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Comment by bluebird on February 1, 2017 at 1:55pm

In my opinion, medication can help with the depression and anxiety which often follow the death of a spouse or other loved one. Speaking for myself, I had anxiety disorder and OCD long before my husband died, and would sometimes take medication for those issues (took Zoloft for a while, and at another time I took Prozac for a while).  

Now, I don't take either of those, though I am considering taking one again. I do have a prescription for Xanax, though I don't take them often -- I think the prescription was for 30 pills, so one month's worth if I took them every day, but I only take them when I feel a panic attack coming on, so they have lasted me for a year or so. I do also need something to sleep, though -- most nights I take two Benadryl, and on the really bad nights I take a Lunesta (sleeping pill).

Anyway, the death of a loved one is a horrible thing, so if you need a pill or whatever to help you get through the day or night, there's no shame in that. 

Comment by bluebird on February 1, 2017 at 1:44pm

morgan,

I am glad that my honesty was able to help you feel free to express your real feelings. {{{{hugs}}}}

I do worry about how honest I am here and elsewhere, as the last thing I would want would be for my pain and expression of it to make anyone else feel even worse than they already do.  I tend not to post in threads where the poster is looking for help on how to feel better, how to move on with her/his life, etc., because I cannot offer that sort of advice, so I feel as though it's better left to those who can, those who are in that sort of position. But in my own thread, or in the threads of people who seem to feel as I do and/or who are asking for some validation that they are not insane, and/or that someone else is having the same kinds of feelings they are, I feel ok posting, because I feel that I may be able to offer something. 

So, to hear that my posts have helped you to feel more free to post about your own feelings, is good to hear. 

Comment by Fran on February 1, 2017 at 12:22pm

I stayed away from being medicated and probably should not have. I would have mini-panic attacks. I worked thru it but still have lots of trouble making decisions, even after 2 years. I guess I figured that being depressed and anxious was normal after losing my husband...

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 1, 2017 at 7:05am

Hi Stacy,

I have been taking meds since the doctor first told us he had colon cancer. I can say it does not take my grief away, but it helps me function in the world. 

Comment by John T. on January 31, 2017 at 8:51pm

I was prescribed Xanax at first but after about 6 months I had to taper down to a lower dose.  It was very helpful with anxiety, especially the panic attacks I was having.  I believe it was the only thing that kept me functioning.  Everything I've learned supports Chum's observation.  Medication doesn't block out grief but it can ease the terrible depression and anxiety at least to the point you can function a bit more easily.  Usually, medication is most effective with therapy.  

Comment by Chum on January 31, 2017 at 8:35pm

An anti anxiety was a life saver for me. Medication doesn't delay your process it takes the edge off so that you don't devolve into tears and sadness during really bad emotional spells. I found the tears and emotional upset so debilitating.

Comment by Michael on January 31, 2017 at 8:05pm

Not sure but i think most get on medication after a while. At least many here on this site do.

Comment by Stacey White on January 31, 2017 at 7:58pm

Curious to know what people think about getting medication.  Has it been helpful or do you feel like it prolongs your grief?

It took everything I had today to take my daughter to the doctor as I suspected she had the flu.  She did.  Then we had to go to the pharmacy to get the medicine.

All I wanted to do was go home and get back into bed.

Comment by Michael on January 31, 2017 at 5:31pm

Stacey
You are goimg through what most of us are. It is horrible. Im three months in and all i do is lay around. We are very unlucky. You are right about our futures - pretty bleak. I wish i had gone with my wife. No such luck. I am looking at psychiatric help because i cant function. Depressed and anxious all the time.

Comment by Stacey White on January 31, 2017 at 5:16pm

I don't know what I would do without my kids still needing their mom. On the one hand, I hurt so much seeing them in pain without their dad - on the other hand, I am not sure I could be functioning at all without them here.

My kids will never have their dad around as they grow into adulthood. This pains me so much I can't breathe at times - it is just not right.

I want to be a good role model for them, but am failing miserably. Getting them to and from school with a lacklust reminder to get homework done is about the best I can do. Beyond that I just sit/lay around distracting myself with the tv or computer. What a miserable existence.

I know in my heart he does not want this for us, but I can't seem to move forward. Yes, it has been close to three months. People want me to be back to "normal" and over it. It still feels like last week.

I pray I am not damaging my kids or bringing them down in my grief. We, the kids and I, do mention their dad on occasions when something comes up that he liked to do or not do - so we don't just act like he disappeared and didn't exist.

This is so painful and sad - I am 54 years old and wonder how people who get older into their 70-80's with loved ones passing can continue to live and be happy.

I understand from everything I read that we will never "get over" losing him, but will learn to "live with" the pain. That just sounds so awful and unmotivating and depressing, etc.

My mom says you just need to stop thinking about him. I really don't sit around thinking about him all day, but it is hard to see his clothes, keys, shoes sitting around (as I haven't had the heart to do anything with them) and not be reminded of his absence. Not to mention just seeing something that makes my kids happy or sad and wanting to share that with him or thinking about how he would react.

I never saw the movies called "Left Behind", but what I had heard about them with people just disappearing - that is what it feels like to me and we are just "left behind".

I am fairly new to this website and even wonder if spilling my guts here is really going to be helpful or not? I have to admit thought it is nice to know I am not alone - as I feel that way most of the time right now.

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