"Hi Miriam, You have my deepest admiration and empathy. I don't have any family left to speak of. For years there was no one to talk to about my daily life. Although I found it difficult to be open with people and preferred to help them rather…"
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Lost My Spouse...
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Members: 368
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Discussion Forum
Lost my wife 16 Replies
It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue
Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Ellis Gee Dec 28, 2019.
The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply
This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue
Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.
Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies
I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue
Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.
Comment Wall
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Comment by Linda Engberg on January 13, 2020 at 5:17am
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Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death.
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Comment by Joe Kelly on January 12, 2020 at 9:00am -
Thank you Linda. It's beautiful for you to had done that. I have tattoo of our names in a heart. I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers. We're still married and always will be forever.
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Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words.
God be with you.
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Comment by Joe Kelly on January 11, 2020 at 9:09am
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Reliving two years ago. Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms. She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me.
Till then:
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Just another year closer to death I pray.
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Take Care Joe.
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Comment by Joe Kelly on December 27, 2019 at 8:48am
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Linda and Morgan,
I'm too paralyzed at the moment to post but I'm going to later as there are things in both of your posts that I constantly think about.
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OMG Morgan, The 7th year of grieving has me feeling exactly as you do. I relived his death this holiday season also. He didn't die in the short period of time your Husband did.
He developed cancer in 2007 when we lived in Nevada. After removing the tumor from his colon,we moved to Florida so he could get the best care from Mayo Clinic. For 6 years is was three operations, chemo sessions, pills galore, 911 calls and Mayo began part of everyday life.
On May 3. 2013, I found him on the floor of our bathroom he was in a coma and not responding to me. He was on Hospice the last six months and they told me he would live about 3 more days. He died in our home on May 5, 2013.
To this day I remember every minute of those 3 long days. I will never adjust to fit in the real world again. All I can do is wait for death and go through my fake existance.
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Comment by morgan on December 26, 2019 at 10:40pm
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I'm making my way through the treacherous memories of Xmas eve day when I took him to the ER, to Xmas day when he laid uncomfortably waiting for doctors to celebrate with family and friends and then the day after when he was operated on and they diagnosed stage 4 cancer. He lived another 27 days.
I know I've related this story of his march towards death here on this website before but it bears repeating because I am still unable to process that he is gone. The forever kind of gone. Not to the store. Not in his workshop gone. No gone, never to hold him again.
And as hard as I push myself, no, I force myself to do all the things necessary to be active I would be more than happy to crawl into my bed on freshly laundered sheets and lay there until I too pass.
Lately the overwhelming desire to not open my eyes when I sort of wake up has returned. For awhile I didn't think about the whole eye opening thing. I seemed ok for awhile to open my eyes and get up slowly but I've reverted back again to not wanting to even begin the slow process, the eye opening. I put the t-shirt he wore that the EMT guys cut down the center to try to revive him over my forehead and eyes and forehead and just want to go away. Far far away. Myself, never to return.
How many ways and times will I ask the universe to please release me. Or put another way to come and get me. Anything to hasten the process of having to live here. Here, where he is not. Here, where I have to get up and do things and pretend that a damn thing matters when I would be just as happy to crawl into that bed and die. Yes, it really hasn't gotten any easier. It just has taken a different form of adaptation. A form where I simply hate what i have to do and it takes too much energy to explain to anyone that I am still not really any better. Before they gave me some slack. Now after seven years and enough pretending on my part they think I've adjusted. Nothing could be further from the truth. How can I go on like this? For how long? How long before I am just unwilling to open my eyes?
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Comment by Joe Kelly on December 25, 2019 at 12:28pm
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Well said Lani and never let that go. Our consciousness is immortal. I know because I had an experience back in the eighties when my "spirit" or "consciousness" separated from my body after been hit by a truck. My darling wife still exists. She just doesn't have the body to communicate back to me. I was like an invisible form of energy that could somehow see and move. I talk to her all day, every day. Never let that diminish in the least. We have to wait the wait, suffer as we may, but the day when we go does exist. We just don't know what that date is, but it is certain. It can't come soon enough for me and most of us here. Believe it or not, even my children, knowing the love we had for each other are rooting for me. God Bless, Joe
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Latest Activity
M Adams commented on Miriam Holmes's blog post Healing Repetition"Miriam, thanks for what you’ve said here, think it will be helpful to many other people here and I hope writing it down will help you as well. What you say about the way you miss your uncle, the loss of rituals and of his expressions of…"
Shirelle posted a status"It will be 2 months since my son pass I'm feel do lost I'm don't want to work but have bills I don't want to talk to anyone just want to cry"
Miriam Holmes posted a blog postHealing Repetition
An uncle in our family committed suicide. For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen. We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again. And after five years she was done and could move on. I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
Katherine A Pericas Geersten commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!"Hi everyone, My name is Katherine.
I am learning how to deal with the loss of my mom, she passed away two months ago.My mom was never my best friend, but she was so much more. She made me the person that I am today and living without her has…"
Katherine A Pericas Geersten joined Karen's groupI miss my Mom!
If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Katherine A Pericas Geersten posted a discussionHello, a little bit about me.
Two months ago, my mom committed suicide. As of now, this has to be one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life. I hope that through this forum I may be able to just reach out to someone who can kind of understand what my situation is like.My friends try to talk to me (and I do reach out to them) but I feel that the situation I am in is a really heavy thing to talk about (basically I don't want to rope my friends into my troubles, nor do I want to be a burden to them). I talk to…See More
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler"Dona, I am so sorry for your pain. A difficult relationship like yours always leaves all sorts of conflicting feelings that are hard to sort out. I hope that the support you receive here will help you find your way to a better place."
Miriam Holmes left a comment for Dona Fiedler"Hi, I'm brand new, too. I needed some place to talk out the grief that other people don't understand and don't really want to listen to. Hopefully, this will be a helpful place for both of us. Whatever your loss, I…"
Miriam Holmes posted a blog postThe Little Things
This morning there was a crescent moon. I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon." I got all choked up seeing it. Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart. He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards. But no more. More tears to fight back. Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there. I have never had anyone else do that for me. I knew…See More
Carol Peckham Taylor left a comment for Greg Darby"Sorry to hear of your loss. Taking baby step and present moment living will help, along with your family and close friends."
Shirelle posted a status"My son died November 25 at 936 am and I have. Cried everyday I honestly don't know what to do I can't function at all what do I do?"
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
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