Jon-Paul Ackerman
  • Male
  • Tavares, FL
  • United States
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Latest Activity

Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I love that explanation Linda!!!"
Feb 12
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Feb 12
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jen,  I agree. I would hate to waste all this suffering if it screws up my transit and reunion with the other half of my soul but how much is one person supposed to endure?  I am a blinkered mess. I look like I function to others as I have…"
Feb 11
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same way Linda. But, I've had so many experiences that make me pretty sure there is one. I'm afraid to have wasted all of this suffering for nothing. If there is an afterlife/reincarnation, to kill myself now will mean I'll…"
Feb 11
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think I'm going down hill and very hopeful that it won't be too long now."
Feb 11
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, I know how you feel. Day after day without my Husband, I wake up every morning and hate that I am still alive. If I was given real proof there is no afterlife, I would do away with myself. "
Feb 11
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I don't want to live without him anymore.  "
Feb 10
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I pray there is an afterlife. My Father always said when your dead your dead and he was one smart man. "
Feb 3
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, YOU WILL SEE JULIAN AGAIN!"
Feb 2
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Lisa & Michele for your comments. Beside the wonderful friends on the site, the only other person I can share what I feel is with my Wonderful and Caring Psychiatrist Dr. C. I have been seeing her once a month since my Husband died 7…"
Feb 1
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda & M Adams.....Very timely posts.  I came online to check and her you were. Not more than an hour ago I had another major meltdown and it had been about 3-4 days ( I lose count) since my last one which was a feat and of itself.…"
Feb 1
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"So sorry you’re having this painful experience, Linda.  It’s such a strange, crazy feeling, I have it too, that constant expectancy that seems to be able to persist even though you also totally know that he won’t be coming…"
Feb 1
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I CAN'T SEEM TO WRAP MY MINE AROUND THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WAITING FOR HIM TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR....I KNOW THAT HE'S GONE!. BUT TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN....IT JUST WON'T REGISTER."
Feb 1
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I CAN'T SEEM TO WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN! IT'S NOT LIKE I AM WAITING FOR HIM TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR. I KNOW THAT HE'S GONE. BUT TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN....IT JUST WON'T REGISTER."
Feb 1
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"1 CAN'T SEEM TO WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN! IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WAITING FOR HIM TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR. I KNOW THAT HE'S GONE! BUT TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN....IT JUST…"
Feb 1
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
Jan 13

Profile Information

About Me:
Grew up in crime, met my Creator who changed my life and gave me a perfect Queen and children
About my Loss:
My perfect wife lost her life giving life. Her uterus ruptured at 20 weeks and she passed away...

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Comment Wall (11 comments)

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At 2:26pm on August 19, 2017, Maxey said…
I think John has said everything I am feeling each day. I sometimes think during the day of how many of us are out there suffering through this pain. It has been almost two years for me, so, I guess, after three there is still no relief or hope in sight. I feel nothing, and for those who tell you are now free to do things; they are crazy. Why would I want to be free of my love who made all the things we did worthwhile, meaningful, and happy?
Everyone who had a love will someday lose them; it is inevitable. They will then, and only then, understand our thoughts and pain.
I do not wish it on anyone.
At 9:24pm on April 3, 2017, Jon-Paul Ackerman said…
The darkness has completely overtaken the love
At 3:07pm on August 18, 2016, Mel Royer said…

Elynn, I can relate to your situation as it parallels mine perfectly. First, I am sorry for our loss. I am aware there are no words that can take away the sting, the inconsolable pain of your loss. I lost my Nancy, April 29th of last year and am still and will for a long time be facing the hell of loneliness, the emptiness and the never ending longing for that person who defined you and was always there for you, your soul mate and best friend. That was Nancy.   Now, I too cannot drive and have a limited social network, again, apart from this grief site. I live exclusively on social security and can barely make that last, but I do. I wake up broken and go to sleep broken, spending the day lost and wandering through my empty house, more like a tomb than a home. We are all so vulnerable to to the world we must live in and on that day I do not wake up, I hope to wake up in the arms of my true love, my beautiful Nancy. I pray the same for you and everyone who must endure this cold empty life. May God watch over you and bless you and take care of yourself...Mel 

At 3:43pm on August 9, 2016, Elynn m said…

Anyone else  feeling lonely and depresxed?   I have trouble getting out if the house because I do not drive.   My husband used to go everywhere with me.   It's really lonely and depressing having to stay in the house all day (luckily my son is here daily).  Too hot to go outside (here in the desert ). Wish I had something to look forward to.

At 2:40am on June 16, 2016, Mary said…
Jon-Paul
My heart goes out to you. Your last comment is worrisome. I don't know what to say to help you other than pls find strength from the love of your lovely wife to keep going. Take care of yourself. Praying for comfort and peace for you and all others including myself.
At 9:39pm on June 9, 2016, Jon-Paul Ackerman said…
Hello all. I have been relentlessly seeking. Sorry to be away so long but I am very unhealthy and don't want to spread it. There is hope for you if you truly want it. I however do not. I find peace in the agony that grows deeper each day. With much understanding comes great suffering.
At 10:30pm on January 30, 2016, rachel_micele said…

Just want to say Jon-Paul I appreciate your recent posts. "I rendezvous with my Queen daily. I've never felt closer to Her". I found that absolutely beautiful. That is what I am aiming for with my love. It seems the only option to survive this nightmare. To "seek ruthlessly" - if you ever care to share what has been your journey I would be interested to hear.

At 7:27pm on January 13, 2016, Hilary Christene said…
You have been missed here
At 3:00pm on December 25, 2015, Hilary Christene said…

Sending you Christmas blessings Jon-Paul.

I imagine you are finding a way with your children, into your future. I hope for you.

This place you created here has a special healing quality to it. I know we all appreciate you, and when we see the name Jon-Paul Ackerman, we feel comforted.

At 12:10am on April 2, 2015, Tildyc said…
John-Paul- I want to thank you for creating this community. It's help me more then any counseling or medication or doctors could of ever have helped. This is one of the most difficult and painful times in anyones life. And to be able to communicate with other people who are experiencing the heartbreaking, life-changing, loss of a soulmate.... It's proving to be of sincere importance. So- thank you John-Paul.
 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, I believe that every consciousness/spirit/soul is immortal.  I, or no one in our limited dimensional world can prove that right or wrong.  I can't prove my OBE either.  All I can do is share it.  Your original post…"
34 seconds ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you. I hope with everything in my soul that you are right about that, and I wish I shared your faith in that regard. If you and I have already discussed this, I apologise for repeating myself (my memory is not what it once was, and my…"
13 hours ago
bluebird left a comment for Martee
"I saw both of your posts on my profile. If nothing else, maybe rock-climbing and the like will help to distract you for a little while. And you're right, it is absolutely not fair that our beloved partners have died. I know that my husband and…"
13 hours ago
M Adams replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Hope these rituals bring comfort to you, Martee.  I have kept the ashes of my husband as well, just don’t want to part with them.  It has been more than three years since his death — but I don’t feel like there is a…"
14 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Reading your posts, and many who post here, I think you're going to be joyously surprised when you pass over. "The worst thing about all of this is not knowing if my sweet, wonderful husband's soul still exists, as it…"
14 hours ago
Martee left a comment for Marjorie Willcox
"So sorry for your loss and pain, my soulmate died 1/29/20, been so bad for me to. I don’t let people know too much, no way I want to be taken out of my house. I feel like some people just want to watch me crash and are more nosey than…"
16 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you for your posts. Even though you don't have absolute proof of an afterlife, your out-of-body experience seems to have provided you with some level of surety, which I think is wonderful, and I must admit I'm jealous of you for…"
16 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, It doesn't make it easier so to speak.  What will help is when I allow my doctor to do some imaging, in the weeks or perhaps a couple of months ahead, I'll let him scan me, and since now I know something is spreading…"
17 hours ago
Josephine Crawford commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Thanks Ammy. I sometimes feel guilty when I am happy. Yes it takes time. Continued to all."
17 hours ago
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I kept my husband’s ashes, I keep them next to me all day, move them to his nightstand at night. Been 3 weeks..."
18 hours ago
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, Time to go to cemetery but will reply later today."
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, I wish I had your faith/assurance that there is an afterlife in which we will be reunited with our loves. I so hope that you are right about that. I think it would make this a tiny bit easier for me if I knew beyond any doubt that my husband…"
yesterday
Joe Kelly replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I read and log on and many times I just freeze up.  It's over two years and I should be with her already and though I don't think it will be too much longer, every minute of every waking and sometimes sleeping moment is a…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
yesterday
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Sorry to see your stories here...  There is nothing worse.   I will be at 4 years in June.  After a while at least for me, the acute pain just became dull pain.  I have heard that grief is love turned inside out.  No…"
yesterday
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you bluebird for always encapsulating the horror movie we live in in a way that is gentle but firm.  I can only nod my head in agreement with each of the points you made because I am so exhausted by trying to explain this widowing to…"
yesterday
bluebird and Martee are now friends
Tuesday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me. That…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel.  When my husband died several people, including…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch. That's what I…"
Tuesday

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