You're too young to be a widow

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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.

Members: 118
Latest Activity: Nov 16, 2016

Discussion Forum

People can be so heartless sometimes 7 Replies

I know that, people dont know how to deal with the passing of a loved one, especially when they are young and we are young, but the hardest comment I have had to endure since the passing of my…Continue

Started by ShingingLight1967. Last reply by Louise Oct 27, 2016.

So lost - he was taken from me at 52 3 Replies

I woke up last Friday, 8/5 to find my husband gone. He passed overnight of a heart attack. It was completely unexpected. We had a good evening the night before and it was the last thing I would have…Continue

Started by Angie. Last reply by ShingingLight1967 Oct 15, 2016.

Engaged, but never made it to the altar... 3 Replies

I lost my fiancee from a massive heart attack - the "widow maker." While not married yet, this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  I'm 42, and he was 38.  We had just picked…Continue

Started by Chrystine Anderson. Last reply by ShingingLight1967 Oct 10, 2016.

Feeling Alone 1 Reply

I'm about to lose my mother. She has been battling terminal cancer for sixteen months. I can barely stand the wait for the day she dies. When she does I have to attend two funerals in two states. My…Continue

Started by Susan Johnson. Last reply by Copper "Charlie" Aug 31, 2016.

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Comment by Eliza Boyd on November 16, 2016 at 8:49am

My husband, my Superman, has been gone 2 mos now.  Never thought he'd be gone at the age of 46 and leave behind myself, 48, to raise our 12 yr old daughter alone.  It's nice having our 19 yr old son back at home.  He's a great help.  Yesterday was the first time I've been physically ill.  The kids did a great job of taking care of me, but it just hurt because this was the first time he wasn't there to make it better.

Comment by Jessie on October 1, 2016 at 9:19pm

I lost my husband 1 month ago today the shock is lifting but the sadness is overwhelming. At 48 it is hard to believe I won't  hear him calling me Honey, rubbing my hair until I fall asleep, bring me home a bottle of wine just because ther are so many things that were just so simple that meant so much. My heart is forever broken.

Comment by Amy Ginn on August 29, 2016 at 11:18pm
Cooper Charlie- I've been waiting to be approved hoping I could find you again!!!! I was 22 my husband was 42 when we met. It truly was love at first sight. you and I are so much alike. Cliff had an abdominal aortic aneurysm & thoracic aortic aneurysm. Did your hubby take levaquin? We are in that big suit with those antibiotic makes because he was healthy until he took a lot of that antibiotic. Like you, I am eager to paint my bedroom rearrange it new bedding. This current bedroom has 5 years of hell in it. Not one moment of love because we couldn't be intimate the last 5 years. I spent 34-39 completely alone, physically. Then it became mentally as he decreseed. But he was my true souls mate. It's been only 8 weeks. He made me promise to "move on" to find happiness because it was my turn after all I had sacrificed for him. I did sacrifice but I made that choice. I did what j wanted to do. And that was love and care for him. Seriously if u haven't get a lawyer NOW for the TAA since it sounds like it ruputured. Go to drug watch.com or baddrug.com they list the 56 antibiotics in this group of antibiotics that cause TAA's. I knew the fear you felt. Like your man was a ticking time bomb. Because they were. All I can say is at least he went quickly and perhaps didn't suffer long. My husband suffered hard for 2 years. We all did I do hope to talk with you more maybe privately. I can see we have a lot to share. God bless u and your family. Your new friend, Amy
Comment by Copper "Charlie" on August 18, 2016 at 6:44pm

Angie

I'm so sorry.  The sympathy cards I got, I just put them away.  My sister-in-law went through them to make sure there was no money or anything, which some people did give me.  But I couldn't read them for months.  Actually, I don't even know if I did force myself to read them, to be honest.  I stored them in a box and I'm not even sure where the box is.  Just know you're not alone here.  Hugz!

Comment by Angie on August 18, 2016 at 3:14pm
I completely understand. My husband has only been gone 2 weeks tomorrow and I don't know how I will survive. I miss him and love him so much. It's this horrible roller coaster. I went back to work this week but can hardly focus. I cry myself to sleep, wake up looking for him. And it is so hard to make the calls to cancel his accounts. I've never hurt so bad in my life.. Today I got more sympathy cards in the mail and I just started crying...
Comment by Copper "Charlie" on August 18, 2016 at 2:15pm

Hello.  It's been one year and five days for me since my husband of 13 years passed away.  I was 41 when he died and he was 55.  It was unexpected, like many of you...an abdominal aortic aneurism.  He called me to him in the bedroom and 45 minutes later, he was gone.  I'm so grateful we had the 13 years, but at the same time I'm like...it was supposed to be more!!  He was my everything and even after a year, I'm just going through the motions.  I had to get new furniture and rearrange the bedroom and living room because the memories were just too strong of those 45 minutes.  It helped.  But the memories still haunt me.  Even with my daughters (22 years and 19 years) living in the house, I feel more alone that I ever have.  Mostly, I just sit and do nothing but stare at the walls.  I'm disabled, so I don't really have much of anything to distract me the majority of the time.  He was my everything and I...miss...him!!!

Comment by Maria Gutierrez on August 15, 2016 at 9:05pm
My boyfriend passed on April 17. We were together for 11 years and were planning on marrying after his ex finally agreed to give him the divorce. He filed the divorce papers on April 14, just 3 days after he was murdered. I found about his death on the news and at the beginning police filed it as an accident but less than a month ago they said that he was murdered. I always thought we would grow old and joked about the illnesses that we would probably develop being elderly. I was his princess and he would do anything and everything me. Foot rubs, taking care of me when sick, Sunday breakfasts in bed, shopping (yes, he was very patient and always was honest about colors and fitting) we cooked and spent a lot of time together besides the time you get to spent wheb you live together! I never expected to be a widow just 2 days after my 40th birthday. I didn't know living without him was going to be this hard. I never imagined that I would feel so lost and helpless and angry and empty. I feel that my soul died with him ...
Comment by Shannon Thorn on August 6, 2016 at 5:09pm

It's been longer for me than some of you.  I married at 18 (was with him from when I was 14) and was widowed at 27 (and he was a murder victim so it was unexpected to say the least....).  It'll be seven years on New Year's Eve.  That said, it some days it seems okay without him and then five minutes later it seems like it hurts more now than when he first died; if that makes any sense at all. 

Before his death and the series of shit relationships I got myself into, I was an expert mountain climber; to the extent that the only major summit out of the seven I haven't finished is Mt. Everest--that one I broke my spine on about 3000 feet away and I am lucky I survived.  I don't like talking about it much--but my climbing partner went blind from his eyes freezing and the ropes didn't get set up right and we were both hallucinating all sorts of crazy stuff I'll never speak of at that point from the extreme alititude. 

Well long story short, last night I moved wrong in my sleep and it triggered reliving that whole thing.  It is days like these that I want my husband, even all these years later I want the one person who understood my need to do insane adventures like that.  The man that even when I hadn't healed enough to walk just brushed my hair while I ranted about how Mt. Everest doesn't own me, I will do it again and then I am going to do K2.  Now all that's left are people who think I was insane that I ever made the attempt; let alone that I eventually want to do it again.  Then there's all the happy relationships I see...some people can move on easier than I can.  Me, I haven't found anyone even all these years later that I even want to know my favorite movie let alone exactly how bad I want back up there.  Anyway, thanks for listening and sorry to everyone else for their loss.   

Comment by So Sad on August 6, 2016 at 4:47pm
  • Im widowed at 31 we were only married for 6 months before he was murdered....so lost

Comment by Angela renteria on August 3, 2016 at 8:29pm

My husband passed June 18th of this year. We were together 17 years and have four young children. Each day is just another day without him and I hate it .I just want him back , I just want the trivia challenges we had, his guitar and singing that would go into the night. Sneaking in movies just for the fun of it. I just miss him, everything about him .I hate to admit this but I really dislike being around couples . Couples around my age or older couples because they have something I never will. Most likely my friends will grow old together. They will look back on memories together. All me and my children will have is memories and for my youngest who is 1 year , he won't even have that.

 

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Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hope everybody has a loving good weekend and let's celebrate our Mom's for giving us life. I love you Mama!!"
2 hours ago
Linda Engberg replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, It has been 4 years since I lost my Husband and soulmate to cancer. My family and friends tell me that time will things better. To tell you the truth the only way I keep my sanity, is adopting a dog and seeing my therapist and…"
8 hours ago
KIM Montgomery replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, my husband passed May 2, 2017.  We had a wonderful marriage and we loved each other with all of our hearts.  Jack was an awesome person.  I am currently going through this with my own family.  I am away from my family…"
10 hours ago
KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello, well I made it through my 1st anniversary without him.  It was a really hard day, Wednesday.  I miss him like crazy and love him so much. Today I just feel numb.  All these stages of grief are exhausting.  Working full…"
15 hours ago
Mike H. posted a blog post

Repost: Is It Wrong to Grieve?

Is It Wrong to Grieve?Have you ever had a brief bout with illness? Perhaps you recovered so quickly that you have practically forgotten the episode. Well, grief is not like that. “There is no such thing as ‘getting over’ grief,” writes Dr. Alan Wolfelt in his book Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart. However, he adds: “Over time and with the support of others, your grief will soften.”As an example, consider how the patriarch Abraham reacted when his wife died. The Bible says that “Abraham began…See More
17 hours ago
Angela commented on Angela's blog post I lost My Mom
"I think because my daughter is giving me my first grand child it has blocked out some of the hurt I feel. Even though I am not crying I do think about my mom all the time, everyday"
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, I remember when the anger started burning inside me too. It was horrible and ugly and scary, and immensely powerful. I felt afraid to open my mouth in front of others in case I screamed and yelled and told them what I thought of them and…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My mom loved Judge Judy. You couldn't convince her that was not a real courtroom. She also loved The Shark Tank and Everybody Loves Raymond. It all seems like just yesterday since we watched those shows together. I love those shows, too, but it…"
yesterday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello AnneJ and everyone,  In a couple of weeks it will be 3 years since I lost all that mattered to me.  Six months ago I started unpacking and hung some pictures where I live now.  I did it out of embarrassment rather than a desire…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
":)"
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Jennifer added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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They don't understand.

How do you deal with well meaning family/friends who just don't understand what you're going through? 2 of my sisters-in-law still have their husbands.  One does not have a good marriage, she talks about her husband dying flippantly she says things like "I know if _____ died I would use the insurance money to go on that vacation he never wants to go on."  Then in the next breath "Are you still going on your cruise next year?  I could take (my husband's) place if you want so you're not alone."…See More
yesterday
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Today was a good day! I love you and thank you so very much Mama! I think of you everyday while cleaning up your home and getting it ready for sale. It is still hard for me to go there and not seeing you watching Dr.Phil and judge Judy! I have not…"
yesterday
Beth Swansboro posted a status
"I am just learning this new place to talk. Not real sure how it works. I will stop in again. Thinking alot tonite of my husband. Sad."
yesterday
Beth Swansboro posted a status
"I get sad when I see family together. My son who is an only child I feel pain for. He lost the person he loved so much and talked to alot."
yesterday
Beth Swansboro posted a status
"Been reading the articles past few days. Lost my husband Nov. 2015. Not a day goes by I wish he were here. I will like being able to be here"
yesterday
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Apparently, I have found the anger that my counselor and everyone else has been saying I was going to feel.  To this point, all I have felt is sad or numb.  Well, the last 2 days I have not been able to stand to see happy families.…"
yesterday
Diane commented on Angela's blog post I lost My Mom
"My mom had renal failure , she passed away December 2015. I still miss her everyday of my breathing, during this time I had broken my right wrist on a Friday Dec. 11 2015 my mom died on the 17. The pain was in so many directions, leaving the…"
yesterday
Diane posted a status
"It's been 2 years since my mom died, I still miss her , it will be 3 years really in December. I miss u mom. Love you so much,"
yesterday
Abigail Noell and Brenda Ann are now friends
yesterday
AnneJ commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi, Linda. I feel the same way as you. I feel like you could walk right into my home, sit down, and we wouldn't have to say a word and be completely understood by one another. It's been 3 years and 10 months since my Beloved man died, the…"
yesterday

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