Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

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Discussion Forum

Delayed Response 2 Replies

Started by Shayna. Last reply by Shayna on Monday.

Lost my husband to acute lymphoblastic leukemia 1 Reply

Started by Debbie. Last reply by JO B alexio Feb 11.

feeling guilt 11 Replies

Started by Jennifer L Gebhardt. Last reply by Jennifer L Gebhardt Jan 15.

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Comment by Fran on Monday

Debbie and Shirley, I have found that sometimes family just doesn't understand how lost we feel. They don't know what to do for us or what to say...AND GOD knows we don't want to hear "just get over it!" I don't hear from my sisters unless I contact them...I hear more often from my husband's family! I guess unless you've been thru it......

Comment by Shirley on Monday

Debbie...Just now read your post and wanted to say I am going through the same thing. My hubby passed 10 months ago and have not heard anything from any of his family in Washington State. There are nephews, nieces, a sister -in-law and friends but not one of them can call or send an e-mail either.  He had a daughter in Michigan and a daughter in Mesa Arizona. Makes me wonder if they were all expecting something of value from him and it did not happen. I am not going to let it bother me too much and wait and see what happens . Do not think you have done anything wrong. Some people seem to not care when some one in the family dies anymore. Will keep you in my prayers, okay?

Comment by Debbie on Monday
I am reading all your posts. I'm am truly sorry for all of your losses. It is 8 months since my husband died, and it still feels like yesterday. I need to ask a question I want to know if it's me or not. Since my family and friends live all about 1 to 2 hours away no one has been to see me and my boys, my brother, my husbands sisters and even my husbands father, my mother is in Florida so I can't be to upset with her it's been a snowy winter. I am so hurt I am all alone. No one gets it, I look on Facebook and see my family and friends are going out having a good time while I sit here and rot. I think they all should come to me. What do I do or what do I say. If I open my mouth it won't be pretty. What do I do. Please help thank you
Comment by Shirley on Monday

Fran...I can relate with you tonight. Today marked the tenth month that my hubby passed.  Has been a slow  process for me and I can say the pain has ceased a small bit.  Reality is telling me to take each day as it comes.  Our loss will be with us always, but we have to accept that.  Saying prayers for all who have lost a loved one and lets all keep in touch here for each other.. Blessing for all.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Monday

Dear Fran,

My heart goes out to you. Your grief is still too raw, it's only been 4 months. Just hang in there and take one day at a time and know there are others who understand your pain.

Comment by Fran on Monday

March 6 will be 4 months since Bill died.

This past Friday I attended the funeral of the husband of a coworker and friend. She had come to Bill's funeral so there was no way I could NOT go to her husbands...Fortunately I had the support of other coworkers/friends who knew it would be as difficult for me as it would for her. We just hugged for a while. I told her I really hadn't wanted her to have to join "the club". I offered her any help, or an ear...everyone said how strong she looked/seemed. But, I know first-hand about seeming strong...It's smoke and mirrors....

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Monday

Dear Roger,

I fully empathize with your pain and your sense of devastation and loss. Today is March 1st and Joseph would have turned 50 on the 15th. I cannot quite put it in words, there are no adequate words, to say how terribly, terribly I miss my beloved Joseph! How I long with my entire being to be with him wherever in the universe he may be! We were together for 19 happy years. I had a life before him and I now am alive after he is gone. For all I know I'll live for another 25-30 years, I am 54 years old. But my life will never be the same again without him. Will I continue to go on living without him? Yes, obviously, I am alive now. To all from the outside--my family members, friends, colleagues, and students--I look "normal." I function pretty well and go about my business like everyone else. But inside, on a daily basis, sometimes on an hourly basis, my pain is just too much to bear. Small things and big things bring in a wave of tears as they remind me of my life with Joseph. I don't want to go on living without Joseph. I simply don't.

We are all different, and we grieve and experience pain differently. There is no right or wrong way to do it. But as far as I am concerned, my life is not worth living without the wonderful, loving, generous, and funny man with whom I was fortunate  enough to share my life for some years. If I could I would join Joseph today, but alas it is not up to us to choose the time of our death. (I cannot commit suicide.)

Joseph's untimely death like the death of the other loved ones of people on this forum is absolutely cruel, senseless, and utterly underserved. For as long as I live my life will remain unfulfilled and my pain unbearable. Every waking hour I will lament his death and wish he were here with me now.

For those of us who are finding the death of our beloved spouse unbearable, my deepest sympathies go to you. May the bright memory of our loved one bring us some measure of comfort and help us through this sorrowful journey what we now call life. Peace to all who reads this post.

Comment by Anita Jeffery on Sunday

Hi Roger,  I am still so new to this grieving although I felt the grief acutely the whole time my husband had cancer.  It was a gradual but extremely painful process of knowing for the first time that my life was changed forever.  I think a big part of this is learning that nothing in life is  permanent, and if we want to find happiness again we MUST find our own identity again and move forward with it.  That being said, it's not something that anyone wants to  have to do.  We get so used to one thing, but everything in life can change.  You have your own identity...however hard it is, you need to think about what you can do to be happy again someday.  I don't know your age, so I can see it would be different depending on what your remaining lifespan would possibly be.  I am only 58, and I know no matter what, that my husband would want me to make new friends, find new things to try, and go on with a fulfilling life.  Maybe if you could for just a bit think about what things in life YOU might have wanted to do if this ever came about.  I hope that I'm saying this right.  I'm not trying to tell you something you don't already know.  But I feel so caught up in grief at this time that it IS hard to move forward.  But there are still things in life that I want to do, and in spite of the fact that I no longer have my beloved husband with me, I'm at least going to try when I'm ready to go to museums (my husband hated them), go to the library more, find new volunteer opportunities, etc.  We come to think of ourselves as so much only a couple, but we were always still individuals too.  I know the feeling though about the catalog.  I am dreading the first trip to our favorite nursery this year.  Don't even know if I can do it.  We found a lot of enjoyment in going to the nursery almost weekly and buying new and interesting plants.  But ultimately I still love gardening.  I hope you can find something for yourself.  Sending positive thoughts your way!!!

 

Comment by Roger on Sunday
Karla got a gurney's seed catalog in the mail the other day. This time of the year. She would sit and look at it for hours. Planning what all she wanted to grow in her garden for the year. The last summer she lived. She had a very good crop of patotes. When they were ready to dig up. I worked the shovel. When several big patotes would pop up out of the out the dirt. She would just holler in excitement. She/we had so much fun harvesting them. I miss her so much. I miss our life together. She was everything to me. I didn't exsit before her. Now I don't exist with out her. Cancer took her away from me. "WHY"
Comment by roteiro on February 27, 2015 at 4:23pm
Hello! Cancer is really horrible. One of my friends has it too... They say, there is a stem cells treatment method like the one http://uctclinic.com/ offers. It has to be really effective and working. I hope, it will help people to get over the illness.
 

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