Nicole
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morgan and Nicole are now friends
Jan 5, 2018
Nicole posted photos
Jan 5, 2018
Nicole updated their profile photo
Jan 5, 2018
morgan left a comment for Nicole
"Nicole, The tribute you just paid in explaining your grief is something your brother heard.  He loves you."
Dec 30, 2017
Nicole is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 30, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Survivor
About my Loss:
I lost my Brother to a heroin overdose. I was worried about him and when I went to his apartment it was too late. He had died. I didn’t know he was doing heroin. I knew that he struggled with painkillers for years and untreated grief and trauma. He tried many times to detox, but never moved forward to the emotional part. Logically I know that I am not at fault. I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it and I can’t control it. But I am in the part of my grief where I am experiencing “What If’s and I / we should have done more. It breaks my heart to know he was suffering and needed more help. It tears me up inside that all of the things I had said and wanted to try with him fell on deaf ears or were way sided by denial.I feel like the moment he tried it he never had a chance to get the demon off of his back. I watched him turn into a different person, I watched him struggle, I saw his pain. It was all so sad, stressful and worriesome over a 10 yr period. We were close in age and since I was born I always wanted to be right next to him. I felt lucky when he would let me. He had a big heart, was kind, loving, smart, funny and genuine. He had the most beautiful brown eyes and long eyelashes. All of my friends loved him. I feel awful for getting mad at him over the years because I felt like he was taking away my Parents golden years with his addiction. It was a big secret I was told I needed to keep by family members. The secret of addiction was consuming me. I go to therapy and am an al anon and it’s the only solace. This is the second sibling I’ve lost. The pain is deep, the feelings and emotions are raw. Everything I have experienced since the moment I discovered him has been grim. All of it too real. I will never be the same and I can’t relate to others right now. I am just try8ng to cope with the trauma, the loss and even though I was there to find him I am still in shock and disbelief. Nighttime is the worst for me and when when I wake up. I’m worried about my Parents. My brother and I were supposed to take care of them together. I miss him, I love him and I am devastated. Love and prayers are needed.

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At 3:30pm on December 30, 2017, morgan said…

Nicole, The tribute you just paid in explaining your grief is something your brother heard.  He loves you.

 
 
 

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Latest Activity

Silke B. and Brenda Ann are now friends
3 hours ago
joe kelly updated their profile
18 hours ago
joe kelly joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
18 hours ago
Ann updated their profile
19 hours ago
M Adams commented on M Adams's blog post Super blood wolf moon - lunar eclipse happening now
"Watching it alone last night was sad but I’m glad to have seen it."
yesterday
Trina Mamoon left a comment for morgan
"Dear morgan, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today (January 21st) on the seventh anniversary of the passing of the love of your life. I know that “life” as we live it now after the death of our beloved spouse is worth…"
yesterday
Alex is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Brenda Ann left a comment for morgan
"Dear Morgan, You said, ”What the hell happened to him.  Where is he?  I want to know and I know that is impossible.”  I noticed these 2 questions that you asked and noticed that you don’t feel it is possible to find…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful picture of you and your wife and your gravestones will hold both your bodies but you souls will be united in another realm. Morgan,  You will be in thoughts my tomorrow as you try to make it through the…"
yesterday
M Adams posted a blog post

Super blood wolf moon - lunar eclipse happening now

The moon should appear at its reddest at about 9:12 p.m., with the event lasting until about 10:40 p.m.Kelly encourages people to take a look.  "You know, stop and look up and really think about [how] we are on this huge planet, moving around in space and there's very few times that we can actually be reminded and feel the effects of that," she said.See More
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
yesterday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   "
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Joe, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You put into words the horror I go through everyday. Going on year 7 without my Husband Julian. He was my whole life and I want to be with him but I can't. If I didn't believe in God I…"
Sunday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, 49 years is a long time.  Long enough to embed yourself in each other and there is nothing that will soothe the tearing apart of that union.  I knew my husband for 55 (since 2nd grade) and we were together for 35.  Long…"
Sunday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Monday will be a very tough day for both of us. It's one year for me which seems like one long day, and six for you, which scares the hell out of me thinking about how long do I have to be here before I go to her. It seems like one long…"
Saturday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lets be honest. Death sucks. As I read the posts on here and I see how we struggle when we lose someone to death it boggles the mind how any of us keep moving. I keep saying to myself there is something I can do to make myself feel better and it…"
Saturday
Emma is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday

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