have found life to be a crushing experience living it alone.  

At three years I was still having one helluva time pushing it down.  I immersed myself in remodeling projects that I am now finally trying to finish. I am not sure it was the wisest thing I could have done but the choices before me were either do it or else.  Finances dictated doing something that might at the end of the day relieve me from having to interact with people all the time in order to survive.  My goal is being able to isolate myself from everything and everybody and still be able to pay bills. Thats it.  

Just keep trying to take small little steps that help push the grief away. I keep chatter (news mainly because too many songs trigger memories and then the crying) so my brain is occupied listening to stuff that means nothing but it takes up space in my head.

Mornings are the absolute worst now.  Used to be both mornings and evenings. Evenings are giving me a partial break but I hate opening my eyes.  Its everything I can do to force myself to accept I am here for another day.  Today I gave myself a day off from working and all day I kept pushing away the memories of how I used to celebrate this day because I wasnt as occupied as I normally am.  I may have gotten through today so tomorrow will likely have a  trigger that will break me.

 And this starts the time when my husband and I were still celebrating a holiday not knowing that Xmas Eve day he would end up in the ER only to find out the day after Xmas he had terminal cancer and lived only another 27 days.  This time of year is hardly a celebratory season for me and many others, including you.  The only real solace is knowing that we are not suffering alone and though we won't meet each other other than online, we know that some of us through the hardest of times are teaching the rest of the world that death of true love is a different universe that must be recognized and understood better than what it has been.  WE are not abnormal.....this is the consequence of what we all seek and some of us get......true love.  

Take care the best you can.  Take small steps and try to be ok with them.  We all know how hard this is.......

morgan

Comment by Beth Swansboro on November 22, 2018 at 9:00pm

Bottom line below is to be grief group not brief..

 

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