Barbara Santoli
  • Female
  • Lake Ariel, PA
  • United States
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  • Lynne M.
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  • Rachel Lynn Schuler

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About Me:
I am 65 years old and became a widow 3 months ago. Three months before that I retired from my job of 31 years.
About my Loss:
On August 3, 2011 my husband of 42 years died of a heart attack at home. I did cpr but could not revive him. I am feeling lost and confused and not knowing who I am anymore.

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At 3:40pm on March 22, 2012, Brenda Ann said…

Barbara,

I just want to give you a hug.  My husband and I have just celebrated our 42nd anniversary and the history we share goes back to when we decided to get married at 5 years old.  It is obvious that you had a good man and I  am sorry that you lost him.  You had history and I find as I loose family and friends, it is the lack of history or feeling of conection that hurts me most.  Even at church, as I get older and our congregation losses those who have been faithful since we were children as pillars in the congregation, the void that is left behind seems so sad.  I am not ready to be the strong one. . .  When Dad passed away and as the months have passed, I miss his wisdom and his heart.  Please be assured of my love and that I will keep you in my prayers.

Brenda

support@grief-and-comfort.com

mawmaw1591@gmail.com

At 8:02pm on March 8, 2012, Rachel Lynn Schuler said…

barbara your not alone i cant read either and i miss it....but i love the computer, i listen to music, exercise a little...you will be fine sweetheart....concentrating is hard....ive had a lot of people bugging me, that doesnt help

At 8:37am on November 20, 2011, Christine Sutton said…

Brenda, you left a comment for me when my computer was not working. It touched me deeply and I want to thank you from all of my heart. I have missed being here and I went through some terrible times where I longed for people to reach out to. I could not leave the house on those days... the site would have helped me. Something helped me get though. But I am glad to be back. When I read your comment today, I was deeply touched. Christine

At 12:07pm on November 15, 2011, Mariann Bamberger said…

Barbara, thank you for beiing my sanity check.

Saturday evening we had a small memorial/celebration of his life. I carried myself with the composure and dignity of Jackie Kennedy. When I came home to the empty house, I automatically wanted to tell him about who was there, their comments, the wonderful food, etc. It smacked me in the head when I (once again) realized that he wasn't there, and wasn't coming back. Perhaps I am still in denial, and wonder when and where it will finally really hit me.

Today, I find myself ready to bawl, like I did the first week. Don't know what, if anything, prompted these strong emotions. It seems like the world is moving in slow motion. It feels like it was months ago, but has been only three weeks yesterday. I continually ask "Why is everything taking so long with the attorney?  What do I do next? Where will I be a month from now?"  I have always needed a plan, to be prepared as much as possible for even my immedient future, so it causes a lot of anxiety being in limbo.

Going to pick up his business taxes which are due tomorrow.

At 11:53am on November 3, 2011, Mariann Bamberger said…

Thank you for your kind words. The hardest part is the fact that we do not have any family, and our friends/acquaintences are "busy." I'm really trying to go on my own, but I find myself spinning around in a daze.  I have hit a number of roadblocks. The mortgage is in his name, the HELOC is in his name, I've been unemployed for 2+ years after being laid off, then being a full-time caretaker. Since our only income was his social security, and a small pension, there is now no income. I haven't even submitted the obit since I don't have the money. The funeral home is holding him "hostage" until they are paid, and I had to cash in some of his IRA to do that, which will be sent to the account so I can write them a check. I fear that I will be on the street. Since he handled all the bills & finances, I, unfortunately, did not pay enough attention to that issue.  I am now finding that he is in horrible debt, in which I will be accountable for.  Yesterday I was to the point of giving up but I know that isn't the answer, either. (Oh, so sorry to be ranting)

 
 
 

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Julie posted a status
"I don’t know how to handle the death of my son I feel like I’m just fading away"
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, too.  As for me -- same as it has been since my husband died. I don't expect it will ever change. I know what you mean about being over the shock, and I suppose it's usually/mostly that way for me as well, but…"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, Bluebird.  Thanks for asking.  Just dealing with this awful reality 6 years later.  I'm over the shock and and am just dealing with the way it is.  How are you, otherwise?"
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thanks, Jeff. How are you doing?"
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Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but I get it.  You are so right about what's happening to this country."
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bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"The 4th of July is my husband's favorite holiday -- mostly because of all the cookouts/barbecues/food, but also because of the fireworks. So, as with so many other things since he died, I find that I can't celebrate it. There's simply…"
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