Julie Marie Weiss
  • Female
  • Madison, WI
  • United States
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Traumatic Losses
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My beautiful mother died suddenly 8 weeks ago today. I found her sitting up, and knew she was gone. It was very traumatic I can not get her finally image out of my heart! It scares me that someone ca…

Started this discussion. Last reply by Julie Marie Weiss Nov. 24, 2009.

 

Julie Marie Weiss's Page

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I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce. Many of us have lost more than one person or event. Come share!
yesterday
on Wednesday
On July 3, 2010 I was asleep in bed my parents were in Las Vegas my sister was at her house and my brother and my brother from another mother were on there way home from Arizona in other words i was home alone. I got a knock on the door about 11a.m…
on Tuesday
Amanda, Wendy, Jazz, Anita, Jodi, Kate and every one else. I have just read the last few posts and just wanted to let you know I have just lit a candle for all of us. There is one little light burning for all of us right now and when I blow it out i…
August 27
On the 24th of sept 08 I lost my 10 yr old son in a freak accident, a fence fell on him, causing base of skull fracture and traumatic head injury. He died, at the same time my 7 yr old daughter also sustained massive head injuries. She is my angel,…
August 26
August 26
August 24
I started this group after suffering several losses. Last week it was the one year annv of my mom's death. It was very hard to lose her. My dad has been gone for over 5 years and I think of him and mom every single day. I want to reach out to other…
August 21
Last thursday i had lost my grandma 2 yrs ago today i lost my dad a yr ago....how am i to deal with all the pain of losing them :(
August 20
August 19
On August 17, 2010 was the one year anniversay of losing my mom. I am still devasted by her death. She was my cheerleader, best friend and always, always there for me and now when something happens my first thought is I should call mom and then it d…
August 19
Oh my God! what a horrible horrible thing you have gone through. My heart goes out to you. Your son is with God know if that helps I understand why these words may not help. When I lost my mom i lost my best friend and I wanted to join her and still…
August 19
On August 17, 2010 it was one year since I lost my beloved mom. The day before I went to the cemetary to visit my dads grave and it hit me like getting hit in the head by a brick! I miss them both so..much
August 19
August 18
August 14
My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
August 14

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a student in the Medical Assisting program and will soon start my internship. I have been on the honor roll every session. Thanks to the love and support mom has given me. I miss that! I am excited about doing my internship and wish I could come home and tell her about my day but i can not.
About my Loss:
Two days ago I had a mass funeral for my mom she was 67, one day shy of her birthday. She died at home and I found her and am haunted by those images.

I lost my dad in 2005 to colon cancer and have no other relatives, so I am on my own and scared! Yes I have two very close friends I consider family but now that my parents are gone I feel lost.

Comment Wall (11 comments)

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At 12:35pm on May 22, 2010, Kim7777 said…
I am going insane with grief. I lost my Dad.
HELP ME!
Love to all and you
K
At 1:39pm on January 05, 2010, Ruby Smith gave Julie Marie Weiss a gift
Thanks for being there!
At 7:51pm on November 04, 2009, Julie Marie Weiss added a gift to their profile…
In Loving Memory of Julia Dolsey, Ozzie Dolsey and Patricia Dolsey
At 8:55am on September 11, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-

Just thinking about you this morning and hoping you are doing okay!

Carrie
At 1:23pm on September 4, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
How irritating and insulting....SHE needs space. Perhaps you are better off without this friend....seems like an awful thing to say considering what you are going through.

Well, I am here for you anytime and I sincerely mean that. I hope that you are VERY proud of yourself and what you are accomplishing in the middle of this awful situation. Congrats on being in your final 8 weeks....that is AWESOME! You may not feel so strong right now but you are and, when the time comes for you to graduate, if you need someone there.....I will be that someone for you and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Do you still have things that you have to take care of (meaning bills, estate accounts and whatnot)?? This is an area that I am having a lot of trouble with right now. It is so overwhelming. I had to sell my parents house, go to court to get appointed Personal Representative, hire an attorney, open an estate account, sell their cars, cancel insurance etc etc and I have a stack of medical and other miscellaneous bills that I have to take care of. I wonder if life is ever going to feel "normal" again!
At 11:14am on September 3, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-

How are you? I hope you are well today. Please do not apologize for repeating yourself..my mind has been so confused that I have trouble keeping track of anything I do or say right now so I completely understand.

I am sorry that this friend chose to walk away from you at this time. It is hard to understand why someone would do this. I really do not have anyone that I feel I can talk to about this. People do NOT understand and I think most of them would rather avoid the topic altogether, as they are uncomfortable and do not know what to say.

Hey, by the way, we are both in Wisconsin. I am in Kenosha.
At 7:01pm on September 2, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-
I can not thank you enough for responding. When I read what you had wrote, it was the first time I felt there might be someone out there who understands the fear and loneliness I am consumed by. I am so sorry for what you are also going through. I know the pain and fear. I hope that somehow we can support each other and come out on the other side of this okay. I have a friend who keeps telling me that one day it will be the norm that my parents are gone....I cannot EVEN imagine ever feeling that way.

I have been married for 10 wonderful years and love my husband deeply but this has caused so much strain on us that I even feel alienated from him. We have not even spoke in 2 days even though we are in the same house. I am scared that I will end up alone. My marriage has never been through anything like this and it is taking its' toll. I don't know how to fix it.

My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in March 2008 that had spread to his bone, spine and brain. He died June 28, 2008. My Mom was already getting ill with Picks Disease but it was still so mild that her symptoms went unnoticed with everything else going on. My father wanted to die in his home and my Mom would not give him medicine or take care of him (not because she did not want to, she could not...she would get hysterical). I figured it was the grief and pain. I had to move in with them and care for my Dad. Then, when he passed, I needed my Mom so and she was not there at all. I could not figure out what was going on.....I thought she was having a nervous breakdown due to losing my Dad. As the weeks were passing by, my Mom was getting really out of touch. Pick's Disease is a rare degenerative brain illness that causes dementia. In February of 2009, she was still living alone and paying her bills and, by March 30, I was moving her into a facility and she was calling me Mom. She lost the ability to talk and walk. I took her to so many doctors and I was told everything from Alzheimers to mental illness. Her doctor even put her in a lock down mental ward for a week....it was HORRIBLE. I was alone with her at the doctor the day I was told that she had Pick's Disease and was going to die. Throughout the whole time I took care of her, I learned to never show emotion because she was like a child and would look to me for reactions to things the doctors were saying. I never cried in front of her and I never grieved my Dad. By May, she was in a wheelchair, had no communication and her arms and legs were completely contracted. My Mom passed on June 3, 2009. This day is my parents wedding anniversary and mine as well. It was less than one year after my Dad died and the first anniversary she would have had without him. My father was 60 when he died and my mother was 62.

I hope to hear from you soon.
Take care and thanks again for reaching out to me.
Carrie
At 1:12pm on September 1, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
Hey Julie, I am a CMA but currently do not work. After I completed my MA and worked for a couple of years I decided to complete my B.S. in Business. After that I worked as an exec. asst. to two hospital directors. Got really burned out and started working on my teacher's certification...spent the last two years working as a substitute teacher. I feel you can never learn too much...where will you be doing your internship?
At 3:44pm on August 30, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
June 22 is the day my numbness ended. I remember this day well because I had an appointment with my physician. A little history so you know why I remember this day so well...my daughter died in North Pole, Alaska-I live in San Antonio, Texas. Her accident happened at 12:15 pm and she was declared dead at 12:49 pm. This was on a Monday. I kept everything inside because I had so much to do for her Memorial Service here at home but before this was to take place my niece and I flew to Fairbanks for a private viewing and her cremation. We returned home and planned her service for June 7. We then returned to Fairbanks for her service there on June 13. The week after I returned I was so exhausted. When I went for my doctor's visit on the 22nd I broke down completely and cried like I had never cried before. I was referred immediately to a therapist. I refused medication because I was afraid of not feeling any emotions, good or bad, so I toughed it out. It was a "roller coaster ride from hell" without the meds but I made it through okay. Your emotions will range from numbness, to sadness, to anger and everything in between. I don't tell you this to scare you but to let you know that they are normal during the grieving process. If you can, meet with a therapist. I visited my therapist twice and have not felt the need to return. I found my grief was more pronounced when I was tired. Mornings are usually good but every now and then I wake up feeling sad. If I feel like crying I cry and I usually feel better when I'm done. This is what I mean when I say be kind to yourself-allow yourself to grieve, don't bury it.
Feel free to ask me anything about my grieving experience-I don't mind sharing.
Julie, maybe your mom did not want you to know how serious her condition was, or maybe she did not want to accept it herself, but don't blame yourself.
Try to recall the happier times spent with your mom and embrace the love you have for each other; this will help you during this difficult time.
Your friend,
Laura
At 1:42pm on August 30, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
Hello again Julie,

Thank you for your condolences on the loss of my daughter. I can tell you that on June 22 is when the "numb" stage of grief ended for me. Though there are several stages of grief they don't always happen in the order presented by the experts. Take life one day a time and most important, be kind to yourself. Grieving can take a very emotional as well as physical toll on a person if we allow it.
We are here for each other on this website so never hesitate to post memories of your mom or feelings you may be struggling with. I have found that writing, whether on here or in my private journal, has helped me tremendously.
Take care, Julie. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

Laura
 
 
 

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@Mel YOur such an insperation when I come and read your posts...You have made it easy on me to have the fatih I do. I know that in time things will get better.....I am so glad that your doing good...and that you are talking to your dad in your own l…
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Jan -- Thank you for your words....I try everyday to forgive myself and I also tell myself not to feel guilty, but it goes back to "I should of been there". I sometimes think I need to find a griefing place here in town where I can sit down with p…
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Karen R. added a discussion to the group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
  Back in October 2009, my 21 yr old was riding his friend's motorcycle down a residential street when he was rammed into another car. Thank God the occupants of that car were not seriously hurt but unfortunately, my son sustained a massive brain in…
yesterday
Greetings Amanda. Some people just dont realize how insensitive there comments are. I dont think they delibrately want to hurt us, they dont think before they speak. He who feels it, knows it. I had a parent from one of my children's class ask me if…
yesterday
sorry to hear about your mom--and i tried reaching out to fred's friends but they are all couples now and dont want me around--especially since i am so sad and depressed all the time
yesterday
I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce. Many of us have lost more than one person or event. Come share!
yesterday
Ani Palaia added a photo
yesterday

Books

To One In Sorrow

Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.

-Grace Noll Crowell

The Light Beyond

The Gift That Freed Me To Give

A significant lesson for me has been understanding and accepting that our greatest gains often come through experiences in our lives that may be extremely painful. My father, Raphel Orval Beason, died less than four months before I was born at the age of 19 in an explosion at the Port Chicago U.S. Navy arsenal near Oakland, Calif. He was among 320 men killed on July 17, 1944, when two merchant ships blew next to...

The loss of a son

Mother's Day will always be the anniversary of my son's death, no matter what date it falls on. May 9, 2010, the day I lost a piece of my heart. I have vivid memories of that day but they are brief glimpses only. He called that morning to tell me Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you! I remember being 250 miles away from my home, my other child and my family. I don't know...

Try tapping, it works wonders...

I don't often recommend specific methods to help with grief. But the self-help method I'm going to tell you about - EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques - is well worth making an exception for. Basically, it involves tapping on the acupuncture points to tap into your body's own energy and healing power. If you think that sounds a little far-fetched and woo-woo, so did I. In fact, I starting doing EFT on myself for chronic...

Daughter of Suicide

It has been 22 and a half years since my mother’s suicide in October 1987. I look at that number – 22 – and it startles me. It’s hard to believe that I have lived more of my life without my mother, than with her. During those first 10 years after her death I carried the heavy load of her suicide every waking moment. I struggled with my own depression and feelings of abandonment and...

8 practical ways to help a grieving family

When a friend or family member experiences the death of a loved one, we quickly offer our condolences and help. Listed here are eight practical suggestions for helping a friend or family member that has just suffered a loss. 1. Offer to answer the telephone or answer emails at the family's home. Telephone calls and email can take up a considerable amount of time. Take messages and give information to friends and family. 2. Volunteer...

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