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Comment by Jan on December 4, 2016 at 8:03am

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend.  But then, instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own.  At last, I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?" "My child," He said, "What could I do? You never did let go."

I guess I still haven't "let go and let God" but I have seen him working in my life.  Thank you Jesus.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 4, 2016 at 6:17am

Michael,

It's been 3 1/2 years since I lost my Husband, the pain and heartache never goes away. Everyone says you need to make a new life, I don't want that, my life ended the day he died and all I do is carry on each day with this pain, until I die and am with him again.   

Comment by Jan on December 3, 2016 at 5:53pm

Michael, I wish I could tell you that it will get easier, but I can't. It's been 2yrs. & 2months since I lost Jack. We were together for 38 years. We were not two individual people - we were one. I don't know who I am anymore and find myself frightened almost every day.  I checked myself in to a hospital a few months after he passed but that didn't help. Not being a "people"person to begin with makes it even harder to seek help.  Don't know if you are spiritual or not, but I am and have been trying to turn to God and have found a few books that seem to hit some spots at times.  One is called Through a Season of Grief.  Everyone in it has suffered the loss of loved ones.  I can't imagine time healing this feeling of emptiness or anything replacing the loss that I feel.  I do know that I have remaining family that care for me and I can't put them through the grief I'm going through. My mom just turned 90 a few days ago and she's already lost 2 of her 5 children within a year of each other.  I don't want to be here anymore, but I don't want to put her through that kind of pain again with the time she has left. I'm trying to read Battlefield of the Mind now.  Just started it last night.  I will try anything to help myself whether it's through my religion or with the many counselors and medications I've been through. He wouldn't have wanted this for me. I didn't expect my life to be like this at 61 but it is and I have to find a way to cope. I do believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  I have not felt the comfort I was hoping to get from Him yet. I still try every day.  We all do in one way or another.  It won't help you to tell you this but there are many others feeling exactly the way you do.  I'm sure your beautiful wife would feel terrible knowing you were suffering so much.  Try getting out of bed for her each day as a kind of thanks to her for what you had together.  We used to watch It's a Wonderful Life each year as we wrapped our kids Christmas gifts late at night.  It's on tonight but there's no way I plan on watching it.  Can't listen to certain music either.  Sorry, I didn't mean to go on a long rant over myself.  It just seems to happen.  It seems like it's my personality now - my grief has become the only part of me anyone sees now.  Not a pretty sight.

Comment by Pamela philipp on December 3, 2016 at 5:06pm

Michael I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling so hard I know how you feel I am having the same issues being alone is the hardest thing trying to get through each day is exhausting and I haven't tried any support groups other than this website I wonder every day too if I'm gonna make it I promised my husband I wouldn't follow him into the dark but that gets harder every day because the emptiness is unbearable Maybe sharing our stories are losses our sorrows our memories can help us cope each day I believe that's why we are all here on this website looking for that exact same thing a way to cope a way to figure out how to live our life anytime you need us we're here for you have a blessed day

Comment by Michael on December 3, 2016 at 4:13pm

It is now about two months since my beautiful wife Roxanne died. I think the pain is getting worse. Is this normal? Im lonely, bored, still having trouble getting out of bed, functioning in general. Ive been to support groups - they don't seem to help. Shrinks claim no pill can help. I feel a bit better when I drink but I try to limit that to two or three glasses of wine. I really feel like getting drunk every night. Ive looked for someplace to volunteer but can't seem to find one that seems right. And i'm probably not reliable enough. I wonder if i can make it. I feel like such a failure. I had a great life, now I have no life.

Comment by annjulie on December 3, 2016 at 12:52am

hello i am 26 years old and i lost my boyfriend 1 month just 5 days after my mom commit suicide. He got into an altercation with police and they tasered him and he died. He was only 31 years old. I planned to be with him for life get married and have children. He was a kind gentle man very loving and my very best friend. I think of him every second of the day and sometimes i even picture him here still spending time with me when i close my eyes. I cant imagine living the rest of my years without him. I have never been a depressed person I had so much joy for life and had everything going for me. i haven't worked in about a month and i feel like my brain doesn't even work anymore. there is no motivation to do anything and its like i'm losing my memory. I'm so young but i think i will be happy to die and everyday i live is just a countdown for me towards death. I hope that i will see my loved ones again. they were the main people i turned to and my two best friends. its a very lonely world for me now and its hard to carry on. 

Comment by Pamela philipp on December 2, 2016 at 11:20am

Michael when my mom passed away I inherited her dog and also I have my husbands dog and I find that that is only a brief distraction for me but also very painful because of the constant worry of losing them too I hope and pray for you Michael that you find some distraction that helps you i'm still looking for that distraction it's been 15 months since my mom and husband left and I still don't know how to move forward as they say and coping don't even know what that is yet I truly wish you all the best my friend

Comment by Sabrina on November 30, 2016 at 9:02pm

Stewart,
Thank you! Your post was exactly what I needed to read today.

Comment by Jan on November 30, 2016 at 6:26pm

Michael, I went the pet route for a few months.  I adopted a small dog and realized I just couldn't bond with her. My pain was so deep that I couldn't even feel love for an animal and I have always been a huge animal lover - fed strays, squirrels and any other thing that had a heart beat.  I gave her up because it was unfair to her, although she was in much better shape than when I rescued her.  The worst part was it broke my mother's heart. I was living with her at the time and did not realize how attached she had become to the pet.  I still feel guilty about it.  Anyway, I guess I'm just saying that for me, I can't think of anything that could help fill that hole my husband left, even the least little bit.  Nothing else compares.  I feel so bad for you because your loss is still so fresh.  Mine has been 2 years and I'm afraid I've let the loss and depression become the new me.  I don't want that - he wouldn't want that for me either.  I will work my way through this.  Maybe the start is doing what the grief counselor said - refer to ourselves as survivors and go up from there.  God Bless you and I wish you well.

Comment by Michael on November 30, 2016 at 2:41pm

Stewart
Your comments are among the most positive I have seen on here and I hope you are right. Im in the depths of despair and see no light at the end of the tunnel. I pray for some improvement - its been 7 weeks since I lost my wife and I just don't know how to cope. Join a gym, get a pet, go for coffee. I don't know. Im thinking about a cat.

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