How to move on...

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How to move on...

How to move on after the loss of your significant other? Is this possible? When? Navigating through this process while also dealing with your grief. 

Members: 7
Latest Activity: Aug 7

Discussion Forum

25 Habits of Happy People - Something I Should Start Learning Again

It was so natural to do many things before. Now many things look so unnatural. I have to learn how to smile and be happy. It feels like I never knew.....I have started... First six (without #2) I…Continue

Tags: happy

Started by Nora Aug 7.

Letting Go of the Worry That Weighs Us Down-By Lisa Jeffs

I find this calmingWe worry too much and I am sure some things we worry about even dont deserve our…Continue

Tags: worry

Started by Nora Jul 14.

Moving on 3 Replies

Moving on, it sounds so final, I'm not sure I'm ready to move on, I know I don't want to, not if moving on means living my life without Shirl, alone. I know I have no choice, this is reality but I…Continue

Started by Jackie cooke. Last reply by Nora Jun 26.

No Nesting In My Hair 1 Reply

"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair". ~ Old Chinese ProverbI have one more member of the group now so its…Continue

Started by Nora. Last reply by Nora Jun 25.

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Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:16pm
Should have proof read sorry hate seeing other couples together
But here I am again
Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:13pm
Great list Nora! I think it is important to set goals everyday. Hope the job search is going well. Today I actually felt "normal" for a couple of hours. I went to my Granddaughter's dance recital and out for dinner. I hate going out ( reminds me that do not have Andrew with me. I gate seeing couples together. The only places I go are to work and the grocery store. Bug here I am now again at home alone. The reality sets in quickly all the things I need to do to sell this house. It was nice to not think about it for a couple of hours.
Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:53pm

This is my meditation that I use in the evening.

Coping with Grief: Guided Spoken Meditation for healing after a los...

Day number 1 - today I decided to notice more positive things around. Cannot say it worked but at least I started.

Went shopping today. First time since February. Alone. Not a big deal somebody can say. but it was. I kept crying as there was no fun. He was not helping me bringing funny, goofy things to me honestly thinking I would like them. He was not be sitting at the door waiting for me and sending texts - are you done yet? Miss him terribly! My shopping was short - I grabbed one pair of pants and left.

When came home I was so upset that hit my own garage wall - how stupid it was!

OK. I will use this site as a tool to go forward. My plan for tomorrow:

1. Went shopping to buy food to start my diet.

2. Fill my van.

3. Dye my hair as I look like 100 yo which.

4. Cut my 1 inch long nails and do a manicure.

5. Listen to meditation in the evening.

6. Print my resume and make copies of my educational papers.

7. Give hugs to all my pets and say hello to my fish.

8. Prepare checks to be sent on Monday, and pay online bills.

9. Send at least 5 resumes.

10. Report here what I did.

Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:21pm

I have decided to create a Moving On group today but then I found that Steph who is not a member anymore already created this group so I am reincarnating it.

I have the same pain as anybody else here ut I want to slowly work back to some other life that I dont know yet.

This woman felt the same what I feel - I cannot stay in this horrible situation forever. I am 54 and I have at least 20 years of life. It is impossible to imagine living like this for another 20 yrs and then die one day feeling empty and dreaming about some unknown life in heaven. With who? I loved 3 men who passed away. I loved them dearly, from the bottom of my heart, and I never stopped loving them because they died. I also loved another man who is alive but maybe not. I also loved him and left him due to some circumstances. He is older so who knows. Let's say 4 men in heaven. How will it look? Some kind of a Swedish Family? I also know that each of them also loved women so it is not clear and I cannot spend 20 yrs of my life hoping to meet all or one of those men one day.

I will post my thoughts about getting stronger, ending depression in this group. If you have anything that can help please join the group and post here. 

What is my life now? Just like Steph said in her post *** So then I found myself beginning to slowly accept the idea that I would forever be alone. That maybe that was my lot in life. And the depression came back. Crying over the littlest things. Not getting out of bed on the weekends. Ignoring regular household chores. Not talking to anyone. ***

Exactly. This is what I have. At least she was independent, she had her job, her place... I have nothing! 10 yrs more to pay the mortgage, no job, no income. Grieving, crying, sinking, feeling guilt for something I never did... It will not bring to me a better life, it will destroy me and bring me to the point where I will lose myself, my house and my beloved dogs will be killed as I will have to surrender them to an animal shelter. The above situation will not make any of my deceased man happy or proud of me. They will be sad and confused as they always saw me happy, pretty, strong, active and funny. They would think I lied to them hiding my negative, black, depressive nature and just worn a happy mask on. They would think I never loved them but pretended so they stay with me. I want them to look at me and smile, and be happy for me, I want them to see my achievements, not failures. I want them to see my plants came true. 3 men had plans with me so I have things to do....

Comment by Steph on May 25, 2016 at 3:12pm

I created this group as I lost my boyfriend suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago. I loved him dearly and though we would be spending the rest of our lives together. I am 37-years old and he was the first and only man I loved. I was excited about starting a family with him. It may seem selfish and maybe that I didn't truly love him in that I still want to find someone to spend my life with and potentially have a family. I have guilt for feeling this way. In reading posts from other groups I feel that I may be alone in wanting to move forward with my life. I struggle with this, but the desire is still there. Sometimes buried deep down. Am I alone in still wanting companionship and the chance for family? Am I wrong for wanting to figure out how to move on and still live? I will never, let me repeat NEVER, forget Billy. Nor will I stop loving him and wishing he was still here with me. But it was him that showed me what true love felt like between two people. I don't know if I'll find the exact same feeling, but is it wrong to try?

 

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Latest Activity

Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear bluebird, There are no words to offer you as you mark the fifth anniversary of your beloved husband's passing. I can only say that I feel deeply for you, and my heart aches at your pain. I know the feeling you are describing only too well.…"
9 hours ago
Amy Cowan joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
10 hours ago
MIchael Ortiz commented on Bethany's blog post Drowning...
"Its been 3 months since I lost my love. I had to do it alone. I hope you have family or someone you can just vent and they just listen.I still feel pain and ups and downs.One second I think I am better and boom.Have no clue what sets it off. Do what…"
11 hours ago
bluebird commented on Bethany's blog post Drowning...
"You aren't doing it to yourself -- your grief and your loss are doing it to you.  It sucks, but that's what grief and loss do.  It's quite common to feel that things are getting better for a while, and then find yourself…"
11 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry, Bluebird. The mornings are a nightmare, I agree, but the late evenings, that prospect of slipping into unconsciousness (if only it could be permanent)can be such a relief. Your steadfast, committed love for your husband shines out…"
11 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, you know that you are not being the least bit irrational. My mom died on Christmas Eve. We all knew that it would be mom's last Christmas. She called him and asked him when he was coming. He said, "I'm not. My roommate is…"
13 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Exactly bluebird."
14 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have to say, Nancy, I envy you the 43 years. My husband and I were together for nearly 13 years, but married for only one week when he died (massive, unexpected heart attack).  But no matter how long a couple is together, when they are truly…"
14 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm exactly where you are bluebird. Only it's only been 4 months. We were married 43 years. Got married young. I know no other life."
14 hours ago
bluebird commented on Mike H.'s blog post Repost: Is It Wrong to Grieve?
"No, of course it is not wrong to grieve.  My husband died 5 years ago today, and I will never stop grieving.  The course of grief and the response(s) to it are different for each person, and no one should ever tell another that…"
15 hours ago
bluebird commented on Beckie Preston's blog post Lost
"Do you have family and/or friends you can turn to for help?  Do you intend to continue with your pregnancy, and, if so, do you plan to keep and raise the baby? I think the emotional support of loved ones would be very helpful to you right now,…"
15 hours ago
bluebird replied to Gabby Freeland's discussion I gave up before everyone else did
"I don't think you should feel bad.  When someone is ill for a long time, it's natural to start grieving quite a long time before that person actually dies.  Besides, you felt that way in part because you didn't want your mum…"
15 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today marks exactly five years since my husband died.  I still wish I had died when he did. For me, it's not the nights that are the worst part, it's the mornings.  Of course I do miss him at night -- I miss cuddling with him, I…"
15 hours ago
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Had better days than today.  My sister decides to move to my mom's native home for six months with her kids to renovate the house and in my head I'm yelling at her 'what's the use now. she's dead.'  My mom…"
16 hours ago
Patty replied to Karen's discussion STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Wow, that is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.    "
yesterday
Patty commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I just passed 7 years.  Everything Karen said below is ditto for me :'("
yesterday
Karen commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Sadly I seldom come to this page... I am so sorry about that ---  -I just hit a wall at some point where I realized I had nothing helpful to share & did not want to add to anyones pain.  -Brad's 10 year anniversary is drawing…"
yesterday
Karen replied to Karen's discussion STUPID things people say... " Vent Here " in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"All these years later ... And when I do leave my house (as I have become so recluse) ---- I still hear insensitive comments just last week - I was told that not only was this gods plan I agreed to it before I was ever born.   ---- Where do…"
yesterday
Karen is now friends with Judith Borenin and Rita Estes
yesterday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's amazing the power of food shared together has.  I have broken down in the grocery store many times, almost every time I went during the first year.  Some things I can't go near and others give me great comfort.  I…"
yesterday

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