Traumatic, Sudden Loss

Members: 943
Latest Activity: Aug 28, 2018

Traumatic, Sudden Loss

I have started this group for people who like myself have suddenly, tragically and traumatically lost a loved one.

My mom died 8 weeks ago (August 17, 2009) She had been sick but I did not know the true extent of her illness. Her doctor knew she did not have long and I went to each doctor visit and talked to him at the hospital and he never told me and I do not believe mom knew either. I am not sure.

I found my mom sitting up on her bed and I know I knew she was gone. I still am in deep shock and cry occasionally but only a minute or two. Then I am back to not feeling or feel numb.

Discussion Forum

New to the Group

Hello All-I am a new widow as my husband passed away April 21, 2018 at the age of 49. He suffered a heart attack and had no previous history of any heart conditions nor does it run in his family.  I…Continue

Started by Danielle Wood Aug 2, 2018.

Struggling 2 Replies

Hi. My name is Cristal. I lost the love of my life on July 2nd. He had leukemia and had no idea. I begged him to see a doctor in the months prior to his death but he would not do it. He also suffered…Continue

Started by Cristal. Last reply by Cristal Aug 1, 2018.

My "Little Brother"

Hi Everyone, My name is Carlyn, and I live in the Ft. Lauderdale area. I joined this site because a very dear friend of mine was killed in a hit-and-run accident in May. My friend Rick, whom I called…Continue

Tags: violent, death, loss, sudden, friend

Started by Carlyn Jorgensen Aug 28, 2017.

A proof of love 13 Replies

I just have a simple question...Is a headstone proof of how much a person was loved?Continue

Started by Toni Jones. Last reply by Christine Jun 3, 2017.

Comment Wall


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Comment by Theresa on May 13, 2017 at 12:15pm

Thank you Jackie, I will be thinking of you and everyone tomorrow.

Take care

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 13, 2017 at 8:38am
Sending you love Theresa, I'm having such a bad day I have cried all day. Some of my tears are for everyone else on here to. Know I'm sharing your pain xx
Comment by Theresa on May 13, 2017 at 7:56am
Tomorrow is Mother's Day it will be my second mom about my mom just as hard as the first one
Comment by Jackie cooke on May 7, 2017 at 1:45pm
If I Begin to Dance Again

If I begin to dance
does it mean I am too alive?
If I sing again
Does it mean I have forgotten you are gone?
If I laugh out loud
does it mean I have forgotten
You are forever silent?

If a day goes by
without a tear
is your memory fading?
If your name
is not spoken
does it mean you never were?

If my heart is light for an instant
does it mean I mourn you less?
And If I should get through a day
without the image of your last moments
does it mean I forget your suffering?

If you are dead
can I believe and live
and ever be the same again?

And if I am never to be the same again...
will it mean
that you have left me with the gift of
being more not less because of you?
Comment by Jackie cooke on May 6, 2017 at 4:28pm
Thanks Anne x
Comment by Jackie cooke on May 6, 2017 at 3:10pm
Iv done a lot of thinking today, another saturdaynspent a lone, a datnthatbused to be our favourite day of the week. Why dismayed have to die on a Saturday, it was our day,Mae spent all,day together,either in the garden or in front of fire, just talking, reading, watching tv, just happy in each other's company, not needing anyone else. 8 weeks today my life ended. No more peace love laughter or happiness, just pain and grief. But one thing I have realised today is that I don't want this pain to go. If there was a day when one thing happens or i see something that reminds me of Shirl and I don't feel this agonising pain I would be terrified that meant I had forgot her and was moving on, I never ever want to stop missing and loving her so don't ever want to stop hurting? The pain keeps her alive inside me and that's all iv got left of her now. Does this make sense
Comment by dream moon JO B on May 4, 2017 at 4:03pm

yep so tru 1 day it a day its lk bean a a baby agan cralin thn baby stps but dnt try2 rush grief evn if it taks yrs dnt rush it or let pepel bully us in 2 it it in 2 it

my hes all ovr it min coz moms got alz/dem wish cud tak yrs of msry for her us 2 i neam faly famly 

had so mush loss its got my hed bated it in 

i wush u cud of stad in 2011 nevr leve 2011 coz 212 212 2012 wz  my stred of a shit coster rid wish i still on u cud say

2013 wz loss 2 thn 2014 2015 2015 20116 2016 had 2 get my fur kid of 16 yrs of frndshp pts i had 2 

im scred 2 gt 2 clos 2 pepel i am in cas i lozze thm i am do i sond mad iv bean hear sisne 2012 i hav its juts 2 mush loss its getin 2 me it is

Comment by stewart p on May 4, 2017 at 12:24pm

karen stephenson

you just do, one day at a time, it sucks, its horrible, it stinks and nothing good about it but you go through it and in the process something happens that changes nearly everything you ever thought about life before if you let it happen, the pain is just that, emotional pain but it will not kill any of us, but it does hurt god awful, bone crushing, gut wrenching at times.  Ive spent plenty a night and day feeling that horrible pain so i know what it feels like, but we live to see another day and so on, i know it might sound kind of cliche, but thats what happens and eventually more time passes and for many people you just get use to it, adapt to the new surreal i guess for lack of a better word.  Best to you

Comment by stewart p on May 4, 2017 at 12:07pm

Coming up on 4 years for me after being married 23 and have my world shaken apart all in lousy piece of sh5%t night.  It is hard, up and down and all around, one day better, next day worst.  Ive been to bereavement groups, counseling, no drugs tough legal or otherwise, hold up in my house for weeks on end with the shades drawn, you name it I been there.  But life goes on with or without and frankly im tired of it rolling me over and feeling like a truck just hit me.  By the 2nd year or so i just simply forced myself to start doing things, biking, hiking, school, new jobssss, and im still working on it but its getting better.  My life that is, the missing the other person you shared so much of your life with aint evern going away, get use to it, you better.  I have, its just part of who i am today, but it doesnt have to control or dictate the life i live going forward.  But the one thing I started to really realize, or wake up to lately espeically after sharing so many years of my life with someone and building my world around them, with her gone Ive been lost for 4 years, and still even today Im really not sure where to go, what to do, methaphorically speaking.  The kids are on their own, the house is empty and she is gone and I dont know.  the center of my world is gone and has been gone and while Ive employed some hands on experieinces to get out of the house and begin doing things the underlying reason is a little vague these days and most noticable when i come home at the end of the day and she aint there, which then begs the question did i really need to come home any longer to this place?  And while I could choose to keep doing so Im not sure why i would, and so right now for me, its more to do with finding a reason to the things im doing.  I mentioned im back in school part time, new career, but honestly there are times i ask myself why, what for?  I know originally it was to break out the rut i had found my self in after her death, but not im looking for a reason to do it.  IDK, maybe I wont, maybe I'll try something new next week, but somewhere somehow there is something of a life left to be lived for me as sad as it is without her.

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 4, 2017 at 11:47am
Thing is how do we know what they'd want, I know they'd want us to be happy and not be in pain, but then they would be the same if we'd died, I don't think Shirl would expect me to just carry on, she would know I be in bits. I don't think she will be happy without me either, trouble is we do have a choice but it's being brave enough to make it, which is scarier, living this life alone for years and years or taking a quick get out and hopefully being reunited.

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