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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

Death of Only Child

Hello,I lost my only child July 8, 2016.  He was not a child, but an adult, but he was still my son and I loved him very much.  I miss him terribly.  In the past 10 months, my father-in-law died, my…Continue

Started by Cindy Eskridge Jan 7.

When my soulmate died he took my heart an soul with him. I'm so brokenl 12 Replies

My husband passed away last month in his sleep at age 41 from a heart attack. He had no signs or symptoms leading up to his death. We were together for almost 16 years an have 7 kids. I have bad…Continue

Started by Michelle. Last reply by annjulie Dec 27, 2016.

2 tragic deaths 5 days apart.. 12 Replies

Hello my name is Julie I'm 26 years old. On oct 30th/2016 my Mother commit suicide in my family home and my Father found her. She had become mentally ill since 2014 but never had any or much…Continue

Started by annjulie. Last reply by Shannon Dec 23, 2016.

so devastated and disorientated

My husband passed away November 25, 2016.  The day after thanksgiving.  I am completely devastated. He took care of everything for the 27 years we were together, so not only is my heart broken into…Continue

Started by kim r Dec 6, 2016.

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Comment by JO B on December 5, 2016 at 4:35pm

so sorry emma loss my cat of 16 yrs  16 yrs of frndsho 2 wks go had 2 get her pt 2 sleeep did not evn go in vwt vets 2 get her put 2 sleeep coz i wud of bean no gud 2 her in finl mnts of lif had get my brhtr 2 tak her i had 2 

i kist her gud by on hed all day bef she wnt 2 vets i did saed sorry i luv u i do weid way she stol my hert thn brok my hert lk pets do thy do 

iv got 2 tiny kitns 2 kp me bizy i do nw 

Comment by emma on December 5, 2016 at 12:09pm

I feel so lost , I lost a 2 family member right before Christmas , when will this end , I feel guilty my cousin passed away last night and I was so mad with her for stealing my ex boyfriend and causeing trouble in my family , now shes gone

Comment by Stehanie Loughmiller on December 5, 2016 at 9:43am

There is never a day that goes by that I don't think about my father, it has almost been 4 years and I still feel broken. It's hard to talk about the pain that I feel inside, because if you haven't experienced the loss of a parent YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. My father and I had a very complicated relationship, but above all else, I know that he loved me more than anything in this world. That is what I try to keep in the fore Front of my mind every December. He loved me, and that Is all that matters. My family still will not have anything to do with me, my brother and I are working on rebuilding our relationship but it is hard when so much has been said, hurtful things, that can be forgiven but never forgotten. I so desperately wish that one day he would take up for me to my family that has disowned me because I love a woman.... but the whole dynamic of this situation has changed because I am not married and I just cant handle anyone disrespecting my wife. Because of the poor treatment she has received from my family, it really makes it hard to talk about these things with her. I am very fortunate to have the most amazing in laws a girl could ever ask for, around this time of year they always make sure I am included, even my wife's 92 year old grandmother, they treat me more like family than what has ever been shown to me my whole entire life. In reality, I am so incredibly blessed to have such loving and supportive people in my life, but deep down, I feel so empty inside. I know I need to see a therapist before this gets worse.... I feel like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment. Making music use to be a great way for me to express myself, but ever since my father passed, I cant seem to pick up the guitar anymore. I know that's what my dad would want me to do but I have lost the passion and the desire to play. This holiday season I want to try and focus more on the positive rather than the negative, but it always proves to be easier said than done. I like coming here when I can, you all have been so supportive and encouraging. This is my safe place.  

Comment by stewart p on December 2, 2016 at 3:27pm

Minky, It sounds like as though your daughter is trying to cope with the loss the only way she knows how.  I went through similar experiences with my kids, still am sometimes.  I found a group in a nearby city that offered bereavement meetings banded by age groups for younger kids, teens and so forth.  I didn't get my kids there in the beginning but years later now the issues are still alive and we are having to work on them none the less.  When my wife passed away I did get myself to meetings 2x a month for over a year. Dont know how I would of made it any other way looking back,  there I learned that my grief was mine, and whatever I was doing with it was OK despite what well meaning friends or family might suggest.  I even went to 1 on 1 counseling for a while, but unless someone has actually experienced such a loss themselves there is just something they cant connect with.  I know most counselors will disagree with that statement but after seeing 3 different ones I couldn't help buy notice they just dont quite connect with the actual loss and the feelings that accompany it, I dont think so, though there may be an exceptional one from time to time that does.  But in those groups I found refuge, and understanding and I think my kids would of benefited a lot from it, now years later it turns out we probably will have to do it anyway.  The one other thing I got from that experience was that while we generally go about our lives with out plans and to-do's, once we lose our spouse most of that seems to get tossed aside, and we can easily fall into the trap of believing we must carry on as before and when we dont we get frustrated, discouraged even depressed that we dont seem to be able to do what we once easily did before.  One of my kids quit school, the other got into trouble and I quit working.  But that is OK, it takes time and the important thing is that you take care of each other and allow yourselves the space and time to begin healing without expectations or pressure.  In time as has happened with us and yes it has taken a few years my kids are getting back on track and Ive had a chance to begin to discover what I truly want from life for myself and my family.  Im not sure I would of know that had I not gone to those meetings, after all how are any of us suppose to know how to deal with this stuff?  I learned that it was ok to take a break from life, and while avoiding completely dropping out setting myself some new goals to reach and when I failed to reach them because I might be overtaken with that proverbial grief for a period of time it was ok and not to get down on myself or my kids.  And those goals weren't anything lofty mind you, they might be something as simple as take myself for a walk at the park this Saturday, but even that sometimes seemed so hard to accomplish and if and when I failed to do it to take it easy on myself, likewise when my kids missed an appointment or failed a test or whatever, that it was going to be ok.  Slowly over time we have managed to regain much of our footing and I do see things getting better, and when in doubt I can always refer back to some of those journals I wrote earlier and see for sure it is not the way it once seemed it would last forever. Oh journals I mentioned, I got a bunch of those 80 page spirals at Walmart and began writing in them, 20+ all totaled by now.  Writing memos, notes, letters etc to, about my wife and myself, gave me an avenue to put thoughts out there, process them and now though not my intention at the time I can look back sometimes at them and see where I was and know where I am at today.  Plus, for those long lonely nights and days in the beginning it gave me a chance to feel closer to my wife if even only in my mind.  I highly recommend it to anyone.

Comment by Anthony on December 2, 2016 at 1:37pm
It's been 1yr 7mo's and 1 day since my love passed away and the pain of losing her stings the same as it did that spring day ... although, I recognize that particular details and images don't burn with the same intensity nor is there a consistency behind it... don't get me wrong, it still sends me in a tailspin 4 days but only during the special times of year that meant something to the both of us. This time of year during Thanksgiving and Christmas is so emotional. She was born on Christmas Eve.
Comment by JO B on December 1, 2016 at 4:00pm

Comment by Lisa Wysong on November 15, 2016 at 12:15am

I would like to talk to any and all who have had a sudden traumatic loss. I  feel so alone with my sadness, no one understands.

Comment by Lisa Wysong on November 15, 2016 at 12:11am

For me it is Fridays, that is the day I found my best friends dead body. Your father's dementia has to make it hard for you to grief your   husband. I know what it is like when there is no one to turn to.

You are grieving two losses, your father and your husband.

I will  be  hear to listen if you need to chat.

Comment by Nb on November 15, 2016 at 12:00am
Leslie, for me It's Fridays. My son was killed in a car accident on August 26. I'm sorry you are also grieving your father's dementia. It's hard.
Comment by Ruthie on November 7, 2016 at 1:05pm

I hope there is hunting in heaven, because these season made my Keving so happy.  He became like a child and always went hunting with his Dad. Its hard to see others hunting and getting ready. This whole season is going to be hard the first time through.

 

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Sharon left a comment for Rj
"Rj it's almost been two years for us. How have you been? Sharon"
3 hours ago
RG replied to HelenB's discussion Grieg counseling
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5 hours ago
Suzy left a comment for Rain
"EXACTLY how I feel!  I had to stop looking at her Facebook page, then I found more peace.  Private email me at cardz@tpg.com.au if you want. "
7 hours ago
John T. commented on Maxey's blog post Ignore
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8 hours ago
Maxey posted a blog post

Ignore

Hi,I see that John the Dragon has replied with anger to a post I submitted. I was already to send something back, and then I realized that I was going to be as childish and immature as he is being. My husband was a psychologist, and he would have told me to ignore this man and his flagrant disregard for the feelings of others. I think I am beginning to see that he NEEDS this attention we are giving him. It makes him feel important. Why else would someone try to inflict his feelings on others?As…See More
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Rain left a comment for Suzy
"Suzy I would definitely love to keep the group alive and reach out. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to comment under your comment on my wall or come here still learning. I think this is the lonliest place in the world. I look at his wife's…"
9 hours ago
Suzy left a comment for Rain
"Hi Rain, This is a group people like us need, as we have no-one we can open up to about this. Perhaps people are finding it hard to deal with their grief, as I am, and can't write about it? I seem to suffer in silence, as I've had to since…"
10 hours ago
Rain left a comment for Rain
"Thank you. I sent you an email. I think I commented back in the wrong spot the first time!"
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"Thank you Cathy I sent you an email."
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Cathy Richardson left a comment for Rain
"Hi Rain - I am very sorry for your loss. Please feel free to e-mail me at catrich1964@gmail.com. I am happy to help. Cathy"
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19 hours ago
Lisa Green commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hello Olive. This may sound very strange but welcome to our club that none of us ever wanted to be a part of. The loss of my Mom has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. The good thing about this site is that all of us truly do…"
20 hours ago
Rain replied to April's discussion Nightmarrs
"I have had a lot of them. I dream about finding out he died all over again."
20 hours ago
Rain replied to Sharon Horvitz's discussion Acceptance of the Finality of Death
"I feel exactly the same as far the difficulty in accepting it. I am in a totally different situation, a man I loved deeply died. One second I feel like I might have the ability to eventually be ok but then it hits me that I will never ever see him…"
20 hours ago
Rain commented on Cathy Richardson's group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Is anyone still active in this group? I have been searching for a group of this kind that understands this type of pain."
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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
20 hours ago
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22 hours ago
John the Dragon commented on Amy Reed's group Losing a spouse and dating again
"I lost my wife of 14 years last April, 2016.  Yes, I started way before others might have looking for someone to share with, be a companion, even possibly start a new relationship with.  I guess it all depends on when you yourself feel…"
22 hours ago

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