Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 16 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Ellis Gee Dec 28, 2019.

My Love

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West Dec 28, 2019.

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

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Comment by Lani M. on December 25, 2019 at 11:56am
I know Christmas is hard on all of us who have lost our beloved spouse but I try to keep in mind that they are in a good and beautiful place. I know that someday I will join Jim when God is done with me here on Earth. I truly believe that I have been left here for some purpose and when that is fulfilled the Good Lord will call me home where I will rejoin my loved ones. Even though I am hurting, sad, and lonely, I try to take comfort in knowing that Jim is still with me in spirit and watching over me in all that I do. I talk to him every day and even though I can't hear his voice I know that he hears every word I say. I tell him every day that I love and miss him and I can feel his love surrounding me. This is what keeps me going and able to deal with each day.
Comment by Linda Engberg on December 23, 2019 at 5:31am

I know most of us will not have a Merry Christmas but we will put on a smiley face for the sake of others. If it were not for my Sweet Babie J I wish I could fall asleep for Christmas Eve under after New Year's Day.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2019 at 5:38am

Thanks Morgan. I wish for my own death also. I pray there is a Heaven so I can be with my Julian and all the that people that were close to me.

Comment by morgan on December 12, 2019 at 9:22pm

Linda,  I am so sorry to hear of more loss in your life.  I don't know about you but I end up just dissolving when I hear of loss.  Mine or anyone else's.  Grief has given me one thing. The overarching aching desire to die.  Not by my own hand (yet) but I simply crave my own death.  My only goal is to die as soon as possible.  Crazy I know but it is an overwhelming desire now.  Can't explain it to anyone who is not in the same state of mind as me but here I am.  Tomorrow would be fine. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2019 at 7:20am

Lost two more relatives this week.

Comment by Joe Kelly on December 9, 2019 at 3:46pm


I too wish you didn't have to find your way here.  I identify with your feeling alone even around our children and grands.  That was very loving and sweet of your grand daughter.  Read and post here.  It doesn't make it easier but knowing there are others like us, we're not alone.  I meet many at the cemetery.  When I see some that come often, I say hello and we share our grief.  I've even met one who like myself had an OBE or some call it a NDE.  We know we will be someday reunited with the ONE we became ONE with when it is our time to pass over.  That's about all I can say right now.  Stay close.


Comment by morgan on December 8, 2019 at 12:16pm


I hardly know what to say other than you have come to a place where we all know the anguish and heartache that you are feeling.  Death is hard enough to stomach but to have your husband murdered is beyond my imagination.  Although I think most of us feel robbed.  And all of us, even with family and friends, find it oh so difficult to get through a day. Processing the feelings we are having is an uphill battle.  

I am almost at seven years. This morning I said goodbye to a good friend who I had taken in my home for the last year and half for him to try and rescue himself after a suicide attempt that almost succeeded.  He is moving to a good place and though I thought I was ready as I need to reclaim my space again it all came crashing down because the worst part of death for me is the inextinguishable loss.  I CANNOT handle loss anymore.  I am bereft and alone and inconsolable and yet I have to get up day to day and get what needs to get done.. done.  I am 67 and long for the day I no longer have to deal with how the feelings of loss hit me when and where they want.  You are in the earliest of stages and everything you do will remind you of what was.  The best advice I ever got was to take baby steps.  Sometimes it is just to get to the next minute and sometimes you can make through an hour or maybe several.  Eating and sleeping will become elusive but try to do what you can when you can.  For the first year I slept alot.  I would just fall out.  The shock is more than our minds and body are equipped to understand so taking it minute to minute is the best way to manage.  

I wish you didn't have to join us here.  No one wants to be here but for those of us whose lives have been so altered we come here because we know others like us will be here.  Read, write and cope.  Nothing else I can say.......caring for you and all of us......


Comment by Linda Engberg on December 7, 2019 at 5:28am


So sorry for your loss. Yes I know how you feel and it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone in this forum care for one other and it is a place to go to share your most inner thoughts.

God Bless You and Your Family

Comment by Wendy on December 6, 2019 at 3:53pm

This is the first year in 31 years that my husband will not be here. I've not put up a tree or participated in any holiday celebrations. Instead, my Son, unpacked our tree and decorations we had collected thru the years and while visiting his family at Thanksgiving, decorated his home with them just as his dad had done all these years. It was beautiful but bittersweet.  My 5 year old granddaughter announced she would be asking Santa for Grandpa to come back. This of course reduced me to tears. It was always he and I, and our three sons and their families. Somehow even amongst my family, I feel out of place, and still alone. I wasn't supposed to be staying at my son's house, waking up there alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'd hosted the holidays all these years. I miss him terribly each day. Trying to navigate this life id known that was abruptly changed is so hard, it's all so different. I wasn't supposed to be a widow at 53. 8 weeks after my husband was murdered my mom passed away. This is my first holiday without her as well. My two go to people all my life, gone, just like that. Thank you for providing me a safe forum to navigate this process, learn from others, share. Here, I know, you truly do know how I feel. Thank you for being here. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 6, 2019 at 8:12am


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Latest Activity

Shirelle posted a status
"My son died November 25 at 936 am and I have. Cried everyday I honestly don't know what to do I can't function at all what do I do?"
3 hours ago
Profile IconKatherine A Pericas Geersten, nikita and Katrina joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
Sue M joined Kar's group

Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
Sue M updated their profile
Profile IconSue M and Christine joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
Serenity replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Ending my Life
" suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words. God be with you."
Serenity is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Rick Rilloraza left a comment for morgan
"Yes I still miss her terribly.  I am still sad and angry.  I was left with two boys ages 12 and 8 at that time.  What kept me going was making sure they were provided for and raised well.  I still have full on bawls when the…"
Jan 11
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Reliving two years ago.  Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms.  She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me. Till then:"
Jan 11
morgan left a comment for Rick Rilloraza
"Rick, I am curious because I am within a week of being a widow of seven years how you are doing it allotter eight years?  Today, and more often lately (lets say for about the past six months) I have become more angry and more hateful of having…"
Jan 9
Profile IconShirelle, Rick Rilloraza, David Williams and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 9
Profile IconMichele Anderson and Phillip smith joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 6
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Just another year closer to death I pray."
Jan 6
Carlos Hunt is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 31, 2019
Ellis Gee replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I know this doesn’t help right now, but even this will pass—lt took me seven months. It may take you more or less time, but the agony you’re going through will end. You’re in my thoughts. Ellis"
Dec 28, 2019

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