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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 715
Latest Activity: Dec 11

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

Lost all motivation 4 Replies

Hi, I just posted as a comment and realized it was at the wrong place.  so here it is again.Hi everyone.  I am so sorry for your tragic loss.  I lost my Dad, who was only 65, on August 8th.  He was…Continue

Tags: motivation, anxiety, esteem, self

Started by Kellie M.. Last reply by Danny Dec 11.

No More Excuses 4 Replies

The summer after graduation from high school, I went to Camp Carolina (a pre-college summer camp) where they help orient you to the campus and allow you to make friends.  The first day I met this…Continue

Started by Layne Womick. Last reply by Layne Womick Dec 2.

Heartbroken 2 Replies

I lost my oldest son on Oct. 21, 2014. He was shot multiple times and then thrown out of the car onto the street and was left lying there. My heart feels as though it has  completely been ripped out.…Continue

Started by Kim Snell. Last reply by Debra A. Whitemaine Dec 1.

Constant worry that something else bad is going to happen. 7 Replies

I lost my father suddenly and unexpectedly on July 11, 2013.  We knew he had pneumonia but he was given medication and sent home and according to him was fine.  He was only 60 years old. He had not…Continue

Started by Cathryn. Last reply by Kellie M. Nov 30.

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Comment by Debra A. Whitemaine on December 1, 2014 at 5:46pm

Amy, I am so sorry for you loss.  I had never thought of losing someone in a fire and you are so right that everything is gone.  My hearts hurts for you.  My thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on December 1, 2014 at 12:01pm

Oh Kim, I am so very sorry and everybody else too..I agree, my heart has been ripped out of my chest.  I don't want anybody to ask me if I'm ok, how can we possibly be okay? I don't think I'll ever be ok..I just feel alone and empty inside and yes it does feel unreal, it can't possibly be real.  Drugs and guns, I'd like to find the person that showed my beautiful son heroin but I do understand that it was his choice to do it, which I will never ever understand.

Comment by Amy Barnhart on November 30, 2014 at 8:55pm

I lost my husband when our house caught fire one month ago today. I was at work when i got the call. I miss him so much becausewe did everything  together. I'm currently staying at my sisters butam looking at apartments without him. The worst part is that because it was a fire  i dont have one thing  that  survived with his scent  on it.

Comment by Kim Snell on November 26, 2014 at 4:41pm

I lost my oldest son on Oct. 21, 2014. He was shot multiple times and then thrown out of the car onto the street and was left lying there. My heart feels as though it has completely been ripped out. I still feel completely numb and although I know he is gone I have moments where it all still seems so unreal. He is my baby and I can't believe because another human being felt it was ok to take his life that I will never see or talk to him again. He was a beautiful young man with a wonderful heart. We had our rough times but were always there for each other. The hurt, loss, anger that I feel I can't even begin to explain and I feel alone. I am blessed w/two other children but am trying to stay strong because they are hurting so much. I had 26 wonderful years with him but was suppose to be able to have the rest of my life with him. I miss him.

Comment by erin on November 19, 2014 at 5:47pm

I'm right there with you it's been 2 months and one day since Don passed, due to complications from surgery, and yet no autopsy results, except his heart was really bad, and the VA should have NEVER oporated on him, they even postponed it to test his heart, and gave green light. One day I'm married, the next I'm widowed, I have a hard time even identifying myself with that word..  What I do know was it was easy to loose myself in Him, and avoid things in myself that really needed attention.  I have also spent over 30 years in 2 relationships, and now it's my time to make it or break it. I have secluded myself alot, and it actually helps, cuz everytime someone asks me how I am, I burst into tears. Someday I will have my lightness back, and won't let this taint my pure heart! I'm so deeply sorry for all of your losses

Comment by Lynn Boyd on November 18, 2014 at 8:19am
"A million times
I've needed you
A million times I've cried
If love alone
Could have saved you
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
No one else can ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
Part of me when with you,
The day God took you home."

I would never miss a single meeting of my bereavement group. They are wonderful people who understand, and it's ok to cry all you need. Currently attending "Grief during the Holidays" meetings. Meeting new people who understand my pain and are becoming new friends. It's been 10 months now....sometimes it feels like yesterday....sometimes it feels like forever. I'll never get over it, but with support, love and my new relatioship with God I'm getting through it. I know my beloved would not want me to torment myself, destroy myself and others who love me. Life must go on.
Comment by Zell on November 17, 2014 at 10:40pm

"Why" has never been the problem for me.  I know when the day comes that I stand before God in glory and see Him and my beloved "why" will no longer matter.  Only the awareness of glory and love and eternal happiness.  I have never been angry at God because I trust Him fully and accept He is sovereign and His greater purpose is beyond question.  My partner is in the best place possible in the presence of God and free from the disappointment and bonds of this world.  The difficulty is living in the present world without the love of my life, without the human love I need, without the fulfillment of human partnership, the agony of the images I was faced with when I found my beloved dead in our apartment - nothing can erase those memories and take away the pain of daily living now.  God comforts, I have hope for reunion one day, but I no longer have a life and partner - I cry all the time and I know God hurts with me, but the burden is still too heavy in this life.  Hence I pray for release and try my best to do His will in the meantime.

Comment by Danny on November 17, 2014 at 5:08pm

easier said than done Tracy

Comment by Tracy Huston on November 17, 2014 at 3:17pm

My friends.. please, PLEASE stop asking yourself WHY??? You won't get an answer.. you won't know until you're on the other side and can speak to your loved ones yourself.. Stop torturing yourself.. please.

Comment by Tracy Huston on November 17, 2014 at 3:14pm

My son passed away 15 months ago, today. He had just gotten home from a drug treatment center and he was doing so well! He had learned so much and he kept telling me all of this stuff he was learning and realizing and I had taken off work 4 days and we had spent so much time together - except the time he went to meetings- and one night his dog woke me up and I ran in his room and he was on the floor and I couldn't wake him up.. stayed unconcious for 3-4 days on respirator until we had it unplugged... of all the times, so many times.. I thought I'd walk in and see him that way or get that call.. or every time I heard a siren thinking it was for him... this was NOT the time I expected this. Not when his life was just getting back on track.. I thought. He had issues but we were close.. even with everything that had gone on - that goes on with an addict.. we had a special bond. He was the only grandson.. my only son.. He's just. gone.  Somedays it's just hard to go on.. but I have a husband, two daughters and three granddaughters and I have to. For them. 

 

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Marie commented on kim's blog post tears
"Many hugs to you."
35 minutes ago
kim posted a blog post

tears

today my doctor is coming for a visit, its going to be hard talking about the holidays. I just hate them so much anymore. a friend dropped a card off with tiny butterflys, flowers and angels inside and asked me to sprinkle them where shawn is resting, I cryed so hard, its a beautiful thing to do. its getting harder to sleep and I feel so tired. I just want so much for these holidays to be over. its just to painfull with out my baby. I want so much to sleep and never wake up, to hold my son…See More
2 hours ago
Zell posted a photo

Tranquility in the midst of pain

I love the tranquility of sunrises. It is my favorite time of day as in solitude I find peace and comfort in the beauty of nature. No two sunrises are ever the same...
11 hours ago
Rudi posted a status
"Today was a teary day for me just keeps getting hard!"
12 hours ago
Rudi posted a photo
12 hours ago
Rudi commented on Rudi's photo
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"Thank you that's my son urn when I seen it I'm like I have to get it for my son it was hard to decorate his area but felt good when I did I did not get a Xmas tree or decorate my house was not up to it .Sorry for your loss sending you hugs"
12 hours ago
Laurie ~ Jesse's mom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
14 hours ago
Laurie ~ Jesse's mom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Davi, the first night my son had passed I received a text message, It said "Thanks...Jesse" The text message was in the line where the phone number or contact name usually is...and there was no phone number attached. This has never…"
15 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
"xmas day nxt thuz day it will not be sme ever again for a lot of us on hear"
19 hours ago
JO B alexio replied to m morgan's discussion I cannot accept...
"me 2 fed up 2 mush multi loss "
19 hours ago
m morgan and Christine Griñe are now friends
19 hours ago
Marie replied to Alexandra Raphaela's discussion Another letter for you my dear boy
"What a nice letter. I am sorry for your loss. Hugs! "
20 hours ago
kim posted a status
"I pray each night to you, please help me through these holidays, I cant stop crying, love you my son, mom"
20 hours ago
Marie commented on Rudi's photo
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"Nice picture. My son was really devoted to Mary. He was trying so hard to kick drugs. I found letters he wrote to her. He actually started making rosaries shortly before he died. I have one and my daughter has one. A funny little story that makes me…"
22 hours ago
Michelle H commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"thank you to everyone for your kind words on Chris's birthday. I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon so that helped. Regarding signs, I do sincerely believe that our children send them to us, in order to give us some sense of comfort. I…"
23 hours ago
Alexandra Raphaela posted a discussion

Another letter for you my dear boy

So its almost Christmas and it will be mommy and daddy's first Christmas without you. Last week I went to the mall with aunt Mary, and we saw a firefighter truck that we knew you would love to have. I brought it and now its in your room with your other toys.Daddy likes it too, he was the one with the idea of putting the truck in your room. Of course he did that after a while of calling me and your aunt crazy, but we know daddy better than he knows himself.Mommy and daddy are better now, you…See More
23 hours ago
Sandy Hendrix commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Wow Marie! Really? That is just crazy, both of those things...that's amazing I am sure it is Taylor.. Same to you Davi, the text thing is crazy too, I have yet to receive any signs..I sure would like to. It's a really hard day today, but…"
23 hours ago
Marie commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Oh I bet it was a sign! The other day I found my son's student ID in my pocket, which I usually carry in my wallet. I swear I didn't put it there. My daughter said I probably did absent mindlessly, but I don't think I did. Than last…"
yesterday
Davi Burford commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"i have not been on in a while, i just went through my 1 year "deathaversary" of Dylan on the 7th of Dec. it was not as hard as i had been worrying about, just seems like another day without my son. I jave seen posts about dreaming about…"
yesterday
Rudi posted a status
"My son below his home with me just wish I could hold him ."
yesterday

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