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Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 774
Latest Activity: 9 hours ago

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

Dealing with Loss of Sister by Fire 2 Replies

My sister and her husband was killed in a fire leaving behind their 4 children. We were very close not just sisters we were best friends. The died trying to get out of their vacation cabin in NC…Continue

Started by Michele. Last reply by Michele yesterday.

The loss of my beloved man. 1 Reply

It´s not easy to describe my experience,but that´s the reason why I registered on this page not long ago.I´ll be happy to share with others feeling tremendous pain and grief.It´s been not long ago…Continue

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Maureen on Thursday.

A family Ripped Apart

I am so upset. My nephew passed away suddenly in November of last year. He has older children from his first marriage and I'm very close to them. He was still married to his second wife at the time…Continue

Started by Felicia Evans Mar 28.

My wife 12 Replies

    On January 26th of this year, my whole life was changed forever. My wife of 44 years was killed in an automobile accident. She was riding with a co-worker from their place of employment to where…Continue

Started by Orville Hamman Jr.. Last reply by vinnie perez Mar 26.

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Comment by JO B alexio 9 hours ago

im so sorry for new 1s as well as old 1s on hear coz of loss all i no had loss non stop i no im not on my own on hear no 1s on own on hear

Comment by Jeni yesterday
Michelle ....so sad to hear about your loss. Truly I know there are no words because on 11 jan this year my partner of 2.5 years died in my arms after having a seizure followed by cardiac arrest .The pain I know is so immense, and the void very deep. There is no reason and no understanding of these tragic situations. Each day, comes with it's own challenges and this for me, I believe will be forever. But there is nothing wrong if we feel a happiness once again even if for a short while. There is nothing wrong with pushing those aside because they don't understand even thought they try to.No One can understand unless they have been there.I wish I could take your hand and walk a part of this hard hard journey with you . I wish I could hug you and tell you it's ok to cry and just do the things you can. I send you strength and I send you my Luv ....Jeni
Comment by Michelle B. on Friday

Dolly, thank you for your reply.  It was my husband who was killed suddenly, not a child...that is a whole other level of suffering that I could not under any circumstances even hope to comprehend. 

Comment by Dolly on Friday

Michelle you are a grieving mother... nothing is WRONG with you except the very worst WRONG thing we have ever faced.. losing our child.. people are just not worth worrying about at this point... they may think they are being kind, but they can do so much damage with a careless remark like 'you need to get on with your life' and such... its just ignorance .. my biggest problem is trying to keep from telling them to shut the **** UP!! sorry .. but its true.... I USUALLY succeed but I'm sure my eyes are spinning in their sockets and steam coming out of my ears... but then they would still not get it..

Comment by Michelle B. on Friday

Had a good day, but the wave came last evening with no apparent trigger.  Cannot seem to get any work done, housework, interactions with the kids have been on autopilot.  I feel guilty for having a good day.  Also, why would someone who knows what happened to our family, ask me "what's wrong" when they find me in tears? Am I being really selfish and stupid by assuming those who know, should know exactly why every tear, every sad thought, every screw-up due to lack of focusing, is based on that one thing?  I give my children this talk every day, just about - people don't say things to be mean, they are just people and sometimes they just talk before they think. We all do it! I've gone from relying a great deal on my friends to wondering what I ever saw in these people. What on earth is happening to me?

Comment by Lynn Boyd on Friday
I know what you mean about friends and family being less than helpful. They are NOT in your shoes, and be prepared for them to say some hurtful or dumb, stupid things. They mean well, they only want you to be happy and hurt less. But they still are clueless. This is why I urge you to find a bereavement group, where you will be amongst supportive, like-minded people. My group has literally been a life saver for me. To find a group you can check hospitals, your church, funeral homes, and online. (Google "bereavement groups" with the name of your hometown.) The books call it "grief work" and you must do this work to eventually find some peace. Your son lives on in spirit in your heart...keep him there, he will always be there for you. There is a special place in heaven for children who become automatic angels. He will be watching over you...watch for the signs. You may not see or feel them at first (I didn't) but they will be there. Practicing gratefulness is also helpful....being grateful for what little time he was allowed into your life can be comforting. I am grateful for the twenty-seven years I had my husband in my life...25 of them married to him. Grief is the price we pay for Love. If we didn't love them as much as we do, the pain of grief wouldn't be as strong. <3 <3 <3
Comment by Denise on Friday
Thanks for the ((((((hugs)))))) and right back to u
Comment by Denise on Friday
Thank u for all the advice and I will start reading some books. I do have plenty of family and friends but they don't have a clue cause there not in my shoes. I was not drinking or doing drugs or anything (I never did nor would i) but I was driving the car my only child died in . It was nothing but a accident because I blacked out and ran off the road. We were almost home ,it was probably not even a mile away :( :::::::::
Comment by Lynn Boyd on Friday
oh Denise, I wish I could hug you right now. The loss of a child is especially difficult. I know you would do anything to have him back. When we grieve we ask lots of questions...why him? Why at such a bad time? What could I have done? You may feel like it was somehow your fault. The worst part is these questions have no answers. But it is completely normal for you to feel these emotions. April 12 was the second birthday my husband has missed...I dreaded the day and felt myself backsliding into guilt and grief. You will have highs and lows. Something that helped me was reading every book on grief I could find at my library. Those books gave me the tools I needed to work through my own nightmare. An especially helpful book was "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye". There are chapters for parents who have lost a child, There is also a Facebook page by the same title (I don't think they are connected though) and I get daily affirmations that help me remember that life is still worth living. Seek out as much support as you can find. It's only been six months for you, and I'll bet you feel like crap most of the time. It's okay to feel crappy. So be kind to yourself, allow yourself however much time you need to work through the crap. We all grieve differently, even though we all feel that same pain. Do you have good people around to help support you? There are good people here. *****bigger hugs*****
Comment by Denise on Friday
It was a car accident
 

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