You're too young to be a widow

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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.

Members: 105
Latest Activity: Aug 18

Discussion Forum

Engaged, but never made it to the altar...

I lost my fiancee from a massive heart attack - the "widow maker." While not married yet, this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  I'm 42, and he was 38.  We had just picked…Continue

Started by Chrystine Anderson Aug 13.

So lost - he was taken from me at 52

I woke up last Friday, 8/5 to find my husband gone. He passed overnight of a heart attack. It was completely unexpected. We had a good evening the night before and it was the last thing I would have…Continue

Started by Angie Aug 13.

lost him on his 37th birthday

I lost my husband on 7/18/2016, same day with his birthday due to heart attack and I don't think  I'll be able to recover from it. It was all so sudden, none of us expected that it can actually…Continue

Started by adelin b pikit pikit Aug 11.

Hi 1 Reply

My husband passed away Jan 8th. I'm still in shock. He had synovial sarcoma. The tumor pretty much suffocated him to death. I really want to talk to him and hear his voice.

Started by April Smith . Last reply by MarieSte Feb 15, 2015.

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Comment by Copper "Charlie" on August 18, 2016 at 6:44pm

Angie

I'm so sorry.  The sympathy cards I got, I just put them away.  My sister-in-law went through them to make sure there was no money or anything, which some people did give me.  But I couldn't read them for months.  Actually, I don't even know if I did force myself to read them, to be honest.  I stored them in a box and I'm not even sure where the box is.  Just know you're not alone here.  Hugz!

Comment by Angie on August 18, 2016 at 3:14pm
I completely understand. My husband has only been gone 2 weeks tomorrow and I don't know how I will survive. I miss him and love him so much. It's this horrible roller coaster. I went back to work this week but can hardly focus. I cry myself to sleep, wake up looking for him. And it is so hard to make the calls to cancel his accounts. I've never hurt so bad in my life.. Today I got more sympathy cards in the mail and I just started crying...
Comment by Copper "Charlie" on August 18, 2016 at 2:15pm

Hello.  It's been one year and five days for me since my husband of 13 years passed away.  I was 41 when he died and he was 55.  It was unexpected, like many of you...an abdominal aortic aneurism.  He called me to him in the bedroom and 45 minutes later, he was gone.  I'm so grateful we had the 13 years, but at the same time I'm like...it was supposed to be more!!  He was my everything and even after a year, I'm just going through the motions.  I had to get new furniture and rearrange the bedroom and living room because the memories were just too strong of those 45 minutes.  It helped.  But the memories still haunt me.  Even with my daughters (22 years and 19 years) living in the house, I feel more alone that I ever have.  Mostly, I just sit and do nothing but stare at the walls.  I'm disabled, so I don't really have much of anything to distract me the majority of the time.  He was my everything and I...miss...him!!!

Comment by Maria Gutierrez on August 15, 2016 at 9:05pm
My boyfriend passed on April 17. We were together for 11 years and were planning on marrying after his ex finally agreed to give him the divorce. He filed the divorce papers on April 14, just 3 days after he was murdered. I found about his death on the news and at the beginning police filed it as an accident but less than a month ago they said that he was murdered. I always thought we would grow old and joked about the illnesses that we would probably develop being elderly. I was his princess and he would do anything and everything me. Foot rubs, taking care of me when sick, Sunday breakfasts in bed, shopping (yes, he was very patient and always was honest about colors and fitting) we cooked and spent a lot of time together besides the time you get to spent wheb you live together! I never expected to be a widow just 2 days after my 40th birthday. I didn't know living without him was going to be this hard. I never imagined that I would feel so lost and helpless and angry and empty. I feel that my soul died with him ...
Comment by Shannon Thorn on August 6, 2016 at 5:09pm

It's been longer for me than some of you.  I married at 18 (was with him from when I was 14) and was widowed at 27 (and he was a murder victim so it was unexpected to say the least....).  It'll be seven years on New Year's Eve.  That said, it some days it seems okay without him and then five minutes later it seems like it hurts more now than when he first died; if that makes any sense at all. 

Before his death and the series of shit relationships I got myself into, I was an expert mountain climber; to the extent that the only major summit out of the seven I haven't finished is Mt. Everest--that one I broke my spine on about 3000 feet away and I am lucky I survived.  I don't like talking about it much--but my climbing partner went blind from his eyes freezing and the ropes didn't get set up right and we were both hallucinating all sorts of crazy stuff I'll never speak of at that point from the extreme alititude. 

Well long story short, last night I moved wrong in my sleep and it triggered reliving that whole thing.  It is days like these that I want my husband, even all these years later I want the one person who understood my need to do insane adventures like that.  The man that even when I hadn't healed enough to walk just brushed my hair while I ranted about how Mt. Everest doesn't own me, I will do it again and then I am going to do K2.  Now all that's left are people who think I was insane that I ever made the attempt; let alone that I eventually want to do it again.  Then there's all the happy relationships I see...some people can move on easier than I can.  Me, I haven't found anyone even all these years later that I even want to know my favorite movie let alone exactly how bad I want back up there.  Anyway, thanks for listening and sorry to everyone else for their loss.   

Comment by So Sad on August 6, 2016 at 4:47pm
  • Im widowed at 31 we were only married for 6 months before he was murdered....so lost

Comment by Angela renteria on August 3, 2016 at 8:29pm

My husband passed June 18th of this year. We were together 17 years and have four young children. Each day is just another day without him and I hate it .I just want him back , I just want the trivia challenges we had, his guitar and singing that would go into the night. Sneaking in movies just for the fun of it. I just miss him, everything about him .I hate to admit this but I really dislike being around couples . Couples around my age or older couples because they have something I never will. Most likely my friends will grow old together. They will look back on memories together. All me and my children will have is memories and for my youngest who is 1 year , he won't even have that.

Comment by Calanfranca on January 28, 2016 at 11:11pm
I am a young widow. My husband of 16 years passed at age 43 of cancer leaving behind myself and our daughter. She is still very young. He died in my arms...I'm miserable. It's been yrs, I'm still miserable. On antidepressants, anti anxiety, and gained 30 pounds. I'm obsessed with dying now.
Comment by Alicia on July 9, 2015 at 9:54am
Hi there.i am definitely a young widow.i just got married last december and lost my husband last may (less than 5 months of marriage).he was 33 and im 35.i never expected this to happen but lately w/ more new information coming up im beginning to understand why.however i still miss him horribly at times :(
Comment by nicole irving on July 8, 2015 at 4:33am

hi, i lost my fiancee and step dad to my kids on the 18th of may, from a massive heart attack he was only 49 yrs. i am now a 39 yr old widow. feeling very lost without him

 

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Marla Sheree Moman replied to Heather's discussion Ideas for letter to my mom in the group I miss my Mom!
"Heather, My Mom passed suddenly Nov. 23, 2015. I am still reeling in shock. Everything still seems as yesterday. I live very far out in the country in Alabama. I now care for My Dad who is 81. He is not in good health. The grieving & mourning is…"
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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Copper "Charlie" commented on joanne's blog post a sign
"Joanne, I think it was a beautiful sign.  I'm so glad he sent it to you!  You said maybe you sound crazy... maybe we all do.  But like you, I choose to believe, because I need to believe.  Billy Jo, I, too, have received a…"
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Cece Howard commented on Diana Y's group I love my Dad.
"I just lost my Dad unexpectedly August 11, 2016. I lost a brother to cancer in 2013. I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting on the next person to die. Im stuck and don't know how to begun to move forward. Nothing matters to me right…"
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
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Ann replied to Barbara Kerwin's discussion Slipping Backward
"I think we just have to feel this way until something connects in our brains that it's time to get through to the other side. Your life is a gift, and by grace it's a gift to live fully. It may feel like endurance and not living, but…"
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Theresa replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you everyone, I glad to know I am not alone.  "
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Ann replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"The things that work for me in anxiety is to exercise everyday. I get up early and walk before it's too hot.  I also limit the cups of coffee/tea daily, and I have an app on my phone called "Breathe". It's free and has…"
Tuesday
Stephanie Dennocenzo commented on Robin's blog post To Kevin
"I have lost loved ones in my life, but nothing prepared me for losing the man I thought I would have a family with and spend the rest of my life with. The pain is debilitating and trying to figure out how to live has continued to be a struggle for…"
Tuesday
Lisa Green replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Ann. "
Tuesday
Lisa Green replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"Ann, I think you described it perfectly when you said the sun was knocked out of the sky when your mom died for both you and your dad. I feel the same way. My dad is so completely lost and behaving in ways he never did when mom was alive. I lost my…"
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Betty Ellsworth joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Monday
Theresa replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"I feel the same way eight months and I cry every morning. I miss her so much.  "
Monday
Marla Sheree Moman replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"Ann, "JESUS" spoke My Mom's name on Nov. 23, 2015, at 12:35p.m. My relationship with My Mom amazed people. I am not married & have 6 kids with 4 legs. I am 54, never married. I have a sibling 5yrs older than me. We are total…"
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Ann replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, Heather. Peace to you as well."
Monday
Heather replied to Ann's discussion Feeling lost in the group I miss my Mom!
"Ann, I so understand your feelings of being lost. First thought in the morning is the thought that I can't believe she's gone:-(... My dad passed away 13 years ago which was so devastating, and now mom has been gone for 7 weeks (tomorrow)…"
Monday
bluebird replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"True. During the week (except Wednesdays, as I'm off on Wednesdays and weekends) I'm at work during the day and I spend most evenings at my sister's, having dinner there and watching science fiction series on dvd.  If my husband…"
Sunday
Robin replied to Betsy's discussion I am looking for people who have been widowed over two years to talk to
"I usually just scan these posts, I have on & off for a couple of years.  I've posted just a couple of times.  It's been six years for me since my husband passed away suddenly at 46.  We had been together for 20 years, no…"
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JO B commented on Kenna's blog post Time does not heal
"yep so t it dnt heal sorrry abot yore loss i am"
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