Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

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Getting through the Holidays 10 Replies

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Tips for the holidays? 9 Replies

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Nausea 8 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 10, 2015.

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Comment by Michael Thompson on January 20, 2016 at 6:44am

Hi everybody, when you lose a husband or wife to any illness, you lose the life you had together, it is gone, and this is something married couples dont feel, so they cannot relate.  Its been around 15 months since my lovely wife off a 22 year marriage passed due to bowel cancer, and I want to try and move on with a woman suffering the same, so we can relate and understand each other.  

My wife and I met in passing in 1991, we didnt plan it, it just happened that we started hanging around together, and IU knew within 15 minutes of our first meeting that she was the one, and when I asked her, she said yes, and our marital life started in 1992.

I would wish this chemistry could happen again, so I thought I would give it a shove and see what happens ?

Michael

Comment by Shirley on December 27, 2015 at 9:59pm

Hello  everyone....Just moved forward through the second Christmas after my hubby passed.  He took his journey home on the 29 of April, 2014. It was very hard watching the person you love, just dwindle down to nothing. He had Cancer cells in five  ares of his body and the  chemo and radiation did a great damage to the body but it seemed to be a little help at different  intervals. First was the Prostrate area,  they did radiation and implanted 73 seed around the prostrate,  then a few years it popped up in the right lung and he had the radiation and chemo again.   A year or so the cancer returned in the same right lung. There was five more radiation treatments and no more Chemo or radiation.  Had to take him to the hospital and the ER Doctor called  me up there to tell me the Cancer had jumped into the right side of hie brain at a  stage 4. That is the day we had  him admitted to Hospice of the Valley and  had him on home basis.. Slowly watching his body deteriorate to almost nothing, will break your heart. At the last week and a half, the Cancer spread to the spine. Not too many more days did we have him around as he passed, at home, at 4:15 AM April 29 2014. That my friend is painful to endure. Had three different nurses with him the last twenty fours of his life and he slipped away all by himself with no one around. Miss him but my theory is mine and mine alone...Glad GOD called him home so there would be no more medicines,  confusions, pain   anger episodes, refusal to drink or eat anything,  I felt like GOD knew he had gone through enough  and sent the Angel to bring him home to HIM.  My hubby is now "Resting High On That Mountain" and has everything he needs to be eager to see all things anew.       God Bless each of you grieving now.

Comment by Felicia Sanders on December 27, 2015 at 7:54pm

 I met a wonderful  lady five years ago, right after my mom died. She had recently lost her mom and was very understanding. We became friednds, had alot in common. We can tell each other just what we are feeling, whether it's good, bad, or whatever and we know we understand each other. Three years into our friendship, she found a lump in her breast. Up until that point, she had seemed so healthy and energetic. The only thing she ever complained of was her knees and elbows hurting. "I'm getting to be an old lady! " she would say with a laugh. Well, when doctors  found the cancer in her breast, they found it EVERYWHERE else, too-- knees, hips, elbows. Its in her bones and terminal. She did a round of strong chemo-- Red Devil-- they call it, and one of the possible side effects is sudden death. She survived it, and it did shrink the cancer a little. That was two years ago, and in the meantime she had been maintaining with chemo pills. Now, though, the cancer is really spreading in her hip bones and other places, so they started the strong stuff again. She called me the other day in severe pain. Even the strongest pain pills, which she now must depend on, aren't helping much. She said she felt like someone was stabbing her all over with a knife. She asked me if I knew of anything that might help. I felt so bad for her, and helpless. For her to even ask, I knew she was desperate.  At this point, all I know to do is pray with her and for her. And it's gotten so bad that my prayers are changing from "Please God, help her endure it"  to "Please God, if the chemo can't help much, just please let her go in her sleep, and then help all of us who love her to be able to endure her loss."  It took me 43 years , and the loss of my sweet mom, before I found my best friend. Now I am losing her. I know we will be reunited, but losing someone so precious always hurts so bad!

Comment by JO B on December 27, 2015 at 5:50am

i no fealin sadnes 

so mush loss in 1 go less xmas crds we get coz a lots missin 

i admt iv gon off rales its slf destuket wish coz of loss i no ill gt told its poor exsuse bt i ni cnt hlp it 

i cnt evn num pane stilll 

its 2 bad 2 num 

dad dies thn loss non stp in 2012

thn 2013 so   muhs loss agan

thn 2014 agan

2015

i cnt evn lk fowd 2 2016 coz i feal lk im jinxt or cursd coz evry 1 i sea seams 2 die orif  or if i sayhi 2 die its 

lk im jinxt 

Comment by Michael Thompson on December 27, 2015 at 5:14am

There is so much sadness out there caused by grief and the loss of a husband or wife.

 

This is my second Christmas alone, after 22 years of the most wonderful Christmases spent with a beautiful lady whom I married in 1992.  I have written two articles about this subject that were printed in my local paper.  

 

The first was a tribute to my wife and cancer from the left behind spouses point of view. 

 

The second was more recently, and it was an update.  If anybody wishes to read my two articles, please write to me care of the following email address, michaelthompson533@btinternet.com and I will be happy to forward both articles as an attachment

 

Because grief effects everybody differently, I am finding myself having difficulty with people who havent been through losing a spouse, this includes my neighbours, who im sure dont know what to say to me either ?, because until they have lost a husband or wife, I cannot relate to them, and they cant relate to me, it’s like im trapped on an island alone,  it is a horrible feeling of utter loneliness where once there was someone in your life and by your side.  I go through everyday like a zombie, anxious despairing, having to put up some sort of a front when I shop, I have got our little Yorkie pup to take care of.

 

The psychological effects of grief and grieving our enormous, and it’s something we have to endure alone, this is what I have discovered this past 14 months, yet it seems like just yesterday.

 

I have not touched a thing since my wife last went into hospital, I cant touch a thing, I am keeping things as they were as a vigil to my wife, my rock, my confidant, my friend.

 

As far as a belief in God is concerned, I have always kept an open mind, but if push came to shove I would have to say no, I will say that my wife did believe in God, and that she was a non- practising Catholic.

 

We discussed this issue of God verses Evolution many times, and she would always say to me that even evolution had to start somewhere.

 

Thank you for reading my piece. 

 

Here is my email address again.   michaelthompson533@btinternet.com

 

Michael in the UK.

Comment by Michael Thompson on December 24, 2015 at 6:31am

Hi everybody, this is my second Christmas Eve without my lovely lady wife to do things for, we both threw our heart and soul into Christmas and the spirit of Santa Clause.  My wife passed in 2014 from Bowel cancer, she suffered 11 months.

Everyday is a nightmare of loneliness, I try not to weep because I dont want our little Yorkie, Tootsie picking up how sad I am.

It is around 14 months now since my wife's demise, and I still cant believe she has gone, I havent touched a thing since she last went into hospital.

I am 67 years old, how does a man start again at this age ?.  

I wont join clubs, because ive no interest in doing that, and I dont want to go looking, because when you look, you never find.

If I meet somebody else, it must be in passing, just like it was with my Pamela in 1991 when we met in passing and that was that, bingo.

"Man" was not meant to live alone, we must have our mate, our companion, we must have that which makes us whole.

My 15 months or so on my own, might as well be 15 minutes, because nothing has changed, I dont feel better, but my neighbours expect me to "move on".....

People who havent been where we all are, havent got a bloody clue????????????????????????????????????????????

Comment by Michael Thompson on December 23, 2015 at 6:46am

Dear all site members.  I recently wrote this for all site members to read.  I heard from just a few, so now im putting it up again for hopefully more members to read.

 

Hi everybody on this site.   I live in the UK and this is my second Christmas alone by choice. My wife and I had 22 years of wonderful Christmases where we both threw our heart and soul into the spirit of Santa Claus that we enjoyed in our youth...

We gave each other gifts on Christmas Day, and all through the day, and Santa always delivered them. My lovely wife would have been happy with a chocolate bar, and this is one of the things that made her so special to me.  My wife passed in September 2014 from bowel cancer, and I am now the guardian of our little Yorkie Tootsie who is 3 years old at the end of this month.

My wife had the social life which incorporated shopping, I was the stay at home, which suited me because I only ever needed my Pamela. Now around 15 months on, I am facing each day alone like so many other people in my country and yours, just pick up your local paper and read the orbituary column every day or week. What I am finding is that people handle their grief differently and suffer different manifestations of grief. I tried to start a grief group locally, but it wasnt for me. All I know is that there will never be another lady like my Pamela. I wrote two articles about my situation to my local paper. The first article was about cancer from the left behind spouses point of view and a tribute to my wife. The second article more recently was an update. If anybody reading this would like to send me their email address, I will gladly forward them these article's. One thing that hits me every time like a thunderbolt, is that people who have never lost a husband or wife, have no idea what it’s like. I remain lost, lonely, vulnerable, insecure, and my confidence is gone. it truly is a sad state of affairs for everybody it happens to, but grief is the price we pay for love and for loving. I take Tootsie, our little Yorkie pup for 3 roughly 30 minute walks a day, morning, late morning to afternoon, , and night.

Anybody who would like a copy of my articles, can email me at the following. Michaelthompson533@btinternet.com

Comment by Hilary Christene on December 14, 2015 at 10:01am

Yes, Lauri. I did a lot of cooking for D. He had become ill with a mystery illness that turned out to be a chronic Tick Borne Disease, TBD, (Rickettsia) which seems to be as bad or worse than Lyme disease. We had the best care for his TBD. And he had a special diet. I am not a good cook, and it was very challenging, but I felt so much happiness cooking for him and nurturing him. The TBD really tortures the mind and his anxiety was intense. But his sweet character somehow rose above his anxiety, and he made a point of celebrating whenever I made something that tasted especially good. He was getting better, and doing so well!!

Then cancer came in while he was getting better from the TBD and destroyed him.

Now, it is all I can do to fry a couple ingredients or heat up something prepared.

Comment by Michael Thompson on December 14, 2015 at 8:11am

Lauri, its been around 14 months since my wife passed away due to bowel cancer.  Everything for me remains out of joint.  Everyday I go through the motions of living, and I loathe meeting neighbours who have not been where I am, and you are.  I can relate entirely to what you have written, and ive sent you a friend request..

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2015 at 7:12am

My heart is the same as cancer, it took my life away.

 

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