Brian P Mulkerne
  • Male
  • Utica, NY
  • United States
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About Me:
I am 59 years old, father of three adult children, the youngest with severe autism. I am a retired Psychiatric Social Worker, and have had a private psychotherapy practice for 20 years. I am also a professional blues musician.
About my Loss:
My wife died suddenly, in my arms, on 2/12/17, after 38 years together. She was 58 years old. There were no warnings; she was active, very attractive, and loved by everyone. She died of a brain aneurysm. I am devastated by the loss, but fortunate to have many siblings and alos very caring children who have helped me through this. I would have to say I have had a high degree of positive support which is still available to me, however I am now returning to working and experiencing being alone for the first time. I should add that my wife's mother also has lived with us for 12 years and she is now 87. She is also devastated by the loss, and although she has three other sons, they have been inattentive to her and I have been her only support.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
I am a Psychotherapist in private practice and have extensive experience with severe chronic mental illness and treatment in institutional settings. In my private practice I work with children, adolescents and adults dealing with depression, anxiety, marital issues, developmental disability, and grief/bereavement issues.

I am not sure how to correctly post this video. I wrote this song  to my wife Phyllis two years ago. It's a tribute to our life together. Phyllis passed away suddenly on February 12, 2017. 

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At 2:14pm on March 26, 2017, morgan said…

Brian,  there is another person who has been journeying here with us who has also been in the psychiatric field as a career.  Nothing other than the experience itself can give people on the outside the understanding of what this is like.  I can only hope some of what you have practiced will help you find ways to cope but the pickings are slim when you actually get thrown into the deep water and forget how to swim.  It will be valuable to have your support system but you will find some of that rather perplexing as you go.  

Hopefully this site and our ponderings will help you know you are not experiencing feelings that are abnormal as society sometimes likes to evaluate them.  In the interim I can only say I wish you the resilience to   find your way forward.  58 and dying in your arms is pretty rough spot to be.  


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Virginia G updated their profile
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Jen H joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
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Madeleine Collins updated their profile
Emma Marie added a page to the group Funeral Service

Worried About Funeral Homes – Top Tips You Should Know

There are numerous individuals who find themselves in a situation where they have to plan a funeral for the very first time ever in their lives. As since they have never been asked to be part of a dreary event like this one, being unsure of what to…
Sarah joined Ellen's group
Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"My goodness Maria how awful for you. That must have shaken you to the core. I can relate to the Siamese twins it was the same for us and I fear I'll never experience happiness again.i would settle for contentment but how can that be possible…"
Sharon Stolp replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Maxie, Sharon here. I wasn't blessed with 55 years with my love, we had 46 years together, married at 18 years old. It is 2 years out for me and I miss him so much. I am still going through the days of not getting dressed, not going…"
Libbie H posted a status
"What are you up to?"
Libbie H posted a status
"My Life stopped the day JESUS took you home. I've tried to find joy. Happy 35th anniversary honey! Third one without you. Heartbroken!"
Billy Jo Colt commented on Ginger's blog post Can't let go
"Hi Ginger, your loss is so natural. Why should you let go? Don't let go. Keep your memories forever of her. You will never forget her no matter what happens. You are embarking on a journey of many emotions. Most come to terms with their loss.…"
Maxey replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks, Joe.  I appreciate you describing your experience during your accident.  It gives me hope that there really is something after this life.  My greatest hope which keeps me going and half way sane is that we will be joined again…"
Alice Thompson replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, Thanks for your honesty, and I feel the same. Personally, I hate it when people say it is our choice, to look forwards or back, etc, partly because that sounds like they are blaming the bereaved for feeling sad and missing their loves, and…"
Marjorie Willcox replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Maxey, How I feel for you and can empathise so much.I ask myself that question How can we have been loved & cherished all those years and then be expected to move on within our lives. I too read inspirational stuff & have a psychiatric…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, You don't need to shape up Maxey, because I know I never will."
Ginger commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Today is 1 month and 1 day that my daughter passed away from cancer and I miss her every day, so much so that I won't put her picture away because I don't want to forget her."
JessesMom updated their profile
joe kelly replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Maxie, Word for word I could have written what you did.  I've have the very same thoughts, all of them that you have.  I feel the same way.  I wish I could give you some positive outlook but I can't.  My wife died…"
Marjorie Willcox and Maria panettieri are now friends
Maria panettieri commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"I know your pain , my husband and I were like Siamese twins, we were on a holiday in Italy when I woke up to find him dead beside me. My whole world has fallen down , he was and still is the live of my life. I guess this is the ultimate price one…"
Maxey added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...

Has Not Happened

Hi, everyone,I have been going to a grief group since I felt I needed some direction to "get a life".The leader is a great guy and has some wisdom that for the moment I consider.  He told us that it is our choice of how we spend the rest of our lives without our loves.  We can either look forward or backward.  Well, it all sounds good until I get home to an empty house, an empty life, no friends I really like, a family who thinks I am doing "better", and a husband who is gone.  All the things…See More

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