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Comment by dream moon JO B on June 13, 2022 at 2:32pm

i hate big c its took frinds famly coz of it

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 31, 2022 at 10:05pm

Dear Cindy B,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Even though it has been six years for you since your beloved husband Adam passed, you feel his loss as if it was yesterday. For me, it will be eight years on August 4th that my darling husband Joseph passed, also due to lung cancer. Even after all this time, there are days when the pain feels fresh. Some days it is okay; I can get through the day fine without feeling too sad or depressed. But some days--like today--I am overcome with grief and depression. So I can fully relate to the heartache that you carry around. And marker days like birthdays and anniversaries are the worst.

I don't have any word of advice to offer to you on how to overcome the harrowing pain that so many of us on this forum feel years after our spouse left this planet. All I can say is that you have come to the right grief forum where the folks are sympathetic and understand what the loss of a beloved spouse is like. 

For all others who are not in the same boat as I am, like my family and friends, I put on a happy face and go along with them when they are laughing and having a good time. Even as I am laughing with them, there is an emptiness, a hollow feeling in my heart. But here, no one's going to judge you for mourning your loss and urge you to move on. I understand; we understand.

Hang in there, and try to find solace in the happy memories you have of your husband.

Sending you best wishes, love and empathy.

-- Trina

Comment by Roslyn on February 12, 2022 at 1:38am

On the 5th November 2021 my soulmate and husband of 10 years passed away from his cancer of an unknown primary.  They never did find where it came from.   I live alone and despite having friends visit and those who help me on my acreage, life is lonely.  This was our second marriage.  Pete nursed his first wife through cancer and my first husband took his own life, so we were both aware what grief was all about.  Pete fought his cancer for 5 years until it finally went into his liver.   He passed away here at home and it was such an honour and privilege to be there for him until the end.  I miss him every day, my heart is broken.  Thank you for listening.

Comment by Jennifer Lapp on February 7, 2022 at 9:59pm

& I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  I get it now.  I will always miss Michael.  He was one of a kind.

Comment by Jennifer Lapp on February 7, 2022 at 9:57pm

You have both helped more than you can possibly know.  Despite knowing his time was near an end, we crammed in so many great moments.  My goodness, not minutes had passed after we were told at a large research hospital that there was nothing more that could be done, he wanted to check out a local baseball game.  That was us.  Despite it all, we made adjustments & enjoyed the moment.  Even if our “date” that day was in the chemo lab.  I think experiencing not only a deep live later in life, but then the trauma of watching them slowly die; it’s all so intense.  It’s just been hard as I’m old enough to know that I need time to grieve and that the longevity of our relationship doesn’t equate to the intensity…. Just the lack of support and understanding that my grief is mine & im struggling to now think of a future without him b/c it’s as if suddenly the sun came out in my life and then abruptly was gone.  I miss his sunshine & being happy…

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 7, 2022 at 12:27pm

Jennifer, first of all my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your soulmate. This kind of loss is hard to overcome. 

I fully agree with M Adams that love isn't measured in weeks or years. Well said! True love is a gift that comes rarely; and I think you are one of those people who knew true love, however briefly.

I lost my beloved husband of 19 years more that seven years ago, and to this day I mourn his loss every single day. No matter how many more years go by, I will mourn the loss of the love of my life Joseph. 

People who are telling you that you shouldn't be so upset by the death of your beloved are not only downright cruel and insensitive, but they also have not known true love. Had they known true love that comes rarely, they would not have been so unkind to you. It's your loss and it is up to you to mourn your loss for as long as you need/want to and the way you want to. You own your loss; it's nobody else's business to tell you how how to feel, or to put a timeline to grief. 

You have my full empathy, and I wish you strength and fortitude in the weeks and months to come as you grapple with your loss.

Comment by Jennifer Lapp on February 6, 2022 at 9:38pm

Thank you.  I felt the same; but have struggled in justifying my grief b/c our relationship wasn’t very long.  We had made plans for the future.  Some thought we were ridiculous to do so, but anyone could die tomorrow & I know how it feels to be abandoned b/c of a health condition.  I wasn’t going to leave him b/c he got sick & initially it looked promising that he would get through this latest round of chemo….  I just have no interest in anything & miss the future we had planned.  Just miss him so terribly much.

Comment by M Adams on February 6, 2022 at 8:44pm

Love isn’t measured in weeks or years — you found each other, despite all the obstacles of illness and justified fears, now death has torn you apart, that is a terrible, brutal loss.  Three months is still so recent.  Very sorry for what you are going through after having the courage to give and receive love in such challenging circumstances, there is something heroic in that kind of courageous, passionate love.  

Comment by Jennifer Lapp on February 6, 2022 at 8:26pm

We were together just under a year.  We planned a future together, we were crazy in love.  I have significant heart problems & he was in remission w/ stage 4 colon cancer.  Six months after we met, he started chemo.  I was with him through it all.  He had been fighting it on/off for eight years.  We were told there were no more options.  His body was so tired from fighting the cancer & it had gone to his lungs & was aggressive in how quickly it spread.  He died 6wks later.  That was 3 months ago.  I’m struggling.  I had lost one of my best friends to breast cancer4yrs ago, my Dad to heart disease, 3yrs ago.  I’ve been told countless times I may not make it through something & truly try & live each day.  I thought I was prepared for him to be gone, but I’ve been a mess.  Many tell me I shouldn’t be so upset b/c we weren’t married or b/c we were together less than a year.  But, we had been through love & loss before & knew what we had was so very special.  Just feels like I will never be happy again.  Can’t someone grieve such a loss, even if the relationship wasn’t that long?

Comment by dream moon JO B on April 5, 2021 at 3:18pm

so sorry on yor loss adam iv juts loss my mom 2 day i hav juts begin 2 feal numness setin in i do

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