Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by morgan on March 31, 2019 at 12:17am

And Joe,  I see the sweetest, prettiest little girl at her First Communion.  And now where is she?  Damn, I hate loss.........

Comment by morgan on March 31, 2019 at 12:15am

i'm not going to do this.  i'm not going to make it.  i cannot live without him.  i want out.  i just had another meltdown.  

Then I read the latest posts and I too don't want to let my husband down but I seriously question how much more of this i can take.  My neural network is fried.  Th suffering doesn't stop.  And he is not here and I don't know why i am.   

I need more than a pep talk.  I need more than retail therapy.  I need more than to pretend.  I need more than the constant chatter of tv or computer to distract me.  I need him and he's gone.  He's never going to be in my life here again.   Yes, there's a huge risk to end it but I am dying inside.  

Comment by M Adams on March 30, 2019 at 10:47pm

I see the communion photo, and a while back there were multiple copies of the adult one of your wife that you posted, but after a while, maybe a day or so after that posting, only one image remained.  Did Ninja have any guidance on why you don’t see your own posted pix?  

Comment by Joe Kelly on March 30, 2019 at 5:15pm

Well, I don't see it.  Do any of you?  Linda, you post a lot of pics.  Do you see your pics when you post them?

Comment by Joe Kelly on March 30, 2019 at 5:14pm

I want to do a pic test here now to see what happens.  I didn't make any changer to settings since rejoining and they look to be at the defaults.  In the beginning, I was able to see the pics I posted along with you guys seeing them.  Hope it works.  I have pics of her since about age 2 till days before I lost her.  This was her 1st Communion:

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 30, 2019 at 3:39pm

Hi Joe,

I feel the same thoughts that you do. I will let nature take it's course and I will not seek medical intervention to keep me longer on this earth. I would take my life in a minute if it wasn't for my religious belief that I will not join him in Heaven. I will take whatever is dished out to me.

Comment by Joe Kelly on March 30, 2019 at 9:51am

Very few had what we had and that's why they don't understand.  Even professionals can't unless they had what we had.  True total love with the one we spent basically our entire life with.  Being together every day of that life.  I was 16 years old when started our lives together and lost Her when I was 67 years old.  I know nothing else but life with Her.  We were each other's universe.  I died when She died.  I have to go where She went with hope of eternal joy of being reunited with Her.  That's all I want and I hope it's soon.  Like now.  She never relented in Her unconditional love for me and I will never relent in wanting to be reunited with Her to adore Her for all eternity.  I will suffer for as long as it takes because there must be a reason for it.  I could end it all but would that be for Her, or would it be for Me to end my suffering?  I know that answer.  It would be for me to end my suffering with a hope of getting to Her sooner than going naturally.  Somehow, I think of that as being selfish.  That the prize of Eternal Joy Reunited with Her isn't worth all the suffering I must face until nature takes it's course.  Is there something that interfering with nature changes the outcome of fate?  I can't and won't take that chance.  That said, there's nothing I have to do to let stop nature from taking it's course though, like seeking medical technology to prolong my life.  In a way, for me, that is an opposite of letting nature taking it's course.  Nature took it's course with Her even though we sought what was suppose to be world class medical intervention.  All it actually did was cause Her a little more suffering than she would had without it, and actually hastened Her death.  Of course, if She was here, I would, for the sake of not leaving Her, gone the same route.  She wanted to fight to stay with me and I wanted Her to win and stay with me.  We lost, but I know what to do now.  Just let nature take it's course.  I have to suffer and hang on to hope.  That hope is reinforced by my OBE of years ago.  Actually, I never shared this here but it was studied and published in NDERF.  We just have to keep the faith so to speak and try to concentrate on the joy to come.  It hurts so bad, I know.  Everyday is like the same day over and over again.  I won't have it any other way though.  I won't relent.  I love Her too much to let Her down.


Comment by Linda Engberg on March 30, 2019 at 7:26am

Hi Marita,

I am like you. I no longer share my thoughts with my family or friends. As you  said, they feel I am morbid because I want to die.  Thank God for this forum.   

Comment by Marita on March 30, 2019 at 12:19am

Linda, I feel your pain. It's so good that we can be brutally honest about our feelings here. I have been called morbid and selfish for wanting to be with my husband, consequently, I have keeping my thoughts to myself. I am grateful that this site allows me to express myself without being judged, and for the support from fellow grievers.

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 29, 2019 at 3:34pm

Missing my Husband, wish I were dead. 


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Jennifer left a comment for morgan
"Thanks Morgan for commenting on my profile page. Wow...What u described that u go through every day of every year is exactly how I feel. I lost my girlfriend/fiance of 5 years to suicide. I know without a doubt in my mind that she is my soul mate so…"
morgan left a comment for Jennifer
"Jennifer,   If there was anything at all I could say, I would.  No one who hasn't lost the love of their life can understand the amount of pain that stays with us for a very long time.  I know at four years I was still banging…"
maria left a comment for Michael
"sorry for your loss I lost my husband feb 2016 its been rough I was married 44yrs"
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Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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M Adams commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
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M Adams joined Katherine Ellis's group

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This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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Karrie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This past week we lost a young man of 24 with three children, If there is a God why would he take this young man instead of me who's life is over. I really question my faith."
Joe Kelly commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"Our suffering is unbelievable and unbearable Dream Moon.  We just jave to believe that there is an afterlife where we will be reunited with those we love.  That's all I live for now.  To die to be with my Loving wife.  I…"
SGO is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"wearss my mannerss gon joe sorry on yore loss 2"
Apr 14
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"i no so sad joe loss dear frinedd few days go way she sufferdd coz of illness wz cruell coz she wz a veryy sweet kind lady "
Apr 14
Joe Kelly commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"Why I don't know, but everyone dies someday.  There is a lot of evil in our world who do terrible things.  I'm sorry for your loss.  I too suffer the loss of my wife and afraid my daughter will die soon from cancer. …"
Apr 13
Joe Kelly joined dream moon JO B's group
Apr 13
dream moon JO B commented on dream moon JO B's group why me why us
"stilllasky why  moree loss siness i postedd on hear"
Apr 13
dream moon JO B commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"it can go on/off for yrs it can  do not t not let no 1 tell u way u shud feal or mkee u feal baf bad for grieff or los loss  lst 7 yrs iv go thruu a multii loss of pepplee  evn a cat i had for 16/17 yrss i loss 2  peplee say or…"
Apr 12
dream moon JO B posted a blog post

why do god let wong 1s die or sufferrr

i no iv askt stuff on off l hav for 7 yrs on hear on off sineses iv bean hearwhy duzegot let gooodd gud pepplee suffrwen u get bad pepplee it kill or hyrtt hurtt not suffr 1 bit in lifee suffrr gud peepplee i no suffr coz of god i ask why]wen bad pepllee do bad stuff lk kill rapee  molestr  peppllee go free not be punchessd ty do not i get mad wen i hear kids died peplee it do no harmm 2 no 1 die bad detahtss deathss y thy doSee More
Apr 12

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