Julie Dolsey-Weiss
  • Female
  • Madison, WI
  • United States
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Traumatic Losses
8 Replies

My beautiful mother died suddenly 8 weeks ago today. I found her sitting up, and knew she was gone. It was very traumatic I can not get her finally image out of my heart! It scares me that someone…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Danny Jan 1, 2014.

 

Julie Dolsey-Weiss's Page

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Brenda joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Apr 24
Sue Toler joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
Mar 26
Blue Bell joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Sep 11, 2018
MK joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Aug 28, 2018
Profile IconDanielle Wood and Dana joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Aug 2, 2018
Dana joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Aug 2, 2018
Cristal joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Jul 31, 2018
Jeff Tice joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Jul 25, 2018
Anthony joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Jul 25, 2018
Christopher joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Jul 22, 2018
Crystal Parker joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Jul 19, 2018
Lori Gersbeck joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Orphaned Adults

This group is for adults who have lost both parents and are struggling with coming to terms with this impact, which is harder then you realize till it happens to you.
Jul 13, 2018
Profile IconMichelle Dunlap and Sabina joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Jul 9, 2018
Ninja joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Jul 8, 2018
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Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
May 29, 2018
CYBERSIS joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
May 28, 2018

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a Certified Medical Assistant looking for work, currently working at Shopko for pitiful pay. Times are hard for us all. I am divorced but still good friends with my ex his name is Bryan. No children, unable to have them but i have a beautiful Mn Schnauzer named Jordie and two black pussy cats named Tinker and Bo.
About my Loss:
Two days ago I had a mass funeral for my mom she was 67, one day shy of her birthday. She died at home and I found her and am haunted by those images.

I lost my dad in 2005 to colon cancer and have no other relatives, so I am on my own and scared! Yes I have two very close friends I consider family but now that my parents are gone I feel lost.

Comment Wall (12 comments)

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At 10:48am on July 4, 2011, Sue Waxman said…

Dear Julie,

I am in school for veterinary technology..Mom was so proud of me. I picked up the pieces left after my divorce and went back to school. I am so where you are...Mom died 1 week ago today. I am so empty. I have no father. He left us when I was a kid. Came home and told mother.."Dont love you and these kids..never did", She never was whole again. Damn him!!!!! She was my world, How do we find any reason to "enjoy" anything. I am still in bed. I am and I mean it - totally flying solo at 55 in a very sad world. Friends fill some of the void. But at the end of the day...we have to live in our world today. I feel such peace being connected to you all. I am here for all of you. Sue

At 12:31am on January 31, 2011, michael sandoval said…
Dear Julie , I am truly sorry for your loss, my condolences. I hope we can be friends
At 1:39pm on January 05, 2010, Ruby Smith gave Julie Dolsey-Weiss a gift
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Thanks for being there!
At 7:51pm on November 04, 2009, Julie Dolsey-Weiss added a gift to their profile…
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In Loving Memory of Julia Dolsey, Ozzie Dolsey and Patricia Dolsey
At 8:55am on September 11, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-

Just thinking about you this morning and hoping you are doing okay!

Carrie
At 1:23pm on September 4, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
How irritating and insulting....SHE needs space. Perhaps you are better off without this friend....seems like an awful thing to say considering what you are going through.

Well, I am here for you anytime and I sincerely mean that. I hope that you are VERY proud of yourself and what you are accomplishing in the middle of this awful situation. Congrats on being in your final 8 weeks....that is AWESOME! You may not feel so strong right now but you are and, when the time comes for you to graduate, if you need someone there.....I will be that someone for you and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Do you still have things that you have to take care of (meaning bills, estate accounts and whatnot)?? This is an area that I am having a lot of trouble with right now. It is so overwhelming. I had to sell my parents house, go to court to get appointed Personal Representative, hire an attorney, open an estate account, sell their cars, cancel insurance etc etc and I have a stack of medical and other miscellaneous bills that I have to take care of. I wonder if life is ever going to feel "normal" again!
At 11:14am on September 3, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-

How are you? I hope you are well today. Please do not apologize for repeating yourself..my mind has been so confused that I have trouble keeping track of anything I do or say right now so I completely understand.

I am sorry that this friend chose to walk away from you at this time. It is hard to understand why someone would do this. I really do not have anyone that I feel I can talk to about this. People do NOT understand and I think most of them would rather avoid the topic altogether, as they are uncomfortable and do not know what to say.

Hey, by the way, we are both in Wisconsin. I am in Kenosha.
At 7:01pm on September 2, 2009, Carrie A Williams said…
Hi Julie-
I can not thank you enough for responding. When I read what you had wrote, it was the first time I felt there might be someone out there who understands the fear and loneliness I am consumed by. I am so sorry for what you are also going through. I know the pain and fear. I hope that somehow we can support each other and come out on the other side of this okay. I have a friend who keeps telling me that one day it will be the norm that my parents are gone....I cannot EVEN imagine ever feeling that way.

I have been married for 10 wonderful years and love my husband deeply but this has caused so much strain on us that I even feel alienated from him. We have not even spoke in 2 days even though we are in the same house. I am scared that I will end up alone. My marriage has never been through anything like this and it is taking its' toll. I don't know how to fix it.

My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in March 2008 that had spread to his bone, spine and brain. He died June 28, 2008. My Mom was already getting ill with Picks Disease but it was still so mild that her symptoms went unnoticed with everything else going on. My father wanted to die in his home and my Mom would not give him medicine or take care of him (not because she did not want to, she could not...she would get hysterical). I figured it was the grief and pain. I had to move in with them and care for my Dad. Then, when he passed, I needed my Mom so and she was not there at all. I could not figure out what was going on.....I thought she was having a nervous breakdown due to losing my Dad. As the weeks were passing by, my Mom was getting really out of touch. Pick's Disease is a rare degenerative brain illness that causes dementia. In February of 2009, she was still living alone and paying her bills and, by March 30, I was moving her into a facility and she was calling me Mom. She lost the ability to talk and walk. I took her to so many doctors and I was told everything from Alzheimers to mental illness. Her doctor even put her in a lock down mental ward for a week....it was HORRIBLE. I was alone with her at the doctor the day I was told that she had Pick's Disease and was going to die. Throughout the whole time I took care of her, I learned to never show emotion because she was like a child and would look to me for reactions to things the doctors were saying. I never cried in front of her and I never grieved my Dad. By May, she was in a wheelchair, had no communication and her arms and legs were completely contracted. My Mom passed on June 3, 2009. This day is my parents wedding anniversary and mine as well. It was less than one year after my Dad died and the first anniversary she would have had without him. My father was 60 when he died and my mother was 62.

I hope to hear from you soon.
Take care and thanks again for reaching out to me.
Carrie
At 1:12pm on September 1, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
Hey Julie, I am a CMA but currently do not work. After I completed my MA and worked for a couple of years I decided to complete my B.S. in Business. After that I worked as an exec. asst. to two hospital directors. Got really burned out and started working on my teacher's certification...spent the last two years working as a substitute teacher. I feel you can never learn too much...where will you be doing your internship?
At 3:44pm on August 30, 2009, Laura Villarreal said…
June 22 is the day my numbness ended. I remember this day well because I had an appointment with my physician. A little history so you know why I remember this day so well...my daughter died in North Pole, Alaska-I live in San Antonio, Texas. Her accident happened at 12:15 pm and she was declared dead at 12:49 pm. This was on a Monday. I kept everything inside because I had so much to do for her Memorial Service here at home but before this was to take place my niece and I flew to Fairbanks for a private viewing and her cremation. We returned home and planned her service for June 7. We then returned to Fairbanks for her service there on June 13. The week after I returned I was so exhausted. When I went for my doctor's visit on the 22nd I broke down completely and cried like I had never cried before. I was referred immediately to a therapist. I refused medication because I was afraid of not feeling any emotions, good or bad, so I toughed it out. It was a "roller coaster ride from hell" without the meds but I made it through okay. Your emotions will range from numbness, to sadness, to anger and everything in between. I don't tell you this to scare you but to let you know that they are normal during the grieving process. If you can, meet with a therapist. I visited my therapist twice and have not felt the need to return. I found my grief was more pronounced when I was tired. Mornings are usually good but every now and then I wake up feeling sad. If I feel like crying I cry and I usually feel better when I'm done. This is what I mean when I say be kind to yourself-allow yourself to grieve, don't bury it.
Feel free to ask me anything about my grieving experience-I don't mind sharing.
Julie, maybe your mom did not want you to know how serious her condition was, or maybe she did not want to accept it herself, but don't blame yourself.
Try to recall the happier times spent with your mom and embrace the love you have for each other; this will help you during this difficult time.
Your friend,
Laura
 
 
 

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G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
18 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
yesterday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday

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