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Comment by George H on April 12, 2015 at 9:04pm

Ment Dianne m really bad night

Comment by George H on April 12, 2015 at 9:02pm

Nancy my whole house is Mary there is know way to Chang that

Comment by bluebird on April 12, 2015 at 9:01pm

Dianne,

I've read that it's best not to make any major decisions or make any major changes for at least one year after a devastating death. Don't get rid of any of his things, don't move house, etc.  Pack up his stuff and put it away if that helps you, but don't get rid of it -- you may find that you want the stuff, after a year or more has passed.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 12, 2015 at 8:59pm

Nancy I dont know which is worse. I look around here and I see his stuff everywhere. I would have to gut the entire house and start over to not look around and see him. I have no intention to move any time soon. I have too many dogs to live in a condo so I am kind of stuck....

Comment by Nancy on April 12, 2015 at 8:56pm

When my husband died, I was with him in our home, and it was horrible. The first thing I did was come outside and sit on my front porch step. I still do. We had moved into our new house 1 month before he started to get really sick, and it still doesn't feel like home. I guess I feel the best when I'm sitting outside.

Comment by morgan on April 12, 2015 at 8:55pm

Sorry Dianne, I don't normally post when I am that far down but tonight was just an intolerable moment. And thank you bluebird.  You are always wise in your words.  Sometimes it is just hauntingly spectacular how immense the pain can be.  Not as often as I said, but tonight the honesty steamrolled me.  And like Bluebird I have no children, don't believe any god is out there to help me because if so this is a lousy joke but if you have one or both then you may be one or two legs up on me in a long term scenario.  Everyone is different and tonight was just too much to bear alone.  SOrry.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 12, 2015 at 8:53pm

I dont want anyone to not post out of a concern that it will discourage us newer folks. We each have to find what works or doesn't and I am still too new to all this to even start to have any good ideas. I am just taking each day as it comes and trying not to totally lose it. I have to do things or I will lose it because that is what I am used to. I dont know much of anything at this point other than this is the worst hurt and pain I have ever had.

Comment by bluebird on April 12, 2015 at 8:32pm

Dianne,

I sometimes hesitate to post how it is for me, because I don't want to discourage other people here...at the same time, I know it has made me feel just the tiniest bit better when I've read posts (here and elsewhere) by other people in which they acknowledge how horrible this is.  Honestly, I don't understand how it can be any other way -- I don't understand the people who ever feel "better", who in some way "move on" with life. I'm not saying they're wrong, I'm just saying that I truly do not comprehend it.

That said -- the way it is for m morgan and the way it is for me is not the way it is for everyone. Maybe it won't be the way it is for you.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 12, 2015 at 8:28pm

the thought of being 2+ years out and still feeling like this makes me even more depressed.

I have to figure out a way to NOT be like that...but how when you all are here and talking and it is not getting any better.

Comment by bluebird on April 12, 2015 at 8:23pm

m morgan,

I know how you feel, more or less. I mean, it's different for each of us, but I know basically how you feel, because I feel the same way. It has been 2.5 years since my husband died, and nothing is better, the pain is never-ending, and as you said, the intensity of it is the same as it was on the first day. This is a living death, I agree.

I'm sorry it's so bad for you, too. I hope it gets better somehow. I hope you are able to find some peace.

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