Losing Someone to Cancer

Comment

Comment by Julie on August 21, 2010 at 5:16pm

Hi Connie,
I truly feel your pain and I understand. My husband and best friend passed away 5 months ago and it has been extremely difficult for me to continue to live my life, solo without him physically by my side. We were a team and did everything together and I really mean everything. I joined a support group soon after he passed away and I went once or twice and wasn't able to committ to going, so it really wasn't helping me too much. My Mom who is my best friend and main support system, helped me realize that my husband wouldn't be very happy with me if he knew how upset I was every single day. He loved me so very much and would not want me to suffer anymore than I already had and experience sadness continuosly. I started going to the support group more often and still continue to do so, and it gives me some bit of peace for a short time. It helps me knowing that there are other people who are experiening some sort of similar loss there. The counselor explained that every loss is unique like every relationship, but Loss is loss. I also saw an individual counselor, maybe that would be helpful to you. I am not sure if you have tried it already. If not, you may want to look into it at this very difficult time. It's just a suggestion. I think it's very important to talk about your feelings and express how you feel. If I don't express my feelings my head feels like it's going to explode, it's terrible. I too, was pissed at God for letting this happen but my Mom said that it's not God's fault. She said that this stupid cancer is so much bigger than ALL OF US. I believe that. I also started to focus on the beautiful special love that we had and I constantly look at our pictures and relive the wonderful times that we shared together. Believe me, I wish he were here because he was my soulmate, love and my source of strength but even though he is not physically by my side he is watching over me as my angel, just like your partner/soul mate is watching over you Connie. She needs you to be okay for her and for the two of you and your love. You have to make her proud of you and you will. It takes time and it is so difficult to accept, but unfortunately this our reality. I thank my husband every day for coming into my life and loving me and marrying me. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and the best thing that ever will. I need to continue to make him proud, it's very important to me and to him, this I know. My Mom gave me a book called Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman and I pick it up and read exerpts from it whenever I am up to it. Every day I try to do at least one thing that gives me a bit of pleasure, small steps. This doesn't mean that I do it. Some days I can't get dressed but that's okay too. This is all that we can do. Losing someone is the worst thing in the world to experience. I think we just have to try and get through each day the best that we can.
For me, I needed to start making more committments and following through with them for my husband and for myself. Everyone has to do what is right for them and don't let anyone tell you what to do. You have to do things when you are ready. I am here for you if you need to talk and share. Please know that you are not alone, we are all in this together and somehow, someway we will all get through for all loved ones. ----Journal writing has always been very soothing to my soul. For years I would start journals and never once finish writing in one. From the day that my husband got sick, I journaled daily and I filled up 3 books. I continue doing that now and I feel close to him. Maybe you would find some peace in writing. Whatever works for you is what you have to do. Try to find things that help soothe your soul a bit, even if it's only for a few minutes. It's important for you Connie.
We are here for you at this extremely emotional and difficult time.
-Julie

Comment by Connie McAfee on August 21, 2010 at 2:23pm

Hello, I didn't know where to turn or who to go to for help and understanding. It has been 5 months on the 28th since I lost my partner, my soul mate, to cancer. Today, the last week or so, it feels like it just happened. They say time heals and it will be ok. I am here to tell you that I think it is all lies. I feel so lost and empty. I don't feel like going on and I don't think I can much longer. The pain and despair is just so bad. I am but a shell of a human being, at least humans can feel I cannot. I am numb. My heart feels like a red hot piece of metal has been ran through it. I have turned my back on all things that I once cared about. I cry all the time and don't sleep. Most of all I find myself turning away from my God. I am SO pissed right now at Him that the mention of His name makes me cringe. Why did He have to take her from me? What did I do?? I just can't take not having her here with me. I keep hoping that He will call me home too. But He does not hear me, what is new. I miss her so. I think I need some intense help here, or I may end up doing something that I shouldn't do. God help me.

Comment by Byron Eugene Jordan on August 6, 2010 at 3:37pm

First of let me say something in regards to this forum. When I get an email about someone then try to respong to it. I no longer see or know where the posters comments are. And I have notice that there seems to be very little communication.
But enough of that someone posted about there father and cancer. Well I would like to say to the poster I am sorry to hear about your father. And I know fear,heartbreak, and being lossed is running at you at once. Well first all I pray that you don't feel that you will be ready for the out come. That is the best lie someone can buy into. One thing you can do is spend as much time with your dad. Tell him over and over again how much you love him. And how proud you are to be his daughter. Now if your are with him when the lord comes great. Help him walk to the lord and just be ready to let him go. But you must know that you will be with him again. Meanwhile talk how you feel because the hurt and pain your dealing with now is out of this world I know this well. But I don't know how you really feel and nobody knows that but you. Meanwhile I will pray for you. Also I am sorry that I cannot remember your name or my email link did not direct me to you.

Comment by Tabatha K. on August 4, 2010 at 11:28pm

I hate cancer & EVERYTHING that it means & does to those that we love!! My husband had cancer 7 yrs ago & made it through. I had hoped to NEVER ever go down that road again. When I had to watch helplessly as cancer destroyed the most important man in my life - I wanted to take his place. I wished and prayed for that in fact.

Comment by Tabatha K. on August 4, 2010 at 11:23pm

I lost my Pop on 10/17/2009 from liver cancer. We found out on 7/16 & 3 mths later he was gone! By the time that he was diagnosed , the cancer had completely destroyed his liver & their was never an option of chemo/radiation. He was not a candidate for for those or a transplant b/c he had suffered a head injury 12 years earlier. Ian Duvenage - I HATE those days!! The days when your head & heart cannot comprehend what is happening.

Comment by Byron Eugene Jordan on August 3, 2010 at 4:19pm

Hello Ian Duvenage Well put I think you nailed home the bottom line and to the point. From here on out we know we can look forward in being with our loved ones again. Heck I am 45yrs.old my family is gone. I am all alone. For me now most are on the other side.

Comment by Jan Duvenage on August 3, 2010 at 8:51am

Today has been another one of those days where it justs sinks in(just when you think you have been through the worst of it) that No, she is not coming back in 3 weeks or 3 months or even 3 years she is not coming back PERIOD!! It's absolutely and totally is beyond any comprehension and no explanation or theory can justify the loss of not having her here with me. If one loses a limb or organ the body can adapt to the loss and you can even learn to function again without that organ or limb, but the mind and the brain cannot comprehend the loss of it's collective soul. It makes me realize just once again how lonely it is not having her around anymore, I miss my wife!

Comment by Jan Duvenage on July 12, 2010 at 8:38am

Hi Crystal, Losing someone dear and near to you is one of the most devestating experiences one can have in your life. I lost my dearest wife on the 19th of April this year due to pancreatic cancer, and still everyday is a battle to get through. My grand daughter is 1o years old and it is remarkable how she has handled the loss of her nan, she talks about her the wholetime especially is she sees the tears in my eyes, so believe me your daughter will allways remember her nan, no matter how old she is. And you will be happy again, your mother would not want you to be sad or sitting in despair, just remember she has gone on a journey which we all eventually have to go on and she is now re-united with all her long lost friends,relatives and animals. Please stay strong and remember grief is natural and part of the healing process, do not think of your mom as being gone forever but rather as gone to sleep at the days end. It doesn't make it any easier or better but hopefully brings some peace to your heart.
God bless and stay with you and your loved ones.

Comment by Crystal B on July 11, 2010 at 12:14pm

My mom was only 55.. she died of complications from breast cancer and lupus on Jun 28, 2010. I hate this and I want my mom back. I feel like I'll never be happy again. I want her around for me and my daughter.. my girl is only 2 and won't remember her wonderful grammy. I wish God would help me understand why this happened.

Comment by Michelle Batacan Alexander on June 24, 2010 at 6:44am

I am 53 years old. I am a mother, a soon to be grandmother. Thank God those parts of my heart don't hurt. It is the daughter in me that is sorrowful. The sister in me that shares the hurt. Our mom, Rose, died on June 8, 2010 around 12:10pm quietly in her sleep. I was at work. I had been at her side all evening. We prayed together, we listened to music together. I gave her hugs and kisses and told her that we all loved her very much. I rushed home from work. Mom had passed, and the room was still filled with her warmth and her generous heart. I held her hand, stroked her temple tenderly and whispered we love you. It's ok I kept saying. Mom was gone.
She was a doctor, a teacher, a mother, a grandmother. She was 89 and would be 90 in October. The photo was taken May 25, 2010. She battled Parkinsons, Severe Osteoporosis and finally Breast Cancer.
I am so fortunate to have had a most wonderful, tender, caring, loving mother. I am also so fortunate to have had the gift of being near her and seeing her everyday, taking care of her and giving back to her the love she gave us all these years.
When I feel the sadness and tears well up inside of me, and I let them flow, I know that it is the testimony that there is a very real and
well loved part of my heart that will never be the same again. I miss my mom. always.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• …
• 11
• Next ›
• Page