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Comment by morgan on Saturday

Linda,

Your post is a perfect description of where I'm at.

Morgan

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 15, 2019 at 6:12am

Comment by Trina Mamoon on November 14, 2019 at 10:54pm

morgan,

Your message is so moving! Every word you say rings so true! I could have written the message. You express my innermost thoughts and wishes. It's been a little over five years for me since Joseph has been gone, but I feel his lack as deeply as I did when I first lost him.

I, too, keep myself busy. but it doesn't do much to alleviate the pain, the void that I feel because I have lost the love of my life. I just wait for my natural end. I am afraid that it could be a while since I just turned 59, and my mother and aunts all lived into their eighties. This thought is so frightening and depressing! But I will wait for my natural end. It will come someday, but not soon enough. What a way to live one's life, waiting for the end. But without Joseph with me, my life is meaningless.

My empathy to you morgan, and to Linda, Joe, and Monty, and all others here who are in the same boat as we are. Let us be granted peace.

Comment by Joe Kelly on November 14, 2019 at 9:11pm

I still can't see pics here so don't know if it posted.

Comment by Joe Kelly on November 14, 2019 at 9:10pm

Jonathan, I meant to respond to your post when I read it but forgot. We're all in the same boat because we were all ONE with our Loves. You'll notice by our sharing here that it just doesn't get better for us. Keep sharing here.  It helps that we know that we're not alone.

Comment by Joe Kelly on November 14, 2019 at 2:00pm

I'm still a mess too Morgan and it just keeps getting worse.  Nothing but going to her will ever help me not be in agony every second of every day.  That being said, it has to happen naturally which really sucks because we don't know when.  It will happen someday though and to spend eternity with her, I'll suffer for as long as it takes.  It's only 4 days away from when she vomited and 6 days away from when she was in the hospital and 64 days till she passed, two years ago.  December 3rd would had been our 50th wedding anniversary and was planning such a great vacation to celebrate it a year before she got sick.  I'm dreading that day, as I am dreading the holidays coming up.  I spend 2 to 3 hour every day at the cemetery.  It'll be all day on Dec. 3rd.  I have such hopes that I die on that day.  What a gift to her that would make.  But I don't think I'm that lucky so not counting on it.  I'm in my 70th year now, not in good health, so it can't be that far off.  Just have to suffer and wait till this damned body of mine gives up.  That's my only "till then".  Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 14, 2019 at 2:00pm

Hi Morgan,

Once again your have posted my exact feelings on losing my beloved Julian. 7 years also.

Life does not go on for me, I am just existing until death takes me and the sooner the better.

Comment by Monty on November 6, 2019 at 4:00pm

Hi All

its been a while since I've posted here, life has been very busy (working looking after the kids and exercising and whatnot).

I hope everyone is well.

I'm going to preface this post with a comment "everyone's journey through grief is different and I don't for one minute expect any of the journeys I've had would be similar to others"

 

I thought that I would drop in and let people know how things are progressing for me.

mostly well.

I've for the last 6-9 months I've been dieting (more like not eating any sugar and trying to eat more whole foods, salad vegies and the likes of).  this has been amazing for me and I've lost over 16Kg about 35 pounds so far

I've been listening to positive audiobooks while out on a walk.

I continue to go to my men's group ( widowers at the bar) and have recently concluded another six-session counselling sessions.

For me focusing on the positives in life has made a huge difference.

Don't get me wrong; I still have moments where I miss my carol deeply and some days it seems to shake me like a tree in a cyclone.

Although I still remember all the good things that carol and l had, I remember whats she said to me in the last few days I had her "she wanted me to live life as she couldn't" with her condition.

I try to honour her by doing the best I can for the boys and me. And push my self to be a little better than the day before.

I've also joined a facebook group "Widowers Support Network"  its a closed group for men.. sorry lady's

its been very good for discussing feelings, questions and advice.

in closing, for me, grief has been a traumatic experience in the near two years since carols passing, and the grief of coping with her debilitating condition and the knowledge that my boys may head down the same path.

I think I've come to grips with most of it 

I continue as written by Dylan Thomas wrote in one of his poem's

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Rage, rage against the dying of the light"

I continue to fight against my dark moments, negativity and things that do not have a positive effect on my and my family's life.

 

please have the very best day you can

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 6, 2019 at 1:22pm

Hi Fran,

So sorry for your loss. It's been 7 years since I lost my Beloved Husband.

I have and never will be the person I was. I have accepted that and just go through the motions. There are no good days for me.

Since the day he died, I died too. 

Comment by Fran on November 6, 2019 at 1:11pm

5 years ago tonite I lost my Love. Since then I check in here periodically to see how others deal with the passage of time. Apparently, pretty similarly. We do what we must. We have "good" days and worse days. Our memories blindside us yet we muddle on. We find that we don't fit into the lives of our family and friends, and we just don't have the strength to fight our way back in. The initial sympathy, understanding and support we receive disappears rather quickly. We are left to our own devices.  5 years of emptiness that seems to be even longer some days. We watch others complain their spouse and want to scream at them to enjoy them while they have them. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

But thank you all for being here and understanding....

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