"Jen, I agree. I would hate to waste all this suffering if it screws up my transit and reunion with the other half of my soul but how much is one person supposed to endure? I am a blinkered mess. I look like I function to others as I have…"
"I feel the same way Linda. But, I've had so many experiences that make me pretty sure there is one. I'm afraid to have wasted all of this suffering for nothing. If there is an afterlife/reincarnation, to kill myself now will mean I'll…"
I know how you feel. Day after day without my Husband, I wake up every morning and hate that I am still alive. If I was given real proof there is no afterlife, I would do away with myself. "
"Thanks Lisa & Michele for your comments. Beside the wonderful friends on the site, the only other person I can share what I feel is with my Wonderful and Caring Psychiatrist Dr. C. I have been seeing her once a month since my Husband died 7…"
"Linda & M Adams.....Very timely posts. I came online to check and her you were. Not more than an hour ago I had another major meltdown and it had been about 3-4 days ( I lose count) since my last one which was a feat and of itself.…"
"So sorry you’re having this painful experience, Linda. It’s such a strange, crazy feeling, I have it too, that constant expectancy that seems to be able to persist even though you also totally know that he won’t be coming…"
"I CAN'T SEEM TO WRAP MY MINE AROUND THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WAITING FOR HIM TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR....I KNOW THAT HE'S GONE!. BUT TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN....IT JUST WON'T REGISTER."
"I CAN'T SEEM TO WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN! IT'S NOT LIKE I AM WAITING FOR HIM TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR. I KNOW THAT HE'S GONE. BUT TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN....IT JUST WON'T REGISTER."
"1 CAN'T SEEM TO WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN! IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WAITING FOR HIM TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR. I KNOW THAT HE'S GONE! BUT TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN....IT JUST…"
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
I think John has said everything I am feeling each day. I sometimes think during the day of how many of us are out there suffering through this pain. It has been almost two years for me, so, I guess, after three there is still no relief or hope in sight. I feel nothing, and for those who tell you are now free to do things; they are crazy. Why would I want to be free of my love who made all the things we did worthwhile, meaningful, and happy?
Everyone who had a love will someday lose them; it is inevitable. They will then, and only then, understand our thoughts and pain.
I do not wish it on anyone.
Elynn, I can relate to your situation as it parallels mine perfectly. First, I am sorry for our loss. I am aware there are no words that can take away the sting, the inconsolable pain of your loss. I lost my Nancy, April 29th of last year and am still and will for a long time be facing the hell of loneliness, the emptiness and the never ending longing for that person who defined you and was always there for you, your soul mate and best friend. That was Nancy. Now, I too cannot drive and have a limited social network, again, apart from this grief site. I live exclusively on social security and can barely make that last, but I do. I wake up broken and go to sleep broken, spending the day lost and wandering through my empty house, more like a tomb than a home. We are all so vulnerable to to the world we must live in and on that day I do not wake up, I hope to wake up in the arms of my true love, my beautiful Nancy. I pray the same for you and everyone who must endure this cold empty life. May God watch over you and bless you and take care of yourself...Mel
Anyone else feeling lonely and depresxed? I have trouble getting out if the house because I do not drive. My husband used to go everywhere with me. It's really lonely and depressing having to stay in the house all day (luckily my son is here daily). Too hot to go outside (here in the desert ). Wish I had something to look forward to.
My heart goes out to you. Your last comment is worrisome. I don't know what to say to help you other than pls find strength from the love of your lovely wife to keep going. Take care of yourself. Praying for comfort and peace for you and all others including myself.
Hello all. I have been relentlessly seeking. Sorry to be away so long but I am very unhealthy and don't want to spread it. There is hope for you if you truly want it. I however do not. I find peace in the agony that grows deeper each day. With much understanding comes great suffering.
Just want to say Jon-Paul I appreciate your recent posts. "I rendezvous with my Queen daily. I've never felt closer to Her". I found that absolutely beautiful. That is what I am aiming for with my love. It seems the only option to survive this nightmare. To "seek ruthlessly" - if you ever care to share what has been your journey I would be interested to hear.
John-Paul- I want to thank you for creating this community. It's help me more then any counseling or medication or doctors could of ever have helped. This is one of the most difficult and painful times in anyones life. And to be able to communicate with other people who are experiencing the heartbreaking, life-changing, loss of a soulmate.... It's proving to be of sincere importance. So- thank you John-Paul.
I believe that every consciousness/spirit/soul is immortal. I, or no one in our limited dimensional world can prove that right or wrong. I can't prove my OBE either. All I can do is share it. Your original post…"
Thank you. I hope with everything in my soul that you are right about that, and I wish I shared your faith in that regard.
If you and I have already discussed this, I apologise for repeating myself (my memory is not what it once was, and my…"
"I saw both of your posts on my profile. If nothing else, maybe rock-climbing and the like will help to distract you for a little while. And you're right, it is absolutely not fair that our beloved partners have died. I know that my husband and…"
"Hope these rituals bring comfort to you, Martee. I have kept the ashes of my husband as well, just don’t want to part with them. It has been more than three years since his death — but I don’t feel like there is a…"
"Reading your posts, and many who post here, I think you're going to be joyously surprised when you pass over.
"The worst thing about all of this is not knowing if my sweet, wonderful husband's soul still exists, as it…"
"So sorry for your loss and pain, my soulmate died 1/29/20, been so bad for me to. I don’t let people know too much, no way I want to be taken out of my house. I feel like some people just want to watch me crash and are more nosey than…"
Thank you for your posts. Even though you don't have absolute proof of an afterlife, your out-of-body experience seems to have provided you with some level of surety, which I think is wonderful, and I must admit I'm jealous of you for…"
It doesn't make it easier so to speak. What will help is when I allow my doctor to do some imaging, in the weeks or perhaps a couple of months ahead, I'll let him scan me, and since now I know something is spreading…"
I wish I had your faith/assurance that there is an afterlife in which we will be reunited with our loves. I so hope that you are right about that. I think it would make this a tiny bit easier for me if I knew beyond any doubt that my husband…"
"I read and log on and many times I just freeze up. It's over two years and I should be with her already and though I don't think it will be too much longer, every minute of every waking and sometimes sleeping moment is a…"
Thank you; I sometimes hesitate to speak (type) the truth of how this is for me, as the last thing I want to do is make it worse for anyone else. At the same time, I know that it helped me to find others online whose truth was similar to…"
"Sorry to see your stories here... There is nothing worse. I will be at 4 years in June. After a while at least for me, the acute pain just became dull pain. I have heard that grief is love turned inside out. No…"
"Thank you bluebird for always encapsulating the horror movie we live in in a way that is gentle but firm. I can only nod my head in agreement with each of the points you made because I am so exhausted by trying to explain this widowing to…"
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me.
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel. When my husband died several people, including…"
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch.
That's what I…"