You're too young to be a widow

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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.

Members: 118
Latest Activity: Nov 16, 2016

Discussion Forum

People can be so heartless sometimes 7 Replies

I know that, people dont know how to deal with the passing of a loved one, especially when they are young and we are young, but the hardest comment I have had to endure since the passing of my…Continue

Started by ShingingLight1967. Last reply by Louise Oct 27, 2016.

So lost - he was taken from me at 52 3 Replies

I woke up last Friday, 8/5 to find my husband gone. He passed overnight of a heart attack. It was completely unexpected. We had a good evening the night before and it was the last thing I would have…Continue

Started by Angie. Last reply by ShingingLight1967 Oct 15, 2016.

Engaged, but never made it to the altar... 3 Replies

I lost my fiancee from a massive heart attack - the "widow maker." While not married yet, this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  I'm 42, and he was 38.  We had just picked…Continue

Started by Chrystine Anderson. Last reply by ShingingLight1967 Oct 10, 2016.

Feeling Alone 1 Reply

I'm about to lose my mother. She has been battling terminal cancer for sixteen months. I can barely stand the wait for the day she dies. When she does I have to attend two funerals in two states. My…Continue

Started by Susan Johnson. Last reply by Copper "Charlie" Aug 31, 2016.

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Comment by Eliza Boyd on November 16, 2016 at 8:49am

My husband, my Superman, has been gone 2 mos now.  Never thought he'd be gone at the age of 46 and leave behind myself, 48, to raise our 12 yr old daughter alone.  It's nice having our 19 yr old son back at home.  He's a great help.  Yesterday was the first time I've been physically ill.  The kids did a great job of taking care of me, but it just hurt because this was the first time he wasn't there to make it better.

Comment by Jessie on October 1, 2016 at 9:19pm

I lost my husband 1 month ago today the shock is lifting but the sadness is overwhelming. At 48 it is hard to believe I won't  hear him calling me Honey, rubbing my hair until I fall asleep, bring me home a bottle of wine just because ther are so many things that were just so simple that meant so much. My heart is forever broken.

Comment by Amy Ginn on August 29, 2016 at 11:18pm
Cooper Charlie- I've been waiting to be approved hoping I could find you again!!!! I was 22 my husband was 42 when we met. It truly was love at first sight. you and I are so much alike. Cliff had an abdominal aortic aneurysm & thoracic aortic aneurysm. Did your hubby take levaquin? We are in that big suit with those antibiotic makes because he was healthy until he took a lot of that antibiotic. Like you, I am eager to paint my bedroom rearrange it new bedding. This current bedroom has 5 years of hell in it. Not one moment of love because we couldn't be intimate the last 5 years. I spent 34-39 completely alone, physically. Then it became mentally as he decreseed. But he was my true souls mate. It's been only 8 weeks. He made me promise to "move on" to find happiness because it was my turn after all I had sacrificed for him. I did sacrifice but I made that choice. I did what j wanted to do. And that was love and care for him. Seriously if u haven't get a lawyer NOW for the TAA since it sounds like it ruputured. Go to drug watch.com or baddrug.com they list the 56 antibiotics in this group of antibiotics that cause TAA's. I knew the fear you felt. Like your man was a ticking time bomb. Because they were. All I can say is at least he went quickly and perhaps didn't suffer long. My husband suffered hard for 2 years. We all did I do hope to talk with you more maybe privately. I can see we have a lot to share. God bless u and your family. Your new friend, Amy
Comment by Copper "Charlie" on August 18, 2016 at 6:44pm

Angie

I'm so sorry.  The sympathy cards I got, I just put them away.  My sister-in-law went through them to make sure there was no money or anything, which some people did give me.  But I couldn't read them for months.  Actually, I don't even know if I did force myself to read them, to be honest.  I stored them in a box and I'm not even sure where the box is.  Just know you're not alone here.  Hugz!

Comment by Angie on August 18, 2016 at 3:14pm
I completely understand. My husband has only been gone 2 weeks tomorrow and I don't know how I will survive. I miss him and love him so much. It's this horrible roller coaster. I went back to work this week but can hardly focus. I cry myself to sleep, wake up looking for him. And it is so hard to make the calls to cancel his accounts. I've never hurt so bad in my life.. Today I got more sympathy cards in the mail and I just started crying...
Comment by Copper "Charlie" on August 18, 2016 at 2:15pm

Hello.  It's been one year and five days for me since my husband of 13 years passed away.  I was 41 when he died and he was 55.  It was unexpected, like many of you...an abdominal aortic aneurism.  He called me to him in the bedroom and 45 minutes later, he was gone.  I'm so grateful we had the 13 years, but at the same time I'm like...it was supposed to be more!!  He was my everything and even after a year, I'm just going through the motions.  I had to get new furniture and rearrange the bedroom and living room because the memories were just too strong of those 45 minutes.  It helped.  But the memories still haunt me.  Even with my daughters (22 years and 19 years) living in the house, I feel more alone that I ever have.  Mostly, I just sit and do nothing but stare at the walls.  I'm disabled, so I don't really have much of anything to distract me the majority of the time.  He was my everything and I...miss...him!!!

Comment by Maria Gutierrez on August 15, 2016 at 9:05pm
My boyfriend passed on April 17. We were together for 11 years and were planning on marrying after his ex finally agreed to give him the divorce. He filed the divorce papers on April 14, just 3 days after he was murdered. I found about his death on the news and at the beginning police filed it as an accident but less than a month ago they said that he was murdered. I always thought we would grow old and joked about the illnesses that we would probably develop being elderly. I was his princess and he would do anything and everything me. Foot rubs, taking care of me when sick, Sunday breakfasts in bed, shopping (yes, he was very patient and always was honest about colors and fitting) we cooked and spent a lot of time together besides the time you get to spent wheb you live together! I never expected to be a widow just 2 days after my 40th birthday. I didn't know living without him was going to be this hard. I never imagined that I would feel so lost and helpless and angry and empty. I feel that my soul died with him ...
Comment by Shannon Thorn on August 6, 2016 at 5:09pm

It's been longer for me than some of you.  I married at 18 (was with him from when I was 14) and was widowed at 27 (and he was a murder victim so it was unexpected to say the least....).  It'll be seven years on New Year's Eve.  That said, it some days it seems okay without him and then five minutes later it seems like it hurts more now than when he first died; if that makes any sense at all. 

Before his death and the series of shit relationships I got myself into, I was an expert mountain climber; to the extent that the only major summit out of the seven I haven't finished is Mt. Everest--that one I broke my spine on about 3000 feet away and I am lucky I survived.  I don't like talking about it much--but my climbing partner went blind from his eyes freezing and the ropes didn't get set up right and we were both hallucinating all sorts of crazy stuff I'll never speak of at that point from the extreme alititude. 

Well long story short, last night I moved wrong in my sleep and it triggered reliving that whole thing.  It is days like these that I want my husband, even all these years later I want the one person who understood my need to do insane adventures like that.  The man that even when I hadn't healed enough to walk just brushed my hair while I ranted about how Mt. Everest doesn't own me, I will do it again and then I am going to do K2.  Now all that's left are people who think I was insane that I ever made the attempt; let alone that I eventually want to do it again.  Then there's all the happy relationships I see...some people can move on easier than I can.  Me, I haven't found anyone even all these years later that I even want to know my favorite movie let alone exactly how bad I want back up there.  Anyway, thanks for listening and sorry to everyone else for their loss.   

Comment by So Sad on August 6, 2016 at 4:47pm
  • Im widowed at 31 we were only married for 6 months before he was murdered....so lost

Comment by Angela renteria on August 3, 2016 at 8:29pm

My husband passed June 18th of this year. We were together 17 years and have four young children. Each day is just another day without him and I hate it .I just want him back , I just want the trivia challenges we had, his guitar and singing that would go into the night. Sneaking in movies just for the fun of it. I just miss him, everything about him .I hate to admit this but I really dislike being around couples . Couples around my age or older couples because they have something I never will. Most likely my friends will grow old together. They will look back on memories together. All me and my children will have is memories and for my youngest who is 1 year , he won't even have that.

 

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Kevin Bailey commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It is sad Trina but it is our truth. When my wife was here I'd dream about the good times that we would have when the kids finally cleared out. How I could really turn all the attention to her and spoil her, take her out and have date nights,…"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa Thank you for your words of encouragement. I hope you are right. I pray that you find some enjoyment on your day off. Sending hugs and love you way, Bluebell"
3 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, being a hospice nurse has to be tough I think you are right because of your own experience you will be stronger than you think. I am off today and I am going to run errands it helps to occupy my mind, but not completely.  "
6 hours ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just read the recent posts and wanted to say how only this evening I was thanking the universe that we humans are mortal. Whether it takes another 30 years (and like Jackie the thought of another 30 years terrifies me and saddens me beyond words)…"
8 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Your so right, a charade describes it exactly, just pretending all the time. I to have been left with not knowing how to do the bills, there is no money anyway now, I never did any of the finance stuff and the suddenness of her death meant there was…"
9 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Digging deeper in my hole again........of course I'm not sure I mean, again......it seems like i think I emerge but then there I am again........digging furiously so I can escape.  This is the hardest, most painful, most misunderstood…"
12 hours ago
Kevin Bailey commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I was in denial even when they was talking about hospice. I was thinking she's not going anywhere, we're in recovery mood but I do need a nurse to help me with some things. Cancer is a wicked disease and it took my beautiful wife through…"
13 hours ago
Kathleen Jordan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I soo believe that....I see him, or feel him every day...It's hard to stay posititve...but   it works"
14 hours ago
Crystal joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Crystal commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Kathleen Jordan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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14 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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14 hours ago
Heather commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Theresa, It is the same for me in terms of my job. I'm a special education assistant and have worked with kids for over 20 years with varying special needs. The last 5 years I have specialized in working with children with autism. I started…"
15 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Heather I feel the same way and the weather here has been the same I'm in Pennsylvania You were not rambling It just lets me know I'm not alone Are used to always look forward to summer to go to the pool see my friends now I feel like I…"
16 hours ago
Heather commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Theresa, I understand what you are talking about. I work in a very large school and have been there for 3 years and no one acknowledged or asked about how my mom was doing (I had to take some days off in the last month of the last school year to…"
17 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No Bluebell, any death is difficult for all of us right now. Sometimes though I feel numb towards others that have lost a loved one I have people come in to my place of employment all the time (jewelry store) that have lost parents and they seem so…"
17 hours ago
Crystal commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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18 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I know, it shouldn't have happend and the thought of another 30 odd years alone terrifies me"
19 hours ago
Crystal commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"When I said "til death do us part" during our wedding vows, I never thought that that would ever happen.. I didn't mean it. He's still apart of me."
19 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm just the same,,it's still we, us, ours I don't want to be I, me or mine. I signed an email jackie n Shirl the other day, realised what I'd done and it nearly killed me. I never want to be a single person"
21 hours ago

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