You're too young to be a widow

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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.

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My husband passed away Jan 8th. I'm still in shock. He had synovial sarcoma. The tumor pretty much suffocated him to death. I really want to talk to him and hear his voice.

Started by April Smith . Last reply by MarieSte Feb 15.

Aren't we all too young to be Widows?

It seems no matter your age or how many years you have with your spouse, it stills seems like its not enough!  My husband was diagnosed with Lymphoma the day before his 44th birthday and died 3…Continue

Started by Cathie Mac Apr 25, 2014.

New to the site and group 1 Reply

I am 37 and very recently became a widow. I recently lost my husband of 7 years on March 21, 2014. He was diagnosed with end-stage liver disease due to cirrhosis 3 years ago. I moved from my family…Continue

Started by Bonnie Jones. Last reply by Brenda Ann Apr 17, 2014.

New here...not sure where to start.... 3 Replies

Hello.  My name is Heather and I lost my husband, Corey, 2 months ago to a malignant brain tumor that we did not know about.  He was completely asymptomatic until a few days before he died.  We were…Continue

Started by Heather Day. Last reply by Kali Grainger Sep 8, 2012.

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Comment by Karen T. on March 7, 2015 at 5:54pm

Hello Annie, * please bear with my ttypeng as my laptop is having someisuues and I really do need to get another one, but as of right nowI don't have the free noney to cover it.

Welcome. I have myslef, just werecently joined this group as my Husband o almost 15 years passed unexpetctedly. I found his body lifeless on the bed and I am still hoping (thgouh I know better) I can erase that memory and never see that image in my head again. They say that with time the memory will lessen and be replace by n=more good memories of things were shared together. I cling to the hioe that they are right I just wish they had said at some  point I will forget it.

Any way. I am very hppy here and very comofortable. I have a rew membera that I talk yo regularT. Feel free to contact me anytime with any diiculties you may be pxeriencing at that r=time, Until then, keep in mu=ind, if you are a christian adnd your husnband was too, then he did make ir home on that drive. Bit. thanlnkully, he went to a perfect him with street o gold. Any medical problems he had in his earthly body, they are now gone and will never be back in i=his Heavenly body. The hardest thing is for those of us who are now left alone. We have to deal with the loss, and learn to move on. That is a long process (at least for those who truly loved their mate jk lol) we just have to take it one day at a time and do only what we can do. For eaxample ( married hy huabnand just beore started my final semester in collegege) eveyone thouth we were craxy beciae we were so young we didn't know a thing and would be luckly is we even made it to year 3 before divorcing). Now, here we are almost years later (2 for daeing 14.5 after that). Of course we went through typicall marital arguments, but we reolved the situation and moved on to hapiness. If he hadn't just passed I have no question that we would be together forever. Just go one step st time andonly d things as you feel like you can do them. It ws week before last we were able to watch him start walking again and get a job. Backround: he was in a wheekchair for 3 yers and not working (of couse putting a strain on us but we werked through it.) Then the doctor sent him to s specialist because some advances had been mae to certia types of surgey and to have a pain pump put into him directly to allow liquid morphie to enter his system each time he pushed a button. That doctor did a few tests and looked at his newest e-rays (which were done in March. After coining to my work (he did often- usually with rosses for my desk and other tokens such as suffec animal etc.)    well, nayway, that doscotr tried a new trestnebt abd that akkiwed him to finally (7 years) to be able to walk, without the use of assistnance like a cance and he wa able to go back to work  He took me to doc. finally (I say finally beause there was an issue with my insurance so he gave then a talking to becuaseen we have good coverage, My MRI showed that the lgament in my left foot that kept it from moving to far in any direction was torn so bacj that it's not even there anymore. They told me that there is 0 trace of it.

Back to my hisband, at that time our soe was 7 years old he had a transformers caje with sine keepsakes on top of it. He made sure I was okay. Anyway, we never said anything but the two of us didn't have to to communicate with the other, and discovered the injury would take 8-12 months rehab and then if that doesn't help then we would help by simply going a couple of weks then start doing it myel at home because it was $60 each visi! that was way too much. So I am doing excercises on my on 3 imeos a week and am hurting efterward.ses from treatment. So with my huisband his injury was very close to the spine (so close they did;t wasnt to touch it before) but i you ever need someone to talk to or just to listen to you having a bad day and gettting it off your chest I'm here. 

Comment by Anne Dabalos on March 7, 2015 at 7:01am

hi my name is anne and im new to this group.. thank god i found a community who shares the same pain.. i recently lost my husband of 17 years .. im 42 years ols, he was 42 too. he had a heart attack while we were driving home from our weekend getaway for our anniversary. until now i still cry and long for him .. i am soo scared to face life alone i dont know where to start picking up the pieces. i hope o can talk to peoplw who share the pain im going thru.. god bless us all.

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 10:20pm

16 years (2 were dating) with the man that God had made for me (he was the second person I only went out with and that relationshio lastingo onlu a little less ruaj2 months). I our first 2 motnhs we went through so many very very difficult tasks that there were no doubts left. Now hw is gone (4 month mark just went by), I am so lost but I habe to keep it togetjer for my 9 year old son. His heart was so special that I know he woke tpeveru morning aksing what he cioul =do do to naje ne happy. I miss him I just donlt know how to go oh=

Comment by Jessica McClain on February 12, 2015 at 10:50am

I have been silently on here for over 2 years now. I lost my husband 8/29/2012 suddenly from a heart attack while he was at work. For the new members I am extremely sorry for your losses. We have a son together he is now 4 1/2 years old and my husband lives on through him. I see him everyday. As our son gets older more questions, more anger seem to arise about not having a father. It has been a struggle that comes back around. It reminds me constantly how much we miss and love him, how hard it has been to keep moving forward without him. I would have never imagined we would have made it this far 2 years ago. We still have pictures all over, we still go through photo albums often, we have talks, we share stories and we have my husbands best friends around. There is always that missing piece of the puzzle that won't ever be found and at one point I have come to accept his death and stop questioning why. There is no time limit to grieve.

Comment by Felicia R. Howard on February 12, 2015 at 10:18am

I lost my estranged husband Dec. 8th, 2014 and it is still hard for me. We were separated and I never got the answers to some questions that I had. I loved my husband unconditionally and tried to make my marriage work.  He died of a heart attack in another state. He had heart problems from years of unhealthy living and wasn't a candidate for heart transplant. People think that I shouldn't grieve because we weren't together, but we have a 21 year old son together and we were married for 9.5 years. I met him when I was 21 years old. I never thought I would be a widow at 44, I always thought widows were in their 60's.

Comment by Katti Teixeira on February 4, 2015 at 8:42am
Hello. I have never participated in a support group before. I lost my husband last week at the age of 34. He had been completely healthy prior. We live in New England and were still experiencing the effects of the blizzard. We went to bed that night after a day of snow blowing the driveway. He said he was tired, but neither of us thought anything of it since he'd been out in the cold snow. Just before 2 am he began thrashing around, as if having a nightmare, I tried shaking him to wake him, then suddenly he just went still. I called 911 and began CPR, but I knew in my heart he was gone. Due to the terrible weather conditions, it seemed like forever before the rescue arrived. They transported him to the local hospital and he was pronounced dead at 3:29.
The services were completed yesterday. Up to that point I felt like I just needed to make it until then. But now that it is over, I'm left feeling even more lost and alone.
He was my entire world. I do not know how to function without him.
Comment by Betsy Arnold on February 1, 2015 at 9:53pm

Hi Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss. You have found great support here. My name is Betsy, and I lost my husband October 31, 2009. He was 43, I was 45. Taking things one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time even, is all we can do. You are definitely not alone.

Comment by Sarah S on January 30, 2015 at 11:21pm

hi there I am new to the group I recently lost my husband of almost 6 years, he was 43 years old.  I am 38 and this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.  I currently take things one day at a time

Comment by Leesa Lynch on January 29, 2015 at 3:33am

This is Leesa accidentally spend my comment before I was done we would have celebrated our 28th anniversary Dec 27th but we didn't get to because he passed away in our living room on Dec 6 2014 I'm so angry with God right now I believe that there is someone that God made for this you and a lot of people never met theirs bc they are in to big of a hurry to find their soul mate but I did when I was young I mean like 12 and he was 13 we had a very good marriage hardly fought love to spend time together everybody knew we came together when we were out n bout n if we didn't that was the first thing our friends ask was were was our other half we were suppose to grow old together but instead I get to spend it alone I want him back I need him so I can be whole bc half of me went with him

Comment by Leesa Lynch on January 29, 2015 at 3:21am

Hi my name is Leesa I'm 46 and this lost my soul mate my best friend the father of my children my lover we were suppose to grow old together we spent our youth together we met when I was 12 and he 13 on the school bus we had raised our children we and set everything up so he could retire early and we go see the world together that we had planned but in six weeks after we had first gone to he doctor he was gone and I was left alone God I miss,him 

 

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Sandy Elaine Norris replied to George H's discussion Missing my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I wish that I could help. I wish I could say some magic words and make your pain go away. Just take one day at a time. We all have to give ourselves time to heal as much as our hearts will allow. And know that if you need to talk, we are all here…"
11 minutes ago
Sandy Elaine Norris commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I thought about going to see a therapist. Maybe the training they have could help...but I really don't think so. Being able to honestly express how I feel with people who truly understand is more helpful. It feels good to be able to say that I…"
24 minutes ago
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My experience with therapists during this time (I've seen two) is that it feels good to pour out my heart and openly break down in front of someone who is sincere in hearing what you're saying, validating your feelings, and trying to…"
3 hours ago
m morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"The fact that I sit here and read these posts and wish for each and every one of us that we could be textbook examples of recovery is for me just dreaming.  The pain is real, the crying is the result.  The question is how to get it to…"
5 hours ago
Sharon commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Rj, I feel the same as you... I have some good moments, followed by really bad moments.  Grief is like ocean waves and you are right. It's really hard to keep getting back up. I'm working part time. It makes me get up and get out of…"
8 hours ago
Lynn Williams commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Much love Connie. How wonderful to share Daniel's birthday with his friends."
8 hours ago
Sharon left a comment for Monique
"Monique, I'm so sorry to read about your son.  I also know what it is to lose a son. I lost my precious son February 8th, 2015.  I feel the pain and suffering that you are feeling.  It is the worse pain imaginable. Every morning…"
8 hours ago
Rj commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Sharon, i did find it helpful. I am glad i went. Today was okay but this evening sure has been hard. When those big waves hit, hard to get back up! Maybe its just night time, too much time to think once the days come to an end. How are you holding…"
8 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"that is so good to hear Diane. It's inspiring to see other people be able to find a way through this. And I truly wish I was able to look at it as you do. Because I know that's the way we are supposed to see it. But if I am to be truly…"
8 hours ago
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That is something I think I may have said here in my ramblings, Dianne.  Diane would not want to see me go through this horrible suffering or just give up completely.  She would want me to appreciate books, movies, nature again, all the…"
8 hours ago
Dianne Morrow commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I get the dark place and the pain but I know my husband would not want me to suffer or come join him. He would want me to be happy and have as good a life as possible so I am going to try and honor that. It is NOT easy and each day I cry and wonder…"
9 hours ago
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's almost like the world ended and no one else has noticed it.  No one wants to see it.  None of this seems real to me anymore and it's just a fog of despair I'm lost in, alone.  "
9 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I dunno- I'm just sick of feeling like this and sick of crying and sick of hurting and missing Mark."
9 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"A survivor- yes- a survivor John T. I do feel like this is something I'm trying to survive but I can't say for sure if I'm going to make it at this point. But if I do – will my life be worth living? The thought of the next 30-40…"
9 hours ago
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That is a huge part of this, George.  I didn't realize until the comments about taking care of them and having lost your purpose in life.  It hadn't dawned on me that Diane was my purpose in life, taking care of her after her…"
9 hours ago
George H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Donna I truly know how you feel my life for the past 7 years was worried about Mary's appointments her insulin her medication getting a dialysis done feeding or caring for just about everything you could think and then all of a sudden I have no…"
9 hours ago
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"In counseling psychology training they taught us never to tell someone who has come for counseling that you know what they mean.  I could never know personally what someone else is going through and it was considered dismissive of a…"
9 hours ago
Donna M Dowling-Hall commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My crying happens at night.  Every day seems like an eternity.  Time just drags for me now.  I am a shell of myself.  For the last two years my life center around his appointments and chemo treatments.  I don't know…"
9 hours ago
Dianne Morrow commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Tildyc I wish I could answer that too. I cry every morning because he is not here with me. I dont know how we bear it either. I am just putting one foot in front of the other and that is all I can manage most days. Posting helps me."
9 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Why does this have to be so damn painful? How am I supposed to bear this??? I really can't take it anymore. There is no relief anywhere and nothing can make this better. I can not stop crying. I cannot find an answer anywhere."
9 hours ago

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