Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • Male
  • Tavares, FL
  • United States
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Latest Activity

Ronnie Luethy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It has been 3 months for me now, and I still say 'we'. Every once in awhile I realize as I say it, and I've tried to say 'I' a few times. But I've starting to realize that it still is 'we' not just…"
1 hour ago
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have a quick question for you all.  I was talking to a friend the other day and I said "we" she said, "Don't you mean I?"  It made me realize I use we and us a lot still.  I know it has only been a…"
4 hours ago
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Alice.  I have been feeling more and more and more anger towards just about everyone I know.  I am angry they are happy, angry they have future plans they are looking forward to, angry they want to include me in those plans.…"
4 hours ago
Maxey left a comment for Jon-Paul Ackerman
"I think John has said everything I am feeling each day. I sometimes think during the day of how many of us are out there suffering through this pain. It has been almost two years for me, so, I guess, after three there is still no relief or hope in…"
8 hours ago
KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello, well I made it through my 1st anniversary without him.  It was a really hard day, Wednesday.  I miss him like crazy and love him so much. Today I just feel numb.  All these stages of grief are exhausting.  Working full…"
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, I remember when the anger started burning inside me too. It was horrible and ugly and scary, and immensely powerful. I felt afraid to open my mouth in front of others in case I screamed and yelled and told them what I thought of them and…"
yesterday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello AnneJ and everyone,  In a couple of weeks it will be 3 years since I lost all that mattered to me.  Six months ago I started unpacking and hung some pictures where I live now.  I did it out of embarrassment rather than a desire…"
Friday
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Apparently, I have found the anger that my counselor and everyone else has been saying I was going to feel.  To this point, all I have felt is sad or numb.  Well, the last 2 days I have not been able to stand to see happy families.…"
Thursday
AnneJ commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi, Linda. I feel the same way as you. I feel like you could walk right into my home, sit down, and we wouldn't have to say a word and be completely understood by one another. It's been 3 years and 10 months since my Beloved man died, the…"
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"To all my friends on this web-site. I want to thanks all of you for being so understanding as we are all in the same boat. The outside world will never understand what we are going through. It's been 4 years and I still am griefing. I see a…"
Wednesday
Shelley Sawhook commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, My kids are adults and my crying distresses them, so I know you don't want to, but it happens and you can't let yourself get upset when it does.  You are a human and have very raw feelings.  If you hide it too much they…"
Wednesday
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am having such a horrible day.  It has been one month since my husband passed and everything I had to do today kept reminding me he was gone.  Then just a little while ago I forgot for one second and called out to him to ask what he…"
Wednesday
KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Susan, my friend at work had it sent to me as well.  I didn't even know it was coming.  I thought the same thing, great she wants me to feel better right now.  Not the case.  It true story about how she came back from the…"
Tuesday
KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"How do all of you do it. Go day by day and continue.  I have a full time job and a house to take care of.  I am without a support system in the area. I have been back to work 9 weeks.  I was doing so much better when I first came back…"
Tuesday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"KIM,      I'm so sorry for all of your grief.     It's too bad about your family.    I'm sure they loved Jack.    He sounds like a person that everyone loved, because he made everyone feel…"
Aug 11
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, I am sorry you are in this hell too.  Many of us here know what it is like. {{{{hugs}}}}"
Aug 10

Profile Information

About Me:
Grew up in crime, met my Creator who changed my life and gave me a perfect Queen and children
About my Loss:
My perfect wife lost her life giving life. Her uterus ruptured at 20 weeks and she passed away...

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Comment Wall (13 comments)

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At 2:26pm on August 19, 2017, Maxey said…
I think John has said everything I am feeling each day. I sometimes think during the day of how many of us are out there suffering through this pain. It has been almost two years for me, so, I guess, after three there is still no relief or hope in sight. I feel nothing, and for those who tell you are now free to do things; they are crazy. Why would I want to be free of my love who made all the things we did worthwhile, meaningful, and happy?
Everyone who had a love will someday lose them; it is inevitable. They will then, and only then, understand our thoughts and pain.
I do not wish it on anyone.
At 8:22pm on June 26, 2017, KIM Montgomery said…

Today is June 26.  This is the first time I have posted today.  I woke up feeling ok.  Then like other I have xanax whichI try not to take during the day as it is makes me very tired.  I can take a half and survive most of the day.  I have 2 dogs and myself to take care of now.  So come the responsibilities of paying billings keeping medical insurance, keeping my job going and staying focused.  I am glad to hear I am not the only that has pills for sleeping and anxiety.  I made myself stay off of here today until tonight as I have so much to get done at work.  I am really trying.  I know find myself stuffing my feelings down until night.  Does anyone else do this.  I wait until I get home to the safety of my house.  I love him husband so much.  It has only been since May 2, 2017 and I can already tell that my "friends" without saying it think I should be doing so much better and getting over it. Getting over it and moving on.  I am not over it, I am moving on and doing what people and society expect us to do.  I still feel like I am in a huge haze.  The celebration of Life will be July 29th and now I have to plan the slide show.  My son said he would take care of all of it, but I don't see him doing anything at this time.  I think I am going to have to plan this as well.  Currently he is taking a week off in Alaska to go fishing.  He says oh I will get it handled next week. I want this to be a nice Celebration and am trying to put the slide show together.  I guess that will be what the next few weekends will be.  I pray this goes smoothly and helps me get some closure, remind me of the great days and keep his memory going.  Take care and have a good night.

At 9:24pm on April 3, 2017, Jon-Paul Ackerman said…
The darkness has completely overtaken the love
At 3:07pm on August 18, 2016, Mel Royer said…

Elynn, I can relate to your situation as it parallels mine perfectly. First, I am sorry for our loss. I am aware there are no words that can take away the sting, the inconsolable pain of your loss. I lost my Nancy, April 29th of last year and am still and will for a long time be facing the hell of loneliness, the emptiness and the never ending longing for that person who defined you and was always there for you, your soul mate and best friend. That was Nancy.   Now, I too cannot drive and have a limited social network, again, apart from this grief site. I live exclusively on social security and can barely make that last, but I do. I wake up broken and go to sleep broken, spending the day lost and wandering through my empty house, more like a tomb than a home. We are all so vulnerable to to the world we must live in and on that day I do not wake up, I hope to wake up in the arms of my true love, my beautiful Nancy. I pray the same for you and everyone who must endure this cold empty life. May God watch over you and bless you and take care of yourself...Mel 

At 3:43pm on August 9, 2016, Elynn m said…

Anyone else  feeling lonely and depresxed?   I have trouble getting out if the house because I do not drive.   My husband used to go everywhere with me.   It's really lonely and depressing having to stay in the house all day (luckily my son is here daily).  Too hot to go outside (here in the desert ). Wish I had something to look forward to.

At 2:40am on June 16, 2016, Mary said…
Jon-Paul
My heart goes out to you. Your last comment is worrisome. I don't know what to say to help you other than pls find strength from the love of your lovely wife to keep going. Take care of yourself. Praying for comfort and peace for you and all others including myself.
At 9:39pm on June 9, 2016, Jon-Paul Ackerman said…
Hello all. I have been relentlessly seeking. Sorry to be away so long but I am very unhealthy and don't want to spread it. There is hope for you if you truly want it. I however do not. I find peace in the agony that grows deeper each day. With much understanding comes great suffering.
At 10:30pm on January 30, 2016, rachel_micele said…

Just want to say Jon-Paul I appreciate your recent posts. "I rendezvous with my Queen daily. I've never felt closer to Her". I found that absolutely beautiful. That is what I am aiming for with my love. It seems the only option to survive this nightmare. To "seek ruthlessly" - if you ever care to share what has been your journey I would be interested to hear.

At 10:56pm on January 29, 2016, Alice Thompson said…
Dear Jon-Paul, I just noticed your comments to others, and wanted to say thank you for creating the group Lost My Spouse. My partner died a year ago, and your group has helped me so much. There are wonderful people there, so honest in their deep suffering. Your words today have comforted me too, hearing how you are still learning more about your love, how she is with you. I feel this too, but it is hard to hold on to in my grief sometimes. So thank you for your faith. I wish you good things, Alice
At 7:27pm on January 13, 2016, Hilary Christene said…
You have been missed here
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Ronnie Luethy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It has been 3 months for me now, and I still say 'we'. Every once in awhile I realize as I say it, and I've tried to say 'I' a few times. But I've starting to realize that it still is 'we' not just…"
1 hour ago
Beth Swansboro and Mary Ann Troxell are now friends
4 hours ago
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have a quick question for you all.  I was talking to a friend the other day and I said "we" she said, "Don't you mean I?"  It made me realize I use we and us a lot still.  I know it has only been a…"
4 hours ago
Jennifer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Alice.  I have been feeling more and more and more anger towards just about everyone I know.  I am angry they are happy, angry they have future plans they are looking forward to, angry they want to include me in those plans.…"
4 hours ago
Alice Thompson replied to Maxey's discussion Moved, but nothing changes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, I actually do believe my love is still with me, and I have this life with him nobody could understand. I've started bringing this up in conversation with people a couple of times, but soon stopped when I heard the sound of what I was…"
7 hours ago
Maxey left a comment for Jon-Paul Ackerman
"I think John has said everything I am feeling each day. I sometimes think during the day of how many of us are out there suffering through this pain. It has been almost two years for me, so, I guess, after three there is still no relief or hope in…"
8 hours ago
Demetrius and Brenda Ann are now friends
8 hours ago
Maxey added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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Moved, but nothing changes

I moved from the beautiful Northwest to Austin, TX to be closer to my family, but nothing seems to change. My sadness and loneliness seem to follow me wherever I go. I thought maybe a change in scenery would give me a new perspective, but, so far, nothing.It will be two years in October that I lost my husband of 55 years, and I miss him MORE today than ever. I think I am becoming obsessive since I talk to him all the time and fantasize that he is still here. I make believe we are going to take…See More
8 hours ago
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Good morning everyone and good morning Mama!  I have alot to get accomplished today so that I can bring things home from Mamas home. As always I love you Mama!"
13 hours ago
Profile IconDAWN WALTON, Julie Owen, Lori Szymanski and 26 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
14 hours ago
Suzette Laree Arch added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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4 months and I can't stop crying

I knew my Best Friend since high school...we were good friends..And stayed in touch over the years - We may have gone 3-4 years before we spoke - But we knew each others situations and we stayed Best Friends - Giving each other advice - I just wanted to make sure he was home to his wife and child - As he served 8 tours in Afghanistan, Iraq and undisclosed locations - We both are parents..We reconnected face to face 2 years ago, both in bad marriages and unhappy...I was about half way through my…See More
16 hours ago
Suzette Laree Arch joined Cathy Richardson's group
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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
16 hours ago
Tori commented on Laura Rozier's group Losing Someone to Drug Overdose
"I lost my best friend 6/17/16 to a heroin overdose. I've noticed for me that the happiest times are the hardest. The milestones where you find yourself able to smile and laugh again are usually the most painful. The happier the occasion or the…"
16 hours ago
Tori joined Laura Rozier's group
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Losing Someone to Drug Overdose

If you've lost someone you loved due to them overdosing on drugs, let's talk about it here.See More
16 hours ago
Tori posted a photo
16 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Janie that sounds good, "I love  you mom"!!!!  "
17 hours ago
Janie m Snitko commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hope everybody has a loving good weekend and let's celebrate our Mom's for giving us life. I love you Mama!!"
yesterday
Linda Engberg replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, It has been 4 years since I lost my Husband and soulmate to cancer. My family and friends tell me that time will things better. To tell you the truth the only way I keep my sanity, is adopting a dog and seeing my therapist and…"
yesterday
KIM Montgomery replied to Jennifer's discussion They don't understand. in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Jennifer, my husband passed May 2, 2017.  We had a wonderful marriage and we loved each other with all of our hearts.  Jack was an awesome person.  I am currently going through this with my own family.  I am away from my family…"
yesterday
KIM Montgomery commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello, well I made it through my 1st anniversary without him.  It was a really hard day, Wednesday.  I miss him like crazy and love him so much. Today I just feel numb.  All these stages of grief are exhausting.  Working full…"
yesterday

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