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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 933
Latest Activity: 14 hours ago

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

My "Little Brother"

Hi Everyone, My name is Carlyn, and I live in the Ft. Lauderdale area. I joined this site because a very dear friend of mine was killed in a hit-and-run accident in May. My friend Rick, whom I called…Continue

Tags: violent, death, loss, sudden, friend

Started by Carlyn Jorgensen Aug 28.

A proof of love 13 Replies

I just have a simple question...Is a headstone proof of how much a person was loved?Continue

Started by Toni Jones. Last reply by Christine Jun 3.

Loosing my father unexpectadly 1 Reply

Hi i lost my dad just over 2 months ago now and its harder and harder everyday for me to cope. He was run over by a car on his way to my house and just a house over is where he was found i cant get…Continue

Started by Dawn Mohi. Last reply by John Barry May 9.

book 6 Replies

no 1 giv us a book on way we deal on loss we do it way we doContinue

Started by JO B. Last reply by JO B Apr 25.

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Comment by Michaela waldier 14 hours ago
Well, the finality of it all has set in;recieved my hunni's ashes and death cert finally from Alaska.He's been gone 9 weeks. Im no longer angry,im moving towards finding a happy medium, didnt have the luxery of laying around in defeat,have to be strong for our 3year old..spread a little of the ashes around our motorhome today..will do a fire ritual tonight and pour the ashes over it..i will forever miss him but i feel strong enough to let myself heal
Comment by julia shvekky on Sunday

We lost our only child six months ago, she was 22 when she was killed through no fault of her own in a crash.  Someone lost control of his car and went head on into her.  She died instantly thank god.  Has anyone else experienced the sudden loss of an only child?  Its getting harder as the realisation is sinking in.  

Comment by Crystal K on Friday

Thanks Stewart. I know I couldn't have known she was gonna die. Nobody did.  I try to tell myself that on my bad days. But grief is a funny thing. We know that our thoughts are irrational and doesnt' make sense, but we can't help feeling that way.    The what ifs wont change anything,. as much as I wish it did.   Maybe I couldn't have saved her, maybe she would've died a day or a week later. Who knows.. but that thought will always be in the back of my mind...  Even if I had her for only a month more, it would've been worth it...  Thank you for what you said, it kinda put things in perspective a little bit.   I try to tell myself everyday it isn't my fault.   Hopefully, one day I'll even believe it. 

Comment by stewart p on Friday

Crystal, sorry to hear about you mum.  I can say from my own experience, would of, should of, could of is not worth the time and energy it takes to ponder.  Just ask yourself if what you did or think you didn't do you then, did you do any of it with the intention to harm or hurt her?  Someone said to me once  I did the best I knew how at the time and it isnt fair to myself to go back and 2nd guess myself now because what I know now I didn't know then.  And secondly, even if you had anything different and maybe had bought some time, there is now way you will ever know what might have happened the next day, or the next.  Somehow we we want to believe we have control over life and death and we don't.  Im sorry if this sounds a little blunt but I know first hand I beat myself up for a long time with those thoughts and at the end of the day the truth is there is no way I know had I done anything different that something else wouldn't have taken her the next hour or day. 

Comment by Crystal K on Thursday

Lost my mom suddenly three months ago. She had kidney failure but was hospitalized for a foot infection and found out she had end stage heart failure and died from it within a week. I feel angry at everything and everyone.  I blame myself for her death. Was her caregiver but didn't do a great job of it.  Wholeheartedly believe she would still be here if I had taken her to the hospital sooner. Life fees empty. I don't enjoy things anymore. I'm angry at my family. at myself. Don't know how I can go on.

Comment by JO B on October 8, 2017 at 4:28pm

me 2 bean hear 5 yrs 

so mush loss sisne 2012 im so not me i am not 

2017 im so even mor mest up coz of bad thngs haping i am

Comment by stewart p on October 8, 2017 at 3:29pm

Nearly 5 years coming up and not much new to say.  Use to post on here a lot the first couple of years, notice a lot of new faces, Id say welcome but this isn't the sort of place you want to come to, more out of quiet desperation or need.  This is the  "new normal" and it does not seem to get better, change or go away with time, I just get more acquainted with it, it becomes a more familiar face to have around each day.   I think one just gets use to it and learns to live with it's constant companionship of that loss of love we once knew.  I have to admit I feel somewhat cheated, sudden unexpected losses leave no room to make amends and such which continue to haunt my life everyday.  Then I came across this poetic verse and oh the pain of what we could of should of would of reminds me of who I am and who I am not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMVrViMFeuc

Be sure to follow the lyrics

Comment by Michaela waldier on October 8, 2017 at 12:22pm
Hello everyone,I'm new to the group,am so sorry for everyone's loss. I am finding we all deal with things the best we can, there isn't a right or wrong way to grieve,it's all very personal. I lost my hunni 8 weeks ago tommorrow and Monday's are never easy to deal with.i am blessed to have a very busy 3 yo that helps keep me focused on being as whole as I can so I help him heal since we both were in the house when my love shot himself..i didn't have any warning other than him saying,"i am so very sorry, I love You."that was it. The next Thing was the shotgun blast.ill spare you the details of everything next,I guess I just didn't know how strong I could be until that was all I had left
Comment by Carlyn Jorgensen on September 13, 2017 at 2:50pm

I got a new phone recently. While transferring my contacts over, I had a moment where I debated whether or not to bring my "little brother" Rick's number over. Even though I know he'll never answer his phone again, I can't bring myself to delete his number yet. Maybe in time, but I'm just not ready. Anyone else dealing with this right now?

Comment by Sara on September 12, 2017 at 6:13pm
Hey everyone. My name is sara. So 2 months have passed since i lost my big brother to suicide! My heart is broke. And i dont know how to fix it. It broke before 2012 when i lost both my grandparents in a car accident. Why do these massive trumatic things happen in life. Our family is devistated. Help. X
 

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Latest Activity

Profile Iconkiran singh, Cheyenne Steffen, Emma Milner and 3 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
1 hour ago
Michaela waldier commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Well, the finality of it all has set in;recieved my hunni's ashes and death cert finally from Alaska.He's been gone 9 weeks. Im no longer angry,im moving towards finding a happy medium, didnt have the luxery of laying around in defeat,have…"
14 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was so glad that I was able to do everything my mom needed as a caretaker but that did not make her death any easier. I still lost her. I still have the finality of death in my mind that hits me every day like a sledge hammer. And it's the…"
19 hours ago
Lisa Green commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,  Life is so hard and it's definitely not fair. No one should ever have to lose their Mom at any age.  My mom has been gone for 20 months and I still miss her terribly and I do still talk to her out loud in my car. It makes me…"
19 hours ago
Louise joined Desiree's group
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When will the ache subside?

A group for people who have lost loved ones with prolonged suffering. For those of us who have seen that the end is coming, and had to watch the ones we love creep toward it.
19 hours ago
Louise replied to Ashley Lounsbury's discussion I lost my daddy to suicide.
"I’m so sorry Ashley, your situation sounds truly horrendous, life seems so unfair. My husband died from suicide on 29/30 September; I have the uncertainty because he disappeared for a night and wasn’t found until the next day, so…"
19 hours ago
Louise posted a blog post

Does Counselling Really Help?

I’ve not been on here for a while, it’s been so hard just trying to get through the days; keeping myself busy, trying desperately hard not to think about things and often failing miserably. I’m so tired of feeling so shitty all the time. I had my first session with a counsellor today, after feeling initially nervous and not wanting to say much everything came out and I cried like a baby. I feel absolutely drained now and very emotional. So my question is this, does counselling really help or…See More
20 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, I feel the same as you it has been 4 years 3 months my wonderful husband died. I wish God would just take me. All I am is a zombie walking around in this hell. Linda   "
22 hours ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
""All I want, like most of the rest of you, is to reunite with my husband.  I want to know he is ok.  I want to hold him again.  I want his love.  The sooner the better." Morgan's words, simple yet so profound,…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird,  I find myself wanting to kick over tables or throw something hard at times and yet my old catholic upbringing kicks in and disallows me to act out but I get the same feelings.  In the beginning I used to kick a cardboard box a…"
yesterday
morgan replied to Ashley Lounsbury's discussion I lost my daddy to suicide.
"I really don't know what to say Ashley.  I'm so sorry.  There is some kind of weirdness in this universe that seems to have its way with us when we are not at all prepared for how to handle it.  Death by any means is hard to…"
yesterday
Ashley Lounsbury posted a discussion

I lost my daddy to suicide.

My daddy was a us navy veteran who brutually killed himself on September 27, 2017 at the age of 51.My Daddy had become really emotionally sick in recent years. He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Which of course he didn't believe because he thought that was the Va trying to control him. He became really hard to be around as he has these crazy conspiracy theories and he heard and saw things that didn't exist that proved to him he was right. Then he started believing people were out to…See More
yesterday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm the same way bluebird"
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"And along with being incredibly sad all the time, I am also very angry, all the time.  Right now I want to jump out of my fucking skin, I want to punch everything, I want to yell and scream. I can't even contain this level of anger;…"
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Absolutely, Paul.  We do not deserve to live in this hell."
yesterday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"bluebird, As bad as I feel now, I do not look forward to the holidays as this will be the first holiday season without my beloved wife. We also met on a New Year's Eve and I am really dreading that day. I can't see myself lasting years on…"
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here; I feel just like morgan and everyone else. My husband died five years ago, and my "life" is no better -- in many ways, it is worse, both as a result of his death and due to other factors.  For me, the pain of his death, of…"
yesterday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This seems to be an especially hard time for a lot of us lately. I feel exactly the same way as the previous 4 posters."
yesterday
Marine Marietta posted a group
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Elderley Abuse Mum died

I lost my mum in September. She was subject to elderly abuse by my older sister. I dont know where to start from. The anger and rage I have for my elder sister, its not funny. I try to get the vision out of my head, and how she treated my mother. The pain is excruciating that i feel, I need to join my mother. I spent a week in the crises centre. I hope this grief and anger passes.Question: how do I accept or come to terms with the matter.I do have evidence supported by my other siblings. The…See More
yesterday
Mel Royer posted a blog post

Letter to My Nancy #602 one of my daily letters to my lady

I began writing one of these each day, beginning December 2015 to ease my grief and start each day with some hope and joy. The hope and joy would last for awhile and then I would be back in the throes of deep, dark misery. I recommend these emails that are never sent as excellent therapy. I have written 602 of them in the 2 and  a half years since I lost my Nancy. Here is today's letter to Nancy. Letter to My Nancy  602   Sun., Oct 15th, 2017   without youGood Sun afternoon my other half. My…See More
yesterday

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