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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 691
Latest Activity: on Monday

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

Going through the motions 6 Replies

Today it has been 4 weeks since I got that awful telephone call and my world changed forever.  I feel kind of numb.  Like I'm going through the motions of life but just in a daze.  I cried the day it…Continue

Started by Cyndii. Last reply by Kristine Rosendale Sep 10.

so alone 1 Reply

I lost my husband of 33years last year, I have been with him 40yrs, since I'm 16yrs old, we have 3 children and I am expecting my first gran child in 3 months, it is so bitter sweet as he would have…Continue

Started by vinnie perez. Last reply by Wander Sep 2.

He is gone and I cant get him back 7 Replies

I walked into the bedroom 2 months ago to tell my husband to come eat his supper was ready. I found him dead I had just seen him about 2 minutes before and had no idea he was suffering in pain. He…Continue

Started by maryanne reel. Last reply by vinnie perez Aug 30.

I cannot live without the love of my life 76 Replies

I was married for 21 years in a very unhappy and emotionally abusive marriage (and physical on 3 occasions). The marriage caused me chronic illness, and I finally divorced him in August 2011 - on…Continue

Started by Zell. Last reply by charles daley Aug 30.

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Comment by Danny on Monday

Yes in a sense we are alone on this journey but we have ourselves, our loved one is watching us and with us spiritually and emotionally.  Remember these two bonds can't be taken away from us.  Support to all

Comment by Zell on Monday

Hi Rachel,

I know it really doesn't help much not to have someone close physically, but just want to let you know that you are still on my daily prayer list and my mom is praying for you too.  We pray that God will send someone to you who will be there for you. xxx

Comment by Rachel on Monday
Will I ever sleep again? Tuesday the 16th will be 3 months since I lost my beautiful girl. And yets it feels like it has been so much longer. The days and nights just drag on. Every day that passes I just miss her so much more. The hole just gets bigger.

I'm still feeling disappointed about my first grief support group meeting called “Compassionate Friends”. I was looking forward to meeting other people like me. And much to my disbelief I was the only one who showed up that night, other than the group leader. I did share with her. I felt as though it was an affirmation to me that I was in fact in this journey “ALONE”.
Oh Lord, please send me someone to lean on, a good friend.
Comment by Wander on August 30, 2014 at 12:25pm

Same here... I'm so lost, and no matter how many times friends and family tell me otherwise, I'm so, so alone. My sweet husband promised me forever-- he left me once a long time ago, and he finally came back to me, and he vowed he would never leave me again. And then he did, and now I'm completely broken. I didn't ask for this and I DO NOT WANT IT. I don't want to go another step without him. I don't want to be here at all, I just want to lay down and wake up in the next world, in his arms.

Comment by Zell on August 30, 2014 at 12:21pm

I know how you feel Maryanne. When my Freddy crawled into bed at 1:30 a.m. on that fateful day.  He cuddled up to my back and like so many other times, kissed me on my shoulder, put his protective arm around me and whispered reassuringly "I am right here if you need me, I'm not going anywhere".  I fell asleep content and so happy.  5 hours later I would leave for work and the next time I walked into our apartment my world ended when I found him...I don't know how to live without him either.  I would never hear those words again and never again feel that utter contentment in his arms.

This is not the path I chose - it was not part of the plan.  I have lost my way and I have no directions to follow.  I dont want to be here on this path without a map.  All I know is my old path and direction is gone and there is no going back.  I am alone now and I have to find a way...

Comment by maryanne reel on August 30, 2014 at 6:26am

Steve said he would be with me forever and now here comes another stupid holiday. We didnt do much but at least we were together and now Im alone. My kids say Mom go meet someone. Its not the same, you may have some one you can talk to for awhile but then you are alone again. I know you are not supposed to question Gods work but you have to wonder why does he take one and not both

. Steve was my partner and I dont know how to do this life thing without him.

Comment by JO B alexio on August 27, 2014 at 3:23pm

me 2 connie  1s it say it nver lost any 1

it is danny eash grief is difrent on hear

sorry for oyre loss aw well deborah so sorry

Comment by Deborah Horn on August 27, 2014 at 8:40am

People mean well with those comments.  Nothing they say can really help and they know that.  However, I take comfort in the comments such as your loved one would want you to go on and be happy, because I have said this to myself many times. Sudden death grief, as is all grief, is a horribly lonely journey that each one has to travel on their own timeline.  Sudden death leaves things unsaid and worse yet, things said that you regret.  It is our own unique hell.  But I know in my heart that my Bill would want me to go on and be okay, so that is what I am trying to do.  But what comforts one will not comfort all, and I am so so sorry for everyone here for your loss.

Comment by Danny on August 27, 2014 at 5:19am

I meant to talk about what has happened with people who have experienced this before or now.  I am bouncing ideas off with a grief counselor too online. 'Sudden' is a very special area and not many people know how to deal with it.

Comment by Danny on August 27, 2014 at 5:17am

I learnt this rather early on when i heard these kinds of comments that these people are amateurs with no experience.  So with many of my friends and contacts, i don't even discuss anything what happened with them.  I integrate them as part of my routine and try to feel normal. 

I try to talk to people in similar situations. 

 

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kim posted a blog post

life will never be the same

to my darling son shawn, everyday seems to get harder and harder to go on with out you. I cant remember what its like to sleep a full night, to not cry every day. to pray to go with you. how do I go on? how do I watch others smiling, laughing, shawn I need you so bad,i wear your things to bed I smell them all night long, ill never ever wash them, I need to know you have not left me alone. my heart feels like its slowly stopping, dear god I miss my baby, those beautiful big brown eyes that deep…See More
20 minutes ago
Alexandra Raphaela left a comment for Michelle H
"Well thank you so much, and I am sorry about your lost as well. My prayers go to you."
5 hours ago
Alexandra Raphaela replied to Karen's discussion Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I don’t know how to share on a group. But I am going to try. On the 14th of Feb in 2010, I had my son, Ashton, he was the most amazing little boy ever. He looked like a small version of my husband, even his eyes were my husbands, stormy grey…"
5 hours ago
Alexandra Raphaela and Michelle H are now friends
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kim posted a status
"my son please help me through this unbearable pain, and call me home with you, forever the love of my life , I miss you shawn mom"
6 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to JO B alexio's discussion mad at god
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7 hours ago
Zell commented on JO B alexio's photo
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P5260023

"Beautiful photos Jo!  I love the sea and am blessed to live near the sea and even have a nice seaview from my bachelor flat :-)"
7 hours ago
Zell posted a blog post

We are all one in our pain...

One thing I have realized since this terrible personal tragedy. There is a world full of people in pain. Everyone's experience is different and everyone handles it differently, but we are one in pain. We cannot change what has happened, but we can be there for each other - we can offer real empathy from personal experience. Finally and most important: there is the promise of eternal life and eternal reunion. Death does not have the final say!See More
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Carolynn Michelle Streater. left a comment for Chelsey
"Thanks for the friend request"
13 hours ago
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Chelsey commented on Laura Rozier's group Losing Someone to Drug Overdose
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Chelsey joined Laura Rozier's group
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15 hours ago
Shirley Stacy Wallick commented on Diana Y's blog post After Death Communication
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15 hours ago
Chelsey posted a photo

My mom and I

My mother and I. I miss her.
15 hours ago
Chelsey posted a status
"Hello, I am new to this support group. I'm not sure how to navigate this site to well but I will figure it out in due time I hope."
15 hours ago
Linda commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
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julia mitchell martin updated their profile
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Connie K replied to Rachel's discussion Lost my only child in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
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20 hours ago

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