Crystal Parker
  • Female
  • House Springs, MO
  • United States
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Always Angry
2 Replies

I don't know what is wrong with me lately... I do not like to show people my emotions anymore ever since my husband committed suicide. I dont know if its because I was a walking zombie for months and…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Shani Friedman Jul 31, 2018.

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Shani Friedman replied to Crystal Parker's discussion Always Angry
"This is my first time checking out the site and responding. I'm sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. I have a lot of anger right now since my loss in May. It's hard for me to cry in front of people but I've found that…"
Jul 31, 2018
bluebird replied to Crystal Parker's discussion Always Angry
"It's not uncommon, what you're feeling.  For me, I basically feel as though the only emotions I even have anymore are sadness and anger, and I never used to be that way before my husband died (I was always an optimistic and loving…"
Jul 28, 2018
Jarvis and Crystal Parker are now friends
Jul 26, 2018
Crystal Parker joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Jul 19, 2018
Crystal Parker commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi guys I lost my husband January 30th 2017 .. he committed suicide by our house. Night is still a struggle for me I know its still hard for our kids too but sometimes I dont know how to be or act .. he did all the Bill's and went to work I…"
Jul 19, 2018
Crystal Parker joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Jul 19, 2018
Crystal Parker and Britt Steele are now friends
Jul 19, 2018
Crystal Parker posted a discussion

Always Angry

I don't know what is wrong with me lately... I do not like to show people my emotions anymore ever since my husband committed suicide. I dont know if its because I was a walking zombie for months and that's all I did was cry and shout and show all sorts of emotions I just dont anymore in front of people.. but now I just see everyone so different.  I have lost all hope in love true love and forgiveness and kindness people are selfish and ignorant assholes.  I have cut every single person out of…See More
Jul 19, 2018
Crystal Parker posted photos
Jul 13, 2018
Crystal Parker added the App PollDaddy
Jul 13, 2018
Crystal Parker posted photos
Jul 10, 2018
Crystal Parker posted a photo
Jul 10, 2018
Crystal Parker is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 5, 2018

Profile Information

About Me:
I am 35 years old with 2 children a daughter who is 18 and a son who just turned 13 my husband had passed away on January 30th I have never experienced anything like this before everytime I think I'm doing good and um over it I'm not and something just hits me I'm kinda just like a mad angry person right now and I don't like it i just want to be normal is there anyone else out there like this too..
About my Loss:
My husband was an amazing Friend father person and husband he was 40 and would have been 41 in March he always had a smile on his face. I was always the screwed up one really not him he was the strong one I was the weak one I am the sick one he never goes to the dr I could have seen me commenting suicide not him never him no note nothing I feel like I'm going crazy I don't understand this is don't know who I am I don't know what to do with myself I am just roaming through life now I am a zombie...
That was in tr he beginning but now I'm just angry and mean and want to be alone because I feel tainted I guess in a way
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Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
23 hours ago
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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