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Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 5:40pm

Apologies Elynn — just noticed the misspelling of your name, think maybe it was autocorrected in my previous message.  Should have proofread before I added my comment.

Comment by M Adams on February 4, 2019 at 4:06pm

Sorry you’re feeling so lonely, Elena — would it help at all to talk about your husband here, write about him, I mean?  Or is it more a desire to talk about him with people who knew you as a couple?  I know it was very meaningful for me to hear people who knew me and my husband talk about their good memories of him.  

Comment by Elynn m on February 3, 2019 at 11:15pm

I haven't been here in awhile, but have been so lonely.. I try to talk to people  about Joe, but they don't understand.   I guess they really are afraid to ask about him. I've been really depressed lately.     I do have one friend who is very sensitive, and will talk to me about Joe, because she realizes that it is very good therapy.  She talks to me as if Joe were still here.    I consider her my friend, but now she and her husband are moving away, and I'm feeling as though I will be losing another part of me.     It's really sad, at my age, to realize that I have more acquaintances than friends.   It's a lonely life without my wonderful husband.  Yes, he is still with me in spirit, but I do need him here to touch and feel, and talk to.  It will be 3 years and 5 months on February 22nd.  I'm so grateful for this group.  Thank you for letting me vent. And for all of you who know Jesus, I could use some prayer!  

Comment by joe kelly on February 3, 2019 at 8:50pm

Thanks to all for posting.  I visit often but don't always sign in.  Sometimes I just don't have the strength to.  When I see you guys post, I feel compelled to join in and share my thoughts and feelings as you all do.

Monty, hang in there because you have to.  You have to suffer in the background in order for them to recover and live happy lives.

Morgan and Linda,  How I wish you had the experience I had 38 years ago.  Absolutely no one; medical doctor, philosopher, physicist, psychiatrist, or theologian would be able to convince me that I didn't become a spirit that day.  She still EXISTS!  She is a SPIRIT!  She is still with me!  I could see, I could move, no one could see me.  But I was there!  As much as I want Her to be physically with me, She wants that too but can't.  She's not physical any more.  No body for me to see, touch, hold, hear and experience.  But She is here.  Are there moments when I wonder?  Yes, but because I KNOW, it's just a momentary thought and I go right back to talking to her.  She didn't want to leave me physically just as much, and knowing Her love for me, possibly more than I didn't want Her to leave me physically.  I'm in Hell, but in a way, I don't matter anymore.  I hope she's feeling the blissfulness that I felt as a spirit, albeit I didn't go permanently.  If I did, it might had been hell for me watching her and my children suffer the loss of me.  Knowing Her, She's probably suffering seeing me and our oldest daughter and her children, two of our eight grands suffer.  I have to do my best to alleviate not only their suffering but Hers also.  Do I want our old life back?  YES!  Am I envious seeing others going on with their lives as we did?  YES!  That can't be though and I say "WHY"!  Why can't it be?  I need it to be!  But then, it's not about me now.  It's about Her.  I think to myself "OK, I'll finish my job and then perhaps then I'll be worthy to be reunited with her".  Of course that involves our sick daughter and her two children.  Taking care of that may be my redemption.  My health is declining.  If you saw me, you'd think "that guy has cancer".  I certainly hope so.  In fact, I'm beginning to think time is of the essence now to get this taken care of.

Now, TRY TO BELIEVE! Morgan and Linda.  Your husbands are still with you.  They're probably trying to scream at you "I'm here!  Talk to me!"  Continue your loving relationship with them, FOR THEM.  Yes it is hell for us all not to have them physically here with us, but that doesn't mean they are not with us still.  BELIEVE!  Put them FIRST.  No one of you know how hard it is for me because She always put me FIRST and her second.  I was a good taker and She was a good giver.  Her happiness was making me happy and I sometimes took that for granted.  That's not to say that I didn't make her happy, but She was just over the top at showing it, living it unrelentingly.  She was totally selfless as opposed to my being somewhat self centered at times.  Well now, I am absent of self, and just want to adore Her eternally when we reunite.  Sometimes I think that She will say, "no, just be the way you were, that's what I want".  I'll be however She wants me to be.  I'm drained now so going to close.  Just want to emphasize BELIEVE THEY ARE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!

Love,

Joe   

Comment by Monty on February 3, 2019 at 4:55pm

Joe..   that is beautifully said.

I totally understand how children affect our coping with grief and the pain.

Without my children and their needs and emotional support, I think I would be a hollowed out a person in a dark room.

I am still working on "faking it till I make it"  not that I'm sure I'll ever make it but ill keep trying.

linda

as always your images you post a poignant and right on the mark.

thanks for sharing 

to everyone have the best day you can.

regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 3, 2019 at 6:22am

Morgan,

Once again your post tells me what has exactly happened to me. No one will never understand what we are going through. The best way I can explain this others is if they listen to the song "Everyday" by Phil Collins. Today is Superbowl Sunday and Julian and I always had crab legs. It is a bittersweet memory. The last Superbowl we had together he was in the hospital fighting cancer. Of all the ones we saw together, this one will always live with me. I too don't know how I can keep up with agony. Only time will tell.

Comment by morgan on February 2, 2019 at 9:37pm

How long can I last? It getting harder and harder to pretend that I can live this out.   Pretty much everyone I come in contact with is living in the old universe I used to live in.  Their motivations and desires are what mine used to be.  

I cant fake this all the time.  Its becoming way too hard.  I am drained.  When I hit the wall I am paralyzed.   Energy becomes nonexistent.  Crying to exhaustion.  The aftereffects have me needing rest.  This is not anyone's idea of living.  

Its not like it happens all the time but it is pretty much every other day.  I ask my brain why?  Why cant it just accommodate itself to not being able to have him here with me.  My reason knows that he is dead.  But my heart has died.  Its not like I don't know the reasons and the logic of death.  Its just my emotions wont let me live without him.  Every step I take forward I get dragged back three.  And I've taken many many steps forward but I keep getting drawn back those three.

I'm so tired of fighting my heart.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on February 1, 2019 at 6:15am

Joe,

Thanks for your great explanation of this prayer. I have said it over and over since losing My Julian in 2013. I know I will never recover and don't want to. I know I can never change. All I want is for God to take me to him.  

Comment by joe kelly on January 31, 2019 at 3:15pm

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

Said a different way is "God, let me be at peace with the things I cannot change.  Have courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

For me, this prayer is a "Catch 22".  I know and accept that my Love left this world.  For me, I will never be at peace with Her leaving this world.  I know I cannot change that She left this world.

However, I Pray to be reunited with Her in Her world when I leave this world.  I pray to go where She is because the moment She died, I knew I have to go there also and be with Her for all Eternity.

This prayer is for those who suffer and want to be at peace with their suffering.  It can be important for those here who want to go on in this world and "Recover".  For some, there's a lot of validity in that.  For example, those who have young children.  They have a special need beyond themselves for recovery.

All of my children are at or approaching middle age.  They experienced the relationship my Love and I have and in a way are rooting for me to be reunited with Her soon.  They love the Love we had for each other.  They knew Our Love came first while knowing we loved them preciously.  They know they will lose me someday and know my wishes.  They love Us so much that they want Us to be reunited soon.  That's how strong their love is for Us and I treasure the support of that love while I wait and suffer.

    

Comment by M Adams on January 31, 2019 at 12:49pm

What is the serenity prayer?

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