Traumatic, Sudden Loss

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Comment by Michelle on January 27, 2010 at 10:32am

How much longer is this pain going to last? It has been 28 days and I still have the same pain as I did when I first got the news of my Sister dying. She passed away on New Year's Eve from an accidental drug overdose and she was 35 years old. I am going back and forth from sad to mad and I can not control it. I just want to go to bed and wake up and it all be a bad dream. I started back to work and when I am working trying to stay busy all of a sudden I will start crying real hard and can't stop. Can someone please tell me how to ease the pain I have. =(

Comment by Toni Davis on January 26, 2010 at 5:38am

Tammie,
The pain will ease and deepen, and each day brings a small shard of light. Each of our experiences are personal and shared. I know that you miss him. I could write here and describe your loss, and mine, but no words could ever explain it. Please know that some of us have some small understanding of what you are feeling right now. We have to be strong choose it or not. It has been four months yesterday for me . tHow we can all forget those first few weeks. I dream every night...good ones and questioning ones. Regrets and smiles. It was not your fault Tammie, so go gently with both him and you. And I know the only hug you want is from him, but we are all doing our best to hold you now. Sleep tight and cry as much as you want and need. You are not alone .
Xxx

Comment by tammie on January 25, 2010 at 7:03am

hi im new to this and am just exploring to see if it can help me. my fiance of three years who was everything to me died on the 8th of november 2009 at just 20 years old i found himn dead in our bedroom after he had hanged himself this was the most traumatic and shoking thing ever and there was no reason for this he was sooo happy had loads of friends our own house his own buisness and engaged to be married i just dont understand and am finding it all to much i love and miss him soooooo much

Comment by Toni Davis on January 21, 2010 at 2:11pm

Jen,
That was traumatic. Nightmares are a normal response. Speak to someone who is trained in trauma. Or go on to sites for PTSD. Your experience is too much for you alone. Get support. It will make a big difference in the long term.
I wish that none of you had had to go through that. Go gently with your self.
Toni

Comment by paula ingalls on January 21, 2010 at 7:30am

my prayers and thoughts go out to eveyone . there seem to be no end, to this every day soneone else comes to this site you have come to the right place. paula

Comment by Jen Miller on December 22, 2009 at 12:14am

I witnessed 2 of my friends getting hit my a train. I have no idea what was running through their heads when they decided to try and beat the train.
One of my friends died imedietely.
The other one is in the hospital, her injuries critical, but doctors are hopeful.
I saw the whole thing happen and it haunts me.
I have nightmares every night.
i dont know what to do.

Comment by Toni Davis on December 14, 2009 at 2:19pm

I need help! I wake up in the mornings and wnt it to all go away. My pastner died suddenly on 25th September 2009. I found him and had to perform CPR but it was too late. I miss him more than is bearable. I don't want to go to work or do anythin but know that I have to go on. It is terrifying when I remember that I will NEVER see him ever again. I feel anxious and scared and panicky. And dreading XMAS.

Comment by Lindsay on December 9, 2009 at 1:22pm

My brother was just killed on November 9th in a horrible, freak work accident that we're still trying to understand how it happened. My husband was at work with him, and has nightmares about what he saw, and horrible regrets over how he think he didn't do enough to try and save him, even though we've been told Ryan was killed instantly.

I constantly cry myself to sleep most nights missing him. We were only 3 years apart and grew up incredibly close, then once I married he moved in with us and became my husbands best friend. He was so much more than an uncle to my 6 year old, he was his best friend. My son recently began gathering change up so he could go to a wishing well and wish for Uncle Ryan to come back. It made me cry, not only because that can't happen, but because I don't know how to explain to my son that he can never come back.

With the holidays fast approaching I'm finding my grief hitting me even harder, I don't know how we're going to make it through the holidays with out him. I also find myself incredibly angry at so many things. I feel like I'm two steps from the edge and I don't know how to back away.

Comment by Julie Marie Weiss on December 8, 2009 at 9:50pm

My heart goes out to all of you who have had a loved one ripped from your life, that is what it feels like to me. I always thought as you got easier it would not be so hard to lose a parent, I am 47 and it is breaking my heart to bits. My best friend finds it too painful to discuss. She misses her but what about me?

This will be my first christmas without my mom and dad it will be 5 long years on Feb 18. They are together now!

We must stick together and support each other because I have found some folks don't get our unique loss. I have no spouse and a few family left.

Comment by Katherine Ellis on December 7, 2009 at 11:25pm

Today the Christmas tree is up. Some years are easier than others. This year I just feel empty. I don't think we would have placed one in our home had it not been for our grand-daughters living with us. How they fill our hearts and bring smiles to our faces. I pray all of you have someone in your lives that help yo...u do that. The holidays seem to be the worst. All those holiday shoppers out there smiling, shopping with their children when ours aren't with us. I just want to go up to them and tell them how lucky they are. Each night we will light our angel candle next the picture of our daughter, that is the closes we can get to her. I pray for each and every one of us, that we have the strength to indure the rest of this year. That we all have a better New Year. God Bless Everyone. (my words I just posted the same thing on different sites

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