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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

2 tragic deaths 5 days apart.. 10 Replies

Hello my name is Julie I'm 26 years old. On oct 30th/2016 my Mother commit suicide in my family home and my Father found her. She had become mentally ill since 2014 but never had any or much…Continue

Started by annjulie. Last reply by Kerri Davis 7 hours ago.

so devastated and disorientated

My husband passed away November 25, 2016.  The day after thanksgiving.  I am completely devastated. He took care of everything for the 27 years we were together, so not only is my heart broken into…Continue

Started by kim r yesterday.

When my soulmate died he took my heart an soul with him. I'm so brokenl 10 Replies

My husband passed away last month in his sleep at age 41 from a heart attack. He had no signs or symptoms leading up to his death. We were together for almost 16 years an have 7 kids. I have bad…Continue

Started by Michelle. Last reply by kim r yesterday.

Loss of boyfriend due to motorcycle 2 Replies

Hello everyone, my name is Brittany. I am new to this and not quiet sure how this works. My therapist pointed me in this direction so i thought i would give it a try. I am 24 years old from…Continue

Started by Brittany. Last reply by Stehanie Loughmiller on Friday.

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Comment by JO B on Monday

so sorry emma loss my cat of 16 yrs  16 yrs of frndsho 2 wks go had 2 get her pt 2 sleeep did not evn go in vwt vets 2 get her put 2 sleeep coz i wud of bean no gud 2 her in finl mnts of lif had get my brhtr 2 tak her i had 2 

i kist her gud by on hed all day bef she wnt 2 vets i did saed sorry i luv u i do weid way she stol my hert thn brok my hert lk pets do thy do 

iv got 2 tiny kitns 2 kp me bizy i do nw 

Comment by emma on Monday

I feel so lost , I lost a 2 family member right before Christmas , when will this end , I feel guilty my cousin passed away last night and I was so mad with her for stealing my ex boyfriend and causeing trouble in my family , now shes gone

Comment by Stehanie Loughmiller on Monday

There is never a day that goes by that I don't think about my father, it has almost been 4 years and I still feel broken. It's hard to talk about the pain that I feel inside, because if you haven't experienced the loss of a parent YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. My father and I had a very complicated relationship, but above all else, I know that he loved me more than anything in this world. That is what I try to keep in the fore Front of my mind every December. He loved me, and that Is all that matters. My family still will not have anything to do with me, my brother and I are working on rebuilding our relationship but it is hard when so much has been said, hurtful things, that can be forgiven but never forgotten. I so desperately wish that one day he would take up for me to my family that has disowned me because I love a woman.... but the whole dynamic of this situation has changed because I am not married and I just cant handle anyone disrespecting my wife. Because of the poor treatment she has received from my family, it really makes it hard to talk about these things with her. I am very fortunate to have the most amazing in laws a girl could ever ask for, around this time of year they always make sure I am included, even my wife's 92 year old grandmother, they treat me more like family than what has ever been shown to me my whole entire life. In reality, I am so incredibly blessed to have such loving and supportive people in my life, but deep down, I feel so empty inside. I know I need to see a therapist before this gets worse.... I feel like a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment. Making music use to be a great way for me to express myself, but ever since my father passed, I cant seem to pick up the guitar anymore. I know that's what my dad would want me to do but I have lost the passion and the desire to play. This holiday season I want to try and focus more on the positive rather than the negative, but it always proves to be easier said than done. I like coming here when I can, you all have been so supportive and encouraging. This is my safe place.  

Comment by stewart p on Friday

Minky, It sounds like as though your daughter is trying to cope with the loss the only way she knows how.  I went through similar experiences with my kids, still am sometimes.  I found a group in a nearby city that offered bereavement meetings banded by age groups for younger kids, teens and so forth.  I didn't get my kids there in the beginning but years later now the issues are still alive and we are having to work on them none the less.  When my wife passed away I did get myself to meetings 2x a month for over a year. Dont know how I would of made it any other way looking back,  there I learned that my grief was mine, and whatever I was doing with it was OK despite what well meaning friends or family might suggest.  I even went to 1 on 1 counseling for a while, but unless someone has actually experienced such a loss themselves there is just something they cant connect with.  I know most counselors will disagree with that statement but after seeing 3 different ones I couldn't help buy notice they just dont quite connect with the actual loss and the feelings that accompany it, I dont think so, though there may be an exceptional one from time to time that does.  But in those groups I found refuge, and understanding and I think my kids would of benefited a lot from it, now years later it turns out we probably will have to do it anyway.  The one other thing I got from that experience was that while we generally go about our lives with out plans and to-do's, once we lose our spouse most of that seems to get tossed aside, and we can easily fall into the trap of believing we must carry on as before and when we dont we get frustrated, discouraged even depressed that we dont seem to be able to do what we once easily did before.  One of my kids quit school, the other got into trouble and I quit working.  But that is OK, it takes time and the important thing is that you take care of each other and allow yourselves the space and time to begin healing without expectations or pressure.  In time as has happened with us and yes it has taken a few years my kids are getting back on track and Ive had a chance to begin to discover what I truly want from life for myself and my family.  Im not sure I would of know that had I not gone to those meetings, after all how are any of us suppose to know how to deal with this stuff?  I learned that it was ok to take a break from life, and while avoiding completely dropping out setting myself some new goals to reach and when I failed to reach them because I might be overtaken with that proverbial grief for a period of time it was ok and not to get down on myself or my kids.  And those goals weren't anything lofty mind you, they might be something as simple as take myself for a walk at the park this Saturday, but even that sometimes seemed so hard to accomplish and if and when I failed to do it to take it easy on myself, likewise when my kids missed an appointment or failed a test or whatever, that it was going to be ok.  Slowly over time we have managed to regain much of our footing and I do see things getting better, and when in doubt I can always refer back to some of those journals I wrote earlier and see for sure it is not the way it once seemed it would last forever. Oh journals I mentioned, I got a bunch of those 80 page spirals at Walmart and began writing in them, 20+ all totaled by now.  Writing memos, notes, letters etc to, about my wife and myself, gave me an avenue to put thoughts out there, process them and now though not my intention at the time I can look back sometimes at them and see where I was and know where I am at today.  Plus, for those long lonely nights and days in the beginning it gave me a chance to feel closer to my wife if even only in my mind.  I highly recommend it to anyone.

Comment by Anthony on Friday
It's been 1yr 7mo's and 1 day since my love passed away and the pain of losing her stings the same as it did that spring day ... although, I recognize that particular details and images don't burn with the same intensity nor is there a consistency behind it... don't get me wrong, it still sends me in a tailspin 4 days but only during the special times of year that meant something to the both of us. This time of year during Thanksgiving and Christmas is so emotional. She was born on Christmas Eve.
Comment by JO B on December 1, 2016 at 4:00pm

Comment by Lisa Wysong on November 15, 2016 at 12:15am

I would like to talk to any and all who have had a sudden traumatic loss. I  feel so alone with my sadness, no one understands.

Comment by Lisa Wysong on November 15, 2016 at 12:11am

For me it is Fridays, that is the day I found my best friends dead body. Your father's dementia has to make it hard for you to grief your   husband. I know what it is like when there is no one to turn to.

You are grieving two losses, your father and your husband.

I will  be  hear to listen if you need to chat.

Comment by Nb on November 15, 2016 at 12:00am
Leslie, for me It's Fridays. My son was killed in a car accident on August 26. I'm sorry you are also grieving your father's dementia. It's hard.
Comment by Leslie on November 14, 2016 at 11:15pm

The 14th of every month is hard since my husband death. Three months ago at midnight tonight. I came across the last email I sent him. He never saw it. I discovered that I sent it off to his gmail the exact moment he was killed by the drunk driver. That was really hard to take in tonight on this "anniversary" date. Yesterday my father saw a picture I had with my husband and my son. My father asked who that person was. He no longer remembers that I was married and who my husband was. I hate this disease. This slow death. 

 

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