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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

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Latest Activity: Sep 9

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

The loss of my beloved man. 6 Replies

It´s not easy to describe my experience,but that´s the reason why I registered on this page not long ago.I´ll be happy to share with others feeling tremendous pain and grief.It´s been not long ago…Continue

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Ruthie Sep 9.

My Soulmate is Gone 12 Replies

Hi....I apologize in advance for how long this is....6 weeks ago today I lost the absolute most important person in my life.  It was January 2, and we had been out at his family's cabin for a New…Continue

Tags: snowmachine, dirtbiking, adventure, pass, hatcher's

Started by Lisa. Last reply by Ruthie Sep 9.

My father 1 Reply

I have to say this is not starting off the way I had hoped. On April 19th, 2016, my father suddenly passed, it shattered my heart and is completely broken. The worst part is not having all the…Continue

Started by Rosemarie Paris. Last reply by JO B Sep 6.

Suicide 14 Replies

I lost my talented overachieving beautiful 19 year old daughter to suicide 12 weeks ago today. I identified her at the morgue with my ex-husband and other daughter.I am devastated. I can't imagine…Continue

Started by PK. Last reply by Hollowed Apr 12.

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Comment by Gabrielle on August 26, 2016 at 3:44am
Hi Kenna, I'm so sorry, it's so dreadful isn't it. It was a sudden loss for me as well. Zero time to mentally prepare. And I understand all the feelings you express. I'm a year ahead of you on this awful journey and I'm afraid the disbelief I feel that this is permanent has not changed. X
Comment by Kenna on August 26, 2016 at 3:20am

Hi everyone, I have just joined this group and been reading a lot of your stories. I am truly sorry to you all for your losses. I lost my Dad in March 2016. He was knocked down by a car and died 24 hours later from his injuries. What a shock it was and I am still feeling the after shock now. He was my best friend and the love of my life. My first love! He was so full of life that this is still hard to actually believe, like it is just a bad dream because how can MY Dad be gone? He was the core of our family and so young minded. When I look at his pictures it's like it's not real. The pain I feel is so strong and I sometimes think my heart will just stop beating as it can't cope with being so broken. 

Comment by Angela renteria on August 5, 2016 at 3:03pm

I lost my husband almost 7weeks ago tomorrow. It has been the worst thing I have ever experienced. My husband had problems with alcohol addiction. But he was the most and giving man I know. We had 17beautiful years together with 4 young children. The weeks leading up to his hospitalization he had seen a liver specialist . At the time I didn't know and I don't think he knew that his liver was in failure. He stopped drinking completely and changed his diet. I am so proud of him for that because he struggled. He was weak but he did everything the doctor asked of him. He told me he wanted to live. The morning before he went to the hospital, he was sleeping and he was taking long shallow breaths. His feet were extremely swollen. I told him he needed to go to the e.r.  I packed his clothes thinking he word be there a couple days at the most. His friend picked him up , I told him I loved him and I would be up there to see him. I call the hospital to ask to speak to him and he was in the e.r. . He told me they were taking blood from him and he would close me back , I told I loved him and that would be the last time he would speak to me. I called back to the hospital a few hours later and they told me he was admitted to the shock trauma unit and wasn't able to talk to me but that they would have him call me. By the next morning the social worker called asking if I was his wife or next of kin because he had been placed on life support and could no longer breath on his own. 5 weeks later he had multiple organ failure and passed away June 18th . I miss him so much to the point it physically hurts when I think about never seeing him again. Everything is a memory of him and of us. I just want him back .

Comment by JO B on May 25, 2016 at 3:42pm

so sorry stehanie i am

Comment by Steph on May 25, 2016 at 2:56pm

It's been six months since my boyfriend and I went to bed and I was the only one who woke up in the morning. He was only 30. No idea he was ill at all. The whole morning was a fog, but also crystal clear. I remember the instant I realized he was gone and had been for a few hours. We had plans for a future together. He was my future. I finally had a future that included the idea of a family. It's a slow process to get to some sort of normalcy. The weirdest things are what set me off and catch me off guard. I just keep trying to breath. 

Comment by Tammy black(Zendt) on May 11, 2016 at 11:01am
I'm sorry for all your losses. I lost my 27 year old daughter Amanda. She was shot and killed by her boyfriend along with 2 others in Orlando fl. This August 5 will be 2?years. And I still cannot breath. I think it's getting harder. Any advise????
Comment by Kelly Ryan on May 11, 2016 at 10:54am

It's been over two years and I feel like I should be "over it" even though I know that is completely ridiculous.  My Mother died on 3-3-14 in a auto/pedestrian accident.  She was the pedestrian.  She was in the middle of the road at 5:30am checking on a dog that had been hit.  It was my Brothers dog.  The car didn't see her and slammed into her and she rode 50 feet on the hood of his car until he was able to stop and she fell off.  She was dead on the scene.  I don't believe she suffered.  For weeks I kept replaying the scene over and over and over in my head.  And still to this day there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and the events of that day.  The phone call at 9:00am.  Identifying the body.  Planning the service.  All of it.  I dream about her almost every night.  I don't think for me that it is her being gone that is the hardest but rather the events and the trauma that went along with being completely unprepared.  I know other people have lost their loved ones and they move on.  But I feel stuck in my grief.  I feel like the people around me don't really want to hear about it anymore, so I don't talk about it.  I also feel angry because other people have just moved on.  No one sent me a Mothers day "hey I'm thinking about you"  I felt completely alone.  I don't really know what I hope to gain by joining this group except maybe I can help someone by sharing my story. 

Comment by Molly carter on March 29, 2016 at 1:57pm
I lost my boyfriend 6 weeks ago to suicide and I'm lost, he was my rock he was my smile he was my heart n soul. I don't know what to do without him
Comment by Psboston on March 17, 2016 at 12:09am

Hello I am new here... I was told that I needed to seek out others that had a loved one who had been murdered to discuss my emotions and the process.

On January 12, 2016 I was notified by my brother Landlady that there was a smell coming from his apartment and OH BTW he had not paid his rent... which was not like him at all (she said) so I left my work and drove into Los Angeles from Riverside (about an hour drive) went into the apartment with the Landlady, Apartment Manager upon entry I KNEW something was off... lights were on, TV on, 1 flip-flop in the hallway, rotting food on the stove, disheveled spare room, kitchen was jacked up with a white substance on the floor but we didn't see Terry (my brother) I took pictures of his apartment of things that looked odd to me... because I didn't trust the police. I am african-american and I didn't want for something to be planted into his apartment later. 

I left there went and reported him missing to the local police station. I followed up the next day and was told it had been given to Missing Persons. When my daughter called on my behalf to follow-up they told her at they had just received the file and told her the process, something along the lines of they do not 'investigate' adults as they have the right to go missing. It was our responsibility as the family to look for him. My brother was 52 years old I am 47 he was a very private person I was hoping that he had to leave in a rush but wasn't sure. When I spoke to this Detective he said the same and also mentioned that there was no need for Missing Persons to enter the apartment since we had attest that Terry was not in the place. He also created the flyer for me to post around the neighborhood and online. I sat on that for 2 days before calling a friend of mine that is a Sheriff and she then called the Detective I went to speak with him in person (MLK Monday, January 18th) as I thought if he could see me in person and understand that Terry was someone who was loved and cared for not someone to just sit on a desk. He agreed to go out the next day to the apartment January 19th.  After going on the premises and searching the apartment he sent me a email that there was no evidence of foul play or forced entry.

Saturday, January 23rd I head out to his neighborhood to pass out flyers and ask people on the streets if they have seen him. On this same day the Landlady is entering the apartment as well to clean the dirty dishes in his apartment (remember the Detectives have said this isn't a crime scene) anyhoo apprx. one hour later a body is discovered in the apartment it is not released that it is my Brother. It took 3 days for positive ID. Since I was a part of the investigation I wasn't told WHAT happened to him or how he was discovered or method of death. I received this information later when he was released from the Coroner.

I am having a truly difficult time as I am dealing with this daily. He was my BIG BROTHER someone who I love and the Homicide Gang Unit that was put on the case did find the person who they believed killed my brother in fact he has formally charged on March 3rd and the arraignment is next Wednesday a week from today. 

I have questions to anyone that has gone through this before. Please help me

Comment by Peggy on March 9, 2016 at 6:55am

Dear Ruby, I am very sorry to hear of your loss.  How terrifying that must have been for you.  Like you, I have been dealing with serious financial issues since my husband died (he passed away unexpectedly in August).  It's going to take me a few years to dig myself out of the hole we got into but now, 6 months on, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel (even if the tunnel is REALLY long).  I really wish that we all only had to deal with one thing at a time but life isn't like that unfortunately.  There are many people here, myself included, who would be available to talk to you if you need someone to share with.  We all understand what it is that you're going through.  Hugs to you and don't hesitate to reach out here.  Sometimes just talking through what you're going on helps you make a plan...

 

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Your clothes remain in the wardrobe and in your drawers.  I keep thinking I should do something with them but I just can't bear to.  Some stupid part of me keeps thinking what if you come back.  Stupid I know.  I must be out of my mind.  But I don't want to let go.  I can't.  It hurts too much.See More
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