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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

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Latest Activity: Apr 23

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

My Soulmate is Gone 11 Replies

Hi....I apologize in advance for how long this is....6 weeks ago today I lost the absolute most important person in my life.  It was January 2, and we had been out at his family's cabin for a New…Continue

Tags: snowmachine, dirtbiking, adventure, pass, hatcher's

Started by Lisa. Last reply by Lisa Apr 16.

Suicide 14 Replies

I lost my talented overachieving beautiful 19 year old daughter to suicide 12 weeks ago today. I identified her at the morgue with my ex-husband and other daughter.I am devastated. I can't imagine…Continue

Started by PK. Last reply by Hollowed Apr 12.

I lost my young wife 6 weeks back in an accident 7 Replies

We were a happy family of 3, my wife,me n our 2 yr old daughter. on the 16th of december our world came crashing down. God took my wife away. Im trying to be strong. Need all ur help. I have started…Continue

Tags: wife, my

Started by ashish jose. Last reply by Hollowed Apr 12.

LOSING MY MOTHER AT 17....MY FATHER MAY GET OUT... 2 Replies

I lost my mother in November 2008. She was murdered by my father. 7 years later my father has been granted a new trial....I don't know how to cope with this as now I will get the blessing of having…Continue

Started by Kate Toivonen. Last reply by Kate Mar 20.

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Comment by Molly carter on March 29, 2016 at 1:57pm
I lost my boyfriend 6 weeks ago to suicide and I'm lost, he was my rock he was my smile he was my heart n soul. I don't know what to do without him
Comment by Psboston on March 17, 2016 at 12:09am

Hello I am new here... I was told that I needed to seek out others that had a loved one who had been murdered to discuss my emotions and the process.

On January 12, 2016 I was notified by my brother Landlady that there was a smell coming from his apartment and OH BTW he had not paid his rent... which was not like him at all (she said) so I left my work and drove into Los Angeles from Riverside (about an hour drive) went into the apartment with the Landlady, Apartment Manager upon entry I KNEW something was off... lights were on, TV on, 1 flip-flop in the hallway, rotting food on the stove, disheveled spare room, kitchen was jacked up with a white substance on the floor but we didn't see Terry (my brother) I took pictures of his apartment of things that looked odd to me... because I didn't trust the police. I am african-american and I didn't want for something to be planted into his apartment later. 

I left there went and reported him missing to the local police station. I followed up the next day and was told it had been given to Missing Persons. When my daughter called on my behalf to follow-up they told her at they had just received the file and told her the process, something along the lines of they do not 'investigate' adults as they have the right to go missing. It was our responsibility as the family to look for him. My brother was 52 years old I am 47 he was a very private person I was hoping that he had to leave in a rush but wasn't sure. When I spoke to this Detective he said the same and also mentioned that there was no need for Missing Persons to enter the apartment since we had attest that Terry was not in the place. He also created the flyer for me to post around the neighborhood and online. I sat on that for 2 days before calling a friend of mine that is a Sheriff and she then called the Detective I went to speak with him in person (MLK Monday, January 18th) as I thought if he could see me in person and understand that Terry was someone who was loved and cared for not someone to just sit on a desk. He agreed to go out the next day to the apartment January 19th.  After going on the premises and searching the apartment he sent me a email that there was no evidence of foul play or forced entry.

Saturday, January 23rd I head out to his neighborhood to pass out flyers and ask people on the streets if they have seen him. On this same day the Landlady is entering the apartment as well to clean the dirty dishes in his apartment (remember the Detectives have said this isn't a crime scene) anyhoo apprx. one hour later a body is discovered in the apartment it is not released that it is my Brother. It took 3 days for positive ID. Since I was a part of the investigation I wasn't told WHAT happened to him or how he was discovered or method of death. I received this information later when he was released from the Coroner.

I am having a truly difficult time as I am dealing with this daily. He was my BIG BROTHER someone who I love and the Homicide Gang Unit that was put on the case did find the person who they believed killed my brother in fact he has formally charged on March 3rd and the arraignment is next Wednesday a week from today. 

I have questions to anyone that has gone through this before. Please help me

Comment by Peggy on March 9, 2016 at 6:55am

Dear Ruby, I am very sorry to hear of your loss.  How terrifying that must have been for you.  Like you, I have been dealing with serious financial issues since my husband died (he passed away unexpectedly in August).  It's going to take me a few years to dig myself out of the hole we got into but now, 6 months on, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel (even if the tunnel is REALLY long).  I really wish that we all only had to deal with one thing at a time but life isn't like that unfortunately.  There are many people here, myself included, who would be available to talk to you if you need someone to share with.  We all understand what it is that you're going through.  Hugs to you and don't hesitate to reach out here.  Sometimes just talking through what you're going on helps you make a plan...

Comment by Ruby on March 8, 2016 at 8:04pm

Hey all, I'm new here . My name is Ruby. I lost my husband of 10 years on February 29 this year. He had a cardiac arrest while driving. It was due to complications from his diabetes and sarcoidosis(for years). It's a miracle that I'm still here. Only sustained some bruises and a terribly broken heart. Throughout our 10 years of marriage. We were never apart for more than 3 hours. I work from home and he was retired(early retirement due to his illness). I depended on him on everything. We were the best of friends. We are alike in so many ways. It was scary. Starting over on my own is terrifying the life off of me. I don't know how and where to start. My job is not going to be enough for me to keep the house. We've racked up quite a few bills. I don't drive. We were both transplant and we don't know a lot of people. I'm so lost and so alone. I've been experiencing panic attack when the sun set. It's when I doubt myself so badly. I don't know what to do. 

Comment by Lizzie on March 1, 2016 at 4:09am

Dear Flora, Paige, I understand how you feel. On the morning that I've received news that my soulmate has passed it was like time has stopped for me. I can still picture that moment clearly everyday, so painful, so terrifying. Life is unfair and we have to continue on living without them. I hope you find a little bit of comfort from sharing here, because I do. When everything is too much for me to bear, this is the place where I can share my feelings without judgement. Take care.

Comment by FLORA on February 29, 2016 at 8:41am

It's been two weeks ago today that I found my boyfriend in his bed deceased. I had this awful feeling all day that something was wrong!! I hadn't heard from him all day, and that was unlike him not to call or text me, and when he didn't respond to my calls and text, then I knew something wasn't right!!!! I was in such a panic the whole way there, praying please let him be OK!!! When I walked in and say him, it was the biggest shock of my life!!! my whole would stood still, in that split instance, my whole life changed!!! It's so very hard to go on without him! I have the support of my family and friends, but it still doesn't take away the pain of not having him here with me. We were together everyday, and if we didn't see each other, then we spoke on the phone. They say to think of the good times, the good memories, but yet the good memories is was so sad, because I know I'll never have them again!!!

Comment by Paige on February 26, 2016 at 7:11am

It really is difficult to deal with the last possible memories they had.. It's a very awful feeling. They never did an autopsy so I will never know if he suffered or not. The first responder told us it would have been very quick, but he didn't arrive until 40min or so later by the time they found him (he was ejected much further than the other two and since he was in a rural area two hours north of here, EMS is volunteer based), but I'll never KNOW. My brain just pictures the worst. 

Comment by Michele on February 25, 2016 at 3:20pm

Paige I feel your pain. I will never get the call from my niece out of my head the morning she called me at work to tell me my sister and brother in law died in a fire. March 16 will be one year and it feels like yesterday. I feel as though I live in denial that my sister who was also my best friend will never be here again. We talked daily sometimes several times a day, I had spoke with her around 10 pm that night and the fire happened around midnight. She was begging me and my husband to join them at their cabin. It is so difficult dealing with the emotions of what their last moments on earth were like I still find I am pretty traumatized and have yet to sleep well since all of this. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother I just hope that one day it all becomes a little more bearable.

Comment by Paige on February 25, 2016 at 2:50pm

My brother died on October 3rd, 2015. I will probably never be able to get that 5a.m. phone call out of my head. 

They had been having some drinks in a shed out at a farm in the middle of nowhere. A friend of his decided to make the mile drive up the road to his house. Of course, my brother and the other boy just had to go too. Boys will be boys, right? They left the other passengers girlfriend behind to wait. They successfully made it to the drivers house, and back. And yet, for reasons I may never understand, they kept driving. A few meters after passing the correct driveway, they hit a 100lb planter and rolled the truck driving at approx 140-160km/hr. There was no attempt to brake. The truck landed in a ditch, ejecting all three boys (no seat belts). The girlfriend of the other passenger heard the crash and called 911. However, my brother was pronounced dead at the scene. The other two boys spent a long while in critical care but are now okay.

It felt so unfair at first, that they got to wake away. They were all equally guilty and yet only my brother paid the ultimate price. The government has issued 8 charges against the driver. He's only 18! It feels like such a waste for him to spend years in jail. I'd rather see him use his second chance to make a difference. I understand its the law and they are required to charge him, I just think its sad. He needs to live with killing his best friend. 

The worst part in the aftermath is how much people expect me to be completely okay now. My brother came into my life when I was 5, he was 3. Not by blood. My parents had been divorced and he met someone else. The day they met I was blessed with a brother and a sister (in addition to my younger "blood" sister). We were so extremely close as children, more best friends than siblings. My dad and step mom often chose to live out in the country so it was often just the 4 of us. As I entered high school around Grade 10 (I am the oldest of the 4), we all drifted apart a little. We weren't as close in recent years (I am almost 22 now). So for this reason, people have this assumption I shouldn't be as affected by it. It stings. That was my best friend. My sibling. My only brother. I grieve for things that were, and things that never will be. I want people to understand and yet I'd never wish this pain on anyone. 

Im sog glad to have found a place to share the story with others who may be able to understand in some small way.

It all just feels so unfair. 

Comment by JO B on February 19, 2016 at 3:56pm

its ok

i just get sic wen i hear pepel winge thy brok a nail or cut fungr fingr thy moan tht panes is wrse thn a loss

iv had so mush loss i no wot apne pane is i do loss panes wrst 1 coz u cnt get ovr it u cnt 

a brokn leg/arm heals we cnt fix br ok enn herts 

im so brkn u cud saydnt espct 2 hav so ush loss sine 2012 but pele i t cry coz of a brokn nales or cut fingr cryin its end of wrld or pele cryin coz of a zit on fase try warkin my shosz i feal lk sayin on hear im alod 2 rant rav rambl on no tells me off thy dnt 

 

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