Nicole
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About Me:
Survivor
About my Loss:
I lost my Brother to a heroin overdose. I was worried about him and when I went to his apartment it was too late. He had died. I didn’t know he was doing heroin. I knew that he struggled with painkillers for years and untreated grief and trauma. He tried many times to detox, but never moved forward to the emotional part. Logically I know that I am not at fault. I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it and I can’t control it. But I am in the part of my grief where I am experiencing “What If’s and I / we should have done more. It breaks my heart to know he was suffering and needed more help. It tears me up inside that all of the things I had said and wanted to try with him fell on deaf ears or were way sided by denial.I feel like the moment he tried it he never had a chance to get the demon off of his back. I watched him turn into a different person, I watched him struggle, I saw his pain. It was all so sad, stressful and worriesome over a 10 yr period. We were close in age and since I was born I always wanted to be right next to him. I felt lucky when he would let me. He had a big heart, was kind, loving, smart, funny and genuine. He had the most beautiful brown eyes and long eyelashes. All of my friends loved him. I feel awful for getting mad at him over the years because I felt like he was taking away my Parents golden years with his addiction. It was a big secret I was told I needed to keep by family members. The secret of addiction was consuming me. I go to therapy and am an al anon and it’s the only solace. This is the second sibling I’ve lost. The pain is deep, the feelings and emotions are raw. Everything I have experienced since the moment I discovered him has been grim. All of it too real. I will never be the same and I can’t relate to others right now. I am just try8ng to cope with the trauma, the loss and even though I was there to find him I am still in shock and disbelief. Nighttime is the worst for me and when when I wake up. I’m worried about my Parents. My brother and I were supposed to take care of them together. I miss him, I love him and I am devastated. Love and prayers are needed.

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At 3:30pm on December 30, 2017, morgan said…

Nicole, The tribute you just paid in explaining your grief is something your brother heard.  He loves you.

 
 
 

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Emily updated their profile
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dream moon JO B commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's group I love my Dad.
"sorry on yore loss mary "
Monday
marie commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's group I love my Dad.
"I am so sorry Mary Kay. Our hearts were broken when we lost our dad. My sister-in-law had told us to prepare that tears and grief would come in waves...out of nowhere. One of my cousins had lost her dad before us and she spoke some wise words to us:…"
Monday
Gilda commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's group I love my Dad.
"Welcome, Mary Kay, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I can relate to everything you wrote about the loss of your beloved dad, except I was alone with him in the hospital when he passed away. It's the worst thing in the world to lose the…"
Monday
Mary Kay commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's group I love my Dad.
"Hello, I am a newbie.  I lost my father on May 22nd at 2.22am. He was 92 years old.  Loosing him is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.  I really miss him.  We were able to have a funeral for him but there were so many…"
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
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