Mannion13
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  • Hudson OH
  • United States
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morgan left a comment for Mannion13
"Mannion, I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most.  But your…"
Dec 2, 2019
Mannion13 is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 2, 2019

Profile Information

About Me:
54 year old and just became a widow. I grew up in Philly but live in Oh. I like gardening and reading. I love dogs and volunteer at a shelter.
About my Loss:
Widow,54 yrs old. I quit work to stay home with my kids. I have not worked a full time job in 25 yrs. my husband of 30 yrs died of cancer. My husband and I met the day after we graduated high school. He was everybody’s friend and people gravitated towards him. I loved him so much. My husband was my best friend, protector, lover and social partner, he was ethical and romantic. I am so sad and afraid. My husband endured horrible surgery. I honored his wish to die at home. He had a lot of pain since cancer arrived. I can't imagine a life without him. His last hour was sad and he had some fear. I will never forget that horrible hour. I feel lost without my social and very funny man. I feel like the rest of my days will be boring and bleak.

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At 1:01pm on December 2, 2019, morgan said…

Mannion,

I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most.  But your comment about your precious husband and losing him makes me just want to let you know we hear you.  Each of us who have just joined or those who have been here a longer time.....we all hear you.  There doesnt seem to be anything we can say to ease the pain, just the knowledge that many of us are suffering the same helps us to feel less crazy.  The hurt will stile there unfortunately.

In the beginning years of grief I couldnt imagine being so unbelievably devastated.  On January 21 2020 my husband will be dead for seven years.  To be honest, I grieve him everyday.  I have his pictures throughout my house. I have no children so I have no "family" obligations.  All I do is take one day at a time with no ambition and simply do what I have to in order to pay bills.  It is forced and haphazard.  I function better than I did in the early years but the emotion for me has never waned.  If I am not distracting myself I think, and thinking for me is lethal because I think of him.  Then I going my hole.  It is a deep cavern.

I have no real suggestions as to how to cope other than to take baby steps.  One foot in front of another.   And heaven knows, lots of crying.  Tons of it.  

Nothing will be the same.  Not you, not your surroundings, not people you come in contact with.  At 67 (soon to be 68) I can hope my days are numbered.  Wishing yesterday wold have been the magic number but here I am today and I have small tasks in front of me needing to be done.  

I just wanted you to know your story has been received by the universe......

morgan

 
 
 

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Profile IconNovember and Arlene Vesia joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
17 hours ago
Boots updated their profile
yesterday
bluebird and M Adams are now friends
yesterday
Carol Peckham Taylor left a comment for Greg Darby
"Sorry to hear of your loss. Taking baby step and present moment living will help, along with your family and close friends."
yesterday
Profile IconMiriam Holmes and Greg Darby joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sunday
Shirelle posted a status
"My son died November 25 at 936 am and I have. Cried everyday I honestly don't know what to do I can't function at all what do I do?"
Friday
Profile IconKatherine A Pericas Geersten, nikita and Katrina joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
Jan 14
Sue M joined Kar's group
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Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
Jan 14
Sue M updated their profile
Jan 14
Profile IconSue M and Christine joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 14
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
Jan 13
Serenity replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Ending my Life
"Wow..you suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
Jan 12
Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
Jan 12
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.…"
Jan 12
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words. God be with you."
Jan 12
Serenity is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 12
Rick Rilloraza left a comment for morgan
"Yes I still miss her terribly.  I am still sad and angry.  I was left with two boys ages 12 and 8 at that time.  What kept me going was making sure they were provided for and raised well.  I still have full on bawls when the…"
Jan 11
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Reliving two years ago.  Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms.  She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me. Till then:"
Jan 11
morgan left a comment for Rick Rilloraza
"Rick, I am curious because I am within a week of being a widow of seven years how you are doing it allotter eight years?  Today, and more often lately (lets say for about the past six months) I have become more angry and more hateful of having…"
Jan 9

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