Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 893
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

Lost my beloved partner 2 Replies

My name is Valerie and I recently joined this forum as a recommendation from my therapist. I lost my boyfriend suddenly to a pulmonary embolism. It really was the only time in my life I had felt part…Continue

Started by Valerie . Last reply by morgan on Tuesday.


I lost my mother in November 2008. She was murdered by my father. 7 years later my father has been granted a new trial....I don't know how to cope with this as now I will get the blessing of having…Continue

Started by Kate Toivonen. Last reply by Shannon Oct 9.

The loss of my beloved man. 6 Replies

It´s not easy to describe my experience,but that´s the reason why I registered on this page not long ago.I´ll be happy to share with others feeling tremendous pain and grief.It´s been not long ago…Continue

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Ruthie Sep 9.

My Soulmate is Gone 12 Replies

Hi....I apologize in advance for how long this is....6 weeks ago today I lost the absolute most important person in my life.  It was January 2, and we had been out at his family's cabin for a New…Continue

Tags: snowmachine, dirtbiking, adventure, pass, hatcher's

Started by Lisa. Last reply by Ruthie Sep 9.

Comment Wall


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Comment by Leslie on Tuesday

Thank you Ruthie for your comment. Yeah, I am still waiting for justice, but that is just a joke. The only justice I want is for my husband to be back. His ashes on the bed stand tell me the truth. There is never justice that satisfies in these cases. 

Comment by Ruthie on Monday

Leslie, I understand your numb periods, must be how are bodies continue on--darn it.  I also understand not getting justice and closure for your husband. It too adds to the pain.  take care:)

Comment by samantha on Monday
It has been just over a month since my mom's sudden death. She died from renal failure, sepsis, pneumonia aspiration and heart failure. I feel so lost and in such a dark place. I can't see any light. I don't feel her around me like people say i would. Does that make me a bad person? I cry everyday. About GOOD memories or BAD memories. I cry about everything. I feel like it's my fault she is gone and i feel all alone. Nobody knows how sad and broken i really feel. Everyone seems to be getting on with their lives but i feel stuck. I miss her so much it LITERALLY hurts. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I have asked God to please help me but everyday i wake up still sad. Still in disbelief. Still broken. The last memories i have with her are so heart braking and sad. My son who is four was close to her and always tells me he is sad bc he misses his grandmom. That just adds to my sadness.
Comment by Leslie on Sunday

Hello, I lost my husband to a hit and run drunk driver on August 15. Today, two months to the day, is his 60th birthday that he never got to celebrate. I call it my double whammy day. He had been going across the country on a moped. It was on day 35 from leaving my arms that he died. Jane-Paul was my high school sweetheart. We met in art class. Both of us were artists, but he was much better at drawing than I was. His step mother broke us up only after what would be a wonderful romance for us. We kept in touch as friends only for a few years afterwards. Then we lost touch with each other. I held onto the love letters for 15 years, then only kept one poem he wrote to me in high school. Five years ago, Jene-Paul found my blog through a Google search. The rest is history. We soon got together and were married six months after he signed that first comment on my blog. I always had a premonition that our time together was never going to be as I had hoped. Year three of our marriage I had to move my father in with us. He has dementia and other health issues. Though my husband was a gentleman about it, I know he did not like me taking care of him. Nor loosing our newly found time together. There was no other choice at the time. Soon, Jene-Paul started traveling for a few days here and there. Always on a bicycle, then on the moped, always alone. He has done that since we were young. Just get the mood to go find another place to discover. On his last trip, on the night he was struck and killed instantaneously, he felt that he was ready to come home. His last text message said that he had finally felt that it was an epic ride and he could come home that night without regrets. That would be the last thing he would tell me. Tonight, I know I am in the numb stage. I cannot take anymore of that pain I felt for the first month. I have been through two divorces, had a child arrested for a felony, and they do not compare to this pain. I don't feel we really ever got the chance to live life the way we both had wanted. And now our marriage is over? The one person I had always wanted to be with, I only get one year in high school and five years in my adult years? All because someone decided to drink and drive? So, I keep busy taking care of my father, seeing him loose more words every day, and go about the daily chores and responsibilities. Because, I swear, if I let the totality of the loss of my husband sink in fully, well, I cannot even imagine that pain. This partial pain is all I can handle right now. I don't think about missing him, for that sets me up for more pain. I had no idea that grief was this awful. I miss my love so very much.

Comment by Gabrielle on August 26, 2016 at 3:44am
Hi Kenna, I'm so sorry, it's so dreadful isn't it. It was a sudden loss for me as well. Zero time to mentally prepare. And I understand all the feelings you express. I'm a year ahead of you on this awful journey and I'm afraid the disbelief I feel that this is permanent has not changed. X
Comment by Kenna on August 26, 2016 at 3:20am

Hi everyone, I have just joined this group and been reading a lot of your stories. I am truly sorry to you all for your losses. I lost my Dad in March 2016. He was knocked down by a car and died 24 hours later from his injuries. What a shock it was and I am still feeling the after shock now. He was my best friend and the love of my life. My first love! He was so full of life that this is still hard to actually believe, like it is just a bad dream because how can MY Dad be gone? He was the core of our family and so young minded. When I look at his pictures it's like it's not real. The pain I feel is so strong and I sometimes think my heart will just stop beating as it can't cope with being so broken. 

Comment by Angela renteria on August 5, 2016 at 3:03pm

I lost my husband almost 7weeks ago tomorrow. It has been the worst thing I have ever experienced. My husband had problems with alcohol addiction. But he was the most and giving man I know. We had 17beautiful years together with 4 young children. The weeks leading up to his hospitalization he had seen a liver specialist . At the time I didn't know and I don't think he knew that his liver was in failure. He stopped drinking completely and changed his diet. I am so proud of him for that because he struggled. He was weak but he did everything the doctor asked of him. He told me he wanted to live. The morning before he went to the hospital, he was sleeping and he was taking long shallow breaths. His feet were extremely swollen. I told him he needed to go to the e.r.  I packed his clothes thinking he word be there a couple days at the most. His friend picked him up , I told him I loved him and I would be up there to see him. I call the hospital to ask to speak to him and he was in the e.r. . He told me they were taking blood from him and he would close me back , I told I loved him and that would be the last time he would speak to me. I called back to the hospital a few hours later and they told me he was admitted to the shock trauma unit and wasn't able to talk to me but that they would have him call me. By the next morning the social worker called asking if I was his wife or next of kin because he had been placed on life support and could no longer breath on his own. 5 weeks later he had multiple organ failure and passed away June 18th . I miss him so much to the point it physically hurts when I think about never seeing him again. Everything is a memory of him and of us. I just want him back .

Comment by JO B on May 25, 2016 at 3:42pm

so sorry stehanie i am

Comment by Steph on May 25, 2016 at 2:56pm

It's been six months since my boyfriend and I went to bed and I was the only one who woke up in the morning. He was only 30. No idea he was ill at all. The whole morning was a fog, but also crystal clear. I remember the instant I realized he was gone and had been for a few hours. We had plans for a future together. He was my future. I finally had a future that included the idea of a family. It's a slow process to get to some sort of normalcy. The weirdest things are what set me off and catch me off guard. I just keep trying to breath. 

Comment by Tammy black(Zendt) on May 11, 2016 at 11:01am
I'm sorry for all your losses. I lost my 27 year old daughter Amanda. She was shot and killed by her boyfriend along with 2 others in Orlando fl. This August 5 will be 2?years. And I still cannot breath. I think it's getting harder. Any advise????

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Latest Activity

Eliza Boyd posted a photo

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Rosemarie Virginia Townsend joined Melanie Richmond's group

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4 hours ago
Kenna posted a status
"7 months yesterday my life changed. I took my Dad some beautiful flowers to his grave last night & talked to him. This is so unfair!"
5 hours ago
Yanxia Lin replied to Yanxia Lin's discussion Did you take or consider taking a dying relative home from a critical care unit?
5 hours ago
Ruthie replied to Ruthie's discussion Holidays coming
"Wow I could not even imagine some one asking you to do that--I am sorry. Yes, the understanding of this dark life we are enduring is not even imaginable to some. Hugs to you."
6 hours ago
Hilary Christene replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Oh my gosh. A frog?? I found a frog, too. No wonder he loved that little girl. I feel love for her just reading your words. It's ugly, bad, gruesome hard. They love us, so, they come back if they can. I used NewtonInstitute regression and…"
7 hours ago
Oleta Cato replied to Lisa eckhardt's discussion Lost my husband way to soon. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Like you other ladies, I look for "things".  The hair on John's comb.  Pressing the clothes he wore that last day, to my face.  His scent is gone.  Using his electric toothbrush.  Sometimes sleeping in his P.…"
22 hours ago
pamela winmill replied to Ruthie's discussion Holidays coming
"Every year i put decorations all over the house at christmas, Russ cooked dinner and all the family came over, i cant face it this year he played Father Christmas for 25 years and a lady i know  was upset when i said i would not be doing it…"
23 hours ago
pamela winmill replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Wow perfectly  put, love and hugs to you x"
23 hours ago
bluebird replied to Lisa eckhardt's discussion Lost my husband way to soon. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I understand that, as I have done the same thing.  In the month or so after my husband died, there were still new things, but not anymore. He never really kept a lot of "stuff" anyway, so there wasn't much to find. :("
bluebird replied to Ruthie's discussion Holidays coming
"You're very welcome. I'm glad I could help. :)"
John the Dragon left a comment for Diana Y
"Hello0 Lady Diana Y. I am actually doing much better than I was just a few weeks ago.  Giving up the drinking has helped a lot, and now, actually starting to go to other sites online, like this dating & friends site.  I am getting to…"
Ruthie replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Hilary, I too can feel my husband (Kevin) with me, I do not tell to many people, my daughter just does not get it.  He has given me so-many signs--changing radio stations to frog in my upstairs hallway.  Kevin's favorite little girl…"
Ruthie replied to Lisa eckhardt's discussion Lost my husband way to soon. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Lisa, its ironic I keep going through all Kevins stuff expecting to find a new precious paper, picture or note or even his dark hair on the bathroom floor. I keep looking like if I look hard enough, I can find something and feel better. …"
Ruthie replied to Ruthie's discussion Holidays coming
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Liz Marotz and morgan are now friends
Judith Borenin left a comment for Michelle H
"Thank you, Michelle.  My condolences to you as well.  Hard to post right now.  It makes it more real. "
Judith Borenin and Michelle H are now friends

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