Traumatic, Sudden Loss

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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

Lost 9 Replies

Today is been a month since I last saw my son, he was 23years old, and someone ran him over while he walked his bicycle across the street, the driver failed to look to his right, my son lived with me…Continue

Started by Ivis Diaz. Last reply by Wander on Friday.

I cannot live without the love of my life 70 Replies

I was married for 21 years in a very unhappy and emotionally abusive marriage (and physical on 3 occasions). The marriage caused me chronic illness, and I finally divorced him in August 2011 - on…Continue

Started by Zell. Last reply by Ang Jul 20.

Going through the motions 5 Replies

Today it has been 4 weeks since I got that awful telephone call and my world changed forever.  I feel kind of numb.  Like I'm going through the motions of life but just in a daze.  I cried the day it…Continue

Started by Cyndii. Last reply by Cyndii Jul 1.

Boyfriend recently Shot himself 3 Replies

Last week, I had my amazing boyfriend shoot himself in the head in front of me because of a dumb fight we had. I cant begin to verbalize what I am feeling and going through. The situation still seems…Continue

Started by hallei rosemary penno. Last reply by Wander Jun 23.

Comment Wall


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Comment by Sharronm55us yesterday

I do not keep time of the days, I know when this all happened but for me, counting time will not help.  I am trying very hard to count the good memories, the special moments, the laughs, snorts and those smiles!!  I write them down in a journal as they come to my mind.  Doesn't matter when the positive moments or hours or days happened, months, years, etc happened...I am writing them down... staying positive and not dwelling on all the negative surrounding the sudden death of my daughter and the guilt, cavern in my heart, and things I wish I could have done differently, all those do not make a difference really.  What matters is celebrating her life, and in some way each day, I am doing that.  Huggles my sweet daughter, huggles....LoL, I know you hated when I said or typed that so let me change it to, Hug ya' brat!!  LoL

Comment by Jim Eginoire on Thursday


I'm so sorry for your loss, and I wish I had words that could comfort you in your grief right now. 

I can tell you if you have faith, Christ will carry you through this horrible time, heal your heart and restore your love.

Grief is only the beginning.  Because your reality changed in the blink of an eye, your brain will take time adjusting to that shock.  My wife died almost 4 years ago and I still struggle with anxiety and staying focused to complete tasks that were once easy for me. 

Losing a loved one, especially a spouse, changes everything in your life. 

I have remarried, and am blessed with a beautiful wife who I connected with emotionally in a short time.  We share the same deep faith, and have committed to putting God first in our marriage.

I still grieve the loss of my wife, but it ambushes me. 

You can survive this loss, but you have to trust God.

Comment by Danielle McEwe on Thursday

Two days ago marked 11 months since my sister was taken from us. It is so hard to believe that it has almost been a year since I have talked to her or heard her laugh. I cannot help but think about where she would have been now had she not died. She would have been coming up on her 1 year wedding anniversary in a week and a half and I know she had been thinking about having children so maybe she would have been on her way. I feel so cheated and I feel as though she were cheated out of her life. I feel as though the person responsible for her death has stolen my family's future. I wish that it had never happened and I would give anything for one more day with my sister. The next month is going to be so hard with the last of the "first year" milestones. My dad's birthday on August 2 and then then her wedding anniversary on August 3, the day after. Last year my dad's birthday present was giving his daughter away to the man of her dreams, and this year, it is grieving that daughters death. And finally....August 22, the one year mark. It fills me with dread just thinking about it. I just wish that that day did not exist so that I did not have to remember what happened and how I found out, and the look on my dad's face when he told me, and the sound of my mother weeping and the image of my dad breaking down and the faces of my grandparents who looked lost and unsure of everything around them...and of her husband of 19 days, looking so lost and broken. These are the images that swim through my head one a day to day basis and no one really knows the strength it takes to hold myself together some days, especially in the days leading up to the anniversay of her death. I guess all I can do it pray for strength and hope that myself and my family get through the next month with as much grace and dignity as possible.

Comment by dawn larvan on Thursday
Hi I'm new here and just finding my way around. I don't know how I'm feeling does that sound silly? My husband died age 50 unexpectedly in front of my eyes while on holiday in Dorset. He just said he felt funny and then he was gone. I'm having a really hard time believing it even though I saw it with my,own eyes it was 8 weeks ago and nigel was a very fit man cycling, kayaking,motorbikes didn't smoke occasional drinker. And to make matters worse he died the same day as my dad 22nd may same age 50 and of same thing heart attack!!!! 33 yrs apart. I've got family and lots of friends but feel so alone
Comment by Jim Eginoire on July 19, 2014 at 8:32pm

My condolences for your loss.  I'm not a soldier, but am aware of the toll PTSD has taken on our military.  I suffer from it after losing my wife of 24 years in 2010.  Your brain changes, not just from grief, but in ways that you become aware of slowly.  Thank you for your service and you expressed the situation very well.  Most people think PTSD is just from the horrors of battle and don't give thought to the fact a soldier is trained to stuff "normal" emotions, allowing them to fester and impact the daily life of every soldier who has experienced battle and/or loss of a best friend.  God bless you and heal your heart

Comment by hallei rosemary penno on July 19, 2014 at 7:58pm

thank you, melissa! I really really appreciate it!

Comment by Melissa T on July 19, 2014 at 6:54pm

Hallei-Just watched the video you did for Sergei and than posted on my facebook in hopes that my friends will do the same after seeing it. I am so sorry for your loss, and I think your video will have quite an impact on people, it's a good thing you're doing. Thanks.

Comment by hallei rosemary penno on July 19, 2014 at 4:47pm

Hello Everyone, I lost my boyfriend a month ago to suicide. He was a SGT in the Army and I wanted to get my story out there. It would mean so much to me if you watched this and passed it on! God Bless you all who are grieving too!

Comment by hallei rosemary penno on July 19, 2014 at 4:39pm

Hello Everyone, I lost my boyfriend a month ago to suicide. He was a SGT in the Army and I wanted to get my story out there. It would mean so much to me if you watched this and passed it on! God Bless you all who are grieving too!

Comment by Zell on July 17, 2014 at 6:28am

Today my love, on another weekly anniversary of your passing - I try to be thankful for the time we had together instead of the time we will not have...


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Latest Activity

Kimberly posted a blog post

Couldn't Stop Crying

Just cried for over 2 hours, that type of cry I call an "ugly, howling" type of cry. I wish I had someone to sit with me when I cry like that. Don't have to say anything, do anything, just be with me. Being alone and crying like that makes it feel so much worse. When will the pain go away???See More
2 hours ago
Melissa T and Teresa D. are now friends
8 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"i am so mad god i scream god why did u steal evry 1 off us if we steal we end up in jail or so on"
9 hours ago
bluebird commented on Zell's blog post I never considered HIS grief
"You are very lucky to have had such visits from your partner.  I don't blame my husband for dying, and I very much doubt there is a god, but if there is then I do blame that god for allowing him to die. For me, anger isn't a…"
10 hours ago
dominique fitzpatrick and Connie K are now friends
12 hours ago
charles daley replied to Sandi's discussion Thank You
"sandi i know what you are going though but i also know the they are in heaven and watching over us. over time it does get easier. you have grief in your own way don't let people tell you how to grief if you need to talk to someone talk to your…"
12 hours ago
Connie K and Melissa T are now friends
14 hours ago
L R, Jesse's mom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Melissa, very early on in this journey I came across Carol Kearn's website. She is a grief counselor who was mentored under Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She also lost her daughter, Krissie. I found her writings to be very helpful. She has also…"
14 hours ago
Lynn Williams left a comment for Melissa T
"I know how hard this is. When the absolute horrible wave descends we all want to go with our children. Much love to you. Lynn"
16 hours ago
Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"All I want to say is, I miss my f**king mom. And I have to force myself everyday to keep living because she wouldn't want me to die."
23 hours ago
Melissa T left a comment for Connie K
"Connie-I'm so sorry for your loss of Daniel. I know the heartache only to well and still after six years flip out and want to go search the universe for Kaitlin, which is a bit embarassing, but at least there are those of us that know the…"
Melissa T left a comment for Connie K
Sandi replied to Sandi's discussion Thank You
"I am so sorry for your loss" I know that is such a pat answer that it begins to piss you off. You cannot blame yourself as a caregiver because we all do the best we can. I am so lost without my husband & I know it won't get any better.…"
Robin C. Scott commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I haven't been here for quite a while, but I look in now and then to see how it's going. I haven't been able to talk about losing my only son since his death the morning of New Years Eve, 2012. He was my first born. His death deflated…"
Connie K commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Melissa - we know your pain - sometimes it feels too much to handle but you can overcome this wave. I know your daughter is still with you in spirit and you just have to hold on to that - I don't think it's a lie. You'll see her again…"
Melissa T commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Don't worry, as much as I would like  to leave this world, I really haven't a way to accomplish it with out leaving a mess, and I fear if I took my life I'd be assuring myself a place in hell, and Kaitlin's not to be found…"
Melissa T commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"6 years of despair is to  much for me, I'm just tired of being in a place where everyone feels out of sight out of mind, which includes pictures of my daughter that no longer grace there fridges with the rest of the cousins. I can't…"
Lynn Williams commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Melissa please call someone to help you through the despair. Kaitlin loves you and is with you. She would never want you to do anything to harm yourself."
L R, Jesse's mom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hey Melissa, do you have anyone you can talk to?"
Melissa T commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Can't exist in this world anymore. Time to leave it in hopes of finding Kaitlin, wish me luck!! Hope this works."

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