Mel Royer
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  • Roanoke, VA
  • United States
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Signs from the other side
1 Reply

Much like my dear, Nancy made her apparition appear to me last July, this past week she made her presence clear with a strong scent of her favorite perfume, "White Diamonds".  I have never smelled as…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by rachel_micele May 26.

REQUIEM
4 Replies

On this bright and early morning of Black Friday, when I have already been up since 1:30.I still ponder the pointlessness of it all.  I post this little ditty about my feelings on the…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Maxey Nov 29, 2016.

A Visit!
2 Replies

Like everyone on this site, I have been going through hell since my wife passed away, April 29th, 2015.  The past few weeks it has gotten worse until last night.  It was the middle of the night and,…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Shoresh Jul 28, 2016.

The First year Is Here!

Well, I opened my eyes..once again...and slowly reaiized that  It is here!  the first anniversary of the morning I held Nancy in my arms and she died! I am shell shocked!  Numb and panic stricken at…Continue

Started Apr 29, 2016

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Latest Activity

rachel_micele replied to Mel Royer's discussion Signs from the other side
"Thank you for posting Mel. That's wonderful Nancy visited and made clear her presence to you."
May 26
Mel Royer posted a discussion

Signs from the other side

Much like my dear, Nancy made her apparition appear to me last July, this past week she made her presence clear with a strong scent of her favorite perfume, "White Diamonds".  I have never smelled as strong a scent in the studio room where I spend most of my time.  I found an unopened, still shrink wrapped bottle of that perfume and opened it. The scents were identical. She had come to visit me again as my depression escalates. Thank you, sweetheart, I love you dearly. See More
May 26
Mel Royer posted photos
May 18
Mel Royer replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHAT ARE WE DOING IN THE MEANTIME? in the group Lost My Spouse...
"The 2nd verse from "It's alright ma" in 1965...Note last phrase.  Whether it's a Dylan original or a paraphrased old saying..I don't know! Pointed threats, they bluff with scornSuicide remarks are tornFrom the…"
May 7
Mel Royer replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Every Year It Just Gets Worse
"Well, it has arrived....anniversary #2. Not just yet...I need some self taunting first. I can't help it. Like Linda and morgan and everyone else, nothing changes....days fold into days and the darkness and despair excels. So, I must be taunted…"
Apr 3
Mel Royer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John....I am terrified of not remembering Nancy's voice. I have a recording that I listen to frequently so I don't forget. If I were to forget what she sounds like I would feel as if I lost everything. I understand your fear!  Take…"
Mar 13
Mel Royer and Maxey are now friends
Feb 23
Mel Royer commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John....I also recall the moment when my wife passed as any sign of life disappeared from her eyes. I remember being numb and trying to close her eyes, they were half open...I remember thinking that wasn't right..her eyes should be fully closed…"
Feb 23
Mel Royer posted an album

My Nancy and Me

Various pics over the years of My late Nancy and me enjoying our lives.
Jan 21
Carl accomando left a comment for Mel Royer
"Mel,my wife also died in my arms and her death was not expected she had a severe reaction to immune therapy and was put at our request in palative care where her our whole family was there when she passed I layers in bed and held her talking and…"
Dec 30, 2016
Alice Thompson commented on Mel Royer's blog post Deleted "Barrel" Verse
"Thank you, Mel, that is so good to hear. So many of us know what it's like to be right down there, desperate for a way out of this. I think we should all feel free to express here just what that feels like that, because we can't do it…"
Dec 29, 2016
Diana, Grief Counselor commented on Mel Royer's blog post Deleted "Barrel" Verse
"I have always believed we are eternal beings who will never be separated from our loved ones and will see them again.  There has been much evidence of near death experiences where people have seen their loved ones during their NDE.  "
Dec 29, 2016
Mel Royer posted a blog post

Deleted "Barrel" Verse

Didn't mean to startle anyone. I didn't realize when I removed the "How long is the barrel"  blog it would remove all the posts as well.  At any rate, In the eloquently phrased words of Morgan, this is not a perfect world and that's when I realized Nancy would have none of this at all...so, right off the table it went. Now.I will join the "walk" and continue with everyone else here, walking together no matter how much of a bitch it may seem to be. The only other option is probably not the best…See More
Dec 29, 2016
Mel Royer joined Jesse's Mom's group
Dec 28, 2016
Mel Royer replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Still Lost
"Thanks for your support, Carla, I am a long term, happy member of a methodist denomination and have no desire to  change that affiliation. Thank you for your scripture quotes. I frequently refer myself to the good book and find consolation…"
Dec 27, 2016
Mel Royer and Carla E are now friends
Dec 27, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
Retired and former radio broadcaster working as
I can freelance from my home
About my Loss:
My wife had a stroke in Feb 2013. In April 2015
she died in my arms. I continue to experience extreme difficulty dealing with it. Apart from a PT Aide, I was her sole caregiver and this death was not expected.

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Mel Royer's Blog

Deleted "Barrel" Verse

Didn't mean to startle anyone. I didn't realize when I removed the "How long is the barrel"  blog it would remove all the posts as well.  At any rate, In the eloquently phrased words of Morgan, this is not a perfect world and that's when I realized Nancy would have none of this at all...so, right off the table it went. Now.I will join the "walk" and continue with everyone else here, walking together no matter how much of a bitch it may seem to be. The only other option is probably not the…

Continue

Posted on December 29, 2016 at 3:10pm — 3 Comments

After watching an amazing short film "Paper Memories", Google search for it,...it's worth it! Especially for us!

I wrote this after watching "Paper Memories". Nothing spectacular, the poem not the film, but after rummaging through some photos of my own, Nancy and I, I could see a sort of parallel.

Oh, But could an old photograph or two bless these, our weary souls that worry still.. and then extinguish all breath which remains to place us at last, together again.

Posted on June 23, 2016 at 11:00am

A couple of verses...for what they're worth!

I wrote a couple of verses describing the rending, pillaging of the soul that is the only thing grief can offer us. 

"Here as time runs, endlessly, shore to shore then back again, waves of despair to never end, to never resolve and close upon  this terrible span of days.”  

and then-

"Bleaker shadows keeping vigil in the corners of my room, expressing deeper sorrow, shedding tears of deeper gloom.” 

Posted on April 20, 2016 at 9:03am

A Day Of Dreams or Nancy comes to receive me!

There was a morning last month, I sensed the strong presence of my soul mate. I felt the need to write an emotional treatise of sorts, what morphed into a free verse.  I call it "A day of Dreams".  It became my own "balm in Gilead".

A DREAM OF DAYS     M. Royer    02/17/2016  (Reunion)

SOMEWHERE, OUT BEYOND THE COUNTY LINE SHE WAITS

IN A STAND OF DISTANT TREES…

Continue

Posted on March 18, 2016 at 9:04am — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 6:23am on December 30, 2016, Carl accomando said…
Mel,my wife also died in my arms and her death was not expected she had a severe reaction to immune therapy and was put at our request in palative care where her our whole family was there when she passed I layers in bed and held her talking and telling her I love her now I keep reliving it even though at the time it was comforting.My son is a manager of food and restaurants at hotel Roanoke my daughter and soninlaw are teachers there . My son also worked in radio in Florida and did STAND up comedy .So next time I go I'll let you know I think it would be helpful to share our stories about the wives we loved so much.
At 3:58pm on December 29, 2016, Carl accomando said…
Mel ,just got back from Roanke was visiting children and grandkids for Christmas just lost my beautiful wife last month to cancer after 43 years of marriage its so hard to go on like this I went to Virginia at their insistance my wife would be angrey if I did not spend the holiday with our grandkids they were here life. But it was so hard everything reminded me of her well I did some painting in my granddaughters room and saw a picture of her and my wife well I lost it went to the bathroom and grief my eyes out both kids 8 and 11 came in and hugged me and gave me tissues I thought to myself I should be comforting them so I said to myself I have to go on for them they can't lose 2 grandparents because I like you want to be with my wife and thought hard about it .Well as much pain as I'm in I can't put them through that so here I am back home in NC .Im going to move to Roanoke but can't right now we planned on it but she got cancer .So maybe sometime in the future we can get together and talk about it I go there about 1 a month.Take care I know what your feeling
At 11:20am on November 13, 2016, Michael said…
Mel
Your comments are appreciated. I cared for my wife for 15 years until she died a month ago. Im lost and beaten. I would have cared for her forever.
At 5:14am on April 6, 2016, SAMIRA said…
Thank you Mel
At 7:24pm on November 18, 2015, morgan said…

Mel,

As we all read about each others struggles we try to offer any consoling words so we can feel that someone else doesn't have to suffer like we are.  And yet, we all know that there is nothing that really removes the pain. We just temporarily feel as though someone else has taken on an equal or worse burden because they have shared with us their pain.

As the time passes our physical/emotional situation changes.  The early time is just sheer desperateness recognizing that we cannot understand why we aren't dead too.  We certainly feel like it.  And that time goes on much longer than we anticipate.  I didn't come out of my own personal fog for at least a year and half almost up to the two year mark.  I was so fragile.  I couldn't make sense of anything and my mind was going wild.  At this point I am slowly seeing through the fog a bit but I am no less missing him.

Whatever you do don't expect too much of yourself.  For a long time you will be taking very very small steps.  You wont believe that you could be this crippled and yet you are.  There is no changing that part of it.  No one but the rest of us can understand that.  

I'm not going to say it is going to get a lot better quickly.  I can only say all of us are walking beside you and each of us are trying to manage what we can do on a moment to moment basis and there is nothing more we can expect.  It will change. The desperation of it will subside a bit,  enough to give you a bit more time when you aren't falling repeatedly into the hole.  The only thing that will allow that is the suffering you are going through now.

I wish I had a more positive perspective on it but this is how it has been for me. I can only hope your suffering is lessened by small diversions that relieve the whirl of your mind for longer periods of time.  

Take care.  We are with you in spirit.

At 4:19pm on October 27, 2015, Fran said…

She was lucky to have you! How many men would have run the other way?!

Our problem as the "survivor" is how do we move on? I know my husband wanted me to be happy again. He even talked to me about "finding someone new". I just couldn't get it thru his thick skull that I wanted him more than any amount of money and there was no way I would want to find someone new...no one would measure up....I am trying to do things that he would be happy about. I'm trying not to just wallow in self-pity and not be negative all the time, but it's hard. When someone asks "what do you want?", my answer is my old life back...I want Bill!.

And I've heard that year 2 is worse than year 1. God help us!

At 10:04am on October 27, 2015, Fran said…

Mel,

I wish I could tell you it gets easier. I'm a week away from the first year "anniversary" of my husband's death. He survived 8 months after being diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. 8 long months of chemo and radiation and pain off the scale. I was his caregiver and glad to. I was a nurse, by trade, so knew the mechanicals of all the "hands on" stuff, but it was soooo different taking care of him. Different than when I had taken care of my parents before they died. 

I have had my eyes opened over the past, on how much he did for me/us. How much I relied on him. Even tho he was gone alot traveling for work, he was in near constant contact. We were a team. Didn't always see eye to eye, but we complemented each other by filling in and doing what the other didn't. We made a whole. Now he's gone and I'm left to try to fend for myself. I get panic attacks when I have to make decisions. I have 2 adult children who live with me, and they help, but it isn't the same. 

I felt a little better during the summer, when I could be outside and be somewhat warmed by the sun and doing gardening things...now, it feels like the world is dying again...I've never been a good cold weather person.

I have no words of wisdom for you. Just know that you are not alone in how you feel.

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Latest Activity

Linda Engberg replied to Linda Engberg's discussion No one cares after spouses death.
"That was beautifully said Jon-Paull"
6 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to Trina H's discussion Coping with the death of my baby girl
"Her is an interesting resource. (just click or tap on the link) It discusses the Bibles view of Death. Why we die, but especially the hope that the Bible gives us about the future. I hope it helps with some hope and comfort. When a Loved One Dies"
7 hours ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman replied to trav's discussion Death of a soulmate(spouse) : Single, Suicide or moving on in life?
"Haha Trav, She won't let you lol. I've tried. They want Us to fulfill this life before chasing them to the next. I suggest cactus treatment. Maybe even microdosing psilocybin for the reoccurring pain that will never go away. You'll…"
16 hours ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman replied to Linda Engberg's discussion No one cares after spouses death.
"No. Nobody cares. We have nobody. All we have is Our decisions. The One we love most never leaves Us. We have become One. Is the beauty of true marriage. Not even death can do Us part."
16 hours ago
Richard Rivera added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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THOSE THREE WORDS: "I LOVE YOU"

Annette's been dead just under eight months. My grieving hasn't stopped. I try but I keep getting worse mentally and physically. My groin has swollen more and now due to the fluid build its reaching past my knees. Grotesque doesn't come close to the sight of my misshapen body. I am a freak who is stared at whenever I manage to find the slight strength to go out. So it got me to thinking. As homely as I am, as disgusting as I have become, I remember those three words my wife and I lived with…See More
16 hours ago
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hearing about people's cats makes me want to say the name of our dear little cat Spooky. She was one of those sweet cats that wait for you at the door, recognize the sound of your car approaching, and come when you call...so of course we were…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Irina, I have over 20 diferent types of shirts with missing my Husband quotes They show the different ones on the advertisments on Facebook Linda"
yesterday
Mike H. posted a blog post

Mankind’s Fight Against Mortality

NOTE: My blogs are not posted with the intention of promoting any organization or religion. The goal of these blogs are to provide the same comfort I received for the death of a loved one. Enjoy.Death is a fearsome enemy. We fight it with all our might. We may try to deny it when it strikes someone dear to us. Or, in the exuberance of youth, we may imagine that the enemy will never come to claim us—a delusion we cling to as long as we can.Few thought more about immortality than the ancient…See More
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Mike H. updated their profile
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irina s joined kimberly rowe's group
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mY sOuLmAtE, mY bEsTfRiEnD,mY sUpErMaN,mY eVeRyThInG

this is ment for the people who have lost the closest thing to them it doesnt matter if its a person or an animal it's stilla lost and they all hurt
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have been so lonely the past two days.   Have no desire to do anything right now.  Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son.  Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).…"
yesterday
Pearl Irene replied to Karen's discussion Please share your Story = the Loss of your Son or Daughter in the group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I lost my son Dalton, June 16, 2017. He was riding his Motorcycle, lost control and hit a concrete light pole. He died instantly. He was quite a character, one of a kind. He was the warrior for the underdog, a sponge for any type of knowledge…"
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Pearl Irene joined Karen's group
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Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
yesterday
Pearl Irene replied to jordan's discussion I don't no what to do anymore
"Jordan, there are some churches that have grief meetings. I have been considering it, but I thought I would wait a while. My grief is very new since my son died last month. This is something you have been carrying for years. The memory box from your…"
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Lost with out him posted a status
"I am now suffering PTSD about the actual "death". I cannot get that vision out of my head. I tried to save him.."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John, I understand.  Aside from Summer and Benny, I still get sad about the loss of our dog Sandy, who we had when I was a kid and through my college years.  She died when I was in college, and I still love and miss her.  I don't…"
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KIM Montgomery commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Cancer sucks.  My husband didn't even last 6 months."
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KIM Montgomery joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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