Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

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Latest Activity: Dec 27, 2016

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Stupid cancer commercials 3 Replies

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by JO B Dec 27, 2016.

Completely Lost 8 Replies

Started by Shirley Thompson. Last reply by Pamela philipp Dec 26, 2016.

Nausea 32 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by Michael Thompson Nov 14, 2016.

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Comment by emma on December 27, 2016 at 9:19am

I lost to many people to cancer , the hardest one for me was my dad 10 years ago he passed away from brain cancer , the Christmas holidays are never the same anymore without our love ones that we lost ...

Comment by Kevin Bailey on December 24, 2016 at 10:16pm
I honestly just want to be with my beautiful wife right now, I honestly and truly hate the holidays right now. I used to look forward to them, being with my wife and helping her cook. I remember her stealing some of the cookies I just made and she'd give herself away by laughing. Now she's gone and I'm alone. I honestly believe that it's so cruel to be left behind after my wife passed. I would've been so happy to leave the same way they left on "The Notebook" cause any other way is just suffering.
Comment by Jan on November 29, 2016 at 9:12am

Here I go again. Go to bed at night with a bit of a better outlook on things - try to plan to do something useful the next day.  The morning comes and I'm like "what was I thinking"? I'm on my second vehicle since my husband passed. I put 32,000 miles on the first one in 12 months trying to run away from my feelings.  I traded it in and got this one 1 week ago w/42 miles on it. I now have about 500 and I'm getting ready to run again.  I tend to get worse if I have doctor appts. to face and I have 2 this week.  How I wish I could feel "normal" again. This pain is life changing and I never did take change well.  God bless you all.  I hope your fairing better than I am today.

Comment by morgan on November 25, 2016 at 11:33pm

Kimberly, There is nothing more you can do but what you already have.  It will have to be enough.  This isn't a test of how much... it is just how a deep connection works.  We will forever miss some of the people who have meant the world to us for the rest of our living days.  And hopefully one day that red thread will bring us together again in another time and place......We have only today, our present, the gift of our love.  You are and will be enough for her today.  Baby steps.......you will learn all about baby steps soon but try not to be too hard on yourself.  It takes away energy you need.  Its hard enough without adding to it.  Give her a hug for us.  We will be here for you like you are for her.......

Namaste,

morgan

(Namaste means " a recognition that the life force within us as individuals is the same as that within everything and everyone")

Comment by Kimberly on November 25, 2016 at 11:07pm
Morgan
Thank you. I've been trying really hard to do all I can. We even got matching tattoos! The beautiful thing about our friendship is that we just know how we feel about each other. I've told her a million times I love her, and I'm going to miss her terribly. Now is the time to show her how much she means to me, and I fear coming up short. The one thing I have peace with is she knows I love her, and will never forget her. I just want her to feel as special as possible, and God, I am so afraid of failing. She is the only person in my life who loves me unconditionally, and she's my best friend. I'm not sure how I am supposed to go on without that special bond. The pain I feel is just soul-crushing.
Comment by morgan on November 25, 2016 at 10:58pm

Kimberly,  Just let her know how much she has meant to you over the years.  You'll never regret saying it many times before she dies. Just be there for here as much and as often as you can.  It will never seem like enough but doing it now is important.  You will know afterwards you did all you could.  be blessed.....

Comment by Kimberly on November 25, 2016 at 10:39pm
Hi everyone. My name is Kim. My best friend has terminal cancer and only has a few months left. I am having a very hard time coping with losing her - we've been friends since we were 6. I'm trying to do all I can to be there for her, but this is all making me ill. It's so hard to watch her start to wind down, grow thinner, and suffer. Is there any way I can start to try to get through the pain? I feel so lost and hopeless.
Comment by Jan on November 24, 2016 at 10:38am

I want to thank all of you for your responses.  It's sounds horrible to say but knowing that there are others out there that "get" my pain is actually a comfort.  I don't and wouldn't wish this on anybody.  I heard a phrase the other day - left behind - and it so clicked with the way I feel.  The people that were most important and emotionally connected to me (as an adult) are all gone.  I do feel left behind.  What really added to it was when my youngest daughter told me that she feels that when she lost her Dad - she lost her Mom also and that she is dealing with the grief of both.  I am not the mom I should be to support her and her family the way it used to be.  I've had to walk out on family and friend gatherings because I didn't have my husband there to assure me that everything was okay.  There are so many different things that I am now responsible for that I really wasn't before and family and financial issues that I can't begin to understand but know I have to find a way to figure it out.  I can't figure out what clothes I'm going to wear each day! Just left my 90 year old mother's to talk about where she wants to go for Thanksgiving dinner - I want to stay home and could care less if I eat.  I had to leave and told her I would be back at 2:00 - started crying and couldn't stop.  She is someone I wish I could be more like.  She's had a very hard life and I don't know how she does it.  I try talking to her but end up crying or angry because I just don't feel anyone really gets it.  I get tired of the unspoken words that I know are there "get over it and move on".  Move on where?  I feel like I'm at the end of the road.  Morgan, I have the same battles with my brain that you do and keep coming back to something must be really wrong with me. But then when I think of what I've lost and how he just so completed me, my sister with the same mind and heart as me and the little brother who I used to protect and look out for - it's not my brain as much as my heart.  There are days that I feel at times like I forget to breathe because I feel so low.  I keep being told that if I get over myself and focus on helping others that I'll feel better.  When you're a person that's lived with social anxiety disorder all your life, it's not an easy thing to consider.  Enough of me today - need to find a place to take Mom to eat.  Thank you all for letting me vent - I do understand your feelings and wish I had a fix for you, but as you can see, I don't have one for myself either.  God Bless you all and if anyone finds the magic thing that makes us all better - please pass it on!

Comment by morgan on November 23, 2016 at 11:16am

Jan,

I'm so sorry.  Your pain is palpable.  I just keep wishing for all of us that there was a solution to the pain that death has visited upon us.  I wonder how it is some people get beyond the losses because I know I have had a horrible time beating this back and I'm pretty sure I hear you saying the same.  

My only coping technique is crying.  For me personally, I have figured out that it is the only thing that relives the pressure that unwittingly builds up inside and needs to pop.  It's not that I am unaware of the pressure I just never know when I am going to have to use the safety release valve (crying) to relieve it.  

Over the years I have battled with my brain.  I keep wondering how/why I cannot get beyond losing my husband.  I know how inextricably linked we were.  I know that he was the only person who truly allowed me to be who I was and still loved me for it.  What I don't understand is why my brain wont allow me to use all the positive vibes we had together and stop the pain that I feel now that he is no longer by my side.  Couldn't I be more grateful that I had 35 years with him?  Couldn't I accept that this is what I was always told life was........birth to death?  Couldn't I find a small enough part of the person I was when I was with him and implant it now into this lifeless existence?

I guess not because I have not been truly successful on the inside of me.  I appear to be getting on with life on the outside (that's a longer story) but inside I am still as completely broken if not more so than I was the day he died.  Yesterday was a nuclear reminder of how broken I still am.  Horrendous.

Your million dollar question"where can I go to get better?" is actually priceless.  I wish I had the answer to it as do many people who I have read and come here to explain how they are managing to deal with death.  I just keep wishing......wishing that I was anywhere else but sitting on top of the trap door that keeps opening and engulfing me in its sadness.  Just keep wishing.....and crying.....a pretty sad place to have to live.

morgan

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 23, 2016 at 8:51am

Jan,

I feel so bad for you, you have lost so many people your loved from this horrible disease. I lost my Husband in 2013 and this lost my sister-in-law 58 and nephew 48 to to cancer. Does this f****** disease ever stop. I just keep hoping that one morning I just won't wake up from this nightmare.

Blessings, Linda

 

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