anne
  • Female
  • Hettinger, ND
  • United States
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Profile Information

About Me:
I am 50 years old. I used to be the mother of 4 children. I love music. I work at a nursing home and I have one grandchild.
About my Loss:
My youngest son was burned to death in a car accident in 1998. He was 12 years old. In 2007 my oldest son was killed in a tradgic accident.I am confused and very sad and I feel all alone.

Anne's Blog

Can my plate get any fuller?

It's been a really tough few weeks. October is a bittersweet month. Bens anniversary, on the 7th. My 32nd wedding anniversary on the 9th, and the death of my sweet Lil Del on the 17th. I thought I could handle it all very well this year. Then I got sick. I figured it was bad, but I wasn't sure what was going on. I had some tests run, because I haven't been able to take in much food or liquids, and have been having awful pain in my abdomen. Well turns out I have a huge bleeding ulcer in the…

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Posted on October 8, 2014 at 11:21pm — 1 Comment

Why (CAUTION) Dont read if you can't handle my truth.

Why, why, why? Why you? Why me? Why anyone? Hell if I know. If I knew the answer to that, WOW. I get asked that question so many times, and all I can say is I don't know. When I get frustrated with the whole thing I ask myself Why not me? Why not you? What the heck do I know? Because I'm a 2 time loser I should know the answer to that. I've lost many family, and close friends over the years, and it never gets any easier. I do however get through it. How you ask? I have no idea. I guess when…

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Posted on August 31, 2014 at 8:08pm — 6 Comments

I have just lost it

I think I just blew a fuse. I generally do my best to be positive, but today I read a post that said that God picks and chooses who lives and who dies.

specifically it said that God chooses children to die so that he has younger angels in heaven. That's such crap. I'm so upset I can barely type. Why would a person post poetry like that? How can writings such as that be of any comfort? Obviously the person who wrote that poem knows nothing of which they write. I understand the need to…

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Posted on August 20, 2014 at 6:24pm — 3 Comments

The different me

Last week I cleaned our garage. It was pretty bad. I hadn't touched anything in there for 4 years. That was the time we put most of Bens personal things in the garage that his roommate, and buddies brought to us. We had it all at the farm, and brought it to our house in town 4yrs ago. I guess my feelings are that you don't have to get rid of anything until your ready. I have things that I have had since Lil Del died. I will never part with those things, and that's OK! I knew I had to move…

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Posted on July 18, 2014 at 7:21pm — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (12 comments)

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At 11:30am on January 18, 2015, Lynn Williams said…
Wondering how you are. Miss your entries so much lynn
At 10:17am on November 12, 2014, Connie K said…

Hi Anne

 Just wondering how you are these days. I just read your latest blog post and am SO sorry for all the physical problems you have to endure right now. It must be such a hard month for you and to have all this pain on top of it really sucks. I just want you to know that I think of you often and miss your posts. I know we all have to take a break now and then.  I am approaching Daniel's anniversary and it's so hard. I am always inspired  at your strength and endurance. Thank you for that and I hope you are feeling better soon. Love and prayers are with you. Connie

At 12:08pm on September 1, 2014, patience said…

Anne..your just being blunt..should not scare people..true friends listen and care no matter what the situation is. 

At 9:42pm on May 12, 2014, Michelle H said…

Anne, how are you able to let your family prevent you from talking about your boys? You have the right to speak about them. It seems so selfish of them to put you on a guilt trip when you mention them. Have you ever told them just how much additional pain that puts you through? I would think that it would also create a "wall" between you and your girls. You're strong, but sometimes it's OK not to be.

At 6:16pm on December 3, 2013, Survivor17 said…

Thank you Anne , Its good to have you as a friend as well. I have read many of your posts. My heart goes out to you . 

At 6:12am on November 24, 2013, Anne said…

Great!! My Mom's 1 yr anniversary is on Friday...has been a rough few months. 

  Sometimes it's hard to read the threads on here, sometimes they just make me sadder, yesterday though; I had no problems and actually found some comfort.  Thanks again for accepting the friend request. BTW I have PTSD as well.

At 9:38pm on October 6, 2013, Ammy said…

Anne,

I have not been posting on the wall as I am going through a relapse of sorts.  Numbness, sadness, anger, sudden tears, heartache all at once again.  Just waiting for another reprieve. 

I am sorry I didn't know earlier that today was Ben's 6th year gone.  Even though I know the pain of grief, I still don't know the words that could comfort.  Does anyone know?  Are there any words?  No, I don't think it's the words, it's the presence.  Someone's presence; whether in thought or physically.  So, I don't know any special words, but I do know grief and I am with you in my thoughts and prayers.  

I hope that you were able to find some good memories to help you through the day.

I also hope your health is better.  Take care.  (((HUGS)))

At 6:01pm on August 30, 2013, Judy Edwards said…

Thank you for becoming my friend is appreciated very much. Judy Edwards

At 9:01pm on April 29, 2011, Gin Jones said…
Don't let anyone tell you that the things you write about are wrong...they just don't understand as some of us do. Keep up your great writings!!!!
At 3:05pm on April 23, 2011, Dana Jarrett said…
Thanks Anne! We are in shock! That's to say it nicely. I dread when true reality hits us because it just seems more than we can bear. I keep praying that God keeps giving us some peaceful moments remembering our Mom. The sad part is that this year our New Year's resolution was to take Mom on her first cruise. We were supposed to be sailing the Monday after she died. It hurts us that we never got to take her on that cruise. We had just had a packing party- in fact that was the last time I seen her. My dad just was not going to let her have fun and do something exciting. My heart hurts more for the moments that I won't have her here with me. I know she will be here in spirit but I think of things like having my children and the fact that I won;t have my sweet Mom to be there to experience all that joy with me. She had been praying for me to have her some grandbabies and I feel like I failed her because I didn't have them before she left us. My brother and Sister are 11 and 12 years older than me and all of their kids are late in the teenage years. Sorry to ramble on and vent but it's nice to have someone that doesn't know me or my hurt listening to me. Thanks!
 
 
 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today we Remember 9/11. I can't even imagine the terror and heartbreak the families must still have. Losing my Husband Julian under normal circumstances was bad enough.  God Bless all the people that still suffer from this horrible…"
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Morgan, Thanks so very much for your supportive letter. Sorry i didn't see it before. I replied to it just now, Sending you love and good wishes."
Sep 10
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you friends for sharing your thoughts. I don't know what I do, if I didn't have this place to come to. We are all suffering and the real world just doesn't understand what we are going through. I miss the tender touch of my…"
Sep 10
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have nothing that I want to or have to, to keep me busy except doing what I'm doing which has to have something to do with Her.  Like yesterday, I found a small  3/4 X 2 1/2 inch bottle with a cork when I went to the dollar store…"
Sep 9
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, Check your inbox for a message from me. Joe,  So true.  That's exactly why I post here too.  I keep thinking if I get it off my chest and out into cyberspace at least I know I wont be suffering alone.  That consoles…"
Sep 9
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello All, I am sorry that I have not posted here for a while now to show my support for you. On August 4th it was the fifth anniversary of Joseph's passing. I just don't have the strength or energy anymore to keep pushing to survive each…"
Sep 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm in the 19th month and don't know what to say, except that the only time I'm not living this horrible nightmare is when I sleep and don't dream at all.  Even when I post in a way to try to console anyone here, in a way,…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Once again I want to Thank You for sharing you thoughts with us. You put into words the things I don't know how to express."
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I don't mean to be a downer, but I am not sure there is an end to our grief. I know mine is still going strong. I wish the good things in my life were as consistent as this is. We have to keep moving though. Keep taking baby steps. Assay…"
Sep 8
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"John T,   I saw your post late late last night.  I see you are still doing your best to cope. I remember a time that I wasn't even coping. I was barely standing.  After six years seven months I have become anesthetized.…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All, Today I suddenly had grief all over the day. I miss my mother a lot and it seems that there is no end to this grief. Hope I meet her someday when I leave this world.  Just wanted to share my feelings here because people around me…"
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