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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 683
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

He is gone and I cant get him back 5 Replies

I walked into the bedroom 2 months ago to tell my husband to come eat his supper was ready. I found him dead I had just seen him about 2 minutes before and had no idea he was suffering in pain. He…Continue

Started by maryanne reel. Last reply by Stanley Ruiz 4 hours ago.

Lost my only child 6 Replies

My world was turned upside down almost 2 months ago. My daughter, my only child was killed in an auto-hit and run accident. She was 27, with a bachelors degree in Education. I was so proud of her.…Continue

Started by Rachel. Last reply by Sharronm55us on Monday.

I just want my baby. 1 Reply

I have recently miscarried my baby at around eleven weeks. Both my boyfriend and I had intended on keeping our baby and raising it. There were a lot of health complications, like preeclampsia…Continue

Started by Corinne Taylor. Last reply by dawn larvan Aug 9.

Lost 11 Replies

Today is been a month since I last saw my son, he was 23years old, and someone ran him over while he walked his bicycle across the street, the driver failed to look to his right, my son lived with me…Continue

Started by Ivis Diaz. Last reply by Lynn Aug 8.

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Comment by Rachel 19 hours ago
Another sleepless night. I still can't believe my child is gone. And I still can't have a good cry for her. In my mind I just feel she's at her home in San Antonio (3 hours away from my home town). What's wrong with me??? It's so hard being here in my home alone. I have no one to lean on. My friends are becoming more and more distant. They think I'm crazy. One even told me I was acting silly. And I needed to accept it and move on. Like its that simple???? I was so hurt. (If they only knew!!!!!). If they only knew what WE are ALL going through. I feel so very much ALONE.
Comment by charles daley yesterday

could someone give me some advice it is 4 years since my wife passed on and my mom 5 months since she passed on and to this day i continue to blame my self for their deaths it is like it was yesterday when they died all i know is i really miss them so much i have no faith i feel i have nothing left to give i'm going though the motions my wife's birthday is next month and since i have a plan to get drunk to ease the pain but that wouldn't  help i know they are in heaven and watching me going though this does this get any easier let me know

Comment by Lynn Boyd on Monday

Oh Rachel, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Of course it's not fair.  Life is not fair. None of us is promised a tomorrow.  I know how scary this profound loss can be, and I tried for weeks and weeks to understand why a tiny flu bug killed my husband.  Here's an idea for the wedding....have a short ceremony where bride and groom light a candle in memory of your daughter, to celebrate her life and assure everyone that she is there in spirit.  Your pastor or chaplin could suggest the exact words to use.  We cannot understand these great mysteries of life and death.  We will never, ever "get over" our losses, we will never, ever forget them.  I promise you will not always feel this way.  I pray that the God of your understanding helps you get through this terrible time. Feel the love of this grieving community.  We are all dealing with this awful pain, but together we can find comfort.  Many blessings to you.

Comment by Dreama on Monday

many gentle hugs Rachel 

Comment by Rachel on Monday
How? Why? Why? Why? How am I suppose to get thru this? I hurt so much. I'm so scared to let go. I'm so scared to give into believe she is really gone.. My daughters best friend's wedding is quickly approaching. She was suppose to be her maid of honor. All it does is remind me how she will not be here for that day. Nor will I ever experience the joy of her wedding day. It's not fair. She was my only baby. My only child. She was to young. All of our children were to young to die. It's not fair!!!! It's not fair!!!! Please, please someone help me to understand.
Comment by Dreama on Sunday

I DO have a book that I wrote if anyone is interested I have it on audio as well called "I Miss My Daddy" at Amazon. My dad told me to "keep helping people" when he passed so I wrote the book. If anyone is interested feel free to message me I have codes you can use to get it for free for those who can't purchase it but the codes are limited I think I have like 19 of em left. I didn't write it to make money so I don't mind giving it away. 

Comment by Danny on Sunday

I agree with Lynn that the grief books at the local library helped me a lot and more than even a support group in a way I have acted as my own counselor to some extent. 

Comment by charles daley on Saturday

thank for you lynn  for your comment i'm sorry for your loss what you said is right i'm the type of person that keeps everything inside. i know that will make it worse but i have nobody to talk to i'm alone angry guilty not at them for passing on but at myself for not doing enough for saving them.all i know i can't live without them all i want to do is be with them but i take the easy way out i been killing myself for the last 5 years when my wife got sick and now my mom passed away 5 months ago on the same date i just can't let go because if i do let go i feel i let them down if that makes any sense.all i know inside me is this as a husband and son and a caregiver i let them down

Comment by Lynn Boyd on Saturday

I'm so sorry, Charles, the pain of losing a loved one is profound.  I would rather endured ANY kind of physical pain than this emotional pain since losing my husband only weeks after our 25th anniversary.  What I can tell you is you are not "crying for no reason", you are crying for the love you felt for them, and the more you cry underlines how much you loved them.  You will not always feel this way.  I know that's hard to understand, I was told the same thing and didn't believe it then.  I do believe it now.  Treasure your memories, find ways to memorialize them and keep their spirits alive in your heart.  You need to cry and vent your anger.  Go to a private place (even inside your car) and cry as hard as you can.  Scream.  You can't keep your grief bottled up inside you, it will make it all so worse.  You will never, ever "get over" your losses, but you must, and will, get "through" them.  Do you think your loved ones would want you to forever grieve and destroy your own happiness while you are still alive?  I think not.  Just try to be good to yourself, don't feel guilty if something makes you smile or laugh, and most of all KEEP LIVING, if only to keep them alive in your heart and memory.  It will take time...so give it time.  But go ahead and cry all you need to. Even screaming and yelling at God is a kind of prayer, and He is still listening to you.  Don't try to find "reason", because there is none.  Find a support group or go to your local library and find the books on grief....there are many and they have helped me immensely.  God Bless You....Namaste.

Comment by charles daley on Saturday

i need some advise i really miss my wife and mom so much there are times i want to end this but i can't go that way i cry for no reason there is so much anger and guilt inside me i don't what to do i'm really lost without them i have nothing left to give

 

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Latest Activity

anne posted a blog post

I have just lost it

I think I just blew a fuse. I generally do my best to be positive, but today I read a post that said that God picks and chooses who lives and who dies.specifically it said that God chooses children to die so that he has younger angels in heaven. That's such crap. I'm so upset I can barely type. Why would a person post poetry like that? How can writings such as that be of any comfort? Obviously the person who wrote that poem knows nothing of which they write. I understand the need to blame God…See More
2 hours ago
anne commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Sorry Linda but reading this made me angry. Those words are crap. I don't as a rule reply anything negative, but those words tipped me over the edge. It's just not true. Death is life. God does not pick and choose who lives and who dies.…"
3 hours ago
Elizabeth replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"God ,is as quiet as the people who have died."
4 hours ago
Stanley Ruiz replied to maryanne reel's discussion He is gone and I cant get him back in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"We are all in the same position .We all suffer and it will never be the same .Part of our hearts has been taken away from  us and we  have to continue living and that is what the  loved ones that we buried want us to do.  IT IS…"
4 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"hears 1 hear a lot at funrells coz iv bean 2 so mush 1s its lft behnd is 1s it suffer so t it is"
4 hours ago
Rachel replied to maryanne reel's discussion He is gone and I cant get him back in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Maryanne, I am so sorry for your loss.  There isn't anything anyone can say that will make you feel better.  I am 2 month into my greiving.  I lost my only child suddenly. She was the only beauty in my life.  As I'm…"
4 hours ago
Michelle H replied to maryanne reel's discussion He is gone and I cant get him back in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Maryanne, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. Last year, my 41 year old son died very unexpectedly while on a cruise with his wife. Supposedly from a massive heart attack. I feel your pain."
5 hours ago
bluebird replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"Exactly. It's not only not fair, it is evil and cruel, as far as i'm concerned."
5 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"multi loss has push me 2 far lst 1 wz in july my eyes is full of tears i cnt sea strt i cant  its not fair bluebird we suffer coz of death we do "
5 hours ago
bluebird replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"FUCK this goddamn "test"."
5 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"it feals me evn evry 1 else as wel i bet i evn ask ths 1 as well i do"
5 hours ago
JO B alexio commented on Zell's blog post It seems its going to be a long road...
"it is im so lost coz of death 2 mush death u cud say iv had death on/off sisn my dad died 2 mush death  it can push u 2 far death it can"
5 hours ago
dawn larvan replied to maryanne reel's discussion He is gone and I cant get him back in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Hi marine me too :( lost the love of my life 12 weeks ago fit healthy. 50 yr old on holiday,said he felt funny and died of heart attack in front of me so,can't believe it so know how you feel no kids,so all alone don't,know what to do…"
5 hours ago
Stanley Ruiz replied to maryanne reel's discussion He is gone and I cant get him back in the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"I AM A GAY MAN AND I LOVED ANOTHER MAN  FOR 47 YEARS SINCE COLLEGE DAYS AND WE WERE BUILDING A HOUSE FOR OUR RETIREMENT YEARS AND HOMEI INVADERS ENTERED MY HOME   MY PARTNER CAME TO MY ASSISTANCE AND   ENTERED THE HOUSE WHEN WE WERE…"
6 hours ago
Rachel posted a blog post

THIS PAINFUL JOURNEY ALONE.

I'm only 2 months into my greif.  And I don't see how it's supposse to get better.  I hurt all the time.  I'm still in the denial stage.  I truly don't feel as though my daughter is really gone.  She was my only child.  She was killed in an auto accident.  She was the only beauty in my life.  I was so proud of her.  She graduate college with a bachelors degree in education.  She was all I had; I'm not married and my "little family" is no more.  I will never hear the patter of little feet…See More
6 hours ago
maryanne reel added a discussion to the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
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He is gone and I cant get him back

I walked into the bedroom 2 months ago to tell my husband to come eat his supper was ready. I found him dead I had just seen him about 2 minutes before and had no idea he was suffering in pain. He died of a massive heart attack. We were married 33 years and together 37 and I cant seem to find joy in anything. I throw out a laugh but inside I am so upset. I dont know what to do or where to go is crying all that is left?See More
6 hours ago
Zell posted blog posts
7 hours ago
Rhona Clyne posted a status
"Mum it's 1/8 and a year ago today we went into an experience that would separate us. You are always in my heart. I love you Mum x"
8 hours ago
Rhona Clyne posted a photo
8 hours ago
Linda commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I ask the very same question Kim. Why? Why my only child?! cry, cry and cry some more Kim. whatever your emotions are at any given moment just express them!  we deserve that much. 2 days ago marked the 6th month since losing my precious…"
8 hours ago

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