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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 884
Latest Activity: May 26

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

My father

I have to say this is not starting off the way I had hoped. On April 19th, 2016, my father suddenly passed, it shattered my heart and is completely broken. The worst part is not having all the…Continue

Started by Rosemarie Paris May 22.

The loss of my beloved man. 5 Replies

It´s not easy to describe my experience,but that´s the reason why I registered on this page not long ago.I´ll be happy to share with others feeling tremendous pain and grief.It´s been not long ago…Continue

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Janka Huljaková May 16.

My Soulmate is Gone 11 Replies

Hi....I apologize in advance for how long this is....6 weeks ago today I lost the absolute most important person in my life.  It was January 2, and we had been out at his family's cabin for a New…Continue

Tags: snowmachine, dirtbiking, adventure, pass, hatcher's

Started by Lisa. Last reply by Lisa Apr 16.

Suicide 14 Replies

I lost my talented overachieving beautiful 19 year old daughter to suicide 12 weeks ago today. I identified her at the morgue with my ex-husband and other daughter.I am devastated. I can't imagine…Continue

Started by PK. Last reply by Hollowed Apr 12.

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Comment by JO B on May 25, 2016 at 3:42pm

so sorry stehanie i am

Comment by Stephanie Dennocenzo on May 25, 2016 at 2:56pm

It's been six months since my boyfriend and I went to bed and I was the only one who woke up in the morning. He was only 30. No idea he was ill at all. The whole morning was a fog, but also crystal clear. I remember the instant I realized he was gone and had been for a few hours. We had plans for a future together. He was my future. I finally had a future that included the idea of a family. It's a slow process to get to some sort of normalcy. The weirdest things are what set me off and catch me off guard. I just keep trying to breath. 

Comment by Tammy black(Zendt) on May 11, 2016 at 11:01am
I'm sorry for all your losses. I lost my 27 year old daughter Amanda. She was shot and killed by her boyfriend along with 2 others in Orlando fl. This August 5 will be 2?years. And I still cannot breath. I think it's getting harder. Any advise????
Comment by Kelly Ryan on May 11, 2016 at 10:54am

It's been over two years and I feel like I should be "over it" even though I know that is completely ridiculous.  My Mother died on 3-3-14 in a auto/pedestrian accident.  She was the pedestrian.  She was in the middle of the road at 5:30am checking on a dog that had been hit.  It was my Brothers dog.  The car didn't see her and slammed into her and she rode 50 feet on the hood of his car until he was able to stop and she fell off.  She was dead on the scene.  I don't believe she suffered.  For weeks I kept replaying the scene over and over and over in my head.  And still to this day there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and the events of that day.  The phone call at 9:00am.  Identifying the body.  Planning the service.  All of it.  I dream about her almost every night.  I don't think for me that it is her being gone that is the hardest but rather the events and the trauma that went along with being completely unprepared.  I know other people have lost their loved ones and they move on.  But I feel stuck in my grief.  I feel like the people around me don't really want to hear about it anymore, so I don't talk about it.  I also feel angry because other people have just moved on.  No one sent me a Mothers day "hey I'm thinking about you"  I felt completely alone.  I don't really know what I hope to gain by joining this group except maybe I can help someone by sharing my story. 

Comment by Molly carter on March 29, 2016 at 1:57pm
I lost my boyfriend 6 weeks ago to suicide and I'm lost, he was my rock he was my smile he was my heart n soul. I don't know what to do without him
Comment by Psboston on March 17, 2016 at 12:09am

Hello I am new here... I was told that I needed to seek out others that had a loved one who had been murdered to discuss my emotions and the process.

On January 12, 2016 I was notified by my brother Landlady that there was a smell coming from his apartment and OH BTW he had not paid his rent... which was not like him at all (she said) so I left my work and drove into Los Angeles from Riverside (about an hour drive) went into the apartment with the Landlady, Apartment Manager upon entry I KNEW something was off... lights were on, TV on, 1 flip-flop in the hallway, rotting food on the stove, disheveled spare room, kitchen was jacked up with a white substance on the floor but we didn't see Terry (my brother) I took pictures of his apartment of things that looked odd to me... because I didn't trust the police. I am african-american and I didn't want for something to be planted into his apartment later. 

I left there went and reported him missing to the local police station. I followed up the next day and was told it had been given to Missing Persons. When my daughter called on my behalf to follow-up they told her at they had just received the file and told her the process, something along the lines of they do not 'investigate' adults as they have the right to go missing. It was our responsibility as the family to look for him. My brother was 52 years old I am 47 he was a very private person I was hoping that he had to leave in a rush but wasn't sure. When I spoke to this Detective he said the same and also mentioned that there was no need for Missing Persons to enter the apartment since we had attest that Terry was not in the place. He also created the flyer for me to post around the neighborhood and online. I sat on that for 2 days before calling a friend of mine that is a Sheriff and she then called the Detective I went to speak with him in person (MLK Monday, January 18th) as I thought if he could see me in person and understand that Terry was someone who was loved and cared for not someone to just sit on a desk. He agreed to go out the next day to the apartment January 19th.  After going on the premises and searching the apartment he sent me a email that there was no evidence of foul play or forced entry.

Saturday, January 23rd I head out to his neighborhood to pass out flyers and ask people on the streets if they have seen him. On this same day the Landlady is entering the apartment as well to clean the dirty dishes in his apartment (remember the Detectives have said this isn't a crime scene) anyhoo apprx. one hour later a body is discovered in the apartment it is not released that it is my Brother. It took 3 days for positive ID. Since I was a part of the investigation I wasn't told WHAT happened to him or how he was discovered or method of death. I received this information later when he was released from the Coroner.

I am having a truly difficult time as I am dealing with this daily. He was my BIG BROTHER someone who I love and the Homicide Gang Unit that was put on the case did find the person who they believed killed my brother in fact he has formally charged on March 3rd and the arraignment is next Wednesday a week from today. 

I have questions to anyone that has gone through this before. Please help me

Comment by Peggy on March 9, 2016 at 6:55am

Dear Ruby, I am very sorry to hear of your loss.  How terrifying that must have been for you.  Like you, I have been dealing with serious financial issues since my husband died (he passed away unexpectedly in August).  It's going to take me a few years to dig myself out of the hole we got into but now, 6 months on, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel (even if the tunnel is REALLY long).  I really wish that we all only had to deal with one thing at a time but life isn't like that unfortunately.  There are many people here, myself included, who would be available to talk to you if you need someone to share with.  We all understand what it is that you're going through.  Hugs to you and don't hesitate to reach out here.  Sometimes just talking through what you're going on helps you make a plan...

Comment by Ruby on March 8, 2016 at 8:04pm

Hey all, I'm new here . My name is Ruby. I lost my husband of 10 years on February 29 this year. He had a cardiac arrest while driving. It was due to complications from his diabetes and sarcoidosis(for years). It's a miracle that I'm still here. Only sustained some bruises and a terribly broken heart. Throughout our 10 years of marriage. We were never apart for more than 3 hours. I work from home and he was retired(early retirement due to his illness). I depended on him on everything. We were the best of friends. We are alike in so many ways. It was scary. Starting over on my own is terrifying the life off of me. I don't know how and where to start. My job is not going to be enough for me to keep the house. We've racked up quite a few bills. I don't drive. We were both transplant and we don't know a lot of people. I'm so lost and so alone. I've been experiencing panic attack when the sun set. It's when I doubt myself so badly. I don't know what to do. 

Comment by Lizzie on March 1, 2016 at 4:09am

Dear Flora, Paige, I understand how you feel. On the morning that I've received news that my soulmate has passed it was like time has stopped for me. I can still picture that moment clearly everyday, so painful, so terrifying. Life is unfair and we have to continue on living without them. I hope you find a little bit of comfort from sharing here, because I do. When everything is too much for me to bear, this is the place where I can share my feelings without judgement. Take care.

Comment by FLORA on February 29, 2016 at 8:41am

It's been two weeks ago today that I found my boyfriend in his bed deceased. I had this awful feeling all day that something was wrong!! I hadn't heard from him all day, and that was unlike him not to call or text me, and when he didn't respond to my calls and text, then I knew something wasn't right!!!! I was in such a panic the whole way there, praying please let him be OK!!! When I walked in and say him, it was the biggest shock of my life!!! my whole would stood still, in that split instance, my whole life changed!!! It's so very hard to go on without him! I have the support of my family and friends, but it still doesn't take away the pain of not having him here with me. We were together everyday, and if we didn't see each other, then we spoke on the phone. They say to think of the good times, the good memories, but yet the good memories is was so sad, because I know I'll never have them again!!!

 

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Latest Activity

Sue Sedia posted a discussion

6 months later, I feel like it just happened.

My Mom passed January 20th. I am physically disabled, I lived with her my whole life. I'm 50. She was my only support. I was just me and her... And our dog.She had no will, so for the next month, I had to  cancel accounts, start new accounts in my name, try to work out getting bills paid, and run to social services looking for help. I was constantly worried about where I'd live. Can someone help me keep my home?!I felt kind of numb at that time a good part of the time. I felt sadness at times…See More
1 hour ago
pamela winmill replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you hugs back, xxx "
5 hours ago
Marta left a comment for Mary
"Mary. Thank you for the message. I'm also sorry for your loss."
9 hours ago
Copper "Charlie" replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry about your husband.  People seem to think the thing to say is "your husband would want you to be happy" or "your wife would want you to move on" or "Your spouse would want you to do 'this' or…"
12 hours ago
Jeniffer Page posted a blog post

Showing Your Support beyond the Funeral for a grieving person

Coping with a death of a loved one doesn’t end with the funeral. Their memories and things they left behind still live with us and it is really hard to stop thinking about them. Whatever we do we always tend to think about them and miss their presence. Helping a grieving person adjust to the new lifestyle without their loved ones can be really appreciated. Your help and service doesn’t end with the funeral but you can still stretch out your love to them as a close friend or family member. Here…See More
yesterday
pamela winmill replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"It just keeps getting worse, it's been 110 days today, I am sick to death of people telling me Russ would want me to be happy and get on with life. How the hell would they know what Russ would want he knew I could not live without him and as…"
Thursday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I feel the same way.  I died when my husband died.  For some people it does get better, apparently.  I am not one of those people.  I hope that you are."
Thursday
JO B replied to JO B's discussion mad at god
"bean shity wk only wed bean bad mth loss in famly 2 canser agan "
Wednesday
Jewlz Bass posted a status
"some days i feel so incomplete & alone no one understands the loss i feel and there's never any light to break the dark"
Wednesday
Suzette Mack updated their profile
Wednesday
Jeff C replied to Jeff C's discussion Just Lost My Girlfriend to Breast Cancer Last Week
"Well, here we are at week 5.  I was doing a little better, but never that good.  Last night it got dark early and started raining.  I felt very lost and lonely and couldn't stop crying for 15 minutes.  It started again this…"
Wednesday
Ann joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Tuesday
Ann updated their profile
Tuesday
Marsha commented on Marsha's blog post Missing my spouse
"Morgan, I received your response to my post, I responded, and then promptly lost everything somehow.  I just want to say that I really appreciate the things you have said to me and I see you trying to help others. I had a similar experience…"
Tuesday
Teresa D. commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"September it will be 4 years that I lived without my Michael.  The other day I found myself with my nose deep inside his work boots trying to smell him.  When I realized what I was doing I laughed at myself while tears streamed down my…"
Tuesday
Traci Ann Benson commented on K's group Losing a Grandparent
"I am just a young woman trying to figure out how to go with life at times. It will be a year on August 8, 2016 since I lost my Grandmother. A woman who help care for me since I was a baby. I was her world. I miss her so much on top of everyone else.…"
Tuesday
Traci Ann Benson joined K's group
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Losing a Grandparent

A lot of people seem to think that just because a person is older, the loss of them is more easily accepted. I, for one, would like to deeply disagree. Love is love, and loss is loss, no matter the age.See More
Tuesday
Traci Ann Benson joined Deborah K.L.W. Dunham's group
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Miscarriage

I am starting this group because I have experienced 2 losses and now have to accept not having children at all. I am still working through this but have an added benefit of almost completing my Masters degree in counseling.See More
Tuesday
Traci Ann Benson joined Melanie Richmond's group
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Young Adult Parent Loss

For young adults 18+ who have lost a parent during this difficult, unique, phase of life.
Tuesday
Tricia and Michelle H are now friends
Tuesday

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