How to move on...

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How to move on...

How to move on after the loss of your significant other? Is this possible? When? Navigating through this process while also dealing with your grief. 

Members: 8
Latest Activity: Jun 20

Discussion Forum

No Nesting In My Hair 6 Replies

"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair". ~ Old Chinese ProverbI have one more member of the group now so its…Continue

Started by Nora. Last reply by Nora Jun 20.

25 Habits of Happy People - Something I Should Start Learning Again

It was so natural to do many things before. Now many things look so unnatural. I have to learn how to smile and be happy. It feels like I never knew.....I have started... First six (without #2) I…Continue

Tags: happy

Started by Nora Aug 7, 2017.

Letting Go of the Worry That Weighs Us Down-By Lisa Jeffs

I find this calmingWe worry too much and I am sure some things we worry about even dont deserve our…Continue

Tags: worry

Started by Nora Jul 14, 2017.

Moving on 3 Replies

Moving on, it sounds so final, I'm not sure I'm ready to move on, I know I don't want to, not if moving on means living my life without Shirl, alone. I know I have no choice, this is reality but I…Continue

Started by Jackie cooke. Last reply by Nora Jun 26, 2017.

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Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:16pm
Should have proof read sorry hate seeing other couples together
But here I am again
Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:13pm
Great list Nora! I think it is important to set goals everyday. Hope the job search is going well. Today I actually felt "normal" for a couple of hours. I went to my Granddaughter's dance recital and out for dinner. I hate going out ( reminds me that do not have Andrew with me. I gate seeing couples together. The only places I go are to work and the grocery store. Bug here I am now again at home alone. The reality sets in quickly all the things I need to do to sell this house. It was nice to not think about it for a couple of hours.
Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:53pm

This is my meditation that I use in the evening.

Coping with Grief: Guided Spoken Meditation for healing after a los...

Day number 1 - today I decided to notice more positive things around. Cannot say it worked but at least I started.

Went shopping today. First time since February. Alone. Not a big deal somebody can say. but it was. I kept crying as there was no fun. He was not helping me bringing funny, goofy things to me honestly thinking I would like them. He was not be sitting at the door waiting for me and sending texts - are you done yet? Miss him terribly! My shopping was short - I grabbed one pair of pants and left.

When came home I was so upset that hit my own garage wall - how stupid it was!

OK. I will use this site as a tool to go forward. My plan for tomorrow:

1. Went shopping to buy food to start my diet.

2. Fill my van.

3. Dye my hair as I look like 100 yo which.

4. Cut my 1 inch long nails and do a manicure.

5. Listen to meditation in the evening.

6. Print my resume and make copies of my educational papers.

7. Give hugs to all my pets and say hello to my fish.

8. Prepare checks to be sent on Monday, and pay online bills.

9. Send at least 5 resumes.

10. Report here what I did.

Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:21pm

I have decided to create a Moving On group today but then I found that Steph who is not a member anymore already created this group so I am reincarnating it.

I have the same pain as anybody else here ut I want to slowly work back to some other life that I dont know yet.

This woman felt the same what I feel - I cannot stay in this horrible situation forever. I am 54 and I have at least 20 years of life. It is impossible to imagine living like this for another 20 yrs and then die one day feeling empty and dreaming about some unknown life in heaven. With who? I loved 3 men who passed away. I loved them dearly, from the bottom of my heart, and I never stopped loving them because they died. I also loved another man who is alive but maybe not. I also loved him and left him due to some circumstances. He is older so who knows. Let's say 4 men in heaven. How will it look? Some kind of a Swedish Family? I also know that each of them also loved women so it is not clear and I cannot spend 20 yrs of my life hoping to meet all or one of those men one day.

I will post my thoughts about getting stronger, ending depression in this group. If you have anything that can help please join the group and post here. 

What is my life now? Just like Steph said in her post *** So then I found myself beginning to slowly accept the idea that I would forever be alone. That maybe that was my lot in life. And the depression came back. Crying over the littlest things. Not getting out of bed on the weekends. Ignoring regular household chores. Not talking to anyone. ***

Exactly. This is what I have. At least she was independent, she had her job, her place... I have nothing! 10 yrs more to pay the mortgage, no job, no income. Grieving, crying, sinking, feeling guilt for something I never did... It will not bring to me a better life, it will destroy me and bring me to the point where I will lose myself, my house and my beloved dogs will be killed as I will have to surrender them to an animal shelter. The above situation will not make any of my deceased man happy or proud of me. They will be sad and confused as they always saw me happy, pretty, strong, active and funny. They would think I lied to them hiding my negative, black, depressive nature and just worn a happy mask on. They would think I never loved them but pretended so they stay with me. I want them to look at me and smile, and be happy for me, I want them to see my achievements, not failures. I want them to see my plants came true. 3 men had plans with me so I have things to do....

Comment by Steph on May 25, 2016 at 3:12pm

I created this group as I lost my boyfriend suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago. I loved him dearly and though we would be spending the rest of our lives together. I am 37-years old and he was the first and only man I loved. I was excited about starting a family with him. It may seem selfish and maybe that I didn't truly love him in that I still want to find someone to spend my life with and potentially have a family. I have guilt for feeling this way. In reading posts from other groups I feel that I may be alone in wanting to move forward with my life. I struggle with this, but the desire is still there. Sometimes buried deep down. Am I alone in still wanting companionship and the chance for family? Am I wrong for wanting to figure out how to move on and still live? I will never, let me repeat NEVER, forget Billy. Nor will I stop loving him and wishing he was still here with me. But it was him that showed me what true love felt like between two people. I don't know if I'll find the exact same feeling, but is it wrong to try?

 

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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friends, I know it is going to be rough for all of us dealing again with the Holidays. Like Morgan I am tired of wearing my happy face, people think everything is okay and I have moved on. No, I have not moved on, everyday is pure Hell inside…"
5 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"know that one day we shall meet again.These lines motivate me to live. Thanks Theressa. Just install Skype app in your mobile if you use smart phone and then add me as a contact. Rest is very simple. "
6 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I think you are doing great, better than I was at the point you are at, but you have a new child that helps you put your attention on.  You seem to be very kind, I don't know how to skype if I did I would lol Brett, yes I am going…"
6 hours ago
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"i'm so truly sorry for your continuing pain. and not because i don't feel the loss and pain as we all do in our own way. i think the main reason i am continuing to keep on going is need to for my children. having two dependant children…"
8 hours ago
Virginia G and Avi are now friends
8 hours ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, Linda, and morgan, I don't have much more to add beyond saying that after four years and three months it doesn't get all that much easier. The day to day practical things get easier over time, but the heavy heart, the constant,…"
9 hours ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, Linda, and morgan, I don't have much more to add beyond saying that after four years and three months it doesn't get all that much easier. The day to day practical things get easier over time, but the heavy heart, the constant,…"
9 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes Brett rightly said, people around us will not understand the grief or guilt.  Virginia, this was unfortunate but a bit hilarious as well. I can understand how hard that lady would have tried to convince you but all futile. "
10 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, every one of us is that person. All my life I was the funny kid in school and at work. I've heard it my whole life, "You don't have to entertain me." What a honking load of crap that was. When the jokes dried up, the…"
10 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  Today I texted a lady from bereavement group and asked what she was doing.  I was going to ask if she wanted to get something to eat.  She mistakenly sent me a text that was intended for her boyfriend.  She told him that she…"
11 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, if you are available on skype please send me request at avitiwari26@gmail.com.  Lets have a call someday. "
11 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Good to hear from you Avi. I think about all of you and hope you are doing well. I worry about my sister Theresa. I have a feeling that I know what you are going through. I think I am going through the same thing. Bluebell, I hope you are well,…"
11 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm not able to pinpoint what is happening from one moment to the next but I am watching myself become more viscerally emotional again.  I am missing him.  It is becoming another extended seasonal rocky road of remembering what I had…"
11 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  I hope you are fighting well with your grief. Last week it was Diwali festival in India so was stuck up in family events etc. All were enjoying and I was just doing what was expected from me."
12 hours ago
Kevin Bailey posted a status
"The pain last as long as your love for them last."
12 hours ago
Kevin Bailey updated their profile
12 hours ago
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"hi linda. thanks for reply i'm ordering 4 NURF guns and after xmass lunch we are going to chase each other around the house and shoot the kids (more like miss the kids and over exaggerate being hit by the kids). that and a few beers seemed to…"
13 hours ago
Monty and M Adams are now friends
19 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Monty, It is very hard to try to find happiness during the Holidays as they will never be the same. The Community Hospice has a workshop called "Hope for the Holidays." I go every year and they give you ideas on how to make your…"
Friday
Monty replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"thanks ill check it out I've been accessing support though  https://www.grief.org.au"
Friday

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