Mannion13
  • Female
  • Hudson OH
  • United States
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morgan left a comment for Mannion13
"Mannion, I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most.  But your…"
Dec 2
Mannion13 is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 2

Profile Information

About Me:
54 year old and just became a widow. I grew up in Philly but live in Oh. I like gardening and reading. I love dogs and volunteer at a shelter.
About my Loss:
Widow,54 yrs old. I quit work to stay home with my kids. I have not worked a full time job in 25 yrs. my husband of 30 yrs died of cancer. My husband and I met the day after we graduated high school. He was everybody’s friend and people gravitated towards him. I loved him so much. My husband was my best friend, protector, lover and social partner, he was ethical and romantic. I am so sad and afraid. My husband endured horrible surgery. I honored his wish to die at home. He had a lot of pain since cancer arrived. I can't imagine a life without him. His last hour was sad and he had some fear. I will never forget that horrible hour. I feel lost without my social and very funny man. I feel like the rest of my days will be boring and bleak.

Comment Wall (1 comment)

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At 1:01pm on December 2, 2019, morgan said…

Mannion,

I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most.  But your comment about your precious husband and losing him makes me just want to let you know we hear you.  Each of us who have just joined or those who have been here a longer time.....we all hear you.  There doesnt seem to be anything we can say to ease the pain, just the knowledge that many of us are suffering the same helps us to feel less crazy.  The hurt will stile there unfortunately.

In the beginning years of grief I couldnt imagine being so unbelievably devastated.  On January 21 2020 my husband will be dead for seven years.  To be honest, I grieve him everyday.  I have his pictures throughout my house. I have no children so I have no "family" obligations.  All I do is take one day at a time with no ambition and simply do what I have to in order to pay bills.  It is forced and haphazard.  I function better than I did in the early years but the emotion for me has never waned.  If I am not distracting myself I think, and thinking for me is lethal because I think of him.  Then I going my hole.  It is a deep cavern.

I have no real suggestions as to how to cope other than to take baby steps.  One foot in front of another.   And heaven knows, lots of crying.  Tons of it.  

Nothing will be the same.  Not you, not your surroundings, not people you come in contact with.  At 67 (soon to be 68) I can hope my days are numbered.  Wishing yesterday wold have been the magic number but here I am today and I have small tasks in front of me needing to be done.  

I just wanted you to know your story has been received by the universe......

morgan

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Wendy Zwickl is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
8 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I too wish you didn't have to find your way here.  I identify with your feeling alone even around our children and grands.  That was very loving and sweet of your grand daughter.  Read and post here.  It doesn't…"
9 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, I hardly know what to say other than you have come to a place where we all know the anguish and heartache that you are feeling.  Death is hard enough to stomach but to have your husband murdered is beyond my imagination.  Although I…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Wendy, So sorry for your loss. Yes I know how you feel and it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone in this forum care for one other and it is a place to go to share your most inner thoughts. God Bless You and Your Family"
Saturday
Wendy commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"My heart goes out to you as I recently experienced the loss of my husband who was murdered. We had been together 31 years, married 27. I remember as if it was yesterday, the phone call, the driving frantically to reach the crime scene, waiting for…"
Saturday
Wendy joined Susie H's group
Friday
Wendy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This is the first year in 31 years that my husband will not be here. I've not put up a tree or participated in any holiday celebrations. Instead, my Son, unpacked our tree and decorations we had collected thru the years and while visiting his…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Friday
Wendy joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Thursday
Wendy joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Thursday
Wendy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
jacq kramer joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Thumbnail

Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Dec 3
Marie Eaddy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 3
morgan left a comment for Mannion13
"Mannion, I dont always have a moment to write to those who post a death that has affected the very fiber of their being and mainly I do it with those who have lost their spouse since that is the death that has affected me the most.  But your…"
Dec 2
Profile IconMannion13, Carol Robertson and Xav joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 2
morgan left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.…"
Dec 1
Lani M. joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Dec 1
Joe Kelly left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of…"
Dec 1
Lani M. left a comment for Lani M.
"How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?"
Nov 30
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Julie, my deepest condolences. My heart is with you. Hugs"
Nov 30

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