A. Buyten
  • Male
  • Felton, CA
  • United States
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About Me:
I lost my girlfriend and seeking support
About my Loss:
Struggling after 8 months and not getting better.

Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 1:15am on August 15, 2015, dream moon JO B said…

i no way u feal i cnt get over it 

sien my dad died 2012 it seams 2 gt worse 

i juts dnt exspt 2 hav so mush loss sine 2012 

sorrry for yore loss pls typo erros coz of pins needls in bth fingrs

At 11:08pm on August 14, 2015, stewart p said…

totally can relate, lost my wife of 24 years over 2 years ago and I think the key is learning how to "adapt".  That's what Ive decided to work on.  Adapt to this new environment.  What has helped greatly for me is a few things.  First I spent a lot of at first doing nothing, then I realized that wasn't going to help much more so I started getting out and trying to find things I enjoy doing.  Biking, hiking, rafting, sky diving, whatever you THINK might get exciting, go try it out.  The further out it is the better. In other words don't let fear or others hold you back any more.  If nothing else we should of all learned the value of that lesson through this.  And it wont seem all that great at first, because you might wish she was there with you, but all the wishing isn't going to change a damn thing, so go do it anyways, and the do it again or try something else.  Start living life as hard at seems at first, and it will be hard.  The other thing I found helps is meeting with a few people who've also lost someone. I started going to a bereavement group at our local hospice, twice a month.  I don't go as often any more, but that first year, I dont know how I would of made it without.  It helps to know personally and talk with others who have as much sadness as you do, maybe even more.  There is help in that.  After the first year things were still pretty tough, I did start individual counseling weekly, went for bout 9 months. It helps to have someone i could talk about things like I use to talk with my wife about, things like work, the kids, etc.  Now looking back I see why it helped.  I still needed someone to talk with intimately, and for 23 years it was my wife, with her gone a counselor worked as a temporary substitute.  again helping me to adapt to living with out her.  Its all about adapting.  I lived with out her before I met her, it must be possible I can live with out her now.  It hurts, its lonely, its painful, I understand all that.  But there are no options.  This is an individual journey we each must travel because we chose to share love in the first place.  Its the price of entry I guess.  With that said, hang in there, try, and when you fall pick up and try again.  its never a failure, its a process.   and personally I would only talk with others who are facing similar circumstances, that's where the bereavement group came in real handy.  People who tell you to move one blah blah blah simply most haven't experienced the loss you are going to learn to live with now.  But the bright is if there is any and there is, once you have learned to live with this you will be a source strength to others you will meet one day who must draw on your strength in their hour of need.  Best of luck and God be with you.. I wouldn't wish this shit on my worst enemy.

Ps I wouldn't recommend and I haven't tried but Ive seen others who it has failed miserably for indulging in either drugs/drink &/or dating.  This is a time and place for you to grow strong leaps and bounds above what most others only read or hear about - learn from it and allow yourself the chance to grow from it.  I know this sounds almost terrible, but believe me Ive more than once been near contemplating death for myself I was sooooo miserable and alone, sad, devastated.  And now, there is a sliver, just a tad mind but a little light shining through that say to me this too shall pass and it will alright.  If you believe in a higher power, this too will help in fact I cant really say all the rest will help without belief in a higher power because I do believe in god as revealed through Jesus Christ, and my relationship with him today is number 1 in my life, so Im sure that saved me a lot, but the other stuff i still do.  Life goes on, whether we're hiding under the covers or

At 6:45pm on January 21, 2013, Emily said…

I'm so sorry about your girlfriend. I do understand about losing a passion for life.

My mom died on Dec 27,2012, she was my best friend and confidante.

At 12:24am on September 17, 2012, Tiffany M Kiser said…

No i don't think that would be inappropriate. But i think maybe sending some flowers with a note would be better, or maybe taking flowers and just let them know that you miss her too. And that you would love to stay in touch.

At 10:51pm on September 15, 2012, Tiffany M Kiser said…

I'm sorry for your loss, i know it's hard. I lost my mom 2years ago and it still feels like yesterday. I am still struggling with the pain. But there are lot of people here who you can talk to, and it helps a bit.

At 1:03pm on September 12, 2012, Annette Dominguez said…

A. 

My husband has been gone since 1/1/11 and I still miss him so. It will take time to get through all of this. I went to Griefshare 3 times and it helped me to make it. I can only get through one day at a time. I still can't look at pictures without crying. 

Annette

 
 
 

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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Joe, I understand what you mean.  There will never be anymore of what we did together, IT IS FINISHED."
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Mandy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Strike those vacations below, they'll never be another one.  Went on a memorial cruise with my daughter and family four months after she passed because she was so looking forward to it.  It hurt enough to know they'll be no more."
Oct 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes Elynn, the loneliness.  That's painful.  They're not here and always was.  Our best friend, lover, and most precious thing we had.  We were lucky enough to spend the last 8 1/2 years together, joined at the…"
Oct 9
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've had a rough few weeks.   August 31st would have been our 45th wedding anniversary.   September 27 was year 4 of my husband's passing.   It's pretty lonely around here.  Its difficult to talk…"
Oct 9
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Every day for me is the same day she passed.  Not a joyful or even an ok moment.  I spend a little time with the children and grands and do my best to hide my emotions, but they all know how I am inside, even the youngest grand at age 4…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, I feel the same as you. My sweet dog Babie J is nearing the Rainbow Bridge. I wanted stay on this earth for her. Once she passes I will do nothing to save my own soul.  "
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I don't know if we can rethink our emotions that way. Our emotions are what they are, although reason can help us form our emotions and hopefully change them for the better. I don't know if my mom can hear me or not. I certainly…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"How are you all doing?  I had bad last 2 days. Felt lot of guilt and cried. There were some moments which made me remember my mother.  Also I hear comforting words by a lady that people who have gone from this world can still feel your…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I wonder how i am managing.  Not well and to be onest today I wanted to just set a date with death. I am approaching seven years of being without him and though I function towards the outside world better and my crying has lessened but at the…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"What a horrible price to pay for love. "
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If you have lost a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide please share your story or feelings here. Share the love and beauty of the one you lost. Losing someone any of these ways is not natural and can be hard to understand and ask why? I lost my Mother to an overdose 9 years ago. She also suffered from major depression. Her doctor got her hooked on pain medication and she was addicted most of my life. These doctors who were suppose to help her ended up killing her in the end. I also…See More
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