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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: on Sunday

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on June 10, 2019 at 6:28am

Hello Everyone,

Thank You all for sharing your thoughts. I just can't thank everyone enough. This is the only place I can talk with people who really understand how I feel. I know that the rest of the world does not understand what we are going though. I feel as we have all become family to one another and I thank God for that.

Comment by Nancy on June 9, 2019 at 6:18pm
I feel the very same as you all describe. I keep very busy but any down time and he is all I think about. I am lonely even when surrounded by people. Not for anyone but for him. My comfy houseslipper, my comment finisher, my true soulmate. My love forever. Its been 2 years and seems like yesterday in some ways and in others seems a lifetime ago. I think its because my life ended then too. I go through all the motions and even laugh at work but I'm an empty shell in reality. We were married 43 years. 3/4 of my life so far. You can't just move on from that.
Comment by Marita on June 9, 2019 at 5:57pm

Linda, you’re so right “we were so close and only needed each other.” Forty years of being together, how does one move on with half a heart.....half a brain. There is no life without love. Morgan, I am lost too. I am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained and soon it will be five years of waiting, hoping, and pleading to end this misery. Joe, this is a living hell and the only thing that sustains us is the thought of the joyous reunion with our beloved. Trina, I hope being closer to your sisters will bring some comfort to you. 

Comment by Joe Kelly on June 9, 2019 at 3:56pm

I've been staring at this website for about an hour now.  I just signed in because the few of us here are all we have sharing the hell of living and even though I don't know what to say or should say going to say, I have to because we're all we have.  We died when Our Loves died but we're stuck here waiting and hoping to go where they went because they can't come back to us.  We HAVE to go to them.  Most of us were with Our Loves for many years or just about all of our lives in some cases like mine.  There is no going back and no going forward with our lives here.  We can only wait and the constant torment can't be fixed.  At least in my case and many of yours.  We're like orphan souls stuck in our bodies and as far as I'm concerned, there's only one way to fix that.  For me, it has to be natural though for fear that I have to go the way she went or might not end up in the same realm she is in.  If I KNEW it didn't matter, I'd be gone already but will suffer for as long as it takes and hope it's soon.  Every day is hell but I won't relent.  FOR HER, I will suffer this ongoing nightmare because SHE is the only thing that I want.  I have children and grands but like most of us, when we had Our Loves and lost our parents, we went on with life.  I'm witnessing that now with my children and grands.  They fell bad about losing their mother and grand mother but I'm the reminder.  They are supportive to an extent that it's my grieving MY Love, that is somewhat the focusing reminder.  When I'm gone, They will feel comfort knowing that what my wishes are completed and go on with their lives just as we did.  My only "recovery" is to go to her and adore her for all eternity.  The majority in the world can't understand or accept that.  So here we are, a small minority they can't help.  So we wait and suffer for something they can't comprehend.  I know I'm babbling now so will close wishing you all for what we truly want and waiting for.

Joe 

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 9, 2019 at 6:30am

Hi Morgan,

I too try to keep busy every minute of the day. I do have a little dog that has really helped me make it through the day. Now she is slowly declining and I am going through the same thing I did with my Husband. Watching her failing everyday is heartbreaking. When I lose her I will have nothing to live for. We never had children as we were so close and only needed each other. I always think to myself why I couldn't go first or die together. Life Sucks.

Comment by morgan on June 9, 2019 at 12:03am

 I was trying to put something together to write and I just am lost.  I just can't find the energy to communicate how devastated and debilitated my life has been since my husband's death.  I've been too busy trying to do enough to pretend I care to live.  Who am I doing this for?  No children, no animals, yes, some friends but seriously, how long can I keep this up? 

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 5, 2019 at 12:38pm

Hi Trina

I myself have been thinking of relocating back to Nevada where my Husband and I shared our retirement. It is not going on 7 years and I have thought of moving back with my sister but I decided not to because I want to live where the happiest times Julian and I shared together. I know if won't be the same but I think I will feel much closer to him. The only way I will now is to just do it.

Comment by Joe Kelly on June 5, 2019 at 9:51am

Dear Trina,

I read your post on Monday and wanted to say something comforting to you but your first paragraph says it all.  I hope your sisters can bring a little more comfort into your life and because you made that first move which must had been so hard, any reminder of it is paralyzing.  I haven't made any move yet and don't know if I ever will.  Sometimes I think maybe I should but my Love and I spent 40 years here in this apartment, it scares the heck out of me to vision leaving here as described in your second paragraph.  Your third paragraph is what I want to say to you today.  I'm sorry but I'm so broken that your words are all I can do to respond back at you.  It's crazy, Monday was Hell's basement, yesterday was Hell's penthouse, and this morning is just plain Hell.  And finally, your last paragraph back to you.  Good luck with your move that you are making that it in some way, makes this Hell on earth a little easier to bear your loss of Joseph.

Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 5, 2019 at 6:09am

Thanks for sharing Stewart.

Comment by stewart p on June 4, 2019 at 1:42pm

like to share an inspirational story I just read about hope and the future...

https://nationalwidowers.org/angels-walk-among-us/?utm_source=Natio...

 

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Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
Sunday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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