I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most. But your…"
Dec 2, 2019
Mannion13 is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
54 year old and just became a widow. I grew up in Philly but live in Oh. I like gardening and reading. I love dogs and volunteer at a shelter.
About my Loss:
Widow,54 yrs old. I quit work to stay home with my kids. I have not worked a full time job in 25 yrs. my husband of 30 yrs died of cancer. My husband and I met the day after we graduated high school. He was everybody’s friend and people gravitated towards him. I loved him so much. My husband was my best friend, protector, lover and social partner, he was ethical and romantic. I am so sad and afraid. My husband endured horrible surgery. I honored his wish to die at home. He had a lot of pain since cancer arrived. I can't imagine a life without him. His last hour was sad and he had some fear. I will never forget that horrible hour. I feel lost without my social and very funny man. I feel like the rest of my days will be boring and bleak.
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I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most. But your comment about your precious husband and losing him makes me just want to let you know we hear you. Each of us who have just joined or those who have been here a longer time.....we all hear you. There doesnt seem to be anything we can say to ease the pain, just the knowledge that many of us are suffering the same helps us to feel less crazy. The hurt will stile there unfortunately.
In the beginning years of grief I couldnt imagine being so unbelievably devastated. On January 21 2020 my husband will be dead for seven years. To be honest, I grieve him everyday. I have his pictures throughout my house. I have no children so I have no "family" obligations. All I do is take one day at a time with no ambition and simply do what I have to in order to pay bills. It is forced and haphazard. I function better than I did in the early years but the emotion for me has never waned. If I am not distracting myself I think, and thinking for me is lethal because I think of him. Then I going my hole. It is a deep cavern.
I have no real suggestions as to how to cope other than to take baby steps. One foot in front of another. And heaven knows, lots of crying. Tons of it.
Nothing will be the same. Not you, not your surroundings, not people you come in contact with. At 67 (soon to be 68) I can hope my days are numbered. Wishing yesterday wold have been the magic number but here I am today and I have small tasks in front of me needing to be done.
I just wanted you to know your story has been received by the universe......
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